The Language of Love is a weekly podcast where Dr. Berman shares her compassionate, humorous, and no-nonsense advice: answering listener questions and interviewing thought leaders and experts on relevant topics. Dr. Berman is ready to help you create the fulfilling and passionate love life you deserve, regardless of your relationship status, gender, or sexual orientation. Are you ready to get started?
The Danger of Dead Bedrooms
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about the very real danger that comes from ‘dead bedrooms.’ As she explains, the longer you go without sex, the more difficult it is to reawaken that desire and save that sexual connection. From physical concerns like the decline of sexual response and atrophy in the genital region to the emotional valley that can grow between couples when sex falls by the wayside, Dr. Berman explains why it’s so important to get the flames going in the bedroom, because once that fire is doused, it becomes that much harder to reignite once again.
Next, Dr. Berman talks about how older women can grow into their sexual prowess as they age. She explains that while older men can be seen as ‘debonair’ or getting better with age, older women tend to be seen as unattractive or simply not seen at all. She explains why this myth is simply false and why sex can be enjoyable and life-affirming for baby boomers and beyond, and how to deal with common issues like vaginal dryness and body image issues as they arise. She explains how older women can lean into their wisdom and embrace life and sexuality both during and after menopause. “I’m really interested in helping women understand what a powerful, innervating, freeing and exciting time this can be,” she says about life after menopause.
If you have a question for Dr. Berman you can send a voice message to her on Speakpipe or send an email to email@example.com. She might answer your question on the next podcast!
Why Vulnerability is So Sexy
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about demisexuality. This term is used to describe someone who only feels an attraction to someone after they have built an emotional connection with them. In other words, they generally don’t feel attraction to celebrities or attractive people they see walking down the street: First, they need to get to know a person before desire develops.
In a similar vein, Dr. Berman discusses arranged marriages and whether it is possible to create a sexual connection with someone you only meet on your wedding day. What happens if the person standing at the altar isn’t physically attracted to you, or vice versa? Is there a way you can build desire and attraction if the feelings aren’t there, or if they have diminished over time? Additionally, how can you build an emotional connection when someone when you feel completely distanced from your partner?
Next, Dr. Berman talks to a woman who discusses how the lockdown has changed her dating behavior. How was love changed post-pandemic? Dr. Berman acknowledges how being in quarantine has led to us feeling awkward and a bit uncomfortable with eye contact. Moving out from behind our screens and back into the real world can feel very daunting, and lead to feelings of vulnerability and uncertainty. How can we ease back into social activities and find our groove again, after so many months of being shut up at home with Zoom as our main social contact?
Surrendering to your partner, Long-distance relationships, & Spiritual Transformation
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman talks about the experience that catapulted her into a spiritual transformation, and ultimately led her to write her book “Quantum Love.” Dr. Berman discusses how the science of energy and the way energy moves in the body led her to deepen her practice as a sex therapist and focus her practice on ‘sex, body, and soul.’
Then, Dr. Berman talks to a woman who wants to know whether long-distance relationships are worth entertaining when the person lives thousands and thousands of miles away. How can you build an energetic connection with someone when they live many time zones away? She also talks with a man who has a history of long-distance relationships who says he struggles with giving himself self-care during his alone time, and finding a way to acknowledge his own worth and sexuality after being solo in the Covid shutdown for so long.
Dr. Berman talks with a woman who says she struggles with ‘masculine energy,’ and feeling like she is too aggressive or domineering with her partners. She feels like she takes on a position of power in her relationship in which she’s always deciding where they eat, what they do, and how they connect with each other. Dr. Berman advises she tries a ‘surrender date,’ in which she intentionally hands over power to her partner and he gets to decide everything on date night. He can pick the outfit she wears, the jewelry she puts on, the route they take to dinner, the place they eat and even what she orders! Essentially, she goes ‘cold turkey’ when it comes to giving up her dominant side and lets her partner completely take the reins.
Waiting for 'The One'
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman tackles the concept of a ‘new normal’ and the fundamental invitation the pandemic offered each of us: The opportunity to go inward and begin prioritizing connection over distraction, and quality over quantity when it comes to our relationships.
For many of us, the pandemic has put a pause on our sex lives. On today’s episode, Dr. Berman talks to a woman who says she hasn’t had sex for a year… and now has decided she wants to wait to have sex until she meets ‘the one.’ She is hesitant to be intimate with a partner too early because she knows it will create feelings of attachment even if the partner isn’t right for her or if the partner isn’t seeking a relationship. So how can she manage her feelings of desire while patiently waiting for ‘the one,’ and how can she explain to her dates that she isn’t going to be open to hookups or casual sexual connection?
Dr. Berman also talks about how masculine and feminine energy can impact our desire in the bedroom and the way we sexually respond to our partners. Many women are multi-taskers who have a difficult time letting go and being wholly present in the bedroom, as they are worried about the dirty dishes in the kitchen sink or the presentation they have to give at the office the next day. Dr. Berman discusses the concept of ‘choreplay’ and how being a more engaged and helpful partner around the house can create space for women to feel more relaxation and desire, leading to more sexual pleasure for both partners!
Putting Love First, Even During Traumatic Times
On today's episode of the "Language of Love," Dr. Laura Berman talks to a woman who wants to know how she can prioritize and nurture her relationship, even as she is dealing with the great trauma and terror of knowing that many of her loved ones are across the world living in a very dangerous situation. She wants to know: “How can you maintain physical and emotional intimacy when you are terrified for your family members who are living in a warzone?”
Dr. Berman’s advice is applicable for anyone who is grappling with loss and fear during this time of social upheaval. Prioritizing our love lives and maintaining intimacy can feel impossible and even shallow when there is so much pain all around us, but Dr. Berman helps reveal how safeguarding our bond and nurturing our relationship needs can actually serve us and helps us be of service in return.
Next up, Dr. Berman talks to a woman who wants to know how to tell when she is ready to date after a breakup. When is it time to put yourself back out there, especially as we slowly nudge our way out of the pandemic? How do you deal with feelings of anxiety and trepidation about dating again after heartache?
Then, Dr. Berman talks to a woman who asks what you should do when you and your partner have differing viewpoints on the virus. If one of you is pro-mask and pro-vaccine, but the other is afraid of the jab or is ready to stop wearing a mask and social distancing, how can you bridge that divide and ensure that you find a fair compromise that keeps you both feeling safe and respected?
The Beautiful No and Beyond - Sheri Salata
On today’s episode of “The Language of Love,” Dr. Laura Berman sits down with one of her dear friends Sheri Salata. Salata was an executive producer for “The Oprah Show” as well as the president of the Oprah Winfrey Network and Harpo Productions. Since leaving Oprah, Salata began to focus more intentionally on her own personal growth and leaned into the power of ‘the beautiful no.’
What is the beautiful no? Salata says that her people-pleasing nature and her desire to excel in her career and her personal relationships led her to struggle with setting boundaries and saying no, whether it was to opportunities or favors or constantly giving to those around her. Like many people, especially women, Salata says she struggled with codependence and was unable to prioritize her own needs and emotional health. This left her always feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from her own self-worth.
On this episode, Salata and Dr. Berman talk about Salata’s book “The Beautiful No,” and what led her to finally grow into the power of no and learn to not only be comfortable setting boundaries, but for it to come naturally and easily, without feelings of guilt or regret. This is an episode that is a must-listen for anyone who ever struggles with setting boundaries or putting themselves first!