When the clutter, motherhood, relationships, and life seem too overwhelming. When you have resentment and frustration every day - this is a sign you have been living on auto-pilot- letting life happen to you instead of living it ON PURPOSE. I’ve been there. Three kids under 4 and I decided to declutter my home and realized I was living my whole life on autopilot. I wanted more. I wanted to take action, be more present, have more fun! Enjoy my kids!
I’m Shawna, You might know me as your Nerdy Girlfriend and Life Coach.
I am a Certified Coach Practitioner, a Transformational Life Coach and hold my diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.
I use the Enneagram, Faith and CBT as tools in my life coaching approach.
I teach moms around the world the tools they need to set values and vision for the 9 areas of their lives so they can take the right steps towards living life ON PURPOSE.
Find my books, course, coaching programs and blog at simpleonpurpose.ca
132. Teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food (+ our own food guilt and body shame) with Andrea Heyman
Andrea is a Registered Dietician who is here to talk with me about our relationship to food and teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food
I also had a secret motive in asking her on because I had questions about how to handle food with my kids. I know I’m undoing a lot of cultured rules, how I was raised, my own biases, and I want to be mindful about how I teach my kids, especially my daughter, about the health of food without the food guilt or body shame.
In this conversation we will cover:
Common struggles that women have when it comes to their relationship with food
Emotional eating can be a common situation that happens in motherhood
The ‘diet culture’ pressure that moms have to ‘drop the weight’ can lead to restrictive and unsustainable approaches to food
Using food to manage our emotions (my own experience with emotional eating in motherhood)
Using food as a way to control our bodies
Healing a heritage of food guilt and body shame
We know enough about attachment to know that our sense of worth and self is shaped by our caregivers
Unpacking the decades of guilt and shame we have adopted
Starting with some basic food plans and dropping all the food rules and restrictions
Seeing the cycle where the more restrictions we give ourselves, the bigger the struggle of cravings and willpower, the stronger the guilt we feel when we eat what we ‘shouldn’t’
Building up trust in your body again
The role of being a mom who is managing food for herself and for everyone else
The positive side of emotional eating vs the coping side of emotional eating
Being a role model for our kids when it comes to a healthy relationship with food
Feeding your family a variety of foods and letting go of all or nothing thinking
Taking the drama out of feeding our kids
Consider the role you want to have in feeding your kids and the role you want them to learn and become confident in
Anxiety and stress at the dinner table can become counterproductive to the whole dinner experience for the whole family
How we can let our kids branch out on their own when it comes to food preferences
The pitfalls of cooking different people different food items each dinner, becoming a short order cook
Going through the discomfort of changing the culture of cooking each kid their own foods for each meal
Using dessert as bribery (food as a reward) and what we might be teaching our kids about the ‘preferred’ foods
Getting kids involved in the food preparation and planning
Conversations around balancing meals
Letting each kid design a balanced meal
Parents using food as a reward
Using food as a treat, reward, bond, make the day more ‘fun’
Phasing out the treats and bringing in alternate rewards and treats
Planning out the other things you can turn to that are fun for your family
Teaching our kids about a healthy relationship with food
How to have conversations with our kids about food without inducing food shame
Shifting the focus on the functionality of health and food
Using treat restrictions vs no restrictions
Owning our own relationship with food to create a positive food culture in our family
Getting started with shifting your family’s food culture
Make a plan
Don’t overcomplicate meal prep (use the shortcuts!)
Offer healthy options and let your kids decide how much they eatbr ...
131. Coaching session on snacking, food, self control and wellness with Suzie
Suzie is a mom of 2 who agreed to have a coaching call recorded to share here on the podcast.
I love to share examples of coaching sessions to show the range of topics that life coaching can cover - and to give you an idea of how I approach coaching. But really, we share this because the issues that women get coached on are always an issue someone else can relate to and get support on just by listening.
