Friend Forward Danielle Bayard Jackson

Ready to get out of the group chat and into a group trip? Summer is approaching, and it’s time to stop talking about the friend-cation and get ready to make it happen. Though, this can be easier said than done, especially when it’s more than two or three female friends trying to coordinate. So what are the best ways to get over the barriers of planning a group trip? 
Friendship expert and educator Danielle Bayard Jackson is joined by Theresa Chu-Bermudez, the Owner of Get Out! Custom Travels, LLC to share some tips and tricks to make trip-planning easier. 
In this episode, you’ll learn:
Why a travel advisor helps you take the work out of planning and coordinating
Two mistakes friend groups make when planning a trip
3 places to visit this summer (especially if you’re a woman of color)
For more tips, follow Theresa on instagram as well to learn more.
Danielle Social Links:
You can book a private friendship coaching session here.
Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event.
We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today.
To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024.
Here are a few things to understand before booking your trip: 
Travel Advisor vs. Travel Agent
Travel advisors allow for a more customized trip for you and your female friends, versus an agent who deals in taking orders and doing the booking. And a bonus – travel advisors can help gauge safety and comfort levels for women, people of color, solo travelers and more. 
For the People Pleasers
Without a travel advisor, the group chat can really become a hassle. And this one is especially true for those friends who are the people-pleaser type. Accommodating everyone’s needs and coming to a consensus can take forever, and too many opinions is never as helpful as it seems. 
Overplanning
For women who are taking the lead on coordinating the vacation schedule, this is a common problem to run into. You may be trying to add so many activities during the trip for the sake of keeping busy, trying not to be bored, or making sure that everyone gets to do what they want. In the end, all of your friends end up exhausted with the packed schedule, and may be cranky, grouchy and unable to enjoy the time away. Not planning enough flexibility can make the vacation feel like more work rather than a relaxing adventure.
Remain Objective
Be real with your friends about what each other wants to get out of the trip. Understand each woman’s comfort levels with budget and intention for joining the group.
 

Welcome to "Girl Problems" a new weekly segment from the Friend Forward podcast. Today's episode addresses a listener question about feeling limited in her friendships because of her lifestyle as an entrepreneur. Tune in as resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson offers a few helpful insights.
 
If you want to submit a problem of your own, visit us at ⁠Betterfemalefriendships.com ⁠or on Instagram at⁠ @friendforward.⁠
To book a private session with Danielle, visit ⁠Betterfemalefriendships.com/coaching⁠ and check-out our new "fast track" services.

One common reason women offer for why they don’t engage more in their friendships is because of a lack of time. For many of these women, the lack of time is due to their obligation to manage a busy household. They may have serious “mom guilt” or feel overwhelmed after tending to all of the familial duties that are unnecessarily placed on the women. Women in general, globally, are doing more domestic labor than their male counterparts and it continues to impact their capacity to fully engage in their female friendships.
In this episode, Laura Danger, equitable domestic labor educator, advocate & coach joins your friendship expert and educator, Danielle Bayard Jackson to recognize how much there is an imbalance of shared labor in the home and the ways in which women’s relationships are affected. You can learn more about her work on Instagram and TikTok. 
Danielle Social Links:
You can book a private friendship coaching session here.
Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event.
We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today.
To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024.
At first glance it may be confusing to make the connection between female friendships and equitable domestic labor (and fair partnership). But take into account that a majority of American households are still dealing with this imbalance. And in cis, hetero-partnerships, women are doing 2-3x more domestic labor on average. The toll this takes directly impacts the ways that women can engage in their friendships – whether it’s having the physical time, emotional availability or mental capacity to deepen new and existing friendships. So what do we do about it? If you’re partnered, a mother, single or childless, there is opportunity for conversation and compassion to have a more supportive domestic and social life.
Understand The System
Despite what was told to little girls, research doesn't show women being more capable at nurturing or household duties than men. To change cultural norms, both genders must acknowledge inequity and address the issue, leveling the playing field in the home.
How It Impacts Our Female Friendships
Research reveals that women’s friendships are more fragile than men's, breaking under perceived violations. One reason is women's higher household responsibilities, leaving less bandwidth for "elective" friendships. For many overworked women, friendships go first.
Resolutions Within Relationships
Develop communication between partners for a standard of care each is capable of. Try Fair Play Method by Yves Brodksy – have clear expectations in domestic partnerships, avoid gatekeeping information, and create opportunities for sharing responsibility.
Resolutions Within Friendships
A good conversation with friends helps. Encourage dialogue for support and empowerment. Remind friends that you're there for them and appreciate the relationship.
“Just because you’re capable, doesn’t make you obligated.” – Laura Danger
Reflect on limiting mindsets affecting female friendships and domestic partnerships. Danielle Bayard Jackson offers homework to understand mom-guilt and domestic labor imbalances. Share thoughts with Danielle on Instagram or at betterfemalefriendships.com.

