Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Melanie Curtin
  • 4.4 (27)
  • SEXUALITY
  • UPDATED WEEKLY
Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen

  1. 1 DAY AGO

    345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder) (ft. Violet Lange)

    Ever been with a woman partner who was emotionally volatile? Ever felt like you were walking on eggshells, or that no matter what you did it wasn't enough and she was always disappointed in you? If so, she may have had Borderline Personality Disorder ... or at least traits of it. More people are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) than schizophrenia and bipolar combined, yet few are familiar with it. Some mental health professionals estimate that a whopping 10% of the population contends with BPD, which psychologists are working to get renamed Emotional Regulation Disorder. Here, we break down the 4 archetypes of Borderline women, and their male counterparts. Much of this is gleaned from Christine Lawson's book Understanding the Borderline Mother. We also go over the ways each of the male archetypes can heal from the intense and unstable, exhausting, and often depleting relationship dynamics involved. Remember: growth and healing are always possible, and nothing is set in stone. Personal growth works, so work it. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men episode 128: Feel like you’re walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality DisorderDear Men episode 313: GuyTalk: Life after being with a BPD partner (Borderline Personality Disorder)Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder (book)Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (book)Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents (book)Subreddit for BPD Loved Ones --- Want to support wildfire survivors in the LA area? Go here. They list the families in the most dire need at the top. The long URL is: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1pK5omSsD4KGhjEHCVgcVw-rd4FZP9haoijEx1mSAm5c/htmlview --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"'Children are the first to recognize and the last to admit that something is wrong with their mother.'" (from Understanding the Borderline Mother)"My wife is the fortress and I’m here to protect that.""There’s a theme of icing people out.""I’m willing to leave the relationship if you/we don’t get help.""You CAN change your patterns of attraction."

    1h 41m

  2. JAN 17

    344: 3 dating myths to let go of immediately (ft. Jason Lange)

    Are you gettin' out onto the dating scene in 2025? Whether you're newly single, a refugee from the world of pickup, recently divorced, or you've been dating for a while now, there are a few myths we see as obsolete that we wanted to bust. Sex, dating, and relationships can be confusing territory, and there are a lot of dos and don'ts when it comes to dating in the modern world. This is especially true in a post-#MeToo culture, where a lot of men have deep-seated concerns around coming off as creepy. If you've ever wondered whether it's "right" to text her right away (will you come off as thirsty if you text too soon?), whether you need to hide your nervousness (hint: you don't), or how to ask her out respectfully, listen on. If you're looking for pickup artist nonsense, you won't get it here. But if you're seeking attuned, loving dating advice for men from people who deeply care about men, women, and all human beings -- and staying openhearted -- then you're in the right spot. --- Mentioned on this episode:Dear Men 138: GirlTalk: When to text her vs. call her!Dear Men 274: How do you make sure you're not coming across as creepy?Dear Men 296: What does it actually mean to step into your power?Dear Men 332: Ever gone into freeze? Here’s what’s actually going on--- Memorable quotes from this episode:"I don’t want to ever make anyone else feel uncomfortable, so I want them to initiate and drive.""There’s a belief that I need to hide my attraction or first establish a friendly relationship.""It’s another type of pressure men carry about a certain way they have to be in order to be seen as worthy.""Seven years into your marriage you’re still going to have to share something that’s scary."

    48 min

  3. JAN 10

    343: A quality women yearn for in relationship (but rarely talk about) (ft. Scott Kaltenbaugh)

    There's a certain quality in men that a lot of women long for -- and I mean long for it from the depths of their beings -- but often don't talk about. Why don't they? Because a lot of women (myself included) hold a certain amount of shame around wanting it in the first place. And what is the quality? It's an aspect of healthy masculinity that we don't often discuss, but we're putting front and center here. I've also noticed that in every chick lit novel I've ever read (a version of romance), men exhibit this quality, and the women melt for it. When I myself read the books and these parts come up, my whole body relaxes. This is a quality that builds immense emotional safety in a relationship, whether you're still in the dating phase or you're married. If you want to be her hero and have her feel truly safe with you, listen on! --- Memorable quotes from this episode:"The women I was first attracted to were those I perceived as needing help, support, a savior.""The excess of the caregiver archetype is the martyr.""It’s about making the other person’s life just a little bit easier.""We don’t ask for it because we feel like we’re too much.""True nurturing is laying the groundwork around you — letting you grow in the fullness of yourself."--- Mentioned on this episode: One of our favorite songs: Banks by NEEDTOBREATHEScott's organization, The Inspiring Men ProjectDear Men episode 128: Feel like you're walking on eggshells? Recognizing Borderline Personality Disorder

    1h 40m

  4. JAN 3

    342: Are you scared of her big feelings? This may help. (ft. Jason Lange) [replay]

    Ever felt intimidated when your woman was upset (about something that involved you)? Ever gotten defensive, stonewalled, or made her wrong -- "that's not what I meant, so you shouldn't feel that way"? You're not alone! And there's a high cost; this can be exhausting for you. Whether you're just dating or married, if you're at the mercy of her feelings, you likely feel out of control. You're only OK if she's OK. And you're not OK if she's not OK. The truth is, holding space for a woman’s upset or hurt is one of the most profound ways you can love her. It also builds safety in a relationship in a way nothing else can. Learn to do this skillfully, and you will experience true freedom in relationship. Bonus? You knowing how to hold her full range of expression will als leads to very hot sex. ;) When she feels deeply accepted and held, even in her "big" feelings, she will often open to you like a gorgeous, radiant flower.

