My mom’s King Ranch Chicken casserole. My small hometown in East Texas. My eleventh grade choir teacher. Know what all of these things have in common? None of them are famous. None have been written about or sung about or reported on. You might call them “ordinary.”
Welcome to Ordinary People. Ordinary Things. Where we talk about all the things that we see and touch and fear and feel and eat and hope for - every day. Because that’s what life is, you know? It’s one miracle after another - we just get so used to seeing them...we call them ordinary.
“THE WORLD IS A SERIES OF MIRACLES. BUT WE’RE SO USED TO SEEING THEM WE JUST CALL THEM ORDINARY THINGS." - Hans Christian Anderson
There is going to be a very good chance that you think you know what I'm going to say on this podcast, but you don't. I can promise you that, because up until about 12 hours ago, I didn't even know what I was going to be saying on this podcast. I actually had an interview scheduled this week, but aren't we living in a time when we never know what's coming? This podcast wasn't in the cards for me either, so please keep listening until the end.
David Radke will be joining me on today's show. In order to earn a living, I create content. I write books. I travel and I speak. I write online courses and make funny videos. I advertise for companies that I love and trust. I do television sometimes. All of this has been upended in the last two weeks. Just like your life has been upended. All of the dates on my calendar for travel and speaking for the next several months are gone. Every one of them.
Like most of you, I have a side hustle. David and I have been working on the relaunch of Ink since November, but David suggested that we go with the relaunch of a course that would be more timely right now. He suggested we work on the relaunch of This Sucks...But God Is Good.
[04:38] Melissa agrees with David that now is the time for this course. [05:03] Melissa wants to come out of this with clarity and answers. She wants to be better and not worse. Lean in and not lean out. [06:22] We need to take advantage of this time and be wise with the time that we have been given. [07:00] We are going to relaunch This Sucks... But God Is Good. It's an online course that you take at your pace. It's a weekly email with videos. You get one lesson each Monday for six weeks. [08:32] You also get questions to help you clarify the concepts in your mind. Each lesson has four to five bite sized video lessons that totals around 45 minutes to an hour. The downloads are also available as audio for listening anytime. [09:00] There are also summaries, outlines, and transcripts for those who like to read. And a like-minded Facebook community to interact with. Melissa will also be there and will have some live chats with you all. She will also take and post questions. [09:31] She's there for you, answering your questions and challenging you as we go along. [09:55] Thousands of people have gone through this course already. If you have, go back through it and jump back into the group. The season you are in now is totally different than the season you were in. [11:01] Melissa created this course based on the journey that her and David went through suffering from infertility, miscarriages, and the birth and death of their son. [11:38] It's been for every woman and man who has been angry at God, because somewhere your train went off the tracks. [12:42] There is freedom in your life that is available to you through this course. [13:24] This course is regularly $67. We know you have so much going on that we can't offer it to you for that price. Because of the times we are in and what's going on we are going to offer this course to everyone for $1. [14:34] When you pay your dollar, you are free to pay whatever amount you want. You pay what you want to pay and what feels right for you. [17:21] If you've never taken a course like this, this is something that you have never experienced. [18:04] Melissa wants to share what she's been taught by a God that she finds so loving and so accepting. [18:32] This isn't your Grandma's bible study. We meet you where you are. [19:06] We love you so much. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.
Links and Resources:
Podcast Web Page Facebook Page Rise & Radke @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Sign Up for Insider Access Stream(H)er This Sucks...But God Is Good
I'm excited about today, because my guest is ordinary. She is ordinary, the topic is ordinary, and you all know how I feel about ordinary. We talk about a mundane event that lots of people go through, but she is handling it in extraordinary ways. I haven't done a podcast on this subject, yet it's so prevalent. I'm talking about divorce.
Last fall, I met Kelly Mathews, and I thought she was so kind and so beautiful, but her story was painful. It was the story of a loss of a relationship and the loss of a marriage. When I met her, I was wondering how she was still standing and still smiling. I was thinking, this is what grace looks like. Kelly embodies grace and teaches us how to do that.
