100 episodes

Dr. Henry Cloud's Boundaries.me podcast features inspiring stories about the benefits to your relationships, mental health, productivity and wellbeing that come when you implement healthy boundaries.

The Boundaries.me Podcast Dr. Henry Cloud

    • Health & Fitness

Dr. Henry Cloud's Boundaries.me podcast features inspiring stories about the benefits to your relationships, mental health, productivity and wellbeing that come when you implement healthy boundaries.

    Episode 400 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Motivation Might Be Holding You Back

    Episode 400 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Motivation Might Be Holding You Back

    Wanting to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to stop thinking of motivation as the key to success. While of course motivation is an important part of getting started, it can also cause problems. Hope deferred makes the heart sick, as the Bible says, and motivations that don’t lead to actions can cause their own set of problems along these same lines. An addict may want to get clean and be motivated to do so, but at each turn they find an obstacle and it doesn’t get them to sobriety. As these motivations accrue and lead to dead ends a new pattern emerges: helplessness. You can’t depend on motivation to get you to where you want to go. It ebbs and flows and it will let you down. So what does work when you have the motivation? Prioritization, habits, patterns, practices, accountability partners. Dr. Cloud wants you to keep your motivation, but be mindful that it’s not the fuel that leads to the end game. Let your motivation lead you to a new habit that’s more sustainable than motivation alone.
     
    Write-in Question:
    I have a short temper and I often wind up alienating myself from others because I am quick to get angry. It's probably affecting my blood pressure (which is high) and my overall mental health, and obviously the quality of my relationships too. Even when I try to suppress my anger, I find myself acting in a passive aggressive way. How can I learn to control my anger before it controls me?
     
    Lindsey needs help with reestablishing priorities again. She got on the wrong track and wants to rethink how she views prioritizing the healthy habits she used to have.
     
    Leslie gets insecure about the men she’s dating and whether they are interested in other women. How can she tell if this is just jealousy or her intuition picking up on a bigger problem?
     
    Theresa has a problem with a brother she loves that also has some anger issues. How can she bring peace to the situation without sweeping the problems under the rug?
     
    Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
    Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
    If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
    https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
     

    • 1 hr 9 min
    The Dr. Cloud Show - Dealing with Different Types of Narcissists

    The Dr. Cloud Show - Dealing with Different Types of Narcissists

    Narcissism has become such a commonplace word that not only has it lost its specificity, but in doing so it has become difficult to identify the types of narcissistic behavior you might be dealing with. Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to learn what type of narcissistic patterns a person may have. Some narcissists can change for the better, and others can’t. Dr. Cloud describes the different underlying causes of this behavior and how you can address the entitlement that it presents as. In some cases you need to stay clear of these people, In other cases, through patience and love, they can find the vulnerability they need to become their real selves. 
     
    -Sarah has cut off contact with her mother but has family engagements where she can’t avoid her. How can she protect her sense of peace when her mother is around?
    -Kimberly has experienced rejection, whether from romantic partners or her own kids. How can she stop ruminating and playing out regrets?
    -Megan is a positive person, but when it comes to her future she has a really tough time seeing positive outcomes happening. What can she do to change her self-talk to something more positive?
     
    Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
    Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud. Take advantage of early sale pricing before 
    If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
    https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
     

    • 1 hr 14 min
    The Dr. Cloud Show - Symptoms vs Root Causes

    The Dr. Cloud Show - Symptoms vs Root Causes

    When you’re struggling, you’re usually going to have a symptom: you might be anxious, depressed, afraid, overreacting. You might be getting stuck accomplishing something. Whatever your symptoms might be, Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to see the key differences between symptoms and root causes. Learning more about your symptoms can help you see where your root causes are, but continuing to treat the symptoms without investigating the causes won’t lead to real change. Dr. Cloud wants you to stop and examine your symptoms so that you can get the help you need to address the real underlying causes behind them. It’s a great way to start feeling better.
    Write-in Question:
    I was in a relationship for years with someone who made me question my own reality. By the end, I felt crazy and didn't know what was real anymore. I've been out of it for a while but I still struggle with self-doubt. Do you have any advice for overcoming the effects of long-term gaslighting?
    Barbara wants to know what the process of healing from childhood trauma looks like in terms of time and commitment?
    Joy got dumped by a widower after being together for two years, out of nowhere. When they started the relationship he had lost his wife only three months prior and isn’t sure if she was just a rebound-relationship to him.
    Donna has a lack of trust that’s causing some serious problems. She doesn’t even trust her doctor. How can she assess trustworthiness better and gain some skills so that she can at least begin trusting at all again?
    Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
    Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
    If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
    https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

    • 1 hr 10 min
    Episode 397 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Fake It Till You Make It

    Episode 397 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Fake It Till You Make It

