"Modern Relationships"

Erik Torenberg, Turpentine
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  • RELATIONSHIPS
  • EVERY TWO WEEKS
"Modern Relationships"

We rarely get to hear how people actually make relationships work, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of tech. While there's endless dating advice out there, what's missing are the real, unfiltered stories of how ambitious people navigate modern relationships and build a life together. Unlike every other aspect of modern life that can be solved with an app or outsourced to a service, building meaningful relationships remains stubbornly resistant to quick fixes. Through conversations with leading relationship thinkers and candid interviews with real couples, we dig into the raw truth of what it takes to make partnerships work - from the challenges and fights to the breakthroughs and lessons learned along the way.  I believe we learn best from seeing how others have navigated similar paths. These conversations offer honest perspectives on what it really takes to make modern relationships work in our corner of the world. Hosted by Erik Torenberg, investor and entrepreneur. Modern Relationships is part of the Turpentine podcast network.

  1. Lindsay Taub & Harley Finkelstein: How to Build a Ride or Die Partnership

    1 DAY AGO

    Lindsay Taub & Harley Finkelstein: How to Build a Ride or Die Partnership

    In this episode, Erik sits down with Harley Finkelstein and Lindsay Taub, partners of 15 years. Harley, Shopify's president, and Lindsay, a psychotherapist and entrepreneur, discuss their speed dating origin story, balancing radical acceptance with growth, and redefining work-life balance while raising two daughters together when your job is all-consuming. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- Shopify: https://www.shopify.com/ph -- FOLLOW ON X: Harley - @harleyf Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Preview and Intro 00:01:39 Disclosure 00:02:45 The Speed Dating Origin Story 00:04:47 Early Relationship Challenges 00:07:27 Deciding to Move In Together 00:10:25 True Partnerships and Taking Chances 00:13:26 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:15:07 Building Success Together 00:17:55 Relationships Are Constantly Evolving 00:19:24 Relationship Role Models and Date Nights 00:23:09 The Value of Couples Therapy 00:24:45 Finding a Partner: What Doesn't Work 00:26:28 The Importance of Sharing Life Goals 00:29:09 Intentionality: "How You Do Anything Is How You Do Everything" 00:34:16 Raising Kids and Money 00:39:00 Teaching Gratitude and Philanthropy 00:43:21 Parenting by Example 00:48:25 The Key to Relationship Longevity 00:52:00 Incorporating Work and Life 00:54:37 Accepting Your Partner While Encouraging Growth 00:58:27 Wrap

    59 min
  2. The Two Questions That Matter Most in Finding a Life Partner with Jared Fliesler

    18 APR

    The Two Questions That Matter Most in Finding a Life Partner with Jared Fliesler

    Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg is joined by Jared Fliesler, a former executive at Google, Square, and Scribd turned founder coach, discusses how to identify core values in partners, distinguish between compromise and "horse trading," and determine when someone is "good enough." He shares insights on building meaningful connections, his co-living experiments, and navigating long-distance relationships. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS | BOOKS RECOMMENDED: The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Champan, etc: https://conscious.is/15-commitments Book: https://www.amazon.com/15-Commitments-Conscious-Leadership-Sustainable-ebook/dp/B00R3MHWUE Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine: https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Intelligence-Individuals-Achieve-Potential/dp/1608322785 -- FOLLOW ON X: Jared -@JaredSF Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:30 How to Know When Someone is "Good Enough" 00:04:20 Core Values vs. Surface Compatibility 00:07:02 Evolution of Relationship Priorities 00:14:06 Embracing Past Relationship Struggles 00:15:48 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:18:31 Tools for Aligning on What Really Matters 00:24:35 Values Evolution: From San Francisco to Austin 00:30:45 Living in Community: Beyond Roommates 00:39:01 House Values and Shared Agreements 00:41:17 When to Call It Quits in a Relationship 00:45:22 Compromise vs. Horse Trading 00:50:27 Communication Frameworks for Deeper Connection 00:57:30 Navigating Age Gaps and Family Planning 01:01:51 Making Long-Distance Relationships Work 01:11:00 The Paradox of Choice in Modern Dating 01:20:45 Dating Apps and Modern Gay Relationships 01:25:34 Polyamory: Complexity and Connection 01:27:38 Wrap

    1h 30m
  3. How to Navigate Conflict and Respond Better to Emotions | Ann Pierce

    11 APR

    How to Navigate Conflict and Respond Better to Emotions | Ann Pierce

    Today on Modern Relationships Erik Torenberg talks to Ann Pierce, a former startup founder who became obsessed with the mission of solving interpersonal conflict. Ann unpacks why conflict isn't inherently negative but actually builds trust when handled correctly. She covers why invalidation is the most common threat most of us encounter, how we misunderstand each other through projection, and how to break the cycles of conflict. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Ann Pierce Website: https://www.annpierce.com/ Ann Pierce - Understanding Interpersonal Conflict: https://substack.com/home/post/p-153042013?utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web Love Symposium: https://symposium.love/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Ann - @itsannpierce Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Intro and Preview 00:01:56 Ann's Background and Research Journey 00:04:01 The Compatibility Question 00:06:00 Understanding Healthy Conflict 00:08:00 Personality Typologies and Wounds 00:12:27 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:14:04 The Nature of Threat Sensitivity 00:17:07 Breaking Conflict Cycles 00:20:16 Moving Beyond Binary Thinking 00:23:02 How Emotions Function 00:28:33 Emotional Regulation Tools 00:33:44 Misinterpreting Each Other 00:39:22 Language and Misunderstandings 00:44:35 Overcoming Threat Sensitivity 00:54:31 Building Self-Worth and Self-Esteem 00:55:21 Critiques of Couples Therapy 00:59:24 Practical Steps for Self-Improvement 01:01:29 Training and Practice for Better Relationships 01:04:36 The Love Symposium and Future Work 01:05:24 Wrap

  4. ⁠⁠A Female Dating Coach Explains Men's Dating Behavior | Matchmaker Blaine Anderson

    4 APR

    ⁠⁠A Female Dating Coach Explains Men's Dating Behavior | Matchmaker Blaine Anderson

    Dating coach and matchmaking expert Blaine Anderson discusses the psychology behind successful dating for men in today's complex landscape. The conversation explores why instant "sparks" are often misleading indicators of relationship potential, with Anderson revealing how chemistry can develop over time rather than appearing at first sight. She explains why many men find themselves trapped in the friendzone and offers counterintuitive strategies for escaping it—including the critical step of genuinely moving on. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Dating by Blaine: https://clients.datingbyblaine.com/hi -- FOLLOW ON X: Blaine - @datingbyblaine Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Intro and Preview 00:02:26 Being a Woman Dating Coach for Men 00:03:45 Why Focus on Coaching Men 00:04:41 "Serial Killer Vibes" in Dating Profiles 00:05:08 Core Dating Advice Philosophy 00:07:13 What Dating Coaching Looks Like 00:08:33 Blaine's Dating Courses Overview 00:10:21 Common Client Types and Their Challenges 00:12:04 Matchmaking Process and Mindsets 00:13:59 Questioning Dating Criteria 00:16:22 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:17:15 Age Preferences and Dating Flexibility 00:19:09 Career vs. Traditional Roles in Relationships 00:21:00 How Matchmaking Works 00:23:41 How Matchmakers Find Potential Partners 00:24:45 Marketing vs. Product in Dating 00:26:26 Post-Breakup Dating Advice 00:27:52 Evaluating Potential Relationships 00:29:17 The Myth of "Instant Chemistry" 00:30:19 Escaping the Friend Zone 00:32:21 Advice for Men Who "Simp" Too Hard 00:33:00 Where Coaching Ends and Therapy Begins 00:34:46 Women's Dating Coaching 00:36:34 The Future of Dating 00:38:31 The Stigma of Dating Coaching 00:40:43 Dating Apps vs. Self-Development 00:41:55 Dating Rules: When to Have Sex 00:44:24 Transition to Long-Term Relationships 00:46:28 Blaine's Personal Dating Evolution 00:49:00 Matchmaking Confidence and Success Metrics 00:51:42 Blind Dates vs. Pre-qualification 00:52:39 How Matchmaking Services Are Structured 00:53:24 Wrap