    53 min

  5. 2024-12-27

    341: GirlTalk: The most important relationship skill of them all

    When it comes to love relationships, whether you're dating or in a committed, long-term relationship, there's one place where you need to be skillful or it will all just fall apart. It might not happen right away; you might get through the honeymoon period or even get married and it might be fine. But little by little, if this skill isn't developed and you as a couple can't "get there," you're very likely to end up in a sexless relationship, or a volatile one that you feel like you can't get out of. Here we get vulnerable about what we've seen not work in this area, and what we've seen be uplifting and helpful. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    1h 12m

  6. 2024-12-20

    340: Top 3 traits we've seen Nice Guys develop to get what they want! (ft. Jason Lange)

    We've worked with a lot of men who fit into the category of Nice Guys (a la Dr. Robert Glover's famous book, No More Mr. Nice Guy). And we've witnessed tremendous grown, the breaking of old patterns and habits, and astounding progress in these men. Here, we discuss the top 3 things we've seen Nice Guys do to get to get what they want -- and how to transform in ways that are lasting. We discuss patterns that lead to breakthroughs, and celebrate the wins of men who've experienced them. Remember: Even when things feel hopeless or stuck, someone has come before you. You are not alone, and personal growth work works. Keep the faith. We are with you. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/) --- Memorable quotes from this episode:“She likes me for emotional support, but she’s not attracted to me.”“Now I don’t have to hold that, ‘What if?’”“You don’t have to get stuck in the purgatory that a lot of Nice Guys are in.”“He really just owned it.”“This frozen place starts to thaw out and they just start moving.”

    46 min

  7. 2024-12-13

    339: GirlTalk: Does your woman get anxious? How to soothe her skillfully

    Almost every single woman in a relationship (dating or married) needs reassurance sometimes. Unfortunately, many men don't know how to provide it in a way that really lands for her, which often causes unnecessary strife and disconnection. In one man's words, "I used to be the classic male 'fixer' and thought I would be the one to save the day by giving out suggestions of how she could overcome her anxiety. Surely one of those would work. The more suggestions or solutions to her issues I could come up, the better job I thought I was doing. After several years of this seemingly not working to soothe her anxiety, and sometimes making it worse, I have learned she is not looking for this." So what is she looking for? Here, we share our personal experiences around anxiety and effective soothing. We break it down into two categories of anxiety: when we're upset or challenged by something in life (work, family, friendships, etc.), and when we're upset about something in the relationship itself. If you've ever had a partner who fears she's too much, who looks to you for reassurance, or to whom you've wanted to provide deep, reliable, calming care and safety, you'll appreciate this one. Bonus? When you learn to soothe her well, you become even sexier to her. --- Quotes from this episode:"'Are you looking for solutions or comfort?'""Sometimes not saying anything at all but just being able to listen is all she needs to be soothed.""I also assure her that I'm here for all of it, especially when she seems nervous that her emotions are 'too much.'""Validate my reasoning; even if it’s not rational to you, it’s logical to ME.""Our relationship has soared to new heights after learning how to properly soothe my woman."

    1h 4m

  8. 2024-12-06

    338: What do you do if sex hurts for her? (And how do you talk about it?) (ft. Z Zoccolante) [replay]

    According to my sex research, women's number one sex problem is physical pain. The truth is, it's painful when sex hurts -- for both people. Not just for the person experiencing it, but for their partner. How do you handle it if she has pain during sex, whether you're just starting out in dating or you're in a committed relationship? And how do you handle your own emotional pain or guilt around still having sexual needs? If you've ever been with a woman who was sleeping with you because she felt she "should," you know the pain of which I speak. Perhaps you were married and you sensed that she saw it as her wifely duty to keep you sexually satisfied. But that's not what you wanted -- you wanted her to be an enthusiastic participant in sex, not a passive recipient who was only doing it to please you. Here, Z describes the ways she was actually quite sexually closed as a newlywed, despite having sex with her partner. She talks about the shifts she and her husband went through once they got married ... and how (lack of) sex played a big role in why they got divorced. There are also deeper layers underlying this issue, and we delve into them. And spoiler alert -- the good news is that this story has a happy ending. Healing is always possible, and Z has experienced it. Sex is now pleasurable for her, and she's far more sexually open than before. Remember: Personal growth works, so work it. --- Work with usWant to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

    56 min
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4.4
out of 5
27 Ratings

About

Advice for smart men on how to succeed with women in sex, dating, relationships, and marriages. Beautiful women give you a peek behind the curtain into what the feminine really craves from the masculine ... and how to give it to us. Personal growth is sexy, haven't you heard? Get in touch at dearmenpodcast@gmail.com. Take our free training for men at https://evolutionary.men/dearmen

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