Book of Boredom Book of Boredom

** #116 Roasting Saints 21 and Alma 3 **

:: Waffle of Mormon ::

As Joseph Smith loses his focus repeatedly in Alma 3, and the scribe rolls his eyes and continues to write - THINK CELESTIAL.

When Joseph Smith introduces racist doctrine, and then incase anyone might explain it away continues to reiterate - THINK CELESTIAL.

When Joseph Smith makes up a stupid new word like "Ishmaelitish", or goes infantile and literally calls people "good" or "bad" - THINK CELESTIAL.

When false-prophet Rusty gets even rustier because all the speakers at General Conference keep sucking his metaphorical and unprophetic phallus - THINK CELESTIAL.

When you thought you were finally out of that unhealthy Masonic underwear, and the heavies at General Conference tell you to put them back on, and to waste your time alive doing nothing in a temple - SAY "NO", AND THINK YOUR OWN THOUGHTS.

When Joseph Smith tries to tell you that Communism is God's will, follow Oliver Cowdry's example and RESIGN FROM THE CHURCH.

#Reasons to stay home this Sunday#

- https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

#Join the Blasphemy#

- https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom

#Patreon (Bonus Episodes)#

- https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

#Twitter#

- https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom

#TikTok#

- https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast

#Instagram#

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#YouTube#

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA

#Website#

- https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #115 Alma 2: Too Many Captains Spoil the Plane **

:: Happy MORMON Xmas on APRIL 6! ::

This Chistmas episode, that includes our mockery of Alma chapter 2, was 3 months in the making. Sorry. But on the upside, it's just in time for a popular date in Mormonism for Christ's birth - April 6!

We hear a wide variety of Christmas traditions, funny stories, and a few serious ones, based on the disparate cultural and religious backgrounds of the guest hosts.

#Reasons to stay home this Sunday#

- https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

#Join the Blasphemy#

- https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom

#Patreon (Bonus Episodes)#

- https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

#Twitter#

- https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom

#TikTok#

- https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast

#Instagram#

- https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast

#YouTube#

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA

#Website#

- https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #114 Roasting Saints 20: Nibble Nobby's Nibley **

:: Before Smitty Nibbles Yours ::

In episode 20 of the LDS Saints podcast, we are presented with the Kirtland Safety Society. A bank that Smitty false prophesied would become the biggest swinging dick around, and eat all competitor cocks (banks). Nothing went right with this venture, and many unfollowed him on X (formely known as Twitter).

Yet, Smitty was so charismatic, he still managed to have his first extra-marital affair, that he justified with a secret marriage. Why secret? I guess God thought that was an excellent way to show his people the example they should follow. Hang-on, that doesn't make sense. Maybe it was just easier than divorcing his legal wife Emma? Or maybe this never happened? Or maybe the truth is in between? For a cult that prides itself on being the "Standard for Truth" (see the title for episode 1 of Saints), why is the truth so full of b******t?

If all that seems like a faith shattering downer for any God fearing Mormon (because it is), the hosts of Saints add a little saccharine in the form of all the "miracles" happening overseas. And by "miracles" they mean "converts to Mormonism". These aren't miracles, just bad ideas spreading. Like so much of human history.

:: Mormon News Discussed: ::

Apostle M. Russel Ballard died at age 95. And we were only just talking about him on the last episode!

Rusty appointed a new apostle to take Ballard's place - Patrick Kearon. Poor f****r. That guy now has no agency in his life until he dies.

:: Brother Jones teaches Sister Patience about: ::

The fun times that can be had with initials and apostle names.

The Fallout-style vault where the LDS church keeps all it's most precious records. It's at 6279 Little Cottonwood Canyon Rd. Unfortunately, there isn't a good Google street view of the facility because the road past the gate is private property.

How early European converts were lied to and enticed to move to the US, to work for the cult in various ways, with little hope of upward mobility.

#Reasons to stay home this Sunday#

- https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

#Join the Blasphemy#

- https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom

#Patreon (Bonus Episodes)#

- https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

#Twitter#

- https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom

#TikTok#

- https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast

#Instagram#

- https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast

#YouTube#

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA

#Website#

- https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #113 Alma One: Poke the Bear **

:: Neee-Hawww and Gideon have a preach battle ::

Don't worry, Neee-Hawww AND Gideon die!

:: Mormon related news discussed: ::

Homelessness in Salt Lake City. How do you help people? Benjamin, Gigi and Patience each have different perspectives.

James Huntsman's fraud case against the Church is being appealed (naturally). Brother Benjamin explains where the "Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals" sits in the United States judicial system.

The October 2023 LDS General Conference! Rusty phones-in an alienating message, and Dalin Oaks looks like a Cheshire Cat that's licked the cream!

