Richard and Steve's Podcast Richard & Steve

I am God.
Not the god of love, but God Almighty.
I massacred the Amalekites and the Seven Nations of Canaan.
I hacked Agag to pieces and blasted the barren fig tree,
for the day of vengeance is in my heart.
You lunar jackass,
she betrayed you... guilty, guilty, guilty.
The punishment is death. I've finally been processed.
They made me adjust... to modern times.
This is 1888, isn't it?
I'm Jack.
Cunning Jack.
Quiet Jack.
Jack whose sword never sleeps.
Hats off, I'm Jack.
Not the good shepherd.
Not the prince of peace.
I'm red Jack, spring-heeled Jack.
Jack from hell. Trade name: Jack the Ripper.

Questions asked, questions answered:-

What is the best gay novel of the year?
What was the secret of the Hitler diaries?
Where in the world is Stephen Leslie Parkes?
What are the themes of the show? What are their initials?
What excuse is Matthew Stogdon giving us this time?
Yes, but can you say it three times fast?
What's happening this Saturday?
Band or football?
Where is the official post Norwich gay pride event being held?
Who is Big Daddy?
Who do Marc Almond, Holly Johnson, Stephen Fry, Graham Norton, Alan Carr, Derren Brown, Elton John, David Furnish, Boy George, Chris Moyles, Peter Tatchell, Ian MacKellan, David Tennant, Neil Patrick Harris, Lady Gaga, Stephen Leslie Parkes and Simon Amstell think they are? Really?
What is 'e' for?
Good job or bad job?
What jobs get no respect?
What are the employment opportunities for a 69 year old Russian woman on the Pacific rim?
Should mayors be doing this?
Which Russian town has Ipswich been twinned with?
Where is the gayest place on earth?
What stopped Steve going to Castro street?
What's Fisherman's Wharf really like?
Is the Bushman a legitimate threat?
Which one's the Flatiron building?
Did you see the Presidio?
NCIS or CSI?
Why are people jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge? Really, women too?
Which is worse, racism or mysogyny?
Do you hold hands? Why not?
What is Marley's new job?
What you going to do, what you going to do when they come for you?
Which one of the twelve steps is the hardest?
What will the inhabitants of Crazytown USA do when they realise their top cop is an informant?
What is the Anti-Lassie?
Boom, it's OUTCAST RADIO. Who?
Who's in the Fright Night remake?
Who needs a shave? (It's Robertson Davies!)

IRON MAN 2 SPECIAL

Oh yes, that's right, we've teamed up with the bloody boffins at Universal Pictures to offer our loyal listenership an insane Iron Man 2 giveaway. Just stay tuned to the end of the podcast for a free sample from the soundtrack to this Summer's biggest superhero movie.

In other news, there are tips of the hat and wags of the fingers abound from Prof. Richard Sheppard and Stephen Leslie Parkes (a.k.a. The Nimmo Twins of comedy) in the latest edition of the Richard and Steve Show. Yes, we had a coalition government of a sinister, shifty, posh fop and a grinning, gurning homosexual chancer long before the Clegg and the Cameron set up a bunkbed together.

A short, sharp, sweet, sour shot across the bows of reality from Prof. Richard Sheppard and Stephen L. Parkes. The former is losing his voice, giving the latter free rein to quote from the bible, talk about testicles and generally talk trash and steal cash. More to come soon, keep them peeled.

People mentioned in this podcast:-

Prof. Richard Sheppard
Stephen Leslie Parkes
Nana Moon
Matthew Stogdon
The Judderman
k d lang
Steve's boyfriend
God
Disapproving hawk
Nude hawk handler
Mr. Bojangles
Alvin, Simon and Theodore
DJ Chipmunk
Eddi Reader
E4 announcement guy
MC Hammer
Lionel Richie
Unnamed Pittsburgh resident
George Romero
The police
John Thomas
The physicists amongst us
Sigmund Freud
Oedipus
Steve's Mum
Richard's Mum
Carol Suzanne Staltari
Unnamed Australian Constable
Les Dawson
The Chippendales
Unnamed Staltari family member and Down Syndrome sufferer (male)
Unnamed Staltair family member and Down Syndrome sufferer (female)
Unnamed schoolmate of Stephen Leslie Parkes
Homosexuals (generic)
Jesus Christ
Lady Vendetta
Hayley Hatred
Becky Lee
Daffney
Alison Danger
Mia S.
Nicole Paoli
Jesse "Air" Jordan
Kimberly "The Queen Of" Spades
Andrea the Giant
Skittlz
Fruity Joose
Brittany Force
Sassy Stephie
Angel Dust
Vicky Gambino
Samantha

A few light taps upon the pane made Richard Sheppard turn to the window. It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward to Podcast Towers. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over East Anglia. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Fens and the Broads and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Christchurch Park. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Marley lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the Lebanese Restaurant, on the barren thorns, on USA Fried Chicken, on Norfolk County Council, on the Richard and Steve Christmas Special, on Cathedral Close, on Stephen Fry and Mikey Carroll. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.