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Helping parents raise life ready kids in a challenging world.

Brought to you by Project Patch which exists to "Building Thriving Families, Restoring Hope to Teens, and Empowering Supportive Communities."

Today's Family Experience Today's Family Experience

    • Kindererziehung

Helping parents raise life ready kids in a challenging world.

Brought to you by Project Patch which exists to "Building Thriving Families, Restoring Hope to Teens, and Empowering Supportive Communities."

    Andy Crouch – The Tech-Wise Family (Interview)

    Andy Crouch – The Tech-Wise Family (Interview)

    My guest for this episode is Andy Crouch, author of the book, “The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology In Its Proper Place.”  I’m a big fan of this book and the ideas that Andy shares. This book is so different from other books about technology and parenting because it focuses on the core goals of parenting and child development.  It isn’t a tech-hostile book but is one that seeks to take advantage of the benefits of technology without losing the power of family.

    Andy Crouch is an author, speaker, and thought leader.  He is a partner for theology and culture at Praxis, a unique entrepreneurship and non-profit incubator which focuses on redemptive callings.  He has written several books including, “Strong and Weak: Embracing  a Life of Love, Risk and True Flourishing”, “Playing God: Redeeming the Gift of Power” and “Culture Making: Recovering Our Creative Calling.”  He has been the editor and producer at Christianity today and his writing has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, Time and countless other magazines.”

    You can learn more about Andy at his website.

    Listen to the interview:

    This interview highlights some aspects of the book but by no means replaces reading the book.  This is a unique book in that it combines some key guiding principles:



    * The importance of family as well as threats to family and individual development.

    * Ways to increase resistance in our children and ourselves to the “quick and easy” lies of technology.

    * Research from Barna regarding families, technology and challenges.

    * An honest perspective from Andy on what it has been like as a family to be “Tech-wise”.



    Discussion in the interview:



    * Why Andy wrote this book –  

    * Why this book includes both theory as well as a section to show how it worked in Andy’s home. 

    * Discussion on why Andy chose to focus on so much “non-tech” elements in this book:  

    * Discussions about “bubbling” kids of just give up mentality that parents face:  

    * Andy discusses the biggest threat of technology:  

    * The power of the authentic: 

    * The challenge of boredom: 

    * Importance about living in non-stimulated environment and power of creativity:  

    * Short term verses long-term benefits: 

    * Raising kids in a home different from their peers:  

    * Why parents need to be mindful of tech use.  

    * Discussion of kids wanting parents and how we miss the connection.  

    * What is the place of technology:  



    Learn more about Andy & buy the book:

    You can learn more about Andy, the books he’s written, speaking appointments, articles as well as purchase books

    andy-crouch.com

    Other Project Patch Updates 

    KBOI News Story by Lauren Clark – Read the Story OR  Facebook

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    • 48 Min.
    The People Pleasing Vulnerability:

    The People Pleasing Vulnerability:

    We continue our series of podcasts exploring vulnerabilities.  Our vulnerabilities are being exploited by technology, marketing and people who don’t have our best interest in mind. As parents, we want to protect our kids from being exploited which is a good thing.  However, what if we helped them reduce their vulnerability?  Wouldn’t that be a better help?

    Last episode (Read/Listen) was all about Loneliness and how that is exploited.

    This episode we are going to focus on people pleasing.  One of the difficulties with people pleasing is that it is very socially acceptable to be a people pleaser.  It also isn’t always a problem with the behavior but has much more to do with what is fueling the behavior.  For example, it’s good to do the dishes, volunteer at church, let someone go first.  All of these are great if you are doing them for healthy motivation.  These same things can also be done just to please other people, avoid conflict, or try to prove we are valuable.

    My Story

    I should make you listen () but I admit in this episode that I struggle with people pleasing.  I justify my people pleasing saying:



    * I’m just being kind

    * I’m being politically wise

    * I’m being spiritually mature

    * I’m being a good son

    * I’m being a good friend

    * I’m being a good employee (in my case boss)



    All these things are “good” but what taints them is that I’m doing them for the wrong reasons for wanting to be accepted or feeling a lack of confidence.

    It also is important to note that while the behavior of people pleasing can look very similar, the underlying reasons for being a people pleaser can vary.

