What She Wishes You Knew podcast Kathleen Peters

For the full Show Notes for this episode, visit http://kathleenmpeters.com/podcast-blog/
In this two-episode special we get to learn from Trauma Recovery Specialist, Connie A Baker. Connie is a practicing Licensed Professional Counselor, Religious Abuse Recovery Specialist, Masters Level University Instructor, Seminar and Conference Speaker, author of Traumatized By Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope, and Freedom For Survivors.
 
In this episode we tackle the definitions of Trauma and PTSD, our theories of why people give unsolicited advice to survivors, the triggers survivors may experience and suggestions of what to do if you get triggered.
 
DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria for PTSD
Connie's Trauma Story
Netflix Show: Unbelievable
 
Connect with Connie:
 https://connieabaker.com/
Facebook Group: Overcoming Religious Abuse: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ORACommunity/
Facebook page: Connie A Baker MA LPC https://www.facebook.com/ReligiousAbuseRecovery/
Book: Traumatized By Religious Abuse: Courage, Hope, and Freedom for Survivors
Beyond Survival - Subscription Group
Instagram: @connie_a_baker
 
Connect with Kathleen
Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast
Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters
Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com
Kathleen’s Workbook –Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You
Bonus (Interview After the Interview) Episode:  Become a $2/month Patreon Member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information
Newsletter & Free Empathy Cards
To download your own digital Empathy Cards, go to kathleenmpeters.com , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter. And no I promise to not flood your inbox. Yes, I do intend to send at least one email a month FILLED to the BRIM with all sorts of goodies that will help you to listen and love well.

What happens when a daughter comes out as queer to her Christian Parents and then soon after her mom dies? How does she deal with grief of never getting to finish the rumble of her sexual identity with her mom?
 
For the full Show Notes for this episode, visit https://kathleenmpeters.com/
 
I'm delighted to have interviewed Shelby Forsythia about the grief of not only losing her mom at the young age of 21, but also the grief of never getting to finish a conversation that has left her rumbling with feelings of unacceptance. Shelby is the author of Permission to Grieve and podcast host of Coming Back: Conversations on Life After Loss. After the unexpected death of her mother in 2013, she became a “student of grief” and set out on a lifetime mission to explore the oft-misunderstood human experience of loss. Through her book, weekly podcasts, and one-on-one grief guidance, she helps grieving people find direction, get support, and cultivate radical self-compassion after devastating loss.

What happens when a couple decides they don't want to have children and then they get pregnant? Anger, anxiety, grief, and faking that you're happy is all a part of my guest Courtney Renee Patterson's story.
 
Courtney Patterson is a writer of the blog The Unplanned Tiny Hand, a 9th Grade English teacher in Arkansas, a wife and a mom. She started The Unplanned Tiny Hand as a way to help new moms navigate the ups and downs of motherhood, from pregnancy to balancing work and her new role as a mom. She shares all the tips and tricks she’s learned through trial and error on her blog. Don’t forget to check it out after the show at The Unplanned Tiny Hand
 
For more complete Show Notes including all the links mentioned in this episode: https://kathleenmpeters.com/podcast-blog/

What if Baby Jesus went to Daycare because Mary was a working mom? Are we sending the message to the Working Mom that the Stay-at-Home Mom is the one raising her kids in the most 'biblical' way? Is the working mom treated differently in the Church?
 
Come join the conversation as I chat with working mom NJ Rongner who gives me (a mom who stayed home for nearly 20 years) an inside scoop and tells me what she wishes we knew about being a working mom in the Church.
 
NJ Rongner is a full time working mom who wants you to know that if you work and love Jesus, there is nothing wrong with you. On her podcast, Working Christian Mom, she equips and inspires the everyday working mom to press on because her work matters. NJ loves the beach, cinnamon tea and living in beautiful New England with her husband and their two children.
She also runs the Facebook groups Working Christian Mom, Christianpreneur, and works as a Marketing Coach with Clickfunnels.
 