Issues she wanted coaching on are:
Increasing self-control around food
Snacking without thinking or to get some pleasure in the day
Eating inline with an AIP (autoimmune protocol)
Putting off the food restrictions of the AIP
Main points we covered in this coaching session:
Getting clear on what ‘self-control’ would mean to her when it comes to food/health
Idealizing the past self ‘before kids’ and recognizing where she can let go of the expectations she puts on her current self to do what her past self has done
Using the ‘rules’ against herself, to keep her from sticking with it and making progress (all or nothing thought trap)
Consider what level of awareness she has of her food habits and how she responds to breaking her own rules
Being on autopilot through the day and using up her willpower until it is exhausted in the day
The comfort and gratification we get from snacking
Taking action from a place of feeling frustrated with your health vs from a place of feeling empowered
Loosening her grip on having control and doing ‘what is right’
How we have trained our bodies to crave modern foods that give us so much dopamine
Undoing the programming and autopilot and approaching her life from her own intentional values
Using the lessons learned from having an eating disorder at how to proactively approach health moving forward
Looking for the disconnects on how to measure the success of diet and exercise and seeing where they can be at odds with one another
Negative motivation running in the background (subconscious) vs positive motivation
Listening to her inner dialogue (mental story) going into situations like snacking and how she wants to respond to herself when she eats the food and regrets it
Different approaches to the AIP diet and how to manage the overwhelm it can create
Acknowledging where she can seek peace instead of perfection with the approach to food
Noticing the inner rebel that resists her own ‘rules’
Eating mindfully in times where she normally ‘fog eating’
Questions to ask yourself in applying this session to your own wellness journey
Where do you have all or nothing thinking about your wellness?
What expectations do you have of your health and wellness that overwhelm you?
What values do you have for how you approach taking care of your health?
How do you measure your success differently from what you say out loud to what you think deep down?
Where do you feel unclear about what your approach should be? And how can you break it down to one small goal you know you want to have?
Suzie’s actions and takeaways
Choose one food goal to stick with (going paleo)
Seek peace in food rather than perfection
Approaching her health intentionally will not feel natural, but it has to be done ON PURPOSE!
Looking at the root thinking behind how she approaches health
This all takes intention, it doesn’t just ‘happen’ because we talked about it
Make an imperfect meal plan for this week
Write out her ‘intentional’ thoughts she wants to practice
Other related episodes
130. Q+A (seasons of life, husbands, parenting, family chores, choosing our feelings)
This is a Q+A episode featuring questions from the Simple Squad (the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community). We are talking about feelings, marriage, seasons of life, parenting and family chores.
These answers are coming at you from my life coaching point of view. I am a mom of three kids, trained Life Coach, practical minimalist, and I help moms with intentional living.
Questions covered in this episode:
1. Can you talk about the seasons of life and how we can't do certain things at certain seasons?
Related posts with more information on this topic
* Simplify your life series
* All posts about Mom Life
* Expectation overwhelm
2. How do I change my parenting style when my husband is not on board or how can I get him on board...?
Related posts with more information on this topic:
* When your spouse doesn't want to declutter
* Teaching our kids emotional intelligence
* Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type)
* Book review: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
3. Meeting adult friends when you have little kids
Related posts with more information on this topic:
* Being a good mom friend
* Why you should date your friends
4. How to choose your feelings (eg. when you are annoyed at your husband but want to feel kind)?
Related posts with more information on this topic:
* Being mindful in marriage
* Working through a bad mood with one question
* My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn't care about me
* Myths about emotion coaching
* a title="119. Tolerating tough emotions in our kids (and ourselves)" href="https://simpleonpurpose.
129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it.
Expectation overwhelm is when you have a to-do list that is so long that it overwhelms you. This starts a defeating cycle of hustling, beating ourselves up for not doing 'enough', and not really feeling empowered to live a life of purpose.
Feeling productive and the beliefs we have about how we spend our time
Coach women a lot on productivity and procrastination
They feel like they can’t get things done in the day
They want to be better at getting things done.