    While of course being your authentic self is always a good idea, "faking it" can be an incredible tool. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about the psychological power that comes from faking it till you make it. Whenever a new task is put in front of you that you don’t know exactly how to do, this technique can be used to give you the confidence you’ll need to learn. When we are put in a position where we don’t have the requisite understanding or skills to perform, the process of faking it till you make it can help you avoid the feeling of being an imposter. Imposter syndrome can make you feel like a fraud. There are two components to faking it till you make it. One is that ALL learning is faking it till you make it. You don’t know what you’re doing until you’re doing it, and the process is inextricably linked to learning. The second component is that you actually have to do something to fake it till you make it! Rather than sitting around pondering and wondering whether you can do something, faking it till you make it gets you going on the path! Growth is not easy, but it’s really hard if you need to be perfect and all-knowing in order to get started. Fake it till you make it and you are on the right track to getting a new ability.
    Lori needs help managing her relationship with her her ex-husband. They are still financially intertwined, but she might also still have feelings of love keeping her stuck.
    Write-in Question: I have been surprised recently to discover that my husband and I have very different positions on a major event that has been occurring in the global news. Through deeper discussion, it's clear that his values haven't changed, and I don't believe mine have either. We have always agreed on nearly everything when it comes to politics and ideals, and otherwise we still do. I want to have healthy separateness, but it is a strange feeling to disagree about something that we both have such strong conviction towards. How important is it for married people to have the same position about big topics like this?
    Tasha wants to stop comparing herself to others. She can see that it's coming from a need to control her world that might stem from earlier trauma.
     
    Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
    Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
    If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
    https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
     

    • 1 hr 5 min
    he Dr. Cloud Show - How Criticism Can Help You

    he Dr. Cloud Show - How Criticism Can Help You

    What’s the first thing you think of when you hear the word “criticism?” How you handle criticism is not just a measure of your patience, it’s also a huge growth opportunity. Dr. Henry Cloud explains how changing the frame through which you look at criticism can greatly improve your relationships and your performance. How you feel about criticism can also tell you a lot about your character. Getting to the next level in your life involves improving on things or adding new things to your life, whatever they may be. If you are not willing to find out where you can improve from the outside it’s going to be very difficult to verify real changes. Dr. Cloud wants you to think about your reactions to feedback and how you can steer away from defensiveness. Not all criticism is warranted or justified, but when it’s coming from a trusted source that wants the best for you it can be a blessing and chance to change for the better. 
     
    Dr. Cloud answers this write-in question:
    I have a getting-started problem. I am a 37 year old male and I know that I need to make changes if I want to live the kind of life I always imagined living. I could lose a few pounds. I could take my dating relationships more seriously. I could be more ambitious at work. I could play a few less video games and drink a bit less. But I don't, and feel like I'm always living in tomorrow. I come up with plans but I never get started. Is there something I can do today that will make the kind of difference that I'll feel immediately, and might help me get more motivated to get to work?
     
    Heather needs strategies for staying emotionally centered when things get heated with family members she works with. 
     
    Regina has a daughter who is a pastor in Sweden. How can she make her relationship with her daughter work when her daughter is showing signs of contempt toward her at every turn?
     
    Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
    Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
    If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice. https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
     

    • 1 hr 2 min
    The Dr. Cloud Show - What’s Your Conflict Type?

    The Dr. Cloud Show - What’s Your Conflict Type?

    How do you work on conflicts in a relationship? Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think about which way you lean when something comes up that’s either uncomfortable, argumentative or otherwise conflictual in your relationships. Understanding that there are basically three types of behavior that you might engage in, one of them being more prevalent in your life. The three types are moving toward, moving away, or moving against. You will always move in one of these directions during a conflict. Where this gets interesting is when you see that rather than making a choice, you might be doing this automatically. You might be moving away from a conflict when you need to move against it. And so on. As you begin learning your conflict type, you’ll also see it in others and your relationships will greatly improve as conflicts arise.
     
    Jacqueline wants to take care of her sister’s former foster daughter as a child advocate, but her sister is against the idea and sees it as a betrayal. What do you do when someone you love is preventing you from doing what’s right? 
     
    Anne is having difficulty accepting her decision to end a romantic relationship. Did she leave for the right reasons, or was it out of misplaced fears?
     
    Written Question:
    I am really interested in personal growth. Lately I feel like my enthusiasm for personal growth and development content might be going overboard though. I follow a lot of good folks on social media, read tons of books, watch Youtube videos, and attend seminars in person. These things all make me feel good and like I'm doing something right, but I'm not sure if I'm really doing all that much growing. Can you overdose on personal growth, or what am I doing wrong?
     
    Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?
    Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain.  Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.
    If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.
    https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud
     

    • 58 min

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