30 episodes

Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG – coming off the long run and dancing to the sweet sounds of chin music. Australia’s favourite sports commentary duo have a new home on Macquarie Sports Radio and they’re on the front foot for the balls, the bouncers, the beamers, the back foot barrages, and whatever else is hurled their way. Hear Just Short of a Length with Roy & H.G, 10:00am – 12:00pm Saturday..

Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG Macquarie Media Limited

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Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG – coming off the long run and dancing to the sweet sounds of chin music. Australia’s favourite sports commentary duo have a new home on Macquarie Sports Radio and they’re on the front foot for the balls, the bouncers, the beamers, the back foot barrages, and whatever else is hurled their way. Hear Just Short of a Length with Roy & H.G, 10:00am – 12:00pm Saturday..

    Genuine, Quiet, Hard Working Australians

    Genuine, Quiet, Hard Working Australians

    Lengthers, Genuine, Quiet, Hard Working Australians; roll up your sleeves, put on your bib and dig in to the final feast of the year! 

    Jeff Fenech's brain will be donated to science and boy oh boy are the possible learnings limitless. Following the Marrickville Maulers lead, brains should be compulsorily acquirable by the newly established National Brain Register, whose research focus on two main categories: Badly Damaged Brains, and Brains of Extraordinary Achievement, with Fenech's brain belonging to the former, and Jim Molan's belonging to the latter. Science.

    y = k/x - Brains Warner’s law of Inverse Proportions. The more runs David ‘Brains’ Warner makes, the less we seem to like him. Go figure. Scores of 300-plus used to be applauded, but Brains is busy swatting off criticisms amid a smattering of applause. 

    The soul of Australian Boxing has been tickled, warmed, nourished. Genuine, quiet, hard-working Australians just want to feel good and nothing makes us feel better than watching two blokes put their dukes up in the ring. Tim Tzsyu, all soul. Justin Hodges? Somewhat less soul, but points for trying. 

    What next for Israel Folau? A stint in supercars? A night at the speedway? Formula 1? Where is there the most money to be made? The Sport of Court paid handsomely, but what next? Roy’s theory could be on the money...

    The AFL has been universally whacked for relentlessly tinkering with the rules. The NRL has closely observed the AFL’s experience and, in a stroke of ‘genius’, has decided to do exactly the same thing. New season, new rules, new ways to complain about the refereeing? After all, it’s all about the fans and the fans like bagging the refs more than they like watching the game. 

    ScoMo is draining the swamp by merging government departments and the newly combined super departments are a little surprising. Here’s a question: why isn’t there a minister for Rugby League? A perfect opportunity for Big Mal to re-enter politics. Genuine, Quiet, Hard Working Australians who love Rugby League and vote. 

    Thanks for tuning in, writing in, downloading and sharing Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG in 2019! Have a Merry Christmas and we’ll be coming in from the long run again in 2020!

    • 1 hr 22 min
    Snorting, Horses: A Day At The Races

    Snorting, Horses: A Day At The Races

    Bend over, Lengthers, and get ready for a strip search; Horse Force is on patrol! Gigs are up for grabs in the strip search unit, just in time for Operation Stink. Have you got what it takes?

    Is sport under an existential threat in Australia? Does the future of the Australian park feature players? One worrying thesis suggests sport’s popularity is waning. Waning! In Australia! Making matters worse, waiting in the wings to take centre stage when sport collapses... is gaming. Video games! Can you believe it? Instead of wandering into the middle with a Gray Nichols under the arm, young Australians are sinking into sofas with an Xbox in one hand and a Playstation in the other! It’s a gross betrayal of Australian values. We’re calling for a Royal Commission. 

    Everyone is worried about the Koalas, rightfully so. But only 4000 tigers remain in the wild and there are many more sporting teams named after tigers than koalas! The Richmond Tigers, known experts in animal husbandry, have tooled up and are on a mission to help their struggling mascot. Always keen to lend a hand, Roy and HG have a proposal: A Tiger sanctuary in the South Western suburbs of Sydney. 

    Sydney’s race tracks are awash with cocaine and local magistrates have had it up to here. “Another race day on cocaine?” asked an exasperated judge, fed up with a vast number of coked-up racegoers wandering into his courthouse. Cocaine, MDMA, cobalt - and here we were thinking people simply wanted to punt! Next thing you’ll be telling us is that cocaine was detected at the ARIA Awards!

