The Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport The Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport

The current status quo of big name professional wrestling is… not something that is easy to have enthusiasm for. But we’re a podcast about WCW, which means our ability to Remember the 90s is extremely well honed. This means it’s time to talk about not something actually about WCW, but a product of the same time, when wrestling was still wrestling, it wasn’t Sports Entertainment, and it could therefore be a motif and not an extension of a larger product. Because no mortal wrestling promotion could sign Mike Haggar, he has a solar system to be mayor of, and invasions by Galactus to repel. Tonight, on what will surely go down in history as The Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport, Victor Ortega never pinned nobody, he’s a vacation champion.

In Jetta’s intro to this episode, she neglects to use the word “eulogize” to the normal intro of our show. That’s because what we have for you today isn’t a eulogy; it’s an invitation to those convened to speak up in respect for the deceased, so that we know who needs to be buried in the next few graves over. This, listeners, is the sort of thing that breaks a mind. This is only one of two movies I’ve forced myself to keep watching, and I had to at twice speed. It was still too long, and to be fair, 104 minutes of anything involving Hogan is way too long. Let alone when Chris Lemmon is with him, doing Chris Lemmon things, and supposedly cool boat that is supposedly there and that supposedly fights crime being held to the background for some sort of unbelievably boring family drama. We warned you, mess with Thunder, and you pay the price. Tonight, on what will surely go down as the Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport, Hulk Hogan challenges the entire country of Cuba to a Battle in a Boat Match.

Quick, how do you kill time on an episode of Thunder? How about having lightning strike the transmitter and ruin the broadcast quality for an entire episode. That is one way, but another is to debut an unknown against an established talent. In a nothing spot in the middle of the show, with him under a mask and coming to the ring wearing chaps, with aggressively generic entrance music. Imagine, if you will, that individual’s name is The Machine? Why. Don’t ask so many questions, this is a thought experiment, we’re talking about having to kill time on a professional wrestling show, which is the mark of quality entertainment. Which is exactly what this episode is about, in the first of a series we would like to call Anatomy of a Bad Match. Tonight, on what will surely go down in History as the Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport, we see new detailed fidelity in our wrestling experience through a particularly crisp Russian leg sweep.

It’s been a long time since last we reconvened. Live goes as ever it has, with its peaks and valleys, and without going into the nitty gritty, it’s nice to see some foothills for once. In the spirit of needing to get back into the swing of things, we decided to purge some wrestling vitriol. But not in the direction of WCW, because now’s the time to be positive about the things we generally feel positive about. And for all the bad there is to talk about WCW, it left a bigass footprint in the landscape, and now a lovely forest has grown on it. We love that forest.
So instead, here’s an episode about the UWF.
No, not that one, the other one.
No, the OTHER one.
Yeah. THAT one.
Tonight, on what will surely go down in history as the Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport, Terry Gordy pounded sand down A Mouse Hole (7 minutes, 38 seconds, ***½).

What Puerto Rico unleashed upon the world of wrestling was something that ECW picked up, WWF ran with and WCW… had. Yes, it’s the wonderful world of divisional Hardcore Wrestling, that area of kayfabe that wants you to assume there’s some official body in charge of regulating competitive Hit Each Other With Yard Implements Until One Can’t Move for Three Seconds matches. Yes, WCW had such a thing towards the end of its life. The results were, well, pretty much what you’d expect from something WCW tried at the end of its life. But that doesn’t mean we can’t squeeze an entertaining hour out of talking about that one little corner of Where the Big Boys Play, where the hottest dance was more often than not The Big Wiggle. Tonight, on what will surely go down as the Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport, the ups and down of that division where Terry Funk nearly got kicked in the skull by a horse.

Spring Break is among our hinkiest holidays, one which carries a higher than normal percentile probability for public humiliation, an STI and misdemeanor offenses stemming from altered states and mob mentality. It is thus of total coincidence that WCW decided it would be a fertile ground to run shows at Spring Break events. But here’s where the record scratch occurs and your mind is blown, because it turns out these shows were a great idea. More than simply giving the eyes of the viewing audience at home a vacation from the same old arena shows mainstream wrestling audiences are accustomed to now, the idea of “why not put a wrestling ring in a pool?” is an incredibly basic way to say to any possible interested onlooker “hey everybody, look over here, we got some shit you want to see.” And if you’re asking what alone is the value of that, consider that it’s professional wrestling that you’re watching, and that’s actually pretty much what every part of wrestling is doing. Wrestling fans, on what will surely go down as the Greatest Podcast in the History of Our Sport, we confirm that you don’t become Ric Flair if you steal his match’s finish.