1 hr 7 min
319: How to Trust, How to Be Trustworthy and How Understanding Both Will Transform Your Entire Life The Simple Sophisticate - Intelligent Living Paired with Signature Style
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- Self-Improvement
"As we practice unconditional trustworthiness, we notice a healing result: we are no longer devastated when others fail us. Our focus has shifted from ourselves as victims of others' betrayals of fidelity to our own commitment to trustworthiness. We still see that some people are not trustworthy, and we feel sad and injured. But as long as we do not follow suit, we are not so hurt as we once were—and we like ourselves more. This does not mean that we have become naive or gullible. It actually shows that we trust ourselves more. Then we become more discriminating in recognizing trustworthiness in others." —David Richo, author of Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love & Intimacy
Often the word trust is expressed as a fundamental desire to find in other people, but what often is forgotten is how we play a role in both being fully trustworthy, but also trusting ourselves. Having self-trust, David Richo shares in his book Daring to Trust is one of the four types of trust we must possess in order to live a deeply enriching and fulfilling life.
What are the other three types of trust you may be wondering? We will talk about those in today's post/episode.
Over the course of this podcast, I have shared many discoveries from a vast range of books on how to improve the skills that will improve the quality of our lives (see the list of the most recent, the past two years, below). I found it especially poignant and timely that I read Daring to Trust as the year 2021 wound down.
#318: How to Become a Secure Adult in Relationships, inspired by the book Attached #287: 5 Things to Do to Build Healthy Relationships and 4 Things Let Go (inspired by David Richo's first book - How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving) #307: How to Step into your Fullest True Self, inspired by Martha Beck's book The Way of Integrity #301: The Courage to Live Fully & Deeply, inspired by the book The Courage to Be Disliked #275: 34 Ways to Attain Emotional Freedom and Cultivate More Joy of Living, inspired by Judith Orloff's book Emotional Freedom #293: Choose a Life You Love Living Each Day (yes, it is possible), inspired by the book Nonviolent Communication: The Language of Life blog post: 9 Ways to Think Like a Monk, as taught by Jay Shetty
Often we aren't certain or cannot pinpoint what exactly is preventing us from living a life of true contentment. Perhaps we have come quite close, have felt it from time to time, but not consistently. There are moments of deep fulfillment and peace, but it eludes us at other times, and we wonder what we have done wrong. For me, after reading the following books listed above (link to the episode each book inspired), I felt confident I had the ingredients to live a life of everyday contentment, and largely I did, but the said contentment would flit away when certain moments would present themselves, and so I kept searching. I told myself, there must be a missing ingredient I have overlooked. I must have missed a crucial skill for holding myself steadily in contentment each day.
Turns out it was understanding what true trust is and how to be fully trustworthy all the while acknowledging that we (and others) are human. Both of these concepts are what will be discussed in today's episode/post.
First, let's find common ground on what trust is. David Richo defines it simply as reliance on reliability. He underscores, "[Trust] is not dependency but rather an inner assurance, a confidence that gives us a sense of security."
1. Strengthen your trust IQ: Know when to walk away
"We trust others when we feel safe and secure in their presence. Our insistence that we will spend time only with those with whom we feel safe increases our trust IQ. Over time, we become more adept at telling the difference between a con artist and a straight-up guy. When we feel unsafe with someone and still stay with them, we damage our ability to discern trustworthines
"As we practice unconditional trustworthiness, we notice a healing result: we are no longer devastated when others fail us. Our focus has shifted from ourselves as victims of others' betrayals of fidelity to our own commitment to trustworthiness. We still see that some people are not trustworthy, and we feel sad and injured. But as long as we do not follow suit, we are not so hurt as we once were—and we like ourselves more. This does not mean that we have become naive or gullible. It actually shows that we trust ourselves more. Then we become more discriminating in recognizing trustworthiness in others." —David Richo, author of Daring to Trust: Opening Ourselves to Real Love & Intimacy
Often the word trust is expressed as a fundamental desire to find in other people, but what often is forgotten is how we play a role in both being fully trustworthy, but also trusting ourselves. Having self-trust, David Richo shares in his book Daring to Trust is one of the four types of trust we must possess in order to live a deeply enriching and fulfilling life.
What are the other three types of trust you may be wondering? We will talk about those in today's post/episode.
Over the course of this podcast, I have shared many discoveries from a vast range of books on how to improve the skills that will improve the quality of our lives (see the list of the most recent, the past two years, below). I found it especially poignant and timely that I read Daring to Trust as the year 2021 wound down.
#318: How to Become a Secure Adult in Relationships, inspired by the book Attached #287: 5 Things to Do to Build Healthy Relationships and 4 Things Let Go (inspired by David Richo's first book - How to Be an Adult in Relationships: The 5 Keys to Mindful Loving) #307: How to Step into your Fullest True Self, inspired by Martha Beck's book The Way of Integrity #301: The Courage to Live Fully & Deeply, inspired by the book The Courage to Be Disliked #275: 34 Ways to Attain Emotional Freedom and Cultivate More Joy of Living, inspired by Judith Orloff's book Emotional Freedom #293: Choose a Life You Love Living Each Day (yes, it is possible), inspired by the book Nonviolent Communication: The Language of Life blog post: 9 Ways to Think Like a Monk, as taught by Jay Shetty
Often we aren't certain or cannot pinpoint what exactly is preventing us from living a life of true contentment. Perhaps we have come quite close, have felt it from time to time, but not consistently. There are moments of deep fulfillment and peace, but it eludes us at other times, and we wonder what we have done wrong. For me, after reading the following books listed above (link to the episode each book inspired), I felt confident I had the ingredients to live a life of everyday contentment, and largely I did, but the said contentment would flit away when certain moments would present themselves, and so I kept searching. I told myself, there must be a missing ingredient I have overlooked. I must have missed a crucial skill for holding myself steadily in contentment each day.
Turns out it was understanding what true trust is and how to be fully trustworthy all the while acknowledging that we (and others) are human. Both of these concepts are what will be discussed in today's episode/post.
First, let's find common ground on what trust is. David Richo defines it simply as reliance on reliability. He underscores, "[Trust] is not dependency but rather an inner assurance, a confidence that gives us a sense of security."
1. Strengthen your trust IQ: Know when to walk away
"We trust others when we feel safe and secure in their presence. Our insistence that we will spend time only with those with whom we feel safe increases our trust IQ. Over time, we become more adept at telling the difference between a con artist and a straight-up guy. When we feel unsafe with someone and still stay with them, we damage our ability to discern trustworthines
1 hr 7 min