    54 min
  5. How to Be Attractive & What Data Says About Dating | Rob Henderson

    1 APR

    How to Be Attractive & What Data Says About Dating | Rob Henderson

    Best-selling author, Air Force veteran, and psychologist Rob K. Henderson joins Erik Torenberg to explore the complex dynamics and evolutionary psychology in modern dating. The conversation examines how evolutionary psychology explains attraction patterns, particularly women's occasional interest in men with dark triad personality traits. Henderson unpacks the phenomenon through the lens of the Luigi Mangione case, discussing how violence and aggression can paradoxically enhance male appeal due to evolutionary adaptations. They explore dark triad attraction, pickup artist culture, partner selection research, and practical advice for men navigating relationships in the age of dating apps and challenging social dynamics. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Rob’s Newsletter: https://www.simonandschuster.com/authors/Rob-Henderson/177690581 Rob’s Best-selling book Troubled: A Memoir of Foster Care, Family, and Social Class: https://www.simonandschuster.com/books/Troubled/Rob-Henderson/9781982168544 -- FOLLOW ON X: Rob - @robkhenderson Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia Chapters 00:00:00 Intro and Preview 00:01:41 Evolutionary psychology in relationships 00:04:17 Dark triad attraction case study: Luigi Mangione 00:10:56 Why women respond to violent men 00:14:04 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:15:54 Pickup artist culture evolution 00:20:40 Reconciling evolutionary psychology with being a good person 00:24:14 Partner selection research findings 00:29:49 Dark triad assortative mating patterns 00:31:13 High-leverage ways men can improve dating value 00:37:44 Age gap relationships 00:42:15 Black pill ideology and incel communities 00:49:41 Jordan Peterson vs. Andrew Tate as male influences 00:55:09 Vulnerability's role in male attraction 00:57:44 Closing thoughts on modern dating challenges 01:01:18 Wrap

    1h 2m
  6. Love Lessons from a Dating Coach & a16z Tech Talent Expert | Whitnie & Carl Narcisse

    21 MAR

    Love Lessons from a Dating Coach & a16z Tech Talent Expert | Whitnie & Carl Narcisse

    Carl Narcisse, a partner on the talent team at Andreessen Horowitz, and Whitnie Narcisse, formerly an operating partner at First Round Capital who just launched a matchmaking company, talk to Erik Torenberg about their relationship. The couple discuss their decade-long marriage that began at a baseball game, balancing tech careers with raising three children, and applying "people ops" principles to their partnership—like maintaining a #relationshipgoals spreadsheet to track their goals. They share insights on navigating cultural differences, dating 360s, and why relationships require both spiritual alignment and a growth mindset. Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Whitnie’s website: Whitnie.com a16z.com: https://a16z.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Carl - @cnarcisse Whitnie - @WhitnieLow Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Intro (01:34) How Whitnie and Carl Met (03:49) Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting (07:22) Recognizing the Right Partner (09:57) Early Relationship Challenges (14:00) Cultural Differences (15:50) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (17:25) Handling Temperament Differences (19:00) Balancing Energy Levels (21:28) Wanting a Partner Who Leads (23:40) Whitnie’s Evolution from Avoidant to Secure (27:09) Applying People Ops to Marriage (31:47) Building a Support System (33:52) Relationship Goals and Communication (38:26) Whitnie’s Dating Concierge Business (44:23) The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating (47:04) Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match (53:34) Dating Process Advice (56:04) Marriage and Commitment (1:00:18) Navigating Challenges in Marriage (1:02:09) Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking (1:04:30) Wrap Chapters 00:00:00 Intro 00:01:34 How Whitnie and Carl Met 00:03:49 Their Dating Journeys Before Meeting 00:07:22 Recognizing the Right Partner 00:09:57 Early Relationship Challenges 00:14:00 Cultural Differences 00:15:50 Sponsor: Relationship Hero 00:17:25 Handling Temperament Differences 00:19:00 Balancing Energy Levels 00:21:28 Wanting a Partner Who Leads 00:23:40 Whitnie's Evolution from Avoidant to Secure 00:27:09 Applying People Ops to Marriage 00:31:47 Building a Support System 00:33:52 Relationship Goals and Communication 00:38:26 Whitnie's Dating Concierge Business 00:44:23 The Value of 360 Reviews in Dating 00:47:04 Finding the Right Partner vs. The "Perfect" Match 00:53:34 Dating Process Advice 00:56:04 Marriage and Commitment 01:00:18 Navigating Challenges in Marriage 01:02:09 Parallels Between Recruiting and Matchmaking 01:04:30 Wrap

