Making Sense of Parenting Kelly K Shoup

Are you anxious and afraid? Do you feel ill-equipped to protect your children when they go out into the world? In today’s episode, Kelly is offering three areas to focus on, especially when tragedies occur. As always, she is full of practical suggestions as well as spiritual insights into the way we can choose to show up, no matter what life throws at us.
“We know there is a God, we know He loves us. We know we can trust him… Ground your kids in that.” - Kelly Shoup
First, Kelly addresses how to maintain your calm, and offers multiple concrete ways to deal with the bodily experience of anxiety. As faith-based people, we are well-equipped to handle crises; we don’t need to respond in a frenzy, like the rest of society. She also encourages parents to speak to their children about tragic events in a calm, neutral way. Secondly, Kelly talks about controlling what you can, and letting go of what you can’t. She encourages parents to be discerning about the narrative entering their homes, and touches on God’s perspective in the midst of evil events. She suggests that living in fear is not really living at all, and encourages parents to practice fully entrusting their children to God’s care. She even has a playful way of teaching children to put on the full armor of God every day before leaving the house. Finally, Kelly is encouraging connection. She explains that when you connect with your children, you can also correct, direct, and influence them. As your children watch their friends’ parents collapse into fear-based decisions, they will look at you to see how you are showing up. Imagine being a parent so fully immersed in God’s love that you can respond with calm, control, and connection towards your family. In this way, you can fully model what it looks like to live a life of trust, grounded in Scripture and truth.
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In this episode, Kelly explores the age-old adage, "Ignorance is bliss," questioning its relevance in parenting. Drawing from her experience as a mother of three teenagers Kelly highlights both the positive and negative connotations of ignorance. She acknowledges that some forms of ignorance, particularly in situations beyond one's control, may lead to a blissful state as unnecessary worry is avoided.
However, Kelly strongly argues against embracing ignorance in parenting, especially when it comes to understanding and addressing children's behaviors and issues. She contends that remaining ignorant can perpetuate parental misery and lead to more significant challenges down the road. Kelly emphasizes the importance of recognizing and addressing potential issues early on, offering support to parents in navigating the complexities of raising children.
Central to Kelly's approach is her expertise in understanding the sensory system, a key element in human development often overlooked by parents, teachers, and even professionals. She explains that knowledge about the sensory system is crucial for recognizing and addressing behaviors caused by sensory overload. Kelly asserts that connecting with children on a sensory level is fundamental to effective parenting, encouraging parents to understand their child's unique sensory sensitivities.
Towards the end of the episode, Kelly introduces her monthly membership program, providing a safe space for parents to access valuable information, participate in group coaching calls, and receive guidance tailored to their specific situations. She emphasizes the importance of taking small steps and understanding the sensory system as a powerful tool for improving parent-child relationships and creating a more blissful family life.
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In this episode Kelly offers valuable insights and strategies for navigating the challenges of summer parenting. In this discussion, she addresses the commonly dreaded "summer scaries," a phenomenon many mothers experience when contemplating the upcoming months with their kids. Kelly challenges the perception that summer is a source of anxiety, emphasizing the potential for improved health, family well-being, and stronger connections when approached with the right mindset and skill set. Kelly emphasizes two important points to help navigate the “summer scaries”. One, is inviting God’s grace into the situations you are facing and two, maintain good connections with your children.
As a parenting coach, Kelly underscores the importance of connecting with children rather than controlling them, advocating for a relational approach that fosters trust and cooperation. She shares her passion for working with children aged three to eight, emphasizing the significance of building a strong foundation during these formative years. Kelly's unique approach involves integrating God and His grace into parenting, highlighting the role of faith in fostering a more harmonious family life.
Throughout the discussion, Kelly addresses various topics that commonly cause stress for parents during the summer, such as guilt, overwhelm, and the pressure to plan activities for kids. She provides practical advice on handling challenges like boredom, body image issues, play dates, camps, substance abuse concerns, and maintaining academic engagement. Kelly emphasizes the need for flexibility and encourages parents to create an environment that allows for both structure and freedom.
Kelly reassures them that they don't have to face these challenges alone. She invites them to seek the help they need to ensure a successful, enjoyable, and stress-free summer for both parents and children. Kelly's approach is grounded in the belief that embracing the trials of parenting is an invitation to grow towards holiness and heaven, and she is dedicated to helping parents navigate this journey with confidence and trust in their abilities.
