Hold Your Horses: Idioms for Idiots Thomas Atkins, Travis Bainbridge, Daniel Atkins

Sometimes, when I sit in solitude, sweet memories of my grandmother shower my weary mind. What a woman she was. Kind and knowing, fierce and faithful. She did have one annoying habit though, can you guess what it was? Suckin’ and slurpin’ her eggs without so much as a straw or spoon in sight! You outta be ashamed of yourself, granny, behavin’ like that! One could make the argument that if your idiom knowledge isn’t up to snuff, you’re as impolite as granny is sippin’ on those yolks! Don’t be uncouth and uncultured. Be sophisticated and suave. Debonaire with slicked-back hair! It’s an all new episode of Hold Your Horses!

Don’t let the title throw you off, cuz we’re throwing everything at you in this doozy of an episode! Hats, words, video; all of it. So whether you’re commuting, computing, road trippin’ or skinny dippin’, get ready to throw your hat into the ring and join us on another idiotic adventure through idiomland. Yours truly- The Three Horsemen. Let’s Ride!

Pass me the gravy and call me a cooked goose! We’ve got a savory and salivating helping for you hungry hippopotamuses. The horsemen deliver a dollop of dishes and desserts that will both tickle the funny bone and fill the tummy. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, our idiom has everything to do with the delectable delights the English language has to offer. An invariable smorgasbord of cakes and puddings, steaks and casseroles, goulash and ganache, tiramisu and au jus! Achoo! Bless you! Tissue? Get ready to lather on the laughs because it’s an all new serving of Hold Your Horses! Giddy-up, buttercup!

We’ve all had those days. You’re late for an interview and as you’re
running on the sidewalk, so is a massive mastiff who decides to relieve
itself in the exact spot that you step. Not only are you late, but you have
to scrape off the fecal matter that has now affixed itself to the bottom of
your shoe. If you do not take care of this, your potential employers will
either wonder why you only own one shoe on OR why they are interviewing
someone who ushers in the pungent smell of a dog park. Your best bet is to
clean that shoe and FAST. The shoe is clean and now you’re in the room.
Handshakes and smiles, you need to make an impression in order to make up
for being late. Instead of ignoring it, you confront it head-on and explain
to the panel of high-level executives what exactly transpired on that
sidewalk. You launch into a tirade of unaccompanied animals and how it’s a
public disgrace that dogs are allowed to roam wherever and treat the city
like their own personal toilet. They’re all nodding. The bearded one
releases a small chuckle. To seal the deal and as a matter of personal
revenge, you add that the offending dog was a mastiff. Suddenly, the room
turns cold and all smiles are gone. The suits look over at their colleague
who seems to be personally wounded by your words. Turns out, his lineage is
from a long line of esteemed breeders who even bred dogs for President
Theodore Roosevelt. Their breed of speciality? You guessed it— mastiff. The
assistant quickly whisks you away and you’re back on the street. With all
prospects gone and an empty refrigerator back at your apartment, it’s hard
to feel like you haven’t totally lost your marbles. “Isn’t that an idiom?”
You think. Grabbing your phone and headphones, you tap to your podcast
platform of choice and see that your favorite show, Hold Your Horses:
Idioms for Idiots just released a new episode. You pull your collar tighter
and smile. Things are looking up already.

The number 9. We’re all familiar with his more popular roles. Love potion
number 9, 9 lives, 9 o’clock, 9 inch nails, 9 ladies dancing, the whole 9
yards, 9 iron, and of course the 9 ringwraiths. And they make sense. They
just make sense. But dressed to the 9’s??? Now that my friends is a riddle
worth solving. So join us. We can do it.  And don’t forget to rate us 9 out
of 9 stars.

Extra extra! Read all about it! A new Hold Your Horses episode just dropped! So head on over to your favorite podcast streaming service and get a load of this one! It’s a real doozy. But never fear, the fearless horsemen will deliver another delicious dollop of idiom idiocy as they weave and wander without sail or rudder through a sea of mostly mindless madness and ill fated attempts at glory. And in the drop of a hat the ride will come to a sudden and much needed end. So step on up and step on in and give this one a spin.
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