What To Do When You Don't Know What To Say The Positive Pants Podcast

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What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Say
 
What do you do when you just don’t know what to say?
 
Let’s be honest, there’s a huge amount going on in the world that is beyond hideous and a lot of people have no idea what to say. 
 
The fear around getting it wrong and upsetting someone, or being called out, can be incredibly strong and uncomfortable.
 
This can happen in all areas of life, when something big happens, when someone gives you bad news, when someone tells you about a big health issue, a breakup, when someone is navigating any kind of loss, so many situations that can leave you speechless or on wobbly footing in terms of how to handle it or what to say. 
 
So I thought it would be helpful to do a little dive into how to handle it. 
 
First things first, and something that should be obvious but often isn’t. 
 
It’s totally ok for you to literally say ‘I don’t know what to say, I'm lost for words.’
 
You don’t have to, and aren’t supposed to have the answers all the time. 
 
You’re allowed to not!
 
So give yourself a break and allow yourself a little space to be vulnerable and honest. Most people appreciate and respect that.
 
Pay attention to what’s going on in your body. 
 
It’s really common for people to feel anxiety in moments where they don’t know what to say. 
 
If you notice that coming up for you this is a great moment for you to do a quick breathing exercise before you choose to respond if you have the option to do so, so if you’re replying over text for example. 
 
You can use the 4-7-8-3 technique, in through the nose for 4, hold for 7, out through the mouth for 8 and repeat 3 times. 
 
You can use heart math, around 5 seconds in, 5 seconds out, slower and deeper than you normally would. 
 
If you don’t have a minute or two to do this there are plenty of techniques you can use in the moment. Simply take a deep breath and exhale slowly. 
 
Then respond. 
 
Deep belly breaths through your conversation will also be incredibly helpful. 
 
This will help you be in the right part of your brain to be able to provide the best response. 
 
The stress response will put you into a state of fight or flight and take away your rational thinking processes, which is not what you need. 
 
Using your breath to get you back into a parasympathetic state will allow you to access your prefrontal cortex, which you need for rational, conscious thinking. It will also allow you to be more present.
 
It’s important to remember, sometimes no words are ac