We help couples get the passion back in their relationship.
If you’re someone who wants to get back the passion and intimacy, go to passionback.com where you can access the Couplific Passion Back System completely free.
Why You Need To Meditate In Your Relationship
I discovered this one principle:
We seem to attract the things that we focus on
We attract the behaviour, the situations, … the kind of relationship that we focus on.
Would you agree with me?
Let me tell you a quick story why I think this is true.
I was going for a beer with a friend of mine
And he told me about his marriage
And he kept on going on about his frustrations with his wife
And all the things that she does NOT do, although he asks her for them
And all the things that she IS doing that are making him mad all the time and she knows it, and she’s still doing them.
And he kept describing all those situations and feelings and emotions that he does not want
And he was so passionate in telling me about it.
He kept telling me about all the things that are bad in his relationship, all the things that he does not want. I think he was going on for like 20, 30 minutes.
And you can imagine, that his mood was really getting worse every minute.
And I told him – “Well, you now told me all the things in your relationship that you DON’T want. You seem to know exactly what you DON’T want.
What are the things that you DO want in your relationship, specifically?”
And he stopped. And after talking for these 30 minutes, he was quiet. And didn’t speak for maybe 2 minutes or so.
And then he said “Well, I haven’t really thought about what I want in detail.”
So listen – here’s something that has amazingly transformed my own relationship
and my own life:
Instead of focusing on all the bad stuff in your relationship, all the things that you do not want, here’s what I want you to try today:
If you’ve got a few seconds for yourself,
Just close your eyes
Think of a moment in your relationship that you can feel incredibly grateful for
It can be a moment where you felt complete, unconditional love from your partner
Or a sexy moment, a passionate moment
Any moment in your relationship that you can feel grateful for, and that can bring a smile to your face.
And then you really focus on that situation,
focus on that picture in your mind,
Try to make the picture vidid, emotional.
Feel into it.
Don’t just do it in your head, feel it all over your body.
And feel that
This is what you want
This is what you want to feel
This is what you want to experience.
And then, just let go of the picture in your mind, and continue whatever you’ve been doing
And remember that you can always go back to that place, to that memory, to that feeling of to being grateful.
Try this out now, just for a few seconds.
And feel that effect that it has on you.
If you like this idea, then please share this post with your friends and family members who might find it useful, too.
And you want to get more relationship techniques and a full guide on how to bring the passion back,
Why You Get What You Focus On
Did you ever buy a car, a then noticed the same type of car suddenly appearing everywhere, in your street, in your city, in advertisements, in the news?
I had the same feeling a couple of years ago – and I led me to realize something very strange about my relationship with my wife, and it completely changed the way I look at my marriage.
I’m gonna tell you that story in a second.
My name is Tom from Couplific; we help couples get the passion back.
Just really quick, if you are someone who thinks about how to improve your relationship quite often, then go to passionback.com where you download the Couplific Passion Back guide for free.
And now, let me tell you about what happened when I bought that car.
A couple of years ago, I was shopping for a new car. It should be big enough for our family – we have two kids, and since we like to go on vacations by car, it had to have a big trunk.
And I found this car, a minivan – the Volkswagen Sharan, similar to the Dodge Caravan. It’s got seven seats, it was perfect.
I looked at all the photos on the websites, and I searched for prices on car dealer sites
And I read forum comments of people who already owned that type of car, read about what kind of experiences they had with their car.
I pictured myself driving around in that Volkswagen Sharan, driving my family to a summer vacation in that car.
So I was completely focused on that specific type of car.
And you know what happened?
Suddenly, I saw this specific type of car appearing all around.
Suddenly, there were all those Volkswagen Sharans driving around my city, driving around in Vienna.
And I thought to myself – how come that suddenly EVERYBODY is buying and driving that car?
Was there a major discount of some sort, am I missing out on a deal, or what is the reason?
And that’s when it hit me.
Of course, the cars have been there all the time all along.
I just wasn’t noticing them before.
And when I started my research to buy a new car and decided this Volkswagen Sharan, I was so focused on that specific car that my mind said to itself
“Okay, this specific car seems important. So I’m going to look out for it.”
So my mind began to pay more attention automatically and it made myself aware of that fact that
“Ah, there is another Volkswagen Sharan.”
“Oh, and there’s another one.”
Of course, the reality was that the cars have been there all the time.
It was just that I wasn’t focused on them before. And now I was focusing, and in doing so
training my mind to identify those cars.
So, my point is this:
my DECISION to FOCUS on that specific car
CHANGED my PERCEPTION,
CHANGED my AWARENESS of my environment.
And why does this matter in your relationship?
Because your decisions on what you focus on determine the perception of reality in your relationship
You decide what you FOCUS on.
