TILT Parenting: Raising Differently Wired Kids Debbie Reber

I’m extremely interested in Dr. Stephen Porges’ Polyvagal theory and the context it offers for understanding the nervous system experience of our kids. So I was especially interested when my guest’s book, Staying Connected With Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies To Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, and Build Authentic Connection, came onto my radar. Yshai Boussi is the founder of Portland Family Counseling, a therapy practice that specializes in helping children, adolescents, families, and parents. His focus is mentoring at-risk youth, working in residential treatment facilities, and leading intensive experiential workshops for at-risk youth, and he’s adept at applying polyvagal theory to helping parents foster deeper connection and reduce conflict.
In this conversation, we discussed how to build and maintain supportive relationships with teens, the crucial difference between "acceptance" and "agreement" when validating a teen's emotional experience, the power of co-regulation, and how a child's state of regulation affects their "story" and meaning-making about themselves and their experiences. A lot of great takeaways in this one, and I will admit to sending the rough cut to my husband Derin to listen to because I found so much of what we discussed highly relevant — I didn’t want to wait!
 
About Yshai Boussi
Yshai Boussi is a Licensed Professional Counselor and has been working with youth and families for over 20 years. He is the founder of Portland Family Counseling, a therapy practice that specializes in helping children, adolescents, families and parents. His experience includes mentoring at risk youth, working in residential treatment facilities and leading intensive experiential workshops for at risk youth. As a systems trained family therapist since 2003, Yshai has worked extensively in community mental health settings as well as private practice. In addition to working professionally, he and his wife Mariah (also a therapist) are proud parents of a 15 year-old daughter, 12 year-old son, and adult foster son. Yshai is the author of the newly released book, Staying Connected With Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies To Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, and Build Authentic Connection.
 
Things you'll learn from this episode

Why today’s teens feel so disconnected and lonely

How P.A.C.E. (Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity, Empathy) is the “attitude of connection” when it comes to engaging with teenagers

What the difference between “acceptance” and “agreement” is when it comes to validating a teen’s emotional experience

What the Polyvagal Theory is and awareness of its role can help us understand and better support struggling adolescents

Why a child's state of regulation in any given moment affects their “story” and meaning-making about themselves and their experiences

Why one of the most powerful things an adult can do for a teenager is to co-regulate

 
Resources mentioned for:

Yshai Boussi’s website


Staying Connected With Your Teen: Polyvagal Parenting Strategies To Reduce Reactivity, Set Limits, and Build Authentic Connection by Yshai Boussi

Yshai Boussi on Instagram

Deb Dana’s website, Rhythm of Regulation


Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory by Deb Dana


Deb Dana on Befriending Our Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (podcast episode)

Dr. John Duffy’s website


Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety: A Complete Guide to Your Child’s Stressed, Depressed, Expanded, Amazing Adolescence by Dr. John Duffy


Parenting the New Teen in the Age of Anxiety, with Dr. John Duffy (podcast episode)

Dr. Daniel Hughes and PACE

Revelations in Education, Dr. Lori Desautel’s website


Intentional Neuroplasticity: Our Educational Journey Towards Post Traumatic Growth by Dr. Lori Desautels


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Independent filmmaker Marc Smolowitz (13th Gen) talks about his upcoming film "The G Word", which tackles issues related to giftedness, equity, and social justice for a broad audience.
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I refer to Dr. Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) model in just about every talk I give to a parent community. Dr. Greene’s quote “Kids do well when they can” changed my life when I first read it about 15 years ago, and it remains as powerful today. So I was especially excited to welcome back to the show child psychologist and author Dr. Ross Greene to talk about how his problem solving model can be effectively used with very young children, even infants.
If you are new to CPS, I highly encourage you to go back and listen to our first conversation for the show, where we explored this approach in detail. But in the meantime, in this conversation we delved into why it’s crucial to shift from a compliance-focused approach to one of collaboration and understanding, even starting as early as age two. We also talked about how what we often label as a "difficult baby" is actually an infant struggling to meet our expectations, how using CPS can significantly enhance their well-being, and why we want to question the underlying reasons behind adult concerns — all of these are concept explored in the powerful new documentary, It's Never Too Early: CPS with Very Young Kids.
Ross W. Greene, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist and the originator of the innovative, evidence-based approach called Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS), as described in his influential books The Explosive Child, Lost at School, Lost & Found, and Raising Human Beings. He also developed and executive produced the award-winning documentary film The Kids We Lose, released in 2018. Dr. Greene was on the faculty at Harvard Medical School for over 20 years, and is now founding director of the non-profit Lives in the Balance. He is also currently adjunct Professor in the Department of Psychology at Virginia Tech and adjunct Professor in the Faculty of Science at the University of Technology in Sydney, Australia. Dr. Greene has worked with several thousand kids with concerning behaviors and their caregivers, and he and his colleagues have overseen implementation and evaluation of the CPS model in countless schools, inpatient psychiatric units, and residential and juvenile detention facilities, with dramatic effect: significant reductions in recidivism, discipline referrals, detentions, suspensions, and use of restraint and seclusion.
 


