呢喃助眠 | 《恋人絮语》双语选‪读‬ 怂怂的蛋黄酱

Historically, thediscourse of absence is carried on bythe Woman :
Woman is sedentary,Man hunts, journeys;
Woman is faithful (she waits ), man is fickle(he sails away, he cruises) .
It is Woman who gives shape to absence, elaborates its fiction, for she has time to do so; 
she weaves and she sings; the Spinning Songs express both immobility (by thehum of theWheel ) and absence (far away, rhythms oftravel, sea surges,cavalcades ). 
It follows that in any man who utters the other's absence something feminineis declared: 
thisman who waits and who suffers fromhis waiting is miraculously feminized. 
A man is not feminized because he is inverted butbecause he is in love.

要追溯历史的话，倾诉离愁别绪的是女人：女人在一处呆着，男人外出狩猎，四处奔波；女人专一（她得等待），男子多变（他扬帆远航，浪迹天涯）。于是，是女人酿出了思夫的情愫，并不断添枝加叶，因为她有的是时间；她边纺织边浅吟低唱，纺织小曲里透露出安详宁静（纺锤发出单调的嗡嗡声）和怅然若失（听来那么遥远，风尘仆仆的节奏，大海的汹涌，车行的辚辚声）。
由此看来，一个男子若要倾诉对远方情人的思念便会显示出某种女子气：这个处于等待和痛苦中的男子奇迹般地女性化了。男子女性化的原因主要不在于他所处位置的颠倒，而在于他的恋爱。

Sometimes I haveno difficulty enduring absence. Then I am “normal”: I fall in with the way"everyone" endures the departure of a "beloved person"; Idiligently obey the training by which I was very early accustomed to beseparated from my mother- which nonetheless remained, at its source, a matterof suffering (not to say hysteria) . I behave as a well-weaned subject; I canfeed myself, meanwhile, on other things besides the maternal breast.
This endured absence is nothing more or less than forgetfulness. I am, intermittently, unfaithful.This is the conditionof my survival; for if I did not forget, I shoulddie. Thelover who doesn't forgetsometimesdies ofexcess, exhaustion,and tension of memory (like Werther).
(As a child, I didn'tforget: interminable days, abandoneddays, when the Mother was working far away; I wouldgo, evenings, to waitfor her at the Ubi. bus stop, Sevres-Babylone; the buses would pass one afterthe other, she wasn't in any of them.)

忍受分离有时对我来说并不十分难。这样我就“正常”了：“大家”怎样忍受“情人”的分离，我也怎样忍受；我很早就习惯了与母亲的分离——尽管如此，从根本上来说还是件痛苦的事（别说感到惊恐了）——所以还能对付。我像个顺利断奶的孩子；在这期间，我能从其他地方摄食，而不必再依赖母亲的乳汁。
这种忍受分离的办法便是忘却。我时常有所不专，这是我赖以生存的条件；要是我不能忘却的话，那简直要我的命。恋人若无法忘却，有时会因记忆的魂萦梦牵身心交瘁，过度紧张，而最终死去（如维特便是）。
（在孩提时代，我无法忘却：在那些被冷落的日子里，母亲去远处干活了，漫漫长夜没有尽头；夜幕降临时，我会到塞夫勒—巴比隆的Ubis公共汽车站去等她；汽车一辆接一辆地驶过，上面总没有她的影子。）

Endlessly I sustainthe discourse of thebeloved's absence; actually a preposterous situation; the other is absentas referent, present as allocutory. Thissingular distortion generatesa kindof insupportablepresent ; Iam wedged between two tenses,that of thereference and that of the allocution: you have gone (which I lament) ,  you arehere (since I am addressing you). Whereupon I know what thepresent, thatdifficult tense, is : apure portion of anxiety.
Absence persists--I must endure it.  Hence I willmanipulateit: transformthe distortion of time into oscillation, produce rhythm, make an entranceon to the stage of language
(language is bornof absence: the child hasmade himself a doll out of a spool, throws it away and picks it up again , miming the mother's departureand return:a paradigm is created).
Absence becomes anactive practice,abusiness(which keeps me from doing anything else); there is a creation of a fictionwhich has many roles (doubts,reproaches, desires, melancholies). Thisstaging of language postpones the other'sdeath: a very short interval,
we are told, separatesthe time during which the child still believes his mother to be absent and the time during which he believes her to be already dead.To manipulate absence is to extend this interval, to delay as long as possible the moment when the other might topple sharply from absence into death.

我这样不停地诉说思念之苦，实际上是个很荒唐的情境；情人不在场，所以她是谈论的对象；而在我的倾诉中，她又是受话人，所以又是在场的；这个怪现象引出了一个无法成立的现在时态；我被夹在两个时态中无所适从，既有描述谈论对象的时态，又有针对受话人的时态：你已经远离（所以我才惘然若失），你又在眼前（既然我正在对你说话）。从这里我才悟出现在时这个最棘手的时态是怎么一回事，这原来是焦灼不安的一种迹象。
分离仍没有结束——我还得忍受。所以我得左右这个情境：将时间的错位转化为一种往返，从而造成节奏韵律，将语言戏剧化（分离才造成语言：小孩将线轴当成一个玩偶，抛开又拾回，摹拟母亲的离开和归来，由此形成了一个纵聚合关系）。
对远方情人的思念成了一种积极的活动，一桩正经事（使我其他什么事都干不成）；从中衍生出许多虚构情境（怀疑，怨艾，渴望，惆怅）。语言经戏剧化后，对方的死亡被推延了：据说小孩子很快会从相信他母亲不在身边转而相信他母亲已不在人世。这其间只有很小的间隙。活跃情人不在的情境便是延长这个间隔，推迟这个信念的突然转变，以不至于很快相信对方已不在人世。
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