And your focus determines what you perceive as be...
Do You Love Your Password?
How many times every day do you have to enter a password on your computer, or your smartphone?
Today, I’m gonna show you how you can use a secure password to get in a mindful, loving state in your relationship
Does that sound weird?
Well, I’m gonna tell you how it works.
You may think that passwords are thing of the past.
After all, we can unlock our phones with our fingerprints, or even by having the camera scanning and recognizing our face.
But, if you are like me, if you are working on a computer on a regular basis, chances are that you have to enter a password at least once per day.
To get access to a certain website, or you mail client, or to access any internal company website.
Or maybe even just to unlock your password manager app.
And, I’m sure you have heard many times how to select a secure password.
Tips like using a password that is long enough, that has more than 8 or 10 or even 12 characters.
Not using well known words or names that can be found in a dictionary.
Or mixing uppercase and lowercase characters, and throwing in digits and special characters in between.
Or choosing a phrase or a sentence that’s easy to remember.
And this is what I do, and how you can put yourself into a loving state when do you something mundane like entering a password.
You chose a phrase or a sentence that has a special meaning for you and your relationship.
Maybe it’s the title of the movie you saw together on your first date.
Or a song that was playing when you first kissed.
So, to give you an example.
I was a big George Michael fan. And the duet with Elton John “Don’t let the sun go down on me” has a very special meaning for my wife Anne and myself, it has a special meaning for our relationship.
When I hear that song, it brings back very sweet memories.
So, let’s use that title of the song, and take the first 2 letters of each word as a password:
Do from “Don’t”
le from “let”
th from “the”
and so on.
When you do that, you get a very secure password with 16 characters, no dictionary words.
You can make it even more secure by replacing some letters with digits – like using the digit zero instead of the letter 0. And adding in a exclamation mark at the beginning or the end:
My point is this:
When I have to enter a password, and I try to remember the 16 letters, it’s probably too difficult, too hard to remember and I’m gonna forget some letters, and make some mistakes.
But, if I remember the song’s title – that’s easy, because it has this special meaning for me, for us. I remember the passion, the emotions, I remember what I link to that song.
And every time I have to enter the password, I remember that song, and it brings me back, just briefly, but it reminds me of my wife, of my relationship, and of the special romantic situation when we were listening to this song together for the very first time.
So, I invite you to just try it out!
How To Create A “Passion Playlist”
Do you know Hans Zimmer?
If you don’t know him, I’m sure you have seen some of the movies where he composed the score, the soundtrack.
Blockbuster movies like
The Lion King,Gladiator,Inception,Batman vs Superman,or Pirates of the Caribbean
And some time ago, Hans Zimmer was on tour, live with a band, a huge orchestra and an enormous choir.
He played the music he wrote for those movies for 10,000 people in the audience.
I was one of them.
And without seeing any clip, any frame from the movies, everybody in the audience felt it.
We saw the pictures in our minds
Pictures of Batman and Superman
Pictures of Roman gladiators fighting for their life
Pictures of pirate ships crashing into each other
Simply by listening to the music, our minds brought us back.
Now, we all are used to music in movies – we know that music creates emotions in us.
Have you ever tried watching a movie with the sound turned off?
It’s boring. It’s not even half the fun, because some very important, integral part of the experience is missing.
The music in movies puts us in a certain state, depending on what the director of the movie wanted us to feel at that very moment. He (or she) can make us feel sad, or excited, or frightened, simply by using different kinds of music.
But – in our own life, we sometimes forget that we are the director.
And similar to the director of a movie, we can use music ourselves, intentionally, consciously, to put ourselves in a certain state.
Maybe you are already using music to put yourself into state in some areas of your life.
For example, when you work out, when you go for a run, or when you drive alone in your car and you sing loud to your favourite song, grinning from ear to ear.
You can control what you feed your mind
And you can influence your emotions with music
So, ask yourself this:
Do you have certain songs that, when you listen to them, you know they will remind you of the passion in your relationship?
Maybe you went to a concert together with your partner. And when you listen to certain songs of that artist, of that band, they remind you of the concert.
When you listen to those songs, you travel back in time, and remember the passion and the love you felt for each other.
So i invite you to create a “passion” playlist in your favorite music streaming service – on Apple Music, Spotify, or even on YouTube, whatever you are using.
Let’s create a playlist of songs that you know will put you and your partner in a caring, loving, passionate state.
And then make a habit to listen to this playlist, together, at least once per week.
You don’t have to make a big deal out of it, just put together a few songs, save them as a playlist, and the next time you have a few minutes together with your partner, put it on “Shuffle”, and hit “Play”.
And see and feel how it will brings you back.
And then invite your partner to come up with suggestions for songs to add to the list, so it grows bigger and bigger.
