MegAnne is NOT a parent, but..‪.‬ MegAnne Ford

In today's episode, we will be chatting about the qualities and characteristics of a secure parent. Whether this is your first time listening or you've been on this entire journey with me, we are nearing the end of our eight-episode stretch exploring the four qualities of secure attachment. So, I invite you to get cozy, grab your notebook, and let's dig in.
Starting at the top, it's important to remember that strong relationships, especially between parent and child, involve a dance between rupture and repair, mistakes and reconnection, mess, and clean-up. The quality of this dance influences our attachment bond. Attachment, rooted in attachment theory, affects your child's mental, physical, intellectual, emotional, and social development. The strength of your relationship with your child predicts how well both of you will do in school and in life. It's foundational work, the unglamorous process of building a secure base.
When I mention a secure base, I mean a safe place for the child to land and launch from. It's crucial to note that your perception of bonding with your child differs from how your child perceives it. In this eight-episode breakdown, we're shifting from the parent's perspective to the child's. We're focusing on how the child feels safe, seen, soothed, and ultimately secure with you. Building these foundations is a worthwhile investment.
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We have made it to episode six of this episode stretch, talking through attachment theories and the quality of attachments, and how parents can show up to create a sense of trust or distrust.
We've been going through, just talking about the foundations of what creates that connection in a relationship, and we are coming off of the foundation of attachment theory, where it states that strong relationships are that dance of rupture and repair.
There are benign ruptures, meaning like little blips in the relationships, and then there are big ruptures that require major repair. The quality of that dance, how well we are sensitive to the ruptures and quick to repair, and the quality of the repair made is what signals the quality of the attachment bond.
So we're talking about attachment theory.
Attachment theory is the quality of that attachment bond that affects the way that your child develops mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. The strength of this relationship is the main predictor of how well your child will do both in school and in life, meaning how well you are becoming aware of the ruptures and doing the repair work with them is empowering their toolbox so that they take those skills into their future relationships.
In all of this, the child is looking for a safe base, somewhere to land and somewhere to launch from that creates a sense of safety in them. It's important to know that your sense of bonding, your sense of safety with your child, is different than their sense of safety with you.
For example, I work with parents, and sometimes they come to me and say, "No, no, no, I'm not punishing them," but they act this way. And when we flip it and I say, "Well, do you think that they are feeling punished?" then they start to say, "Oh yes, they are."
It's when we shift out of our own perspective and shift into a child's perspective, we can start to see like, "Oh, the ways that I'm showing up is creating this threat response in them." And as soon as we can become aware of that, then we can start to step into our own empowerment of growth and change.
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We will look at unsafe parenting. The topic of this series is delving into attachment theory and breaking down this complex theory.
Strong relationships are likened to a dance between rupture and repair. In my positive parenting class, I discuss this concept using the visual of a pothole. Living in a downtown area, I often encounter potholes that can disrupt entire streets.
Despite our efforts to avoid them, potholes persist, much like ruptures in relationships. Some ruptures are benign, such as momentarily checking a text message during a conversation.
However, if left unaddressed, these small ruptures can escalate into larger issues that linger for months or even years. It's crucial to address and repair these ruptures to build and maintain strong relationships.
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Inside this series exploring the four qualities of a secure attachment bond, we're discussing the dance between rupture and repair. Ruptures are mistakes, moments of dysregulation, outbursts, frustration, or anger.
These moments are natural and human. In a secure relationship, we come back together and do the repair work, recovering from those ruptures.
Therefore, when navigating attachment and building secure attachment, we become curious about the quality of our comfortability with rupture and repair. To remind everyone, attachment theory focuses on the quality of the attachment bond that affects your child's development – mentally, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and socially. Importantly, a caregiver's attachment to the child actually starts long before the child forms an attachment to the caregiver.
These attachments develop differently for each person. In my work, platform, classes, and this podcast, we shift your perspective as the parent or caregiver.
We elevate the child's perspective because in a secure relationship, we're looking at whether the child has a safe haven (or "safe face to land") to return to after a rupture.
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What is insecure parenting? Let's explore the underlying factors contributing to insecurity in parenting and gain valuable insights into overcoming challenges and fostering a more confident and nurturing approach.
Learn from me, a certified parent coach who teaches Positive Parenting Methods and coaches you to create a home environment that you can be proud of!
Tune in to uncover practical tips, expert advice, and real-life stories aimed at empowering parents to break free from insecurity and cultivate a more secure and fulfilling relationship with their children.
Learn the difference between a punishment and a Consequence.
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In this series of videos, we delve into various parenting styles, aiming to provide a comprehensive understanding of what secure parenting entails.
One fundamental aspect highlighted is the establishment of boundaries and limits within the parent-child relationship. These boundaries serve as essential tools in the toolkit of a secure parent, contributing to the development of a healthy and balanced dynamic.
By setting clear boundaries and limits, parents create a sense of structure and safety for their children, fostering an environment conducive to emotional security and growth. Through exploration and discussion, we aim to empower parents with the knowledge and skills necessary to cultivate a secure and nurturing parenting approach.
IN TRUST
Episode 5.28 The secure parent 
Episode 5.30 The safe parent Episode
5.32 The soothing parent
Episode 5.34 The seeing parent
NOT IN TRUST
Episode 5.29 The insecure parent
Episode 5.31 The unsafe parent Episode
5.33 The unsoothing parent Episode
5.35 The unseeing parent
 
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https://www.bekindcoaching.com/positive-parenting-links
🌐 Visit the Be Kind Coaching website
https://www.bekindcoaching.com/
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