The EXTRAORDINARY Family Life Podcast Greg & Rachel Denning

We received this via email: "I read the book The Untethered Soul and I understood that the main idea is letting go of our thoughts and just feeling the emotions and letting them be. Realising some kind of detachment to them. 

But I’ve found it really difficult to do that. I get stuck in some thoughts in my head regarding my husband... I have arguments in my mind with him...

I’ve tried to not engage in my thoughts and let them go, but I haven’t succeeded. I think because they are not assumptions but based on previous experiences...

I don’t talk to anybody about this, but I hope by sharing this that you can help me let go.

I have small children and I’m trying to homeschool while needing to do everything else at home. My husband works full-time and doesn’t help much at home. This would be fine, but because I struggle to keep the house clean he is not happy with me. He says he feels that I disrespect him because I don’t keep the house tidy when in reality it’s because I struggle at keeping it clean.

I want to be more capable of doing everything in the home and I’ve been trying so hard yet it’s not enough. The thing is, mess is a daily thing so it’s become a source of stress and anxiety now for me and I don’t want to live like this. It’s affecting how I’m with the kids too.

And I’ve become more cold and resentful towards my husband because he doesn’t want to be more intimate with me because he doesn’t feel respected and I can’t get this out of my mind and it affects me because I crave intimacy. This is the hardest part. I feel so lonely even though I’m married. 

I realise this is not helpful. I know he is stressed from work. I just feel that nothing I do is good enough for him. He blames me for things. He is also a very anxious person. When he gets angry he brings up stuff from ten years ago. I don’t speak much, because I don’t want to ‘say the wrong thing’. 

I just feel stuck. I feel like I don’t know how to let the thoughts flow, but I really want to, because it’s all I can think about... I realise I’m not enjoying life. But because the lack of intimacy is so difficult I find it so hard to let go. 

I’ve never said this to anyone, but I just really want to change and live without being stuck and being able to live more happy and at peace, because it also affects how I behave towards my kids. 

I know being stuck in these thoughts won’t make my situation any better, it’s only making it worse. But it’s been something I’ve struggled with for years and I’ve had enough. And now that I know there is a way out, I’m reaching out for help."

Thank you for this open vulnerability! I understand and relate to these feelings. We all want to feel close and connected to our spouse. It is possible when you have the right tools.

In this episode, we share specific practices you can use to:


let go and process negative and intense emotions
help your spouse process their negative emotions
have more understanding of the differences between men and women which are causing conflict in your relationship
understand your spouse's desires, needs, and points of view
help your spouse understand your desires, needs, and points of view
move past points of conflict and gain more intimacy as a couple
get 'unstuck' when relationship drama is keeping you from focusing on the kids, the home, work, or other projects
find inner peace and more effective ways to communicate with your spouse



RESOURCES:


#262 Improve Communication with Your Spouse & Process Emotions to Build an Extraordinary Life & Marriage


Get Rachel's ⁠⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠28-Day Challenge⁠⁠ for Moms
Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
⁠Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠⁠
Download the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠Android

This week's awesome questions come from wives asking,

"What do you do when your spouse tells you that you need to get a backbone and manage your own emotions when you tell him that the demeaning way he looks at you is hurtful during a disagreement?

He is only trying to give me a firm "no" in response to something I wanted to discuss, but the way he looked at me was cold and intense...it's so hard to describe.

So I was trying to communicate to him that he can still disagree but do it in a pleasant, loving manner. I know he's super defensive because of feeling like he's admitted in the past to owning up to his stuff, but it almost sounds like he thinks now he shouldn't have to do it anymore because he's done it so much.

I bought 'The Empowered Wife' book which you recommend and want to read it, but I'm trying to finish up some other books first, and I hope that book has some answers... But do you guys have any thoughts for me??

My first line of defense is to shut off and not discuss the situation cause he just goes around in circles and he thinks I need to change and I think he needs to just be aware that his nonverbal language is real, but he literally thinks he did nothing wrong.

I know I can change the way I react and think about it, but those cold looks don't encourage more open discussion for me. Maybe I just let it go and hope that part of our relationship changes over time.

Maybe it has to do with his current stress levels and on and on. Honestly, I thought those kinds of stares were behind us so I guess they can still resurface during times of stress or if he's tired etc."



We've all been there at some point! And this excellent topic is so important for spouses to work through if you want to grow closer and build a relationship that can build the life of your dreams.

In this episode, we will give you very specific strategies for processing emotions, giving feedback, encouraging your spouse, and overall just COMMUNICATING better as you learn the tools necessary to create an extraordinary marriage -- which is the hub and center of the spokes in your extraordinary life.

