207: Detaching Your Self Worth From Your Identity ONKEN radio

“Our ego is our teammate.”

- Nick Onken



Hello my fellow alchemists! I’m your host, Nick Onken, and we're back with another solo episode of the ONKEN RADIO (previously NION Radio), the podcast where we explore the body, mind, and soul of the creative entrepreneur. Today. I'm going to talk more about identity alchemy, and I want to share with you my journey of finding my self-worth and my identity. 



As I've gone through this journey myself, I've realized that the more you attach your self-worth with the identity that you put out into the world — whether that's your career, your relationship, or your family — if you're solely attached to that identity, what happens when that goes away? What's left for you? 



What I have learned through my 20 years of experience as a photographer is something that I am applying to help people tell their visual stories and build their brands. People want real authenticity, and the story you are telling the world is what needs to resonate. This is where identity alchemy comes in — to help you tell a personal story that is authentic to who you are and allows you to find your self-worth.

My Journey of Finding My Self-Worth as a Photographer

Photography is a personal and creative outlet for me. I often find myself putting my heart and soul into my work. It's always been something that fills me with joy, but my journey wasn’t an easy ride — it’s had ebbs and flows. 



Believe it or not, I actually started out as a graphic designer. I went to school for graphic design. I bought a digital camera to start shooting for my design work, and that was the start of my journey as a photographer who has been building and enhancing brands for almost 20 years now. 



When I started doing commercial photography, I figured out that it was what I really wanted to do. Being a commercial photographer is who I wanted to be in the world. So I pursued my passion, even to the point of slaving myself away, working up to 16 hours a day doing foot tests, photoshoots, building my portfolio, designing my website, and marketing myself. I was living in a small room in a house in Santa Monica where I paid $800 in rent per month.



When I moved to Los Angeles, I started all over again, building my business from scratch. It was a long journey, but I knew that's what I wanted. I wanted to be a commercial photographer shooting campaigns for lifestyle photography, traveling the world, and doing various campaigns. Eventually, I got a job for Nike shooting some pro sports players that catapulted my career as a commercial photographer.



However, after completing the job for Nike, I wasn’t able to get another photoshoot job for the next two years. So, I started to question myself. I started to question who I was. I started to question if what I was doing was the right thing. A mentor told me, “Just keep going. You’ve got to keep pressing through because nothing happens overnight.” 



It’s true! Success doesn’t happen overnight. When we look at others’ Instagram stories, sometimes we envy their successes. But what most people don't realize is how much work goes into achieving success. It takes a lot of time, dedication, and commitment to reach your goals. There will be times when you want to give up, but if you push through the hard times, then the good ones will come. 



For me, the good came in 2008 when I finally got my first big advertising campaign. It was a full production campaign with 30 people working under me on the set in Miami, Florida. It was a campaign for Secret deodorant, which ended up being a huge print ad. I could still remember sitting on planes and noticing somebody flipping through a magazine and seeing my ad — it was a cool feeling and an ecstatic experience. 



When I moved to New York at the peak of my career, I was throwing parties and going around the city ti...