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In this episode, Kelly addresses the issue of overwhelm experienced by women, particularly mothers. She emphasizes that she has been assisting numerous overwhelmed moms who feel burdened by various responsibilities and anxieties. She acknowledges the challenges faced by overachiever parents and aims to guide them towards a better approach to parenting.
Kelly's discussion covers several key points. Firstly, she delves into the body-based reasons why women, particularly mothers, tend to experience overwhelm more frequently. She links this phenomenon to hormonal differences, particularly estrogen, and explores the brain's distinct networks and modes of thinking that contribute to overwhelm.
Kelly addresses the prevalent issue of moms comparing themselves negatively with other seemingly perfect parents on social media. She highlights the importance of understanding one's unique parenting challenges and viewing these as opportunities for growth, change, and connection with God. She stresses that discomfort and challenges are part of the parenting journey, designed to aid personal development and closeness to God.
The episode also explores the scientific aspect of overwhelm, discussing the brain's neural networks, hormonal influence, and gender differences. Kelly highlights that women's brains naturally tend toward diffuse awareness, which can contribute to overwhelm. She explains that while men and women both experience stress, their responses and brain mechanisms differ.
Kelly's advice for combating overwhelm revolves around four strategies. Firstly, she advocates seeking grace and divine assistance to handle the challenges of parenting. Secondly, she emphasizes cultivating self-awareness, understanding one's tendencies, and making conscious choices to avoid overcommitting. Thirdly, she encourages establishing checks and balances by involving others, such as spouses, friends, or even children, to keep one accountable and prevent taking on too much.
Lastly, Kelly promotes the use of body-based techniques to manage overwhelm. Breathing exercises, physical movements, and reflex techniques are highlighted as powerful tools that can be easily incorporated into daily routines. By implementing these strategies, parents can effectively address overwhelm, avoid burnout, and create a more balanced and peaceful parenting experience.
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In this episode, Kelly delves into the impact of labeling children as "sporty" or “not sporty” and advocates for a more open view of sports. Challenging the belief that athleticism solely depends on physical attributes, Kelly underscores the significance of varied perspectives. She encourages parents to nurture their children's overall well-being, recognizing their unique qualities as chosen by God, while guiding them towards a personalized path of sportiness.
Kelly sheds light on the need for parents to release their expectations when it comes to their children's sports activities. Emphasizing that children have distinct preferences and opinions, often differing from their parents, Kelly urges parents to support these individual choices. The episode also underscores the role of modeling sports activity and athleticism for children, regardless of time constraints or personal doubts, fostering a healthier mindset towards physical activity.
Kelly highlights the need for parents to demonstrate the significance of being fit by dedicating even a few minutes a day to physical activity. The episode also discusses the "try-on" phase, where children explore various sports and activities to find their resonance. Kelly emphasizes the need to create a supportive environment for "watcher" children who need to see first and gradually encourage their participation. Ultimately, the message is clear: parents should pay attention to their children's unique preferences, nurturing a wholesome approach to sports and physical activities.
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In this episode, Kelly discusses the common experiences of moms having meltdowns. She emphasizes that moms, like anyone else, can experience moments of overwhelm and frustration. The meltdowns she refers to are moments that occur when the pressure of parenting, combined with various stressors, can lead to emotional releases. It is important to remember that we walk closely with God and invite God’s grace into these moments when they occur.
Kelly highlights several triggers for these meltdowns, ranging from dealing with changes and transitions in routines to the physical toll of not taking care of one's body. She emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and understanding these triggers in order to manage them effectively. Kelly also underscores the significance of recognizing that moms are human too and are allowed to experience emotions, even in front of their children.
Furthermore, Kelly discusses the impact of major life events, such as milestone celebrations or dangerous situations, which can exacerbate the likelihood of meltdowns. She suggests that having a plan for self-regulation during these moments can be crucial for moms to maintain composure.
Kelly also delves into the concept of "multi-layer meltdowns," where the accumulation of stressors throughout the day can lead to a delayed emotional release, often occurring when a mom is alone or in the car. She highlights the importance of using these instances to model healthy emotional management for children.
Finally, Kelly addresses the significance of combatting isolation and loneliness among moms. She stresses the need for a supportive community of other women, who can provide understanding, connection, and emotional relief. By sharing personal experiences and seeking help from others, moms can navigate their meltdowns with greater self-awareness and a sense of camaraderie.
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