Listen now!



RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.


Get Rachel's ⁠⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠28-Day Challenge⁠⁠ for Moms
Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
⁠Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠⁠
Download the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠Android⁠⁠
Take the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man 7-Day Challenge.⁠⁠⁠
Follow us on Instagram: ⁠@worldschoolfamily⁠ or ⁠@greg.denning⁠
Gather with us at the ⁠World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort⁠ in Portugal


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

"One thing I did have a question about is teaching kids finances and even talking to my spouse about it. We have no communication when it comes to finances.

My husband is an entrepreneur businessman and very smart and I don't know a lot about that so I just let him deal with it. It's not the best situation but it has been this way for our entire marriage. We both want to be better at working together but what we are doing isn't working.

He tells me he wants me to know what's going on but we haven't found a way where we can be open and talk without getting frustrated. He gets frustrated with me probably because I don't do things the way he does and I get frustrated with him because of the way he is doing it. LOL.

If there is a book you could recommend or if you have a podcast sharing how you and Greg handle finances that would be awesome.

Also, how do you teach your kids about money? My kids came to me the other day and they could feel the stress about money the past few weeks and it's really hard. It kind of feels like a feast or famine kind of deal. Things are going well, dad is happy, we can go do things, and then when things are tight it's a total flip and he goes from being totally free with money to saying "Why do you expect me to buy everything? We can't always do xyz...blah blah blah" and the kids get so confused. I do too. I know I am part of the problem too but I just don't know how to fix it."

A fantastic and very relevant question! We have been there before -- feast or faminine. In our childhoods we both experienced poverty and lack, and in our adult, married lives together as well.

So how did we move past it? By learning to communicate about money, abundance, bills, stress, income, and more.

In this episode, we will share some specific strategies that have worked for us which have allowed us to move from a poverty, scarcity mindset to one of abundance -- which has helped us to double and triple and even 10x our income from the time we started as newlyweds.

Listen now!



RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.


Get Rachel's ⁠⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠28-Day Challenge⁠⁠ for Moms
Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
⁠Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠⁠
Download the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠Android⁠⁠
Take the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man 7-Day Challenge.⁠⁠⁠
Follow us on Instagram: ⁠@worldschoolfamily⁠ or ⁠@greg.denning⁠
Gather with us at the ⁠World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort⁠ in Portugal


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

I received this excellent question in my Instagram DM

"How do you decide which scientific research to listen to? Particularly when it comes to health-related topics like what is healthy to eat and what is not?

It seems there is a pretty consistent message in science and research to avoid highly processed foods and sugar. But on the finer points with things such as seed oils, carnivore diet, intermittent fasting, coffee/tea etc. it seems that there is just as much research on the opposite side of the thing you and Greg believe.

For example, I can find research from all kinds of researchers, scientists, and doctors saying that coffee/tea is either neutral or slightly beneficial while you and Greg believe it is unhealthy.

And the same for how many vegetables/grains should be included in a diet. There is a lot of research saying you should be eating a wide variety of plant fiber.

With all of the mix of information, I'm just wondering what your process is for deciding what to listen to or believe?"

The world of 'what to eat' and 'what is healthy' is more confusing now than it ever has been in the history of the world.

Why are humans are more confuddled now than ever about what to put in their mouths? Why do we have so many 'diets' that seem healthy but are actually malnourishing or toxic?

In this episode, Greg and Rachel will dive into why 'food' is so confusing these days and how to know what to believe about all the conflicting research that is out there.

They also talk about why many people become 'converted' to diets such as vegan, vegetarian, gluten-free, raw, etc. -- and why this 'conversion' should not be a long-term, life-long decision.

If you have ever struggled to know what is healthy or wondered 'what to eat', or felt that your food lifestyle choice was the 'right' one -- then don't miss this eye-opening, horizon-expanding episode that brings the 'food debate' full circle.



RESOURCES:


#211 What to Eat & How -- What's ACTUALLY Healthy? Our Food Journey
#213 What to Eat Part 2 -- Snacks, Recipes, Rules, & When to Break Them
#222 How Sugar Contributes to Disease & How to Give it Up FOR GOOD
#240 Dealing with Picky Eaters & Empowering a Lifetime of Healthy Food Choices
Why We Get Sick: The Hidden Epidemic at the Root of Most Chronic Disease--and How to Fight It by Dr. Benjamin Bickman
Fast Like a Girl: A Woman's Guide to Using the Healing Power of Fasting to Burn Fat, Boost Energy, and Balance Hormones by Dr. Mindy Pelz
The Dental Diet: The Surprising Link between Your Teeth, Real Food, and Life-Changing Natural Health by Dr. Steven Lin
Nourishing Traditions: The Cookbook that Challenges Politically Correct Nutrition and the Diet Dictocrats by Sally Fallon
Weston Price Foundation



Let us help you in your extraordinary family life journey.


Get Rachel's ⁠⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠28-Day Challenge⁠⁠ for Moms
Rachel’s ⁠⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠⁠
⁠Greg's ⁠⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠⁠
Join the ⁠⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠⁠
Download the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠⁠Android⁠⁠
Take the ⁠⁠⁠Be The Man 7-Day Challenge.⁠⁠⁠
Follow us on Instagram: ⁠@worldschoolfamily⁠ or ⁠@greg.denning⁠
Gather with us at the ⁠World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort⁠ in Portugal


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

This week's topic came from Rachel's recent experiences with their 13-year-old son who has been very motivated to help out around the house lately (because of very specific strategies, which she shares in this episode).

AND she also received this question from her Family Systems & Charts community.

"Hello there. I just started your chart system and we had our first meeting this week. It went well and I am finally seeing some good results. I have invested a lot of time in this. However, my 17-year-old daughter is not that motivated. What can I do?"

In this episode, Greg and Rachel share super specific strategies that WORK, which they have used to raise their five teenagers (out of seven children).

They'll explain how they have been able to inspire, motivate, and train their teens to WANT to help out around the house, work hard, and take responsibility -- all while maintaining and developing deep, lasting, positive relationships with their teens and now young adults.

They expound on a technique they use called 'Privilege-Based Accountability' and the need for teens and young adults to practice life skills by earning privileges instead of giving them freely and automatically. Automatic privileges disempower children and teens and gives them a sense of entitlement, besides making them irresponsible and unmotivated to work.

If you've ever wanted to raise hard-working, responsible, motivated, happy, and successful teens and young adults, then don't miss this episode with clear, actionable strategies that really work! We have the results to prove it.



RESOURCES:

Let Greg & Rachel help you in your extraordinary family life journey.


Get Rachel's ⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠
Join the ⁠28-Day Challenge⁠ for Moms
Rachel’s ⁠Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms⁠
⁠Greg's ⁠Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth⁠
Join the ⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠
Download the ⁠⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠Android⁠
Take the ⁠⁠Be The Man 7-Day Challenge.⁠⁠
Follow them on Instagram: @worldschoolfamily or @greg.denning
Gather with them and other intentional families at the World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort in Portugal


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message

"Thanks for this episode. I wanted to get in touch to ask if you could share any advice for when your kids were younger and babies?

I run a food business and recently had my first baby. I am struggling to manage the disparity between my big ambitions for my life and my reality. I want to be more capable... I want to take my business to the next level (which includes raising investment) I want to keep exercising and doing my favourite sports, I hate that my home is not organised and there is clutter around.

I just don't know how to achieve all of this as I can't seem to find the time or the energy. Right now my partner is at home full time (looking for work) and is incredibly helpful both in the home and in caring for our daughter. But still I am not able to balance all of these things!

The two that have slipped back are exercising and my home not being in great order and I'm barely keeping up at work.

I sometimes would love to have a big family and you have really inspired me that this is possible (I have always thought about adoption) but then sometimes I think I can't even manage with one, how could I possibly manage more kids?

I'd truly appreciate it if you could share any advice or discuss this on a podcast as there are so many young mums today struggling to manage the demands of modern day life, juggling work with younger kids and babies."



If you are a mother (or father) of young children and often feel in overwhelm, then you need this episode -- especially if you are ambitious (like we are) and find yourself frustrated by your 'slow' progress as you pursue your dreams.

We've been there! Listen to discover the strategies we've used to prevent and manage overwhelm and to accomplish WAY more than we ever thought possible.



RESOURCES:

Let us help you in your growth journey.


Download the ⁠Be The Man app on iOS⁠ or ⁠Android⁠
Take the ⁠Be The Man 7-Day Challenge.⁠
Get Rachel's ⁠Family Systems & Charts⁠
Join the ⁠28-Day Challenge⁠ for Moms
Join the ⁠Be The Man Coaching & Tribe⁠
⁠Rachel’s Must-Read Booklist for Well-Read Moms
⁠Greg's Recommended Reading List for Parents & Youth
Gather with us at the World School Family (Beach & Farm) Resort in Portugal


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Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/extraordinary-family-life/message