#7: Step 1: Start With Knowing What Isn't Working Boundaries Queen

If you tuned in to the previous episode, you already know the basics of my 6-step boundaries clarifying process. To get beyond the basics, I’m going to do a series of six episodes, one for each step of the process—and this is the first of that series. 
Today, I’ll explore the first step of the process, which involves getting very clear about the problem. You’ll hear me say this several times in the episode, but one of the biggest things I want you to take away from listening is that you need to focus on one specific event or incident, not an ongoing pattern.
One final note: as you work through this 6-step process, keep in mind that boundaries work the same way in all adult-to-adult relationships. You might make different decisions based on who the other person involved is, but the process itself is the same regardless of the other person’s relationship to you.

 
Biggest Takeaways From Episode #7:
In this process, you can’t focus on a pattern of behavior or a repeated situation. Step 1, today’s topic, is all about getting clear on the problem and identifying a specific situation instead of a pattern (yes, even if it’s hard to focus on just one incident!).
There are various signs that suggest you may need a boundary without realizing it. These include encountering points of stress, feeling emotional pain, experiencing severe consequences in relationships, or being unable to resolve a disagreement.
Pay attention to what isn’t working for you. It’s easy to focus on what isn’t working for the other person or on what they want, but it’s important to establish what you want and figure out how to honor that.

Highlights from Episode #7:
Welcome to the seventh episode of the Boundaries Queen Podcast! [00:31]
Victoria explains that the six-step process applies to any boundary with anyone, and doesn’t vary depending on who the other person is. [02:16]
This episode will involve various examples of situations where it might not be obvious that you need a boundary. [05:14]
Experiencing stressful situations, having arguments, or painful relationship patterns can indicate that you might need to create limits. [10:06]
We learn some guidelines that can indicate the need for a boundary. [12:22]
Victoria talks about one of the most important factors in working through step 1. [15:01]
Experiencing a severe consequence or not being able to resolve a disagreement can be a sign that you need a boundary. [18:54]
The frequency or perceived quality of sexual intimacy is a frequent area of ongoing disagreement. [22:15]
Disagreements about money can also signal a need for boundaries. [23:54]
Experiencing a broken agreement or commitment indicates that something isn’t working. Victoria gives some advice on what to do if this happens. [25:17]
We hear two pro tips for how to work your way through step 1 successfully. [27:43]
Victoria created a 6-Step Boundaries Clarifier FREE eWorkbook to help you walk through the steps of this process. [31:04]
We hear a quick recap of this episode and a brief introduction to what’s coming in next week’s episode. Finally, if you’re listening to this episode before May 7, 2024, you can still take advantage of Victoria’s preorder bonuses for Personal Boundaries for Dummies. [31:26]



Links and Resources:
Preorder bonuses for Personal Boundaries for Dummies
Personal Boundaries For Dummies on Amazon
Victoria Priya
Beyond Bitchy podcast
6-Step Boundaries Clarifier FREE eWorkbook