She describes herself as a single white female (without being scary), CPA (but better dressed than you are probably imagining!), who started a boutique accounting firm in the second bedroom of her house 16 years ago.
She is a proud mother of a thoughtful teenage daughter (although it sounds like an oxymoron - thoughtful teenager - she’s blessed to actually have one). Her superpower is that strangers are very comfortable talking to her, and they typically tell her whatever is on their mind...even if it’s a secret.
[04:33] Kelly's people are her family and friends. She has a fabulous relationship with her daughter. Kelly is also super close to her parents who live 30 minutes away from her. She plays Bunco with her friends. [06:13] Kelly has been blessed to have groups of people who have supported her throughout her life. [07:39] Kelly and her husband dropped their daughter off at camp and then went on a date to a movie. When they got home her husband of 18 years asked for a separation. The next evening he asked for a divorce and moved out two days later. [09:26] Kelly picked her daughter up from camp on her own. That was three years ago. [14:04] The first thing Kelly did to survive was get up everyday and face the day. You create the new normal based on what you know. She also knew she needed a support team for her and her daughter. [18:14] It's important to tell your support group what your needs are. [19:02] The divorce almost broke her. She wanted to dull what she was feeling. She decided to live through the experience and deal with her hurt. It's hard to choose the most difficult path. [22:18] She had to work through her anger and work through that stage of recovery. [26:07] A powerful statement is, "you were wronged." You feel what you feel and that's what you feel. Kelly realized her emotions were so out of character. She has swinging emotions. Feeling her feelings was so freeing. [28:37] A Bunco friend told her that she had turned a corner. Her anger had ebbed. Her friend recognized it without prompting. [31:41] Things not to say include, "you will be so lonely" and "are you dating." [38:03] Kelly is happy with where her life is and the choices that she has made after the divorce. She is healthy and rested now. She was running on life's treadmill. She had time to think about things and decided to use that time for good. [41:16] She's being true to who she is and who she wants to be. [44:23] She also created a decision tree about how she was going to deal with questions from her ex-husband. [48:44] Be interesting because of who you are. Kelly writes down new things that she wants to try. She has done extensive heart work. [51:16] Kelly shares her favorite hometown restaurant, friendship, and maybe some Julia Roberts. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.
Links and Resources:
Podcast Web Page Facebook Page Rise & Radke @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Sign Up for Insider Access Stream(H)er Kelly Mathews on Instagram
Over the next two weeks, we will be talking to women who were suddenly faced with a decision. Maybe the decision came after years of being at a dead-end job, and they simply had had enough. Maybe, it came after a divorce. We will be talking to these women who found themselves having to make a choice about what will be next. What will they do? Will they live? Will they die? Will they get stuck? Will they continue waking up every day putting one foot in front of the other? There are some really powerful and relatable stories coming your way over the next couple of weeks.
Our Guest today had no idea what she was in for. Denise Walsh was a clinical psychologist at a local community health clinic for five years. Denise loves people and likes helping people. She soon realized that in that environment, it was more about the paperwork and the policies then it was about the people. Denise left there and now serves people in a way that she has always dreamed about. She encourages people to take action on their God-sized dreams. For me, this podcast turned into a therapy session. Denise is a business coach and has a heart for kicking your butt and helping you grow. She teaches the skills to design your dream life and knows we can truly thrive in all areas of our lives.