And it is the same issue on both ends of the spectrum - they are about how we FEEL about how we spend our time. Did we FEEL we were productive? did we FEEL they procrastinated?
Remember our FEELINGS come from our thoughts. So the story we tell ourselves about how we have used our time is going to matter. It will change our experience of how we use our time.
What is expectation overwhelm?
Expectation overwhelm is when we have such a long 'should do' list that it constantly overwhelms us. We walk around thinking something is wrong with us that we can't tackle. We think we need more willpower and discipline.
We also get frustrated with everyone around us and might even blame them (check out the mom martyr episode)
Some signs that you might have expectation overwhelm:
* you find it hard to relax for a minute in your day
* you feel like everything is rushed
* you feel overwhelmed even though you generally get things done
* you check things off your list but still feel like it’s never enough
What do we do with the overwhelm we feel?
In my experience in coaching, and personal experience. WE do one of two things. We try harder or we tune it out. Both of these make us feel even worse about our skills and discipline. Both of these move us further away from the simple and purposeful life we are craving.
The options should be optional
We make a mental 'should' do list with all the expectations we have ourselves in a day. But we tell ourselves this list is mandatory and then we tell ourselves we are inadequate for not fulfilling them all
We are meant to make choices
This is something that minimalism has taught me. I don't have ROOM for all these things. I also don't have time and energy for all these things. I need to choose.
But making choices can be very intimidating for a lot of us. We think it means a long-term commitment. We also still secretly hold out for that secret we need to unlock our ability to do ALL THE THINGS!
Trade-in productivity for purpose
I think most of us want to feel productive, but we live in a society that tells us we need to do DO IT ALL AND LOOK GOOD DOING IT.
I would argue that most of us do not want to be productivity robots - but that we actually want to slow down and live the life that we crave. We want to let go of never feeling like we are enough, and make more time and energy for the things that fill us up.
Know what you want in your life
* The Live your Vision worksheets
* The Live youra title="How to get that feeling (why values matter + free LIVE YOUR VALUES worksheet)" href="https://si...
128. Getting dressed every day, with less guilt & more confidence (with Jaime McLaughlin)
Do you struggle in your relationship to getting dressed each day? Do you feel guilty for it, or lack confidence in it?
Jaime McLaughlin is a hair and make-up artist who is helping moms take care of themselves without the mom guilt.
In this episode we talk about the internal shifts we can make, the judgments we might have of ourselves and other moms based on what they wear, busting myths around how much money and time it takes to get ready each day, and tips to build a capsule wardrobe
Using the ‘tool’ of getting dressed every day
Contesting the views that this is vanity vs a tool to help our personal motivation in our day
Considering the areas of our life that we try to sacrifice on the altar of motherhood
Challenging our self-perception and the ‘rules’ we give ourselves on what we wear or don’t wear
Making your outcome whatever you want it to be and working backward
Aligning with your personal values as you work on getting ready each day
Reasons many stay at home moms have that we don’t get ready each day
I don’t have the time
I never leave the house
I just don’t do it, I don’t get ready
Finding our value and worth as a stay at home mom
Making a mental shift before we try to make an outward shift
We don’t just want to get dressed to ‘look good’ but we want to FEEL good
Empowering one another to NOT use how we dress as a reason to judge ourselves and other moms
There can be separations and assumptions we make on how moms dress, and we can categorize moms based on what they wear vs what we wear.