That way, every time you listen to your passion playlist,
How To Pick A Life, Any Life
Do you know how most card tricks start?
That’s right, “Pick a card, any card.”
I had a period in my life where I was completely into magic.
Gosh, I don’t know how many hundreds or probably more likely thousands of dollars I spent on magic tricks.
And in my magical studies, I stumbled across this American magician Eugene Burger.
Today, let me tell you about a beautiful quote I found from Eugene, and how it changed my relationship and my life.
Eugene Burger was not one of the big names – not like David Copperfield, or David Blaine, or Chris Angel.
But he was well known inside the magic community, he was considered one of the 100 most influential magicians of the 20th century.
He was quite an impressive figure, with his big beard, and his pointing eyes. He had a fable for mentalism and bizarre magic, where his distinctive appearance helped him tremendously to make a big impact on his audience.
He was also a philosopher.
And I read this sentence, this philosophical statement, and it really moved me, and made me think about my life, about my relationship:
“All magic is about transformation.
You are the magician in your own life. You are the agent of transformation, your own transformation.”
Now, let’s pause for a minute and unpack that.
First, Eugene says “All magic is about transformation.”
Typical magic transformations like a card moves from one place where you just saw it to an impossible location seconds later. A rope is cut in half and restored again.
So, magic is about transformation.
And in a magic show, the magician is the one creating this transformation.
You see it in front of your eyes, the magician doing seemingly impossible things, transforming reality.
But then, Eugene goes on to say
“You are the magician in your own life. You are the agent of transformation, your own transformation”.
So, in reality, in our daily life, when we are not watching a magic show, there is no magician here, nobody waving a magic wand and creating transformation for you.
You have to do it yourself.
You are the magician, you are the one transforming your life from where it is right now to where you want it to be.
That’s why it’s necessary for us to step up, to take responsibility.
To stop the blame game, complaning about our partner, what he did, or what he didn’t do, and why he must change.
You are the magician.
You need to make your relationship the way you want it to be.
We are not watching a magic show, you cannot just sit in the audience and lean back and watch the magical transformations appear without you doing anything.
You need to get up on the stage.
You need to be the magician.
You need to create the magic in your life.
You need to create your own transformation, the transformations that you want to see in your life.
You are not waiting for others to get up on the stage
You do it yourself.
What I Learned From Eurovision For My Relationship
Do you know what the Eurovision Song Contest is?
It’s the longest running annual TV Music Competition, with acts from over 40 countries, from all over Europe, with over 200 million viewers watching at home from all around the world.
And every year, it becomes an even bigger show, with more lights and more dancers and acrobats, with quicker cuts and more special effects, fireworks and wind machines.
All the acts try to outdo one another, there are huge expectations put upon the artists.
And the winner is often the one with the most spectacular performance.
But a few years ago, in 2017, something changed.
The winner, the winning performance, shocked quite a few Eurovision fans like myself.
Let me tell you what I learned about relationships from Eurovision.
It all started as usual – with all the bright visuals, and dancers and pumping tunes.
All the countries had rehearsed so long, and so hard, and there was obviously a lot of money spent on international music producers and song writers, and costumes and pyrotechnics and so on.
But then, the act from Portugal was on.
There were no dancers, no flashing lights.
No background singers,
Just a single guy, called Salvador Sobral.
And where the others songs were happening on the big stage, he was standing in the middle of the audience, on a very small round mini-stage, with people surrounding him
In a black jacket that was a bit too big for him.
He had this weird seemingly uncut hair, with a kind of man-bun at the back.
He looked kind of funny
But then he started to sing his song, very softly, very slowly.
In Portuguese – almost everybody else was singing in English.
He had this weird hand gestures, he moved around the microphone. While he was delivering this beautiful touching song, that almost nobody could understand.
He even improvised a bit – sang the song differently than in the rehearsals.
And guess what?
He won this year’s Eurovision song contest.
With his laid back attitude, almost like he didn’t care about his looks, about the staging, he just focused on the song, and he wanted the audience in the arena, and the over 200 million viewers at home, he wanted everybody to focus on just this one moment, to focus on his music, and nothing else.
And he won, ahead of all the other well rehearsed acts with all their effort and their exact choreographed moves, all their money spent, all their huge expectations.
So, you might say – yes Tom, that’s a nice story – but what does it have to do with my relationship?
Well, ask yourself this:
Have you ever tried to prepare the perfect evening, or the perfect date night,or the perfect vacation, and then it all fell apart and it didn’t work out as you expected?
Like all the other countries competing in Eurovision, don’t we often put a lot of expectations
on ourselves, on our partner, on our relationship, try to control everything, only to feel very disappointed when not everything goes as we planned it?
We put so many expectations upon our relationship
And, on the other hand