[03:35] Denise got her Masters in Clinical Psychology from Wheaton College. Throughout high school, she was a counselor at a youth group mission camp. [04:16] She then worked with foster kids in New York City. She fell in love with those kids. They were in and out of homes and certainly had traumatic experiences and didn't realize their own potential. [05:04] She then got a job working in community health, and it turned out to be a burnout experience. She was overworked and underpaid. She worked with a population that didn't really want help. Her passion for her career and life was starting to fade. [06:16] She knew she needed to find something different and became a distributor for a health and wellness company. Over the past 13 years, she has built a worldwide team and impacted people in a way that she never could at her previous job. [08:08] She helps people figure out what they want and create an action plan to get it. We can't make a pivot if we're not clear about what we want. [09:54] You can thrive in your family and in your business. You don't have to choose. [10:19] Sometimes we get intimidated by God-sized goals and self-sabotage ourselves. [12:37] It's that one step in front of the other that leads to the next step. When we take steps the next one comes. [14:37] When you tap into your passion and excitement, it's natural for you. You'll find the energy and the courage to take the next step. [15:56] Get clear on what you want in the seven areas of life which are family, friendship, finances, health, hobbies, business, and giving back. Write where you are now and then imagine what it would be like if it were a 10. [17:13] Once you know your priorities, you can actually go out and do them. Put it on your calendar. [19:33] Find the goal you want to make happen and rearrange your schedule to do so. Know what you're going to do every day. [21:21] Be intentional with your time and ask for help. It's okay to say no to things. [24:45] Setting your internal GPS is deciding what goal is next for you and speaking life into it. Talk about it in a way that it is happening. [26:01] Melissa wants to find the time to work on her next book. Denise helps her work through setting her internal GPS. [28:18] Watch out for limiting beliefs and self-sabotage. [30:53] Melissa wants to live in a way where she has things to offer the world. She doesn't want to just drift. She wants to have a plan. [31:45] Denise shares a couple of inspirational stories of people that she has coached. [35:34] Be intentional with the gifts that God has given you and say yes to that s
Dr. Justin Coulson is an honorary fellow at the Center for Positive Psychology at the University of Melbourne. He has three best-selling books about family life and parenting. He writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, family, and well-being. He's a TEDx speaker and a regular TV expert guest. He's a contributor to major Australian media outlets. He's also contributed to the New York Times.
He had a successful radio career and then returned to school in his late 20's where he earned his psychology degree and his PhD in psychology. Since then he has written multiple peer-reviewed journal articles and scholarly book chapters. He is also a highly sought-after international speaker delivering keynote speeches and workshops to boost well-being and improve relationships for parents, teachers, students and employees and students.
I discovered Dr. Coulson through a friend's social media. When I saw his post, I just thought that he was doing good. He's not yelling fire in a crowded theater, he's getting to the heart of our teens. He's specifically getting to the heart of our daughters, because he's the father of six daughters. Dr. Coulson has written a book called Miss-connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter 'Hates' You, Expects the World and Needs to Talk. You are going to love this interview and how he gets emotional talking about our girls.
[07:55] During conferences Dr. Coulson is consistently getting messages about how the world is destroying our teenagers. His experience is that they aren't dealing with these mass challenges. [09:14] The problems facing our teens are actually more mundane problems. [09:50] Parents and teens are just wanting to connect and get along. [10:29] Miss-Connection is ultimately about the deep desire our children have to be close to us and we have to be close to them. [11:59] Dr. Coulson interviewed and surveyed around 400 teenage girls. Their voices are front and center in the book. [13:17] Why we parent matters more than how we parent. [15:29] If my why is around developing this child into the best human that they can be that means that when they're being challenging I'm going to be more compassionate. [18:36] We need to see our children's behavior as opportunities to connect. When a child is being challenged, they are going to be challenging. We need to find the best in them. [20:44] You can show your child that if you can name it, you can tame it. [21:41] Keep giving our children these moments because they do want the connection. Give them some time and space and keep trying. [22:52] We need to be our kids' ally and have stretched out arms and compassion. [27:08] Friendship challenges are difficult for our daughters. There is a constant realignment for girls in their peer groups. [28:32] Girls are much more likely to ruminate about relationships. [29:52] Research tells us that our daughters need to go through an identity finding process during adolescence. Kids need an opportunity to do the deep inner work that comes from quiet contemplation. There are too many distractions. [31:46] The whole family should come together and talk about values. [36:02] When we invest the time, kids feel the love. Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.