Brother Benjamin and Sister Gigi explain the whole "Tim Ballard" fiasco. Since this podcast recording in early October 2023, LDS Apostle, Melvin Russell Ballard (no relation to Tim, yet key to the story, yes it's confusing) has died at 95 years old. So Rusty will be announcing a new Apostle to take his place soon. Assuming the 99 year old lives long enough to do that.

:: Key amusements from Alma One: ::

The gang learn about Priestcraft, sort of. A word that Joseph Smith invented, and that you'll never hear in a mainstream Christian denomination.

Smitty kicks off his new book by jumping straight to the action, and then spends half the chapter rambling the back-story he forgot to put in sequence. Grammar left the building.

Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Pronoun Problem. Again!

Neee-Hawww and Gideon have a preach battle in which Gideon dies. Oh, and not THAT Gideon from the Bible. And not THAT donkey that spoke to Balaam.

Alma Jnr is High Priest AND Chief Judge, which sounds a lot like "king" where there isn't seperation of Church and State.

:: Memorable Quote: ::

SISTER GIGI: "History is written by the victor..."

BROTHER BENJAMIN: "... and fiction is written by the author."

#Reasons to stay home this Sunday#

- https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

#Join the Blasphemy#

- https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom

#Patreon (Bonus Episodes)#

- https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

#Twitter#

- https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom

#TikTok#

- https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast

#Instagram#

- https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast

#YouTube#

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA

#Website#

- https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #112 Mosiah 29: Boredom Shared, Burden Halved **

:: Presented by Friends in Iniquity ::

Sister Divchina joins Sister Patience in reading the final horrible chapter of Mosiah. They also discuss the poorly regulated "troubled teen industry" in Utah, which sadly stole the life of 17 year old Taylor Goodridge on 20th December 2022.

** "Things" learned from Mosiah 29 **

Joseph Smith loves non-specific pronouns like "things". Everyone else can't tell what he's talking about.

Derivations of the word "expedient" can be used to make anything sound authoritative. The word's meaning is irrelevant.

If you get bored during one of Smitty's run-on sentences, find a place to pause (good luck), and interject "In the bedroom!". The results are often amusing. Your mileage may vary.

God is like a Twix bar.

The pitfalls of Smitty's theocracy mixed with democracy outlined in this chapter. It's a structure that the church tries to use today.

#Reasons to stay home this Sunday#

- https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

#Join the Blasphemy#

- https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom

#Patreon (Bonus Episodes)#

- https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

#Twitter#

- https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom

#TikTok#

- https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast

#Instagram#

- https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast

#YouTube#

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA

#Website#

- https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.

** #111 Mosiah 28: Hyrum Smith's Sunglasses **

:: The people of the run-on-sentence of Limhi ::

Brother Jones and Sister Patience try to read Mosiah 28 with a straight face (not possible), and also discuss recent Mormon related news.

** A Slightly Interperative Summary of Mosiah 28 **

The people of Zerahemla had "great anxiety" and were "desirous beyond measure" to know the history of a dead people group. So King Mosiah used Hyrum Smith's Sunglasses to aquire this information from some etched metal plates.

Old King Mosiah couldn't bestow his kingdom on one of his sons, because they all wanted to pursue careers as missionaries. Everyone was happy to see them go too. It's not like there was high-demand for them in primary food production, defence, or in the skilled trades that built and maintained their advanced civilisation.

But with so much joy, there was also deep sorrow. For these new converts, who had never committed any crimes, were apparently "the very vilest of sinners" before their conversion. And "they suffered much anguish of soul because of their iniquities".

Their wives thought this was a lot of emotion and superlative for a lifestyle of skipping church for a few beers with friends on the weekend. So, they were thrilled to lose the dead weight. The endless religious discussions and naval-gazing had become an imovable hindrance around the home.

:: Mormon News Stories Discussed: ::

Drifter steals 4 chicken nuggets from amazing fully equipped LDS Ward kitchen. The real crime here is that this kitchen has only ever been used for producing generic Mormon-Pot-Luck(TM) meals.

LDS donates 48 million to alleviate hunger. They could donate 1 billion a year and still grow their capital by a very large margin.

Court overturned a former judgment, and allows James Huntsman's fraud case against the church where he alleges LDS used tithes wrongly.

#Reasons to stay home this Sunday#

- https://bookofboredom.com/reasons/

#Join the Blasphemy#

- https://facebook.com/groups/BookOfBoredom

#Patreon (Bonus Episodes)#

- https://patreon.com/BookOfBoredom

#Twitter#

- https://twitter.com/BookOfBoredom

#TikTok#

- https://tiktok.com/@BookOfBoredomPodcast

#Instagram#

- https://instagram.com/BookOfBoredomPodcast

#YouTube#

- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMjDavWoT73Cev3IAie_XBA

#Website#

- https://bookofboredom.com/

A nice review on any podcast platform will help frustrate the Heavenly Father's boring plans for your future.