What I loved about talking with NJ is that "working" has taken all sorts of forms for her; she has worked outside the home, inside the home, for other companies, and for herself. She also had the dream of being a Stay-at-Home-Mom until it actually happened and she found herself struggling to like it as much as she thought she would.
 
NJ shares with us that inside the Church just as the Stay-at-Home mom is hailed and affirmed as doing what's best for her family, the Working Mom often feels invisible and at times is told implicitly she is not doing things the godly way.
 
Connect with NJ:
Website- workingchristianmom.com
Facebook - Working Christian Mom
Christianpreneur
 
Connect with Kathleen
Facebook: @WhatSheWishesPodcast
Instagram: @speakerkathleenmpeters
Email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.com
 
Kathleen's Workbook -Embrace You: A Guide to Uncovering the Real You
 
Bonus (Interview After the Interview) Episode:  Become a $2/month patreon member and get access to all the bonus episodes where my guests shares the WHY to her Big Reveals. Patreon Information
 
Wanna Become a Patreon Member? Click here => Patreon Information
 
Newsletter & Free Digital Empathy Cards
To download your own Empathy Cards, go to kathleenmpeters.com , scroll to the bottom of page, and sign up for my newsletter. 

What is it like to be a foster care provider? Often we think about the heartache that must come with returning a child to their biological parent... Jillana Goble shares with us the grief and the hope. If you are a foster parent, my hope is you will feel seen in this upcoming episode. If you love someone who is a foster parent, I hope you will walk away with practical ways you can support them.
 
Jillana Goble has been a foster mom, biological mom, and adoptive mom—in that order—since 2003. She is a connector and a collaborator who has walked an unlikely path in creating unprecedented relationship with the children who have walked through her front door, their biological families, and with the Oregon Department of Human Services Child Welfare. She founded Embrace Oregon, which is the catalyst for Every Child Oregon, a robust engagement model bridging the community and foster care.
 
Jillana holds a Masters Degree in Teaching. She is a sought after speaker on various topics around foster care, government/community partnership, adoption, special needs, grief, and hope.  She continues to mentor and walk alongside countless foster parents navigating this journey.
 
Jillana and her husband, Luke, got married in 2000. They have two biological daughters and two sons that they fostered and later adopted. They were also reunited with their first son in foster care after over a decade apart. They are joyfully called “Auntie” & “Papa” by another child in foster care who has lived with them twice.
 
When not engaging with her family, Jillana enjoys drinking coffee with friends—half filled with cream—at neighborhood coffee shops. Her favorite things include leaning in to engage others’ real deal stories, walking her sweet yet stubborn labradoodle around her city block, and reading in the tub way too late at night. 
 
00:23:22 Why Jillana started Embrace Oregon -  Every Child
*00:28:05 The Welcome Boxes - a loving gift given to a child who is being processed into the DHS system
00:29:57 What got her first interest in being a foster parent started in Guatemala - this caused her and her husband Luke to ask, "Where are the vulnerable children here (the US)?"
00:32:35 Their first experience in fostering
00:33:52 What happened in Guatemala that caused her and Luke to ask this question
00:35:50 After having biological children and moving to Oregon, what started as purely an informational call ends in fostering a baby who is now her 11 year adopted son
00:36:48  Jillana's relationship with her 11 year old son's biological mom - the most transformational relationship she's ever been a part of
00:38:25  Battling the image of foster parents rescuing a child- Jillana's book - it feels like the manual of everything you should know before you foster
 