    For some, it’s looking for acceptance or desperately wanting to fit in.  For others, it’s because of mistreatment.  A child that has had an abusive or erratic parent can struggle with assuming responsibility for the mistreatment or abuse. These kids often think they could prevent drinking or abuse by saying the right thing or just keeping things calm. A child from a home with a parent who rages works hard to eliminate anything that would enrage the parent.  While people pleasing may work in the short term to lessen some mistreatment, it doesn’t last and ends up becoming a problem in other settings.

    Finally, people pleasing really is nice for us as parents because those kids tend to be easier to raise (in the short term).  People pleasing kids mostly do what they are told and often can be corrected with just a “look.”  Dr. Meg Meeker in her book, “Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters” tells the story about a dad that came to see her because his daughter had become very rebellious, her grades were plummeting and she only wanted to be with her boyfriend who wasn’t treating her well.  He couldn’t understand how his daughter changed from a good girl, getting good grades, compliant at home and attending church to this new girl.  Dr. Meeker shared with him that nothing had changed in the girl except her authority.  Dad no longer held that position, the new boyfriend did.  His daughter was a people pleaser which had worked out fine until she was no longer interested in pleasing dad and was more interested in pleasing someone else who didn’t have her best interest in mind.

    How do you know if you or your child is a people pleaser?

    There are several online “tests” which can help.  Most are a list of questions and if you answer yes to most of them, you probably need to explore more about people pleasing.

    Listen to this section: 

    Psychology Today – 10 Signs You’re...

    • 43 Min.
    The Loneliness Vulnerability: feeling alone and under attack

    The Loneliness Vulnerability: feeling alone and under attack

    All of us have vulnerabilities.  While some vulnerabilities are common, each of us have unique vulnerabilities which make it harder for us to resist certain things or people.

    As I teach parents about things like pornography addiction, I get parents that are focused on filters and at what age to allow kids access to the Internet or a cell phone.  While these are important considerations, I rarely get a question about how to identify and reduce our kid’s vulnerability to things like pornography or damaging relationships.

    Even though I’m not asked about vulnerabilities, I’d believe we best help our kids when we help shield their vulnerable areas while simultaneously helping heal their vulnerability so it is now an area of strength.  This is both defense and offense based on our individual child’s needs.

    This is the first in a series of podcasts exploring vulnerabilities that our kids and us as adults have that are being exploited.

    I use vulnerability with the idea that it is a part of us that  is open to assault and difficult to defend.  The assaults I’m talking to aren’t physical but emotional.

    What makes certain areas of our life more vulnerable?



    * Some of it we are born with – certain people are more genetically vulnerable.  An example is how genetics affects how the body processes alcohol.

    * Some vulnerability is from trauma.  Where we’ve been hurt, if not completely healed becomes a weak spot that can be exploited.  A common wound that ends up getting a lot of people in trouble is a father wound.

    * Vulnerability from our appetites – If you’ve never smoked you won’t craving for nicotine

    * Vulnerability from unmet needs.



    Why I focus on vulnerabilities is that we live in a world where we are constantly being manipulated, some more obviously than others.



    * Candy in the checkout line – our vulnerability from self-restrain fatigue

    * Autoplay on youtube and netflix exploit our curiosity and self-control



    The goal isn’t to simply talk about vulnerability but to instead focus on healing vulnerabilities and building defenses.

    This episode focuses on loneliness



    * 1 in 5 Americans suffers from persistent loneliness (Fortune)

    *  Psychologist at BYU and the University of Utah found that Social isolation (actual and perceived) may be more deadly than obesity – increasing a person’s chance of premature death by 14% – near double the risk of early death from obesity

    * Another study found that lacking social connections is a comparable risk factor for early death as smoking 15 cigarettes a day (Campaign to End Loneliness)



    First – Loneliness is a feeling… a signal that alerts us of a need.  Learn more about feelings from Marc Schelske.  It doesn’t necessarily signal that we need to be around people. Brenne’ Brown talks about “That lonely feeling” that can easily happen when we are in a large group.  The best response could be a bit of time on our own to recharge. It also could mean that we are seeking deep rather than superficial connection.

    If the signal doesn’t get a response – loneliness tends to transition into depression – a place where action is very difficult.

    Second – Loneliness is much about perception.  People become more discontent and feel isolated when they perceive that others are more connected or stable.  It’s easy to thin “I’m the only one…”

    Finally, loneliness vulnerability to identify because we tend to dismiss it easily looking for another solution.



    * How could I feel lonely when I’m with people ...

    • 48 Min.

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