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what to make of not being invited to a function or hang out, this episode is for you. Being left out can hurt and make it easy to assume ill intentions, writing them off as mean or inconsiderate. But before we start cutting people off, taking a moment to try to understand the bigger picture might help manage these feelings and unveil actions that can help move friendships forward. Friendship expert and coach Danielle Bayard Jackson recently shared a TikTok on the subject that now has over 1 million views, and on today’s episode, dove deeper into each potential situation. 
Danielle Social Links:
You can book a private friendship coaching session here. Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event. We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today. To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024. While there are certainly times people exclude others intentionally out of spite, rudeness or jealousy (not okay!), there are other reasons to consider as well. The hope is that hearing this list doesn’t discourage but instead offers a bit of perspective to consider while navigating and growing our female friendships. To help liberate yourself from frustration about not being invited, let’s skip the part of vilifying the person who didn’t do the inviting. The defensiveness, negativity and self-victimization will not mend the hurt feelings and only prolong the questioning of the integrity of the friendship itself.
Remain Curious
Try to remain curious and open about the 10 (possible) reasons, and take this as an opportunity to become a better friend, and person. To get one’s mind right about these situations, engage meaningfully and critically with each reason. If some don’t apply, that’s okay. And if some do, receive the idea holistically and be honest and gentle with yourself and the women in your friendship groups as the reflection process unfolds. 
The Bigger Picture
Having a better understanding of the bigger picture will help lead to better outcomes and actionable ideas. These situations can often feel like a personal attack, leading to extreme reactions and maybe even regrettable words exchanged amongst friends. This is not only uncomfortable for the offender, but can create an even more unstable feeling within the friendship.
Each (possible) reason is important to consider, and may apply to past and present moments that friendships have experienced. And still, communication trumps all. Your official friendship coach, Danielle Bayard Jackson provides context for these moments of uncertainty, and gives some reflective homework to help strengthen personal relationships and female friendships. Daneille reiterates, “We can’t make our needs met if we don’t make our desires known. Don’t underestimate the need to communicate your needs”.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation with a friend where you needed or wanted to say no, but struggled to find the right way to say it? Telling anyone, especially a friend, ‘no’ can be difficult, but neglecting this truth can create more problems down the road. In this episode, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson encourages women to assert affirmative boundaries. This tactic can help women stay true to their needs and feel more confident in their ‘no’ while maintaining strong female friendships.
Danielle Social Links:
You can book a private friendship coaching session here.
Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event.
We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today.
To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024.
Saying no doesn’t have to be hard. Whether you may be afraid to say no because you simply don’t want to do something or because you can’t, the act of saying no can still leave feelings of guilt. On the other hand, if the “yes” is falsely expressed, it can leave you feeling resentful instead. 
A solution? Affirmative boundaries. Here’s the formula: 
Establish common ground, express your boundary, offer your form of “yes”.
Friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson’s technique for setting affirmative boundaries involves ending the no statement with something uplifting and positive. Don’t be mistaken, some situations do require straightforward, unequivocal no’s. But in other cases, providing a softer negation can buffer the sting of rejection that the friend receiving it may feel. And as our friendship expert puts it, ultimately, “If we get a little more comfortable and equipped with our affirmative boundaries or affirmative no’s then it will help us to preserve our personal integrity while also maintaining connection in the friendship.”
Quell the Questioning
Similar to when you’re the recipient of a no, a friend’s decision can feel personal and it can lead to lots of questioning about the friendship. Questions as to whether she’s mad or not as invested. The mind can start spinning with wonders and what-ifs. When the assertion is provided in a way that’s productive – the friend clearly shares what they’re comfortable with while reassuring the other that the friendship is still good and the connection is strong – it can be more helpful and bonding than expected. Say a woman invited a group of friends to her luxurious bachelorette party, which requires a lot of personal expenses to be doled out ahead of time. For one of the ladies, this financial commitment causes stress and just isn’t possible at the moment. The friend shouldn’t feel the need to say yes and internally feel resentful or be super apologetic and ashamed that they can’t make it. It’s just a no, that may look like, “No, I actually can’t swing it, but when you’re back, come to my place and we’ll pop open some bubbly and you tell me everything!”. Showing that the friendship between women is still great and that there’s truly nothing to question or worry about.
Staying True To You
Social situations can also feel like a bind, but remember that it’s best to honor and be honest about your needs with the women that you care about (and who care about you too). If it’s getting too late during a night out with the girls but they’re begging you to stay, try using affirmative boundaries. No need to get fiery or aggressive with your reasoning for wanting to leave. A simple “No, not tonight but I’m looking forward to the next time” or “I’ll call you tomorrow to hear all about it.” still shows that you want to show up for your friends while maintaining your own needs. Be comfortable with taking care of yourself first, otherwise you as an individual may suffer and as a result