Considering the image we want to present to the world with what we wear
Moving from judgment into curiosity about what other moms could be going through
Watching where you might be judging moms who are a hot mess vs judging moms who are NOT a hot mess
Society tells us what a mom ‘should’ look like
Mom does not have to equal hot mess, crappy clothes, etc. We get to decide what it looks like to be ‘a mom’
We don’t need to be a victim to our days and motherhood
Taking ownership of wearing what we WANT to wear and letting go of the myth that we are 'too much'
Letting go of the myth that in order to look good we need to spend a lot of money
Fast fashion tells us that we need to spend all the money, every season, to have the trendy clothes of the season. Consider if fashion is something you value and want to spend money on and then making that happen
It is important to have the perspective that the online influencers sharing 'style' we follow are not buying their own clothes but are given them by stores
Building a capsule wardrobe
A capsule wardrobe is a great way to be mindful of the money we spend on clothes and 'how much' we need to have in our closet
Starting with core pieces, knowing your colours, and building a wardrobe you can mix and match and put outfits together
Key points on being a mom who gets dressed every day
When you wear what makes you feel good this shifts your mental state and motivation
Getting dressed doesn't have to take long, or be expensive
Learn the techniques to dress and don't worry so much about the trends
There is NOTHING WRONG with saying 'I want to look good'
When we spend the time and energy on ourselves we actually think about ourselves a lot less during the day
Links to Jaime and her resources
127. Planning your Summer on Purpose (Tips for Moms)
When we think about being home with the kids for the summer there can be a lot to dread AND be excited about in this season. I have found my way out of that mental overwhelm is to make a plan on what what I DO want my summer to be.
Over the years of planning our seasons as a family, we have developed an approach that helps us stay flexible, work around the hurdles and show up even on hard days. I want to share the main points with you here.
This episode has a companion workbook that takes you step by step through planning out the summer that you and your family want to have.
Get your Summer on Purpose Workbook here.
Planning your days, as a mom
I have found so much value in having a plan on what we will do. I started planning when I was home with my babies and have been loving the benefits ever since.
My kids even asked me to schedule their days for them during isolation, and I shared how that went here.
Why should a mom make a plan?
* To feel in control, rather than scramble for it last minute
* To make room for the important things to happen - balance - proactive
* To have some stability - for us and our kids - we know what is happening and what we need to expect and prepare for
* To take ownership - don’t let summer just happen AT you
* To have FUN! We want to ENJOY summer
So often we hear the countdown of 'how many summers we have left with our kids'. And this can make us a little panicky inside. I want to approach summer with intention and abundance.
Declutter the mental overwhelm of summer
* Ask what you feel EXPECTED to do, by culture, society, Instagram
* Ask what feels hard about summer as a mom?
* I have a list:
* The mornings where they get stir crazy but I’m not ready to head out
* Feeding everyone healthy snacks
* Getting work done
* Sibling spats - those have broken my brain in the past
* The energy I tell myself I will need to give them activities and adventures
* How will I handle screentime
I need to really brain dump all the things cluttering my brain and then address them point by point.
Planning out the summer you WANT to have
Ask your family - what summer do you want to have? What activities do you want to do? What vibes/feelings do you want summer to have?
Some years we were like road trips and camping
Some we were like backyard BBQs and beaches
Actually, we seem to rotate back and forth between the two
Some other visions for a summer:
Mocktails and gardening
Books and suntans
Fishing and hiking
Popsicles, parks and kiddie pools
Bike parks, bike paths and exploring
Neighbourhood water fights
Having a vision is so important. It lets you get clear on what you want so you can make the decisions that will get you there.
Just want I was looking for!
The simple on purpose podcast has been exactly what I needed. The podcasts are a perfect length and have so much variety in topics! From minimalism, declutting and all the things that come with motherhood, I am loving the encouragement and guidance from Shawna to live my life with more purpose and passion and really show up for my kids, family and life! This podcast has changed my life!
Wake up call
The recent podcast on “feeling disappointed about Christmas this year” was a great wake up call to the denial I’ve been experiencing lately. Great questions and practical steps I can take to discover and embrace a new way of celebrating what I value in this season. These podcasts often “wake me up” to thoughts or feelings I didn’t even realize I had. I love the relaxed, easy format (not too long!) and it feels like having a nice chat over coffee with a good friend.
The content really resonates with me
Your podcast really speaks to me, Shawna. You speak about the struggles I have with myself inside my mind on a daily basis. It’s very relieving to hear your soothing voice when my mind speaks negatively to me during my busy days wrestling with the mum tasks. Thank you.