Links and Resources:
Podcast Web Page Facebook Page Rise & Radke @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Sign Up for Insider Access Stream(H)er Happy Families Happy Families on Facebook Dr. Justin Coulson on Instagram Miss-connection: Why Your Teenage Daughter 'Hates' You, Expects the World and Needs to Talk Other Books by Justin Coulson Miss-Connection on Happy Families Raising rebels | Dr. Justin Coulson | TEDxMelbourne Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and Encouragem
Nurse Katherine Answers Your Questions
Katherine is a nurse practitioner who worked for many years at a very good OBGYN practice here in town. She left this practice to go work at the health clinic. A month later, she said it was one of the most fulfilling things ever. She's working with people and especially teenagers on the issues that are the most near and dear to her heart. Her work is about sex and our bodies.
ReRelease of 3.15 This Christmas
This is the first time I've rereleased an episode. I'm interupting our season on teens, social media and sex to rerelease an episode that came out around Christmas time with my friend Billie Jean Johnson. This was a powerful episode. I heard from so many of you that this episode moved you, challenged you, and made you think that you might want something more or different from your life. Billie Jean was facing one of the hardest challenges of her life, and she lost. At least, here on Earth.
On Thursday February 13th, Billie Jean took her last breath. Now she is probably healthier and happier than I've ever seen her. Which is saying something, because I'm pretty sure Billie Jean was happy 99% of the time. If you're looking at Earthly standards then I guess Billie Jean lost. If you're looking at what cancer wins and what people lose, then she lost. If you're anything like me, her husband, or her kids you know she didn't lose. She won everything she was fighting for.
To remember Billie Jean Johnson, I'm rereleasing this episode. I'm going to miss Billie Jean. I'm going to take with me lessons that she taught me when we sat face to face towards the end of her life. If you haven't listened to this episode, here's your chance. Think about this family this week. We’ll have a service for her this coming Saturday the 22nd. No doubt, it will be packed. She touched so many people. Her work here is done and ours is just beginning. This is for Billie Jean.
[07:50] Billy Jean’s go-to meal in Lufkin would be a turkey burger from Mom's Diner. [07:57] Friendship means family and being there through the good and the ugly. [08:23] Every one Billie Jean knows has risen to this season. [09:16] Billie Jean has many roles and the actress who would play her might surprise you. [09:47] Billie Jean has always been an optimistic person. She believes that God is good and only gives good gifts. [10:22] Her perspective on life is taking care of what God has put her here to do and nothing else matters. [11:43] Her family is her greatest testimony, so she's letting them see how she can live and die graciously. [14:15] Billie Jean had a great health report from the doctor. Two weeks later they went back to the doctor, and found out that the tumors had grown. There were so many tumors that Billie Jean wouldn't make it through the surgery to remove them. [15:20] When Billie Jean and her husband heard this news, they were shocked. [16:25] Billie Jean doesn't worry about the fear of dying, it's what she leaves behind that has to wrestle with the pain. [17:20] Years ago, Billie Jean dealt with losing her dad from addiction and her sister's addiction. She then took care of her sister's children. The whole experience was an emotional roller coaster for Billie Jean. [18:31] She cried out to God, and he took the pain away from her. [21:31] She can't complain about cancer or ask God for anymore, because of all the wonderful things he has done for her in this life. [22:29] Billie Jean trusts that God's going to help take care of her family. She believes that whatever the reason for all of this is that God's fulfilling his purpose. [23:19] Moms want to prepare their children as much as they can, but they don't really know how. We don't know what we're doing, but what we do know is that we're going to be gracious to each other. [25:48] Billie Jean's relationship with God is very sweet. [25:43] When she is really having a hard day, she listens to worship music and let's her family know she loves them. [27:39] God's love is so rich. If your emotions aren't benefiting, you try something else. Don't stop talking to him, and he won't leave you stranded. [29:28] Billie Jean used to think that she was introverted and didn't have friends, but the love and support of her community has been overwhelming. [29:58] Treat everybody well, becau
I just binged on all of your episodes today and I feel like I have made a new friend (or two)! Nothing beats hanging with Melissa when you’ve got to fold the laundry and clean the bathroom. Thanks for coming into my home and not judging me on the state it’s in! I loved the teaching and the banter. Only a genius can make forgiveness fun and I just love that your pastor is hilarious too! What is going on out there in Texas? I need to visit. Can’t wait for next Tuesday!!!