Not every apology is a good one. Honestly, a poor, half-hearted apology from a friend can feel worse than the harm that was caused. So why does it sometimes feel like apologizing isn’t enough? Let’s look at the context more closely. Whenever one wants to take ownership of the damage done to a friend an apology is owed. Even if there’s no interest in repairing the relationship, an apology is owed. It is an extension of a person's values to show accountability for the way their behaviors may have hurt another. In this episode, we clarify what makes a good apology, and three situations in which one should NOT apologize.
 
- You can book a private friendship coaching session here.
- Book Danielle Bayard Jackson -- friendship expert and educator-- to speak at your event.
- We save in-depth resources for our “group chat” members. Join today.
- To dive deeper into these topics and more, be on the lookout for Danielle Bayard Jackson’s book debut: "Fighting for Our Friendships" in the spring of 2024.
 
We often overlook the opportunity for connection with female friends through apologies. As the resident friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson sums it best, “If we all claim, ‘Hey, I want to be a better friend.’ Well, that starts with us.” So how do we make sure we’re getting the most potential to deepen our relationships, especially when going through a rough patch? Good apologies. One that uses the word apologize, acknowledges the harm done, and ends with intentions to repair and do better. Clear, intentional, and appropriately timed apologies, in the RIGHT situations. Here are some instances when an apology is not helpful.
Situation #1 – Repeat Offender (Apologizer) Think about a time when a person apologized for their behavior – maybe always canceling plans or drinking too much when you all went out – but continued to do the same actions again and again. What does the apology have to offer if there’s no intention behind it to do better? What is a true friendship without trust and mutual respect? Repeatedly apologizing without any change in behavior starts to tear into the fabric of security and trust in a friend’s word, diminishing the respect they have for the other. Don’t apologize when the intention behind it is empty and untrue.


Situation #2 – Getting Back to the Good Part If a friend is only apologizing to speed up the reconciliation process, they should not be saying sorry. Rushing through this moment to repair the harm one has caused a friend can be more unproductive than not apologizing at all. A person may want to quickly move forward and have their friend get over it because they are uncomfortable sitting in the hot seat. They may have an issue with being accountable, feeling threatened or called out, or responding to a heated conversation in a healthy way. Ultimately it can come across as dismissive of the friend’s feelings, and the integrity of the female friendship itself.
Situation #3 – Doing Too Much This one’s for the people pleasers. When people find themselves apologizing for any instance that may leave room for another to be mad at them, there needs to be a moment to pause. Some friends offer an apology when there’s been no wrong-doing or offense. Heck, sometimes an apology may slip out towards someone who caused harm to the one apologizing. Over-apologizing in female friendship occurs when a woman wants to eliminate any possibility of her friends having issues or any negative emotions toward her. It can act as a buffer for having honest and maybe uncomfortable conversations that may ultimately deepen the friendship. If this resonates, you’ll love the episode People-Pleaser Friends with boundaries expert, Terry Cole.
 
And as food-for-thought, friendship expert Danielle Bayard Jackson shares some reflective homework – What is your relationship with apologizing to other people? Think about apologies in your life recently, in a friendship con