Kagro in the Morning David Waldman

David Waldman just didn't have the voice left to finish out the week. So today, once again, KITM stands for Kagro in a Time Machine.
It's another look back, and another opportunity to convince yourself that yes, you are better today than you were four years ago. Way better!
Take a look at how bad it really was:
Donald Trump can’t even golf, the news is so beautiful. We’re in the money! Employment has dived to still-depression levels. Trump says he couldn’t have done it if it wasn’t for the guidance of George Floyd’s angel. Trump’s off to Maine, where the plan is to make the streets run red with domination.
ACORN rerouted a caravan of voter fraud busses out of Guatemala to Indiana, loading 250 Antifa super-soldiers to each bus for a raid on Chicago, but quick-thinking Fox-watching police made them disappear into thin air. Oh wait! They’ve been sighted heading into Idaho! They’re back in Indiana! 6,000 — One terrorist for each of the population of the town of Notre Dame! Oh no, while we were distracted, a busload camper of 4 terrorists campers that rioted in drove through Forks, WA were caught are suing, hopefully. Pray that we all make it through tonight. 
James O’Keefe infiltrated the past and discovered antifa headquarters in the heart of Portlandia.
Back in the real world, actual soldiers caravan into Washington DC to crack a few heads. An elderly man in Buffalo triggered blue rage by attempting to return a helmet. Bethesda, MD police are looking for a bicyclist assaulting kids that were posting George Floyd signs. That should be easy, they just need to find a guy that looks just like a cop. Maybe police are a mistake.
DC’s Mayor, Muriel Bowser, increases the police budget by $19 million… But sent a big message to the world this morning, and might have a few more things up her sleeve. Authorities always need more money for more domination.
The New York Times is about 200 years old and hopes to establish a method of administering its standards soon. In the meantime, occasional fascist propaganda might leak through. The Times shouldn’t challenge its readers with lies, however.

Today, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin observe the 80th anniversary of D-Day, along with Eastern Orthodox Donald Trump Conviction Day, plus their usual gallimaufry of insight and foresight.
You got to love those double haters! Joe Biden could hold the White House if only a tiny number of voters swing his way, and as luck would have it, a tiny number may.  Robert F. Kennedy Jr. also has a tiny number of voters who might become useful for someone someday.
Everyone is quitting in election offices because the job just doesn’t pay enough for the assassination attempts.
The most uniformed MAGA can tell you why mail-in voting is bad. Today, they can tell you why it is wonderful. So, how many of those can tell you what Donald Trump said about Putin and Ukraine in 2016? How many voters remember what he said about Wall Street Journal reporter Evan Gershkovich’s detainment in Russia in 2023? The answer is, Trump said absolutely nothing... until his recent video promising Gershkovich’s release by Putin, contingent upon a Trump re-election. A couple days following that video, WSJ reminds us that Joe Biden is old, as sworn to by Kevin McCarthy.
Mike Johnson can vouch that Kevin would be a completely unimpeachable source for journalists. Mike is appointing Ronny Jackson and Scott Perry to the House Intelligence Committee because those were the two names on the list that Donald drooled ketchup on.
House Gops are mad that Troy Nehls might have stolen valor, but don’t mind Nehls’ $25 thousand in campaign cash so much.
Israel conducted a secret social media campaign using AI to garner US support for the Gaza War.  Again, not the worse thing they’ve done lately.
New York Gov. Kathy Hochul is blocking the city’s long-awaited plan to toll drivers entering the busiest parts of Manhattan, which would have forced some Manhattanites into helicoptering their cars downtown.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin celebrate the first Wednesday since TFFG earned his 34 Fs.
Donald is a felony factory.  President Joe Biden finally acknowledged Trump’s rising street cred. Kevin McCarthy, Mike Johnson and the Wall Street Journal predict Joe won’t spit rhymes at the level of Ice Turd during their upcoming rap battle.
“What porn star would Joe Biden smash?” is the question many undecided voters need answered before picking their Tony Soprano this November. Tony could provide some insight into MAGA.
The Proud Boys are rebuilding their protection racket. They will have competition from the many mom and pop gangster startups across the nation. Clevelanders are split between those afraid of having their Biden signs shot up, and those who say they deserve it.
Trump said that Clinton shouldn't run under investigation, now that she’s not running Trump says he doesn’t need investigations anymore. He’ll just throw her into jail with the rest of them.
Wisconsin charges The Cheese! Keneth Chesebro was the head cheese of the cheeseheads attempting to overthrow the 2020 election. Leave it to the Canadian, Mike Roman to not crime it right.
So all this craziness has got to swing a few votes toward sanity, right? Right! Well, maybe.  The New Jersey primaries yesterday didn’t go great for Trump, with Trump’s candidate not winning, but of course that means the Democratic candidate won’t be running against Trump’s candidate.