    For two years at least, the AFL has been criticised by the wider footy community for incessantly tinkering with the rules. “Leave the game alone” fans screamed, frustrated by 6-6-6, score reviews, and the ill-fated AFLX. The AFL has listened, and the AFL has reacted… by proposing further rule changes, this time to the half-time break which apparently lasts far too long. Solution: lop off a quarter. Four quarters becomes three thirds. Remove the slack. 

    Jason Day’s back has conked out - again - forcing him out of the President’s Cup and the Australian Open. Filling his spot in the International team is world number 43 Byeung Hun An. Big mistake. Have they not thought of Mark Hensby? The Aussie talisman has risen from world ranking position 2079 to 2061 -- in one week!

    Your emails arrive via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au and the quality of the correspondence remains unfathomably high. We’d watch Slaughterhouse Rules. 

    All of that and plenty more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!

    • 1 hr 22 min
    A Root and Branch Examination

    A Root and Branch Examination

    The time has come for a Root and Branch Examination.

    A Root and Branch examination of what, exactly?

    Australian Cricket. No Ball Rulings. Australian Rugby League. The Australian Olympic Team.  Australian Rules Football. Professor Drizzle’s Drought Thesis. The discovery of the Fifth Force - a new kind of subatomic particle believed to be the missing piece in our understanding of dark matter. Tina Turner’s pay packet. Sun Yang’s hammer time doping debacle. 

    This only scratches the surface. The list is exhaustive. It’s time, Australia. Root and Branch. 

    She moves in mysterious ways. Maybe it’s because Bono’s in town, but his lyrics speak a certain truth. Just ask Israel Folau, where Bono’s ‘She’ is God, and her ‘mysterious ways’ include widespread bushfires as punishment for living in sin. However, if bushfires are payback from a vengeful God, surely it’s over the sordid Sandpapergate, right? Bono was right, mysterious ways indeed.

    The Rugby League World Order has been turned on its head. New Zealand *scoff* has usurped the Kangaroos to claim the World Number 1 spot, a cruel blow coming shortly after Tonga towelled up the Aussies. And what about those Kumuls! Great Britain were an embarrassment, offering nothing in the face of a brutal onslaught from The Kumuls. Watch out, world. Rugby League’s foundations are being shaken violently -- and filmed illegally.

    Sticking with Rugby League, was it wise to keep the chequebook locked up and not pay Tina Turner a cool million to bring back Simply The Best? The world’s greatest campaign, sure, but those are big bickies. Thinking outside the box, which Australian Star is up to the task of lipsyncing the game’s iconic anthem? Shortlist: Jessica Mauboy, Angie from the Bachelorette. 

    Sun Yang’s swimming career hangs in the balance and could be determined by a Chinese tradie who was allegedly moonlighting as a drug test observer. What’s the big deal? Are tradie’s not honourable people capable of witnessing a drug test? Could explain why a hammer was used to break the vials of Sun Yang’s blood, tools of the trade. 

    It’s NIMBYism gone crazy. The Supercars is the best thing to happen to Newcastle since the Johns brothers, but try telling that to NERG, whose complaint is that the cars race dangerously close to houses. C’mon, who doesn’t want broken bits of supercars landing in the yard? A spark plug in the roses, a ceramic disc break in the azaleas, a camshaft nestled in the variegated elm. NIMBYS.

    Your emails arrive via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au and the correspondence remains first class.

    All of that and plenty more on Just Short of a Length with Roy and HG!

    • 41 min
    Introduction to Fighter Training 101

    Introduction to Fighter Training 101

    The Clash of the Codes ended in a draw which can be seen as nothing but a huge victory for the quiet Australian. Noodles and The Stool went toe to toe to release the huge hatred both very effectively convinced themselves they had for the other.

    The boys dissect the fight and Roy explains why it’s far more important to watch the audience as opposed to the actual fight. But a draw leads to the obvious conclusion that there needs to be a rematch. It needs to be bigger, it needs to be angrier, it needs to be soon. Maybe even next week?

    But in a time when our beloved sportsmen and athletes are under enormous scrutiny, Roy and HG feel there is more than ever a need for specific education to be available to those in the sporting industry.

    Fight trainers and promoters should have apprenticeships and tertiary courses available to them. There should be boxing academies teaching young boxers how to deal with the press and the School of Rugby League Lifestyle teaching our NRL stars exactly how they should enjoy the lifestyle of a rugby league player.

