The Boundaries.me Podcast Dr. Henry Cloud

You may think you are a separate and free person when you look in the mirror. You’re not physically attached to someone else. As a person connected to others through relationships however you might not be the free and separate person you see in the mirror. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about how so many of us are not free and separate people within our relationships. You might not be in charge of making decisions, someone might be controlling the decisions and behaviors that should be yours! Here’s the question: Right now, do you have any relationships where you don’t experience yourself as free to make your own choices without losing love? Free to make your own choices without a guilt trip being put on you? Free to make your own choices without them pouting and feeling abandoned? Dr. Cloud teaches you ways to start regaining your freedom by using boundaries to limit the control others have over you. 
 
Audience Write-in Question:
My boyfriend gets jealous easily, but my friends say that means he really loves me. Is that true, or is this a problem?
 
Kimberly has a 23 year old son that went through a truly terrible break up. He’s extremely depressed. She and her husband are actively getting them help but they don’t know what to do next.
 
Sal’s wife wants a divorce. She’s said she doesn’t love him and doesn’t know if she ever really did. What can he do to open up communication and how can he deal with the heartache?
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
 

Much of how we bond and attach to others is formed in early childhood. Dr. Henry Cloud shows you how to look at your attachment style and find ways to get to a secure attachment. The attachments you have early on, whether healthy, inconsistent, or toxic, will have a huge affect on you. How do you experience your need for others? This is a critical aspect to how you attach. When your relationship with your needs are filled with conflict your attachment will be unsteady. Dr. Cloud breaks down the contributing factors that lead to secure attachment. This is a big talk, but you’ll understand so much more about how and why you’re having trouble with your attachments.
 
Audience Question:
I suspect my boundaries need some maintenance. What are the signs I can look for that will tell me if I need to set stronger boundaries?
 
Jackie recently had a second child. Some of the women in her family are critical of her for not losing her baby weight like she did with her first child. How can she get them to drop the subject as it’s not helping and making her not want to see them?
 
Jacqueline needs to unfriend someone. The silent treatment isn’t working. Is there a good way to break off a friendship and go no-contact?
 
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
 

By and large, personality type tests are very helpful as an initial assessment tool. But Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to get a better understanding of what they are actually useful for and where they fall short. One of the great things about them is that they allow us to see that a person’s behavior might not be coming from some malicious place, but from a propensity based on their personality. That's a huge step forward in building healthy relationships! Here’s the problem: a lot of people will take these tests and see themselves and others in a fixed way. While the personality tests can show the result of certain traits, they don’t explain the “why” of it. Dr. Cloud walks us through the polarity of personality tests and how to use these types of tests in a more holistic way. 
 
Written question:
My partner insists we stay up all night if we fight, saying we shouldn't go to bed mad. But this makes everything worse! Am I wrong for needing space?
 
Jessica has an estranged relationship with her mom and needs advice. Can she follow the Bible and honor her mother while also not communicating with her?
 
Maria is dealing with a triangulation problem. She’s separated from her husband and he is using her mother to persuade her. How can she stop this from happening?
 
Jenny’s mother has a drinking problem. She is constantly drinking wine and now she’s falling often. How can she encourage her to get help when her mother gets angry whenever the subject is brought up?
 
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
 

What thoughts come to mind when you think of responsibility? Is it burdensome, negative, or toxic? If you think that you’re not alone. The word often gets twisted during our upbringing because it’s brought down on you, it’s used in a repressive and toxic way. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think differently about responsibility. Outside pressure and duty are often associated with responsibilities, and if those extrinsic factors went away you would not keep those responsibilities. Dr. Cloud elaborates on how to transform the external side of responsibility into internal choice. How you think about your responsibilities as a choice is critical for developing empowerment in your life. Reality will always hold you responsible, but whether you take responsibility for your role in what happens has to be your choice. 
 
Write-in question of the day:
I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?
 
Jill stores trauma from her past in her body. She gets tense pains in her neck, back, shoulders, and stomach when she needs to speak up for herself around the family that caused the trauma.
 
Jennifer and her husband are in disagreement about their church. Her husband is against the core principles of his church but she wants to stay.
 
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
 

You may have heard from this show that motivation is not correlated with goal achievement–in fact it can be inversely correlated with it. What then are the factors that have the biggest impact on accomplishing goals? Dr. Henry Cloud shows us that what matters most is first the belief that your goal can be achieved. The second factor is prioritization. In this short talk, Dr. Cloud will help you get clear about what really works for making things happen in your life. Remember, if everything is a priority, nothing is a priority.
 
Write-in Question:
I haven't spoken to my son in several years and it's the most painful loss I've ever experienced. His father was very hard on him. Too hard, and I didn't step in when I should have. He was a very stern man. Never physically abusive, but highly judgmental and not an ounce of love to give. I'm now divorced and I want to reconnect with my son but he isn't returning my calls. What can I do?
 
Jaret got divorced 2 year ago and wants to reconcile the marriage. His big question is whether his desire to reconcile is coming from a good place or a place of fear.
 
Kathy lives with a friend that’s a hoarder. When Kathy throws things away they find their way back into the house. How can she confront the friend in a peaceful way about starting the cleanup process?
 
Laura feels stuck in a pattern of self-betrayal. She’s a journalist and doesn’t feel comfortable talking about her faith at work.
 
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
 

“Resilience” is a word that is thrown around a lot these days, and for good reason. We could all use a little more of it. But what is resilience, and how does one become more resilient? Dr. Henry Cloud breaks down the subject like this: There are negative events in your life from a small problem to something potentially catastrophic. Those are the external things that happen. Resilience lies within the person responding to those events. How you see yourself, how you view your own strength and confidence, the experiences you have had–all of these lead to your resilience. Your resilience is your capacity to deal with these challenges that come into your life. So how can you change your capacity? Your words. Dr. Cloud wants you to look at your words, and to understand how much they can affect your resiliency. How you say things to yourself about what’s happening directly influences how you interpret the event and its outcome. 
 
Write-in Question:
I've dealt with a lot of anxiety in the past, both social anxiety and just general panic-y feelings, crippling self-doubt. This has gone on forever. But lately my friends have been saying they think I have ADHD. They've been sending me memes about ADHD and saying, "This is SO you!" And I have to admit. It is! A friend said there is a connection between ADHD and anxiety. Is that true?
 
Tina has a son with severe mental illnesses. He’s 38 and is refusing medication. What are her option before involuntary commitment?
 
Kathleen wants to know when she should stop hoping for further improvements in her husband. He has bipolar disorder and has made great strides but is plateauing in his growth. How can she encourage him to keep growing when he might already be maxed out?
 
Beth’s husband is emotionally immature. Their therapist has confirmed what she already knows: he can’t take feedback and gets defensive easily. What are some strategies for getting him on the right track?
 
Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud