Please Send Dick Pics Episode 54 with Alyssa Poteet Please Send Dick Pics

This week's guest is Existential Engineer and Comedian, Alyssa Poteet!


April Walterscheid and Alyssa discuss News and Celebrity Dick of the Week. They also delve into the following hot topics:



○ is air horn officially obsolete because our comedy mouths took over?
○ why being NOT self-conscious as a comedian could get you 75 million dollars
○ as soon as you're 100% self-conscious - YOU'RE DONE

○ why having an engineering degree plastered on your wall feels spooky

○ how to disappoint your mom by doing comedy 

○ why society is one BIG junkie

○ what it’s like to have a decent soul that is ruined by greed

○ 15 ways to turn-on your man when all you need is ANAL
○ democratic debates getting the snapchat filter treatment

○ Jeffrey Epstein and how Louis CK is actually scraps for the big dogs

○ how to accidentally turn a 2-minute joke into a 12-minute joke nightmare of anxiety

○ when your 3-year-old nephew hits on you and gets away with it

○ finding your calling card as a comedian based on the jokes you write

○ Kathy Griffin
○ everyday people who want to be the leader of their own divisive group that thinks exactly like they do

○ giving up on ALL self-help articles to find your inner voice and confidence again
○ ups and downs of manifestation
○ does this podcast description read like a cosmopolitan magazine cover? does it make you want to listen?

○ how the world becoming one giant improv troupe would fix everything

○ PLUS! other things to overthink about PROUDLY

Alyssa’s Twitter: www.twitter.com/potweet901

Alyssa's Instagram: www.instagram.com/complete_poteet

Shoutout to comedians KJ Samora and Ali Musa.

"Oops!... I Did It Again [Instrumental]" by Max Martin and Rami Yacoub
"Dear Diary [Instrumental]" by Timmy Allen and Barry J. Eastmond

* * * * * * *
Lyrics:

Oops!... I’ve been dick pic’d again
It came through my Hotmail
Got lost in the spam
Oo crabby crabby

Oops!... you think that I love it
Because it’s sent from your pants
I’m not that into it

* * * * * * *

Dear Diary
Today I saw a dick pic
And I wonder if it noticed me
It made me go gay-ay-ay



Dear Diary
I can't get it off my mind
And it scares me
Cause I've never felt this way



No one in this world
Knows me better than you do
So Dick Diary 

I'll confide in you


Dear Diary
I saw his dick in person
As it swung by I thought it smiled at me
And I wondered

Does he know I’m currently HARD !?!
I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe

Should I tell it how I feel
Or would that make me gay?
Diary, tell me what to say

(Please tell me if I’m gay?)

* * * * * * *

Recorded in Garage Band from my own bed - thank you technology for making these parody songs possible. 🖤