    Speaking of Bali lifestyles, as we do every year, we’re being reminded that the NRL off-season is far more entertaining than the regular season so the boys want to know why on earth Todd Greenberg and the boffins at Rugby League HQ aren’t promoting it more!

    However, if rugby league administrators really want to make the horrible mistake of curbing the poor overseas behaviour of our stars, our loyal listeners have stepped up again to provide possible solutions.

    All of that and plenty more on another edition of Just Short of a Length with Roy & HG!

    • 1 hr 22 min
    The Noodle, The Stool & The Arm

    The Noodle, The Stool & The Arm

    Fresh off Vow and Declare’s huge Melbourne Cup victory for quiet Australia, the question must surely be asked: is it time for a horse to receive the Anzac Medal?

    It was a win sorely needed for Australia after the Kangaroos shock loss to Tonga which has had major domestic and international geopolitical implications. China must surely now see that if they want to be taken seriously in the Pacific, entering the realm of International Rugby League is a must.

    Domestically, we have far bigger concerns though as it is clear to the boys that the Kangaroos have tragically lost ‘the feel’. Do we need an enquiry? A royal commission perhaps. If so, it’ll need to be headed by someone removed from the game. Someone with suitable expertise to investigate exactly where we lost ‘the feel’ and how we can get it back.

    The boys then turn their focus to racing, that of the motor variety to start and we have just one question: who on earth put a microphone in front of Max Vertsappen?

    In the horse variety, does anyone know if Frankie Dettori has ever actually won anything or is his continual inclusion in the Melbourne Cup and other major race the work of dark forces that need to be investigated by The Horse Force?

    The countdown continues to the Clash of The Codes between Barry ‘Noodles’ Hall and Paul ‘The Stool’ Gallen. But considering the fight is to be held in Margaret Court arena, we feel the great lady herself should somehow be involved in the evening. 

    Peter V’Landys says there’s buckets of money for the NRL to tap into to spruce up suburban grounds, develop regional rugby league and expand the competition with new clubs. But one of our loyal Lengthers who resides in ‘The Malabar Mansion’ thinks that money should go into establishing a National Correctional Facilities Competition. We think he might be onto something but the boys think we should go bigger and take the proposed comp international.

    Just one of many invaluable contributions this week from you listeners via via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au.

    All of that and plenty more on another edition of Just Short of a Length with ROy & HG!

    • 1 hr 22 min
    The Curious Case of the Vanishing Jockeys

    The Curious Case of the Vanishing Jockeys

    It seems the Australian cricket team coaching staff believe the future of pace bowling lies in being able to bowl backwards whilst sitting down considering the latest training regiment involves rowing. Mitch Starc isn’t happy and we can understand why.

    The boys are happy to see the normally timid and well-mannered Paul Gallen employing grubbery tactics leading up to his Clash of the Codes fight. Nick-naming Barry Hall noodles is inspired and a tactic that is sure to garner a meek and subdued response from Barry.

    The experts are at it again! This time they’ve used their immaculate judgement to not rank The Melbourne Cup among the top 100 horse races in the world. The boys aren’t having a bar of that and want the Border Force to investigate immediately!

    Speaking of, thanks to you listeners, Mick Fuller’s Horse Force is taking shape. So much so that we think the Australian Border Force need to step back and relinquish their duties when it comes to travelling punters from overseas. 

    Top of Horse Force’s priorities though must be, has to be, can’t be anything other than investigating the alarmingly high cases of former jockeys going missing. 

    Over the last decade, thousands of former jockeys have simply vanished and HG suspects dark forces are at play. Do we need to dig up every race-track in Australia to get to the bottom of this? Well that will be a matter for the Horse Force to decide.

    In what has to be one of the most outrageous decisions of 2019, speed racing fans were blindsided by the NSW government’s decision to demolish Sydney Speedway to make way for a train stabling yard of all things. The boys have seriously difficulty digesting this news. Do trains honestly need a place to have sleepover parties? Honestly!

    And the NRL have finally caught up to what’s been Roy & HG’s position for years - that rugby league is in the entertainment industry, not the sporting industry. New boss Peter V’landys has acknowledged this which makes us excited for what could be ahead in rugby league. A 24 hour NRL entertainment channel surely with shows such as Winger Wants a Wife and Bring on The Burgess Brothers.

    Invaluable contributions as always from the wider community, via RoyandHG@sportsradio.com.au

    All of that and plenty more on another edition of Just Short of a Length with ROy & HG!

    • 1 hr 21 min

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