  7. A VC and OpenAI executive on work-relationship balance | Elizabeth & Kevin Weil

    14 MAR

    A VC and OpenAI executive on work-relationship balance | Elizabeth & Kevin Weil

    OpenAI Chief Product Officer Kevin Weil and Scribble Ventures' Founder & Partner Elizabeth Weil share how they've navigated demanding tech careers over 20 years while raising three children—from their whirlwind marathon meetup to building parallel paths in Silicon Valley. They discuss how they've navigated their career decisions while raising three children, why they believe in letting kids develop natural resilience, and their theory that "life's too short not to be with someone who brings out all the good things." Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- LINKS: Scribble Ventures: https://www.scribble.vc/ OpenAI: https://openai.com/ -- FOLLOW ON X: Kevin - @kevinweil Elizabeth - @elizabeth Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (00:00) Preview and Intro (02:04) Meeting Story: Marathon Connection (05:33) Moving Fast: From Dating to Engagement (08:02) Partner Expectations: Finding Each Other (10:38) Life's Too Short: Relationship Philosophy (11:38) Relationship Chapters: Pre and Post Kids (13:00) Career and Motherhood Balance (16:31) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (18:05) Elizabeth's Work Philosophy (21:00) Kevin's Career Journey (23:15) Growing Up Together in Tech (26:21) Division of Labor & Parenting (30:37) Delegation and Help at Home (34:53) Parenting Philosophy: Raising Grounded Kids (37:25) Safety vs. Independence (40:05) Approach to Academic Achievement (42:38) Education in an AI World (46:09) Core Values for Children (48:47) Maintaining Marriage After Kids (50:55) Couples They Admire (53:05) Balancing Everything: Lowering the Bar (54:45) Final Thoughts: In It Together (56:14) Wrap

    57 min
  8. What Wellness Coaches Know About Staying Married | Jonny Miller and Kelly Wilde Miller

    8 MAR

    What Wellness Coaches Know About Staying Married | Jonny Miller and Kelly Wilde Miller

    Curious Humans podcast host Jonny Miller and creative coach Kelly Wilde Miller sit down with Erik Torenberg and share their framework for "shortening the half-life of reactivity" of conflicts, their sacred Sunday check-in practice, and why they view marriage as "an arena for surfacing our own stuff." Modern Relationships is a podcast from Turpentine. Learn more: www.turpentine.co -- SPONSOR: Relationship Hero It’s an open secret in Silicon Valley that people are using relationship coaches. Sign up for 1-on-1 relationship coaching (from anywhere) at RelationshipHero.com/modern. Get $50 off your first session. -- RECOMMENDED IN THIS EPISODE: Curious Humans with Jonny Miller: https://curioushumans.com/ Nervous System Mastery: nsmastery.com Kelly Wilde Miller: https://kellywildemiller.com/ Creative Dysregulation: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0CVBM1JTV?ref_=mr_referred_us_au_au FOLLOW ON X: Jonny - @jonnym1ller Kelly - @kellycwilde Erik - @eriktorenberg Turpentine - @turpentinemedia -- TIMESTAMPS: (01:07) Intro (01:50) Finding Your Partner (04:24) Transitioning from Friendship to Relationship (07:06) Engagement Story (14:13) Working Through Relationship Challenges (18:36) Sponsor: Relationship Hero (20:11) Marriage as an Arena for Growth (26:22) Conflict Resolution Techniques (30:49) Communication Frameworks (45:18) Nervous System Regulation (52:44) Sunday Partnership Check-ins (1:00:15) Children and Community (1:07:30) Thoughts on Polyamory (1:10:05) Final Reflections (1:14:00) Closing

    1h 15m
See All (24)

About

We rarely get to hear how people actually make relationships work, especially in the high-pressure, fast-paced world of tech. While there's endless dating advice out there, what's missing are the real, unfiltered stories of how ambitious people navigate modern relationships and build a life together. Unlike every other aspect of modern life that can be solved with an app or outsourced to a service, building meaningful relationships remains stubbornly resistant to quick fixes. Through conversations with leading relationship thinkers and candid interviews with real couples, we dig into the raw truth of what it takes to make partnerships work - from the challenges and fights to the breakthroughs and lessons learned along the way.  I believe we learn best from seeing how others have navigated similar paths. These conversations offer honest perspectives on what it really takes to make modern relationships work in our corner of the world. Hosted by Erik Torenberg, investor and entrepreneur. Modern Relationships is part of the Turpentine podcast network.

Information

  • Creator
    Erik Torenberg, Turpentine
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2025
  • Episodes
    24
  • Copyright
    © 2024
  • Show Website
    "Modern Relationships"

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