200 episodes

Learn the secrets of saving a troubled marriage, and the methods to improve any marriage. Join Dr. Lee Baucom as he explores practical ways to save a marriage. Gain the understanding and tools you need in order to successfully solve your relationship problems with love and respect.

The Save The Marriage Podcast Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

    • Health & Fitness
    • 4.5 • 30 Ratings

Learn the secrets of saving a troubled marriage, and the methods to improve any marriage. Join Dr. Lee Baucom as he explores practical ways to save a marriage. Gain the understanding and tools you need in order to successfully solve your relationship problems with love and respect.

    Limiting Beliefs Blocking Your Spouse

    Limiting Beliefs Blocking Your Spouse

    We all have limiting beliefs.  You... me... and your spouse!  I always work to change my limiting beliefs.  You are probably doing the same.  But you can't just change your spouse's limiting beliefs!



    What is a limiting belief?  It is a mostly-FALSE belief.  But more than that, it is one that keeps you stuck... unable to see bigger possibilities.  Potentials for change.



    Mostly, limiting beliefs are about what CAN'T happen, what is NOT possible.



    Even when there are possibilities.



    Even when things CAN change.



    If someone can't see a way to move forward, they are unlikely to be willing to try to move forward.  So, they stay stuck.  And if it is a spouse who can't see forward on saving your marriage, it can keep YOU stuck, too!



    In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I respond to JJ's question about how to deal with her spouse's belief that "if a marriage was meant to be, it would be easy."  I also address several other false/limiting beliefs... and what to do about them.



    Listen in below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    Survival Series

    What Happy Couples Know

    Showing Up

    Save The Marriage System



    (Have a question you want answered on a future podcast?  EMAIL ME HERE -- let me know if you want me to use a pseudonym!  Make sure the question is one that can help others.  I'll try to answer!)

    • 22 min
    You are NOT Enemies!

    You are NOT Enemies!

    Roles. We all have them. We all play them.



    Some are "identity roles." They identify us in the role. For example, I am "son," "father," "brother," "husband."



    Some are "function roles." They identify what we do. For example, I am "coach," "therapist," "author," "speaker," and "podcaster" (among others). They tell you what I do, what role I play in life.



    Then there are "attribution roles." They try to describe why we do something.



    And it is in the arena of attribution roles that I want to focus some attention. Because those attributions, both on ourselves and others, can serve to keep us stuck. And keep others stuck in the roles we attribute to them.



    Two very toxic roles are the roles of Enemy and Victim.



    To be clear, there is a difference between being a victim of some circumstance and playing the role of Victim.



    And to be crystal clear, no matter what has happened in your marriage to this point, you are NOT Enemies. That is a role that you may assign. But it will keep you stuck.



    Listen in to this podcast episode for more on avoiding these roles... and what to do, instead.



    RELATED RESOURCES:

    Being On The Same Team

    How To Be A WE

    Dealing With Anger

    Showing Up

    Save The Marriage System

    • 25 min
    Can a Marriage Turn Around Quickly?

    Can a Marriage Turn Around Quickly?

    Lots of people have asked me how long it takes for a marriage crisis to turn around... for the marriage to start heading in the RIGHT direction.  Does it take days?  Weeks??  Years???



    I often tell them that marriages in crisis can often turn around amazingly fast.



    That doesn't mean YOUR marriage will.  But it often does happen.



    Why is it that a marriage can feel like it is on the edge of collapse, and then seemingly come back to life overnight?



    It all has to do with a basic human need that we all have.  It is the central part of a marriage, and goes so deep that when it is missing, it is painful.  When it is restored (the right way), it is immediately healing.  Listen below for why marriage turn quickly (and why the don't).



    RELATED RESOURCES

    Connection is the Lifeblood

    There is no Pause

    No Manipulation

    Healing Disconnection

    Save The Marriage System



     

    • 21 min
    Crisis Clarity

    Crisis Clarity

    Nothing gets your focus and attention like a crisis.  But sometimes, that Crisis Clarity isn't so helpful.