00:39:35  The grief of fostering
Heavier things in lighter moments - disclosures the children may make
00:46:03 "Signing up for foster care is an invitation to raise your hand and invite heartbreak and suffering into your life." -
00:45:54 Jillana's personal experiences with grief
Returning a child to biological mama's Rehabilitation Center - a feeling that maybe she was losing her ability to hope for a healthy outcome
00:54:07 Fostering is about holding things loosely - hope, expectations of what you would want to happen, what you think should happen, biological parents, foster children
00:56:05 What about the grief of getting attached to this child with the possibility of them returning to their biological parents?
00:59:41 These kids did nothing wrong - they did not cause their situation the word "foster" can be equated with negative words--- Jillana on purpose says children in foster care instead
01:04:00 The most common reasons children enter into the foster care system is physical abuse, sexual abuse, psychological abuse, neglect, domestic violence, incarceration of parent, a parent's drug and alcohol abuse, and untreating of mental illness

What is it like to plan your living son's funeral? What is it like to grieve a loved one who hasn't died?
In Part 2 of my interview with Jessica McCurdy, we talk about about how culture sees addiction: moral failure vs disease. Jessica gives us an incredible word picture of this disease - how it is a miracle when a person is staying out of active addiction, and how we can change our language to better honor those coping with this disease and its effects. She also explains that active addiction is about grief; you are not only losing the person but also experiences they will never have with their loved one.
 
Show Notes
00:08:00
*00:59:00 me: this is a disease – how are we seeing this as a culture: moral failure, a choice, deficit in character :
00:09:00 Cancer, MS, Lupus – “they are a survivor or a warrior”, Cancer – we feel bad with no moral failure, addiction moral failure because they have to put something in our body – the addiction starts before anything is put into the body – Addiction is in the disease model
The first choice was an actual “choice”
00:13:00 admitting they are powerless against that drug – affects the survival part of the brain –
00:15:00  She calls Camron a survivor – it’s a miracle that someone stays clean – breathing underwater
00:16:00  Active Addiction – Changing our language – if there is not a cure then he will always be an addict – she will not support him during this time
00:18:00  Symptoms of addiction lying, manipulating, cheating, stealing, commiting crimes – symptoms of cancer treatment nausea, lethargy, taste of copper
00:19:00  Her fears to tell us what she wishes we knew – She felt very alone – not many parents speak up about what’s going on because of the shame
00:22:22  in AL-Anon she could pray he would die – mourning a living person
00:23:17  grief groups in church turned her away – she didn’t want to grieve alone
00:24:20 you don’t know where you belong in the church – she wanted hope from the church –
00:25:00  She started to miss church all the time because she would cry – her current church are comfortable with tears – the old church system didn’t have a culture that made it safe to be in pain
00:29:20 Kathleen: the culture of church needs to be changed – we watch what happens to others in pain and decide whether church is safe in our pain
00:30:35 What she wishes we knew about the grief – "what would feel good to you?"
00:33:00  we’re grieving like we lost someone – she lost graduation, proms, football,
The loss is repeated over & over – they are in fear all the time (PTSD) – they are warriors/fighters
00:35:00 what could we practically do and what should we not do:
 
Hurtful Words to Stay Away From
“What drugs is he using?” – the path & consequence could be the same –
“Is it just alcohol?”
“Addiction is such a stronghold. Just trust God.”
“He’ll be okay. He’ll find his way. He has a good mama.” – this feeds into her codependency – addiction is not either good or bad, it’s a disease
“Is he doing good now?”
“Oh really, Camron doesn’t seem like that type of kid?"
“You’re so strong; you’ll get through this.”
“Camron is a good kid; he’ll come out the other side."
 
00:44:40 “My son is going to die before I do.” – this is a real possibility – she’s already planned his funeral
 
 Helpful Words to Say
"I’m so sorry. My heart hurts for your mama’s heart."
"I wish I could take away all this pain for you."
"I’m crying with you. How can I be here for you?"
"This must be so devastating."
"How can I love you through this?" - Jessica's favorite
 
00:49:00 How is Camron doing now?
00:52:55 Big Reveal
 
PLEASE REMEMBER:
Supporting a Friend who has a Loved One battling Active Addiction and/or Recovery
Your friend is going to be going through a lot of loss and it w