Five Questions Over Coffee with Suzanne Jabour (ep. 85)

Who is Suzanne?

Suzanne Jabour is a grief integration specialist who helps organizations create supportive cultures around emotions, particularly grief. She believes that grief is not something we can ignore or suppress, but something that needs to be integrated into our lives. Suzanne works with companies to address their culture around emotion and protocols for supporting grieving employees. She provides a menu of support options to choose from and encourages conversations about grief. By doing so, she helps create a culture of support and wholeness in the workplace, which not only benefits grieving employees but also improves customer service. Suzanne's ultimate goal is to help individuals integrate their grief, so it becomes a part of them and their lives moving forward.

Key Takeaways

Addressing Grief in the Workplace: "We want to integrate our grief. It becomes a part of us and a part of our life as we carry forward...None of that really works with grief...One to three days is nowhere near as long as it takes. It doesn't even take that year that sometimes we're given grace through. It takes much longer than that for many of us, especially if you've had a really catastrophic loss." - This quote emphasizes the importance of understanding that grief cannot be compartmentalized and ignored, and that it takes much longer than a few days or even a year to process. It also highlights the need for workplaces to have protocols in place to support employees going through grief, as well as a culture that embraces emotions and offers support without the burden falling solely on the grieving person to ask for help.

— Suzanne Jabour [00:02:07 → 00:08:46]

Grieving in the Workplace: "We need some scaffolding to be able to be successful at work."

— Suzanne Jabour [00:09:27 → 00:11:21]

Supporting Your Team Through Grief: "We're all experiencing grief and let's brainstorm. Let's talk about some of the ways we could support each other when we're having those difficult moments or those difficult days."

— Suzanne Jabour [00:11:21 → 00:12:23]

Supporting Grieving Employees: "I'm all about it, own it. Go to them and say, oh my gosh, I listened to this podcast and I realized I totally didn't support you the way you needed. What can we do now? What support do you need now? Right? There's always time to say, oh my gosh, I didn't know any better."

— Suzanne Jabour [00:13:46 → 00:15:25]

Grief at Work: "The biggest thing for business owners, I think, that impacts people at work, is the brain fog."

— Suzanne Jabour [00:17:02 → 00:18:29]

Grief Resources: "One of the people's work that helped me really get through those early, early days is Megan Devine, and her book is It's Okay That You're Not okay."

— Suzanne Jabour [00:19:00 → 00:21:07]

The Importance of Grief in the Workplace: "So it matters because grief gives us an in to talk about some really complicated things that are actually really important for all of us."

— Suzanne Jabour [00:21:55 → 00:24:19]

Valuable Free Resource or Action

https://static1.squarespace.com/static/6013019a02a2d7779026a55e/t/64092e6c2df4700a16d5dadd/1678323312188/e+book+final%3F.pdf

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Transcript

Note, this was transcribed using a transcription software and may not reflect the exact words used in the podcast)

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

grief, Grief at Work, ebook, brain fog, practical support, program, business owners, Suzanne Jabor, grief education, lack of support, long-term support, consult, newsletter, processing grief, vulnerability, emotions at work, team members, loyalty, bereavement leave policies, culture, menu of support options, disengaged employees, anticipatory grieving, team-building, business leaders, follow-up, cycles, returning to normality, nonfiction comprehension, Facebook, Instagram, Megan Devine, David Kessler, post traumatic growth, meaning in grief.

SPEAKERS

Suzanne Jabour, Stuart Webb

Stuart Webb [00:00:22]:

Hi, and welcome back to It's Not Rocket Science five Questions Over Coffee. I'm really delighted to be welcoming Suzanne Jabor today from a lived experience. Now, Suzanne is somebody who's passionate about helping people to understand and overcome grief, and she's a grief education. I think it's going to be a really fascinating discussion because it's something that we so rarely deal with, and as business owners, it is the thing that we need to deal with, because if it's not somebody within our organization, it could well be us that's having to go through something like this. And we just often want to put this away in a shed and hope that it just goes away. And that's not really the right way of dealing with some of these feelings. It really doesn't help the organization. It doesn't help you. So I think it's going to be a really fascinating discussion that Suzanne really want to welcome you to it's Not Rocket Science five Questions of Copy. And thank you for spending the time with us.

Suzanne Jabour [00:01:17]:

Thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate, especially people whose work is focused on business, taking the time to talk about this topic because it's so important, it has such a huge impact.

Stuart Webb [00:01:27]:

Yeah. Well, I will tell you that when my father died, it was a problem for my business for a short while until I eventually learned to overcome it. So I know how it can affect people who are trying to run businesses, who are also trying to, as I said, compartmentalize this thing and just ignore it and hope it just goes away, which is just if that's happening within your organization, it's happening with one of your employees. It's the wrong way of dealing with it. So, Suzanne, you've seen this. You've helped people talk to us about the sort of things that people are doing and how you're trying to help them, to educate them on their grief and the way to deal with it.

Suzanne Jabour [00:02:07]:

Yeah. So the thing that's the most important for me is exactly what you're talking about. This kind of whole idea we have that we can put grief in a box, we can just kind of ignore it, we can pretend it's not there and it will eventually go away, is unfortunately not how it works. Really the only way to get to I talk about integration being the goal. We want to integrate our grief. It becomes a part of us and a part of our life as we carry forward, which is, I'm sure, what you've done with your dad, right? You haven't left him behind. You haven't moved on or gotten through anything. You've learned how to live with the loss, to carry that grief with you and carry him with you. And what happens at work often is work many places is a place where we're not encouraged, really, to have emotions anyway. Employers want us to kind of show up and get the job done and figure out what the problem is, make a plan, solve the problem, move forward. None of that really works with grief. And so if that's your office culture, it can be really challenging for grievers. And if your office culture is more accepting of emotions than that, even then the really big emotions that happen in grief, which are mostly, to be honest, the ones on that negative or bad side of the list if you think about that weird paradigm we have of positive and good emotions and negative and bad emotions? The ones that we've been taught from our childhoods for most of us to ignore and not express and tamp down are the ones that are coming at you in a tsunami when you're in early, especially those early days and those acute days of grief. And for most places, certainly in North America, and I'd love to hear about what it's like for you in the UK. There's kind of a standard one to three days off, and then you're expected to just show up and be your normal self and get your job done. And one to three days is nowhere near as long as it takes. It doesn't even take that year that sometimes we're given grace through. It takes much longer than that for many of us, especially if you've had a really catastrophic loss. And so that sort of sense that you should be able to show up and do your job really does a disservice to everyone because you're then as the griever, feeling all these expectations that you can't meet, which is then more grief and loss, right? Because you're already mourning the person you lost. And then if it's someone who the loss of them changed your identity, which is what happened to me, you're mourning yourself, your loss of