    Let's backtrack just a minute.  What is Crisis Clarity?



    Just for a moment, let's assume that you have had a sense that something was not right with your marriage.  Maybe you asked about it.  Or perhaps you just hoped for the best -- that things would turn around, settle down, and get on-track.



    Then suddenly, the crisis emerges.  You learn about an affair.  Your spouse gives you the "love you, not in love with you" speech.  Your spouse wants to separate.  You get divorce papers.  Or... fill in the blank ____________.



    It is no longer a theoretical problem.



    It is a full-blown crisis!



    And that crisis gets your attention.  Your FULL attention.



    That is Crisis Clarity.



    Yes, it can be helpful.  And it can also be harmful.



    How do you understand and handle Crisis Clarity?  I cover it in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    The Pause Button Marriage

    Why Connection Matters

    Having a Plan

    No Contact is Crap

    Grab the System

    • 14 min
    Crisis vs. Problem

    Crisis vs. Problem

    On a regular basis, people want to tell me about the problem with their marriage.  Then, they tell me about the current crisis:  "my spouse doesn't love me/is having an affair/won't talk to me/wants to separate/wants to divorce/etc./etc."



    They want to solve the crisis.  And they think THAT is the problem!



    They would be wrong.



    What they are describing is a symptom.  Not the problem.



    If you try to solve a symptom, all you get are other symptoms.  No resolution, no help, and no change.



    We don't just do it about a marriage issue.  If you are running a fever, you may decide to take some acetaminophen or ibuprofen.  And you might feel better (the fever likely comes down).  But if there is an underlying problem, treating the symptom means that some other symptom will just emerge... and it may be even worse!



    In this podcast, I look at the difference between a symptom (the crisis) and the problem (what led to the crisis). That will help you to actually make a difference in your marriage, solve the crisis, and resolve the problem.



    Listen below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    Why Connection is so Important

    Help with Re-Connecting

    Wack-a-mole?

    Dealing with Infidelity

    Save The Marriage System

    Coaching Services

    • 14 min
    The Dad Edge

    The Dad Edge

    Every now and then (well, actually quite frequently), people tell me stories about how parenting didn’t exactly elicit the best response.  Many times, people tell me with regret over words and actions they wish they had not expressed.  Sure, there is some shame, maybe some blame.



    But there is often very little change.



    On this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I sit down with Larry Hagner and discuss how his bad moment with his child led to change.  Not just for Larry, but for many other people.



    You see, Larry didn’t have a great example of how to be a good parent.  So he was doing the best he could with the tools at hand.  But it was not going the way he wanted.  So, he decided that something had to change.



    He decided that HE had to change!



    It became a quest, to be a better parent… to be a better partner and person, too!



    Larry started (some time back) by starting a FB group that looked to get others to share their parenting wisdom.  This grew and grew.



    When it became clear that others were looking for support and guidance, Larry got serious and created The Dad Edge.



    In this interview, Larry and I talk about the struggles with limited parenting models many people got from their childhood, how important the parenting (specifically, the Dad) role is in development, and how to start on a path of better parenting.



    Listen in below.



    RELATED RESOURCES

    The Dad Edge Website

    Impact of Divorce on the Children

    The Husband Bootcamp

    • 50 min

Customer Reviews

4.5 out of 5
30 Ratings

30 Ratings

Brandon112211 ,

wow, so good.

I just started listening and finding so much helpful info. Wish i had found this years ago. Makes so much sense. Thank you greatly Dr. Baucom

tjh-Canuck ,

Inspirational

I started listening to this podcast just before Christmas when I was about to give up on a 41 year marriage. Now, while my marriage is still in jeopardy, I have the tools and motivation to work and try to make it what it was. This is one of the best, if not the best podcast in this genre. If you are having marital problems listen.

Hailescod ,

Life changing

I had listened to many podcasts before finding this one and nothing compares. Not only has my marriage greatly improved from this series but I have noticed a huge difference in my outlook towards life in general. Thank you for all your help!! I look forward to hearing new ones each week.

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