Tuesday! Apricate in sagacious David Waldman’s perspicacious eunoia, or something. Look that up in your Corpus of Historical American English.
Is Donald Trump in jail yet? Why not? Does this mean there’s still time to get into the financially rewarding career of becoming a Trump witness?
Nothing compares to the luxe life of a Trump judge though. Get yourself some of that eleganté Mercatus swag, like bottomless shrimp cocktails, warm towels, free cable… I don’t know, I clearly have not been invited. Whatever they get, it seems to kill a lot of judicial discord, and probably a few citizens as well.
Donald Trump has been a broke-ass dotard for about a decade, but prior to that he was an obnoxious petulant dunce.  Donald would be the last person you’d pick to portray a powerful captain of industry, and as it happened he was the last television producer Bill Pruitt would have picked as well. Luckily for Bill, and unlucky for the world, TV producers have editors, and editors can make magic happen, even for dark purposes.

Greg Dworkin has had a raft o’stories offshore for days now, but David Waldman, always a stickler for protocol, wouldn’t allow him to dock until today. Let’s see what we have on deck...
Hey, DIDYA HEAR? Donald Trump is a convicted felon! It really couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy… In fact, it only happens to people who are convicted of felonies! That’s how America is supposed to work! Trump’s 34 felony convictions certainly were not rigged, as Trump riggers apparently couldn’t find enough riggees in this particular case. And to think, quite a few experts (and every single Democrat) were worried about how this one would turn out. But now, in case you haven’t heard, DONALD TRUMP IS A FELON. You know who hasn’t heard though? Enough people. Enough people have not heard that Donald Trump is a felon.
Some believe that being a convicted felon should carry some restrictions. Owning a gun, serving on a jury, running for elected office... for instance... are just not allowed in many states. Washington State believes in Law and Order, and not letting Donald on the ballot. Last Thursday was the moment that Donald J. Trump finally became precedent, but one that SCOTUS will ignore.
Trump has felonies that he has not been convicted of, and cranks out more almost every day.
Meanwhile, Sam Alito has other things to be concerned about. Like having official security details harass his Lib neighbors.
Israel won’t have Bezalel Smotrich to kick around anymore, especially if they allow peace to break out.
The US calls Mexico  “a country rife with gender-based violence and misogyny”, but we aren’t the ones electing Claudia Sheinbaum as President of our country, are we? Face it, we would have stopped on her last name here. 

Well, Trump’s trial jury decided to head into the weekend early, scuttling our chance to hear David Waldman vocally impersonate each member of the 118th Congress over the course of one KITM. Maybe next week.
TFFG earned another F last night. In fact, he earned 34 more. The question is, do all of those F’s finally take him to a big fat L? To us in the hoi polloi, it would seem apparent, but let’s stand back and let the experts think this through… Yes, at long last it does seem as if Donald Trump might not be an invincible outlaw, but only a grubby little two-bit crook to the press as well.
Of course you are now asking “How does this hurt Joe Biden?” Well, unlike Trump’s, the jury’s still out on that verdict. Piers Morgan and Marco Rubio are definitely going to vote for Trump now, but as Greg Dworkin and Keith Olbermann always remind us, a percent or two change might make a big difference. 
Meanwhile Samuel Alito continues to stand for a woman’s right to choose to support the overthrow of democracy.
Judge Aileen Cannon seems a little slow… Is it because she’s a little slow, or does it just seem that way?
Sadly for RFK Jr.’s VP pick Nicole Shanahan, in rich wack-job conspiratorial fringe circles, there’s only so many dweebs to choose from.
The key to peace in the Middle East might be an uprising from the middle.