Leavetaking Podcast Leavetaking Podcast

Perhaps, the saddest part about love is that it doesn't guarantee you anything in return.

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I never felt enough in my entire life and there are days when I couldn’t hide it. I feel sad — the kind of sadness where it numbs your whole body from anything. It pains to realize that growing up that feeling never left me. It’s still there deep inside of my skin and bones. I tried and failed. And I keep on trying but it feels like it’s never enough. I’m always searching for validation. I always feel like I don’t belong because growing up I never had that group of friends who would choose me. I’m always the outsider. I still remember how it feels to be not included to the group and I thought what’s wrong with me? And I always end up crying and my mom would just rescue me. I’m that someone who would just do the adjustments so that everything will be okay. I never thought of myself. On the journey of finding that validation that I kept on searching for, I’ve realized that I should start seeing myself as someone who doesn’t need anybody to feel complete. I should start seeing the beauty inside of me and be that someone who loves his self more than anybody else. Because I need it. Because it’s the reality and more importantly, because I’m enough.

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fell in love with someone who doesn’t love me at all. Someone who would just say ‘Hi’ and never reply. Someone who’s attention was somewhere else. Someone who’s love was meant for falling stars and meteors.

I never had the chance to hold those arms that welcomes every planet you passed. You love giving people the joy they deserve but I never had that chance to be one of them. I never had that one moment when I could just stare at your sparkling eyes — eyes that could save thousands of broken hearts.

Your love wasn’t something I can say that I deserve. Even the universe can say that. Because you are meant for something bigger than the galaxies. Something I could never grasp. Someone that I’m not.

We never had the chance to breathe the same air or the same horizon we could stare every dawn. But you gave me something I could never comprehend. Something I would treasure in my life… forever. And I hope one day we’ll meet again.

— someone i’m not

Background music: Gone-Sad & Emotional Piano Song Instrumental by Jurrivh


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Perhaps the saddest part about love is that it doesn’t guarantee you anything in return. It’s about pouring everything you have to somebody who we think is worthy of our love. And sometimes, we pour it to the wrong people. And that makes us vulnerable and lonely.

Perhaps, the greatest lesson we should take from it is that we never really had the choice to choose who we love. Because if we do, there will be no hearts breaking every night. If only we had the choice… if only.

— possibilities

Background Music by http://bit.ly/SubToJurrivh


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I always remember you, and there are days when memories come as an avalanche and melancholy will never leave me even in days I’m supposed to be happy and grateful. I had the chance to visit places I have never been to and I’ve seen countless beautiful streets with beautiful names and I always remember you — you put the beauty in everything and I missed it. I know, goodbye has already been said long ago and I’m in a place right now where I know I had the best time of my life with you and maybe in another lifetime, my love will finally find its way home. Maybe it could be in your arms or maybe it could be with someone else.

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I always wanted to write about you. About how your eyes sparkle like stardust in my dark room.
About your smile that gave me so many butterflies in my stomach.
About how I remember you as I listen to John Waite sing, “Missing You.”
About how you brought euphoria to my life with every mention of your name.
About how I keep telling myself to love you until I don’t need you anymore.
But, you see… I always run of words to describe these things.
I always find myself speechless every time I try.
Darling…
You came to my life without warning; I just woke up one morning tasting  the cherry flavored lip balm you left on my lips. I allowed myself to  indulge in your misery, to the power of your warm body. As I stand in  front of the mirror, looking at the young man, the innocent naked man, I  whisper to myself,
“How could you allow someone to do these things to you? Wake up!”
I tried to ignore the fact that I’m falling, because I know  too much about falling in love. When you’re in love, you allow yourself  to be blinded of the reality.
It’s like a drug, it gives you a temporary pleasure and you don’t  like to be temporary. It’s giving someone the authority to break your  heart while you’re sitting in the corner watching.
Love is a big NO to me because I don’t like to be one of those millennials who are so miserably broken by it.
But darling, I didn’t use the knowledge I have with love because you simply took that away from me.
You gave me hope to still believe.
I was naive and honest.
To you it’s a game; to me it isn’t.
You decided to just play it cool while I was drowning in you.
You said that I was young and this was just lust.
Lust? I wonder how could you call this lust when all we did was love?
How could you just tell me that? When all I did was think about you all night?
But anyway,
Thank you, because you never fell in love with me when I thought you were all I needed.
Thank you, because you only loved me when you needed me and turn your back when you didn’t.
Thank you, because while I was begging you to appreciate me, you never did.
Thank you, because you taught me that I was so stupid for loving you.
Thank you, for showing me that love is selfless; love is not asking anything in return.
Darling, I was innocent and young.
We both needed inspiration and motivation in our lives, and sadly we  didn’t fall in any of the two. We’re just humans who’re still learning  what to do with the mysteries and wonders of the world we live in.
We’re still learning how to handle storms and hurricanes.
The bitter truth is, I couldn’t write about you because all I want to  say is, FUCK YOU. Those two words are enough, enough to make me feel  better. You allowed me to love you but you’re too arrogant and too  afraid for commitments. I was so stupid for allowing you to come inside  my house and treat you like a queen, but you left me with nothing but  tears.
Thank you, because loving someone who doesn’t love you has made me strong, has made me see what I deserve, has helped me let go.
Thank you, for changing my perception of love.
Thank you, Darling.

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