Never Too Early: CPS with Young Kids (documentary)


The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Dr. Ross Greene


Lives in the Balance (Dr. Greene’s website)


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This episode features a conversation with licensed clinical psychologist and board certified dance/movement therapist, Dr. Lori Baudino. Dr. Baudino provides therapeutic support to assist parents in understanding, handling, and accepting the challenges of parenting and the complexities of a developing child. She specializes in supporting children identified with special needs, including those with learning disabilities, early life traumas, academic/behavioral/emotional challenges, children on the Autism Spectrum, and with chronic acute illnesses.
In our conversation, we talk about the mind-body connection, and how teaching differently wired kids to tap into this relationship and understand their body’s unique language can be a valuable tool as they learn to regulate their emotions, better understand social communication, and more.
 
About Dr. Baudino: Dr. Lori Baudino has been a practicing clinician for over a decade. She received her doctorate in Clinical Psychology and Masters in Creative Arts Therapy – Dance/Movement Therapy, which identifies symptoms and creates ways to express psychological and emotional experiences through the mind/body connection, ultimately transforming words into action. Dr. Baudino is the National Clinical Spokesperson for The Andréa Rizzo Foundation. With their sole funding, she brought the first Dance/Movement Therapy Programs to UCLA Mattel Children’s Hospital and Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, where she provides bedside therapy to children with cancer, special needs and terminal illness. She has specialized in supervising, facilitating, and providing treatment for children with special needs and their families, and has worked in psychiatric hospitals and at rehabilitation centers for trauma, addiction, and pain management. Learn more at Dr. Lori Baudino.
 
Things You'll Learn From This Episode:

What “body knowledge” is and why it’s so important for differently wired kids

How the mind and body are connected

How to learn how to recognize the body language and movement profiles of rigidity, tantrums, and more

The ways in which body knowledge can support a child’s development

How we can learn to be tuned in to our child’s body language

How Dr. Baudino uses movement and physical play to help children better understand their emotions

What mind-body integration means and why this is what we’re going for



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In this solocast, Debbie Reber answers a listener question about what she does to recharge, fill her energetic and emotional reserves, and make time for herself.
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Many parents of neurodivergent kids end up homeschooling at some point or another, for a period of time — some by choice, some because the school environment stopped being the right fit for our kids. If homeschooling is something you’ve considered, have done, or are currently doing,you are going to love this episode. I’m joined by Maren Goerss and Angela Sizer, two former teachers turned homeschooling parents and advocates, the hosts of the Homeschool Unrefined podcast, and the authors of the new book Think Differently About Learning: A Homeschool Where Parents and Children Thrive.
I loved this conversation where we explored homeschooling from many different angles, including considerations when homeschooling neurodivergent kids, the common barriers parents face, and why trusting the process and our children is crucial, yet challenging, in a homeschooling environment. We also talk about way viewing children as individuals worthy of respect and autonomy can revolutionize the learning experience, and how following our children's interests can lead to more meaningful and effective education.
Angela Sizer earned her Master’s in Teaching and taught in public schools for seven years. For a decade, she homeschooled her own children and loved watching them explore their passions and get excited about learning. These experiences strengthened Angela’s commitment to respecting how children learn and highlighted the role neurodivergence and mental health play in the process.
Maren Goerss has her Master’s in Education and taught elementary school for eight years. As part of a neurodivergent family, Maren sees learning differences as superpowers and leans into their strengths. After being a homeschool parent for years, Maren has become an ADHD parent and life coach.
Together, Angela and Maren created the podcast, Homeschool Unrefined, in 2016 to share their experience and knowledge as educators and homeschoolers while encouraging parents to notice how their children are always learning. Their podcast and book are a call to parents to reconsider their expectations of their children and themselves. They advocate for doing less, leaning into strengths, and enjoying the process.

 
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