Brothers In Arms TV Brothers In Arms TV

In this episode, the brothers enjoy a discussion of one of their favorite shows, Ted Lasso, highlighting the value that is placed on kindness within it. We explore the importance of kindness in the world, how hungry people actually are for it, and why some push it away. Dr. Dan sheds light on this last point, noting that all of the traumatic experiences people carry can make connecting a scary thing, but that consistent kindness can break through and help people grow.
As has come to be the case on Brothers in Arms, Edgar, Eric, and Dr. Dan have become very comfortable talking with each other in fun, insightful, and free flowing ways. But they clearly enjoyed getting to voice why Ted’s character is actually an important figure in pop culture and how the show can contribute to a much needed shift in our culture. Dr. Dan talks about being ferociously kind, meaning committing fully to this value in yourself, but also protecting others when acts of kindness aren’t fully appreciated, so that kindness can be nurtured and never stuffed out. We also explore how being kind can sometimes lead to expectations of reciprocity — which is not only nice, but warranted! — but that being kind can also give you a great sense of peace and well being within yourself.
Eric brings the research, as always, noting that kindness not only feels good to people, but increases your actual lifespan! Dr. Dan, not surprisingly, agrees with this viewpoint from a mind body perspective. In a new segment called Brotherly Love, Eric gives a shout out to a man in Colorado whose act of kindness, getting a mobile home to a person who had lost their house in California, spurred an entire non-profit organization to take on such projects, helping hundreds of people. Edgar reflects on an act of kindness that didn’t work out, but expresses the importance of continuing to try these things, because, as he says, ‘if you don’t get them the first time, you might get them the next time’. The brothers agree that kindness is so important in today’s society and see championing it as one of the show’s top goals.

On this episode of Brothers in Arms, the brothers talk about bullying, with Eric kicking things off with a number of stats he found in his research. Included in this, he notes that 31% of all adults report having been bullied at some point in their adult lives, while Dr. Dan and Edgar felt this number is likely to be an underreporting of the reality.
The brothers touch on the many varieties of bullying and Eric and Edgar have many questions for Dr. Dan about how to handle this with kids. Dr. Dan encourages listening before taking any action so that you can find out what is really happening and what the child needs, but that the most crucial aspect of preventing bullying from having a big impact is to make sure it does not penetrate to the level of making the bullied person have a negative view of themselves in it all.
Eric walks the walk, talking about having been bullied by a supervisor at work and Edgar and Dr. Dan help shed some new light on it, as they both felt that the supervisor had been too threatened by Eric’s talents. Regardless, all agree that bullying comes from insecurity and we considered how this kind of aggression can then be brought to anyone, in any kind of family, and how listening is the key to figuring out what needs to be done to protect someone from it. On top of that, Edgar and Dr. Dan both raise the importance of saying something to anyone being bullied to validate their experience and their value.

In this episode of Brothers in Arms, we welcome back Robb Davon-Butler to talk more about parenthood in many of its varied experiences. We begin with Eric’s statistics (Old News) as he notes several seismic shifts in our culture from the last parenting generation to this one, particularly noting that men spend around three times as much more time with their kids as our parents did. The brothers explore the good parts, the pressures, and the different ways we have of looking at it in today’s ideology, laughing at some aspects and commiserating and consoling on others.
Robb is, yet again, an ideal guest in his openness and honesty and Dr. Dan notes that he is, in a way, breaking the mold in his commitment to honesty, not only with others but, perhaps more importantly, with himself.
While we had planned to have a less structured Walking the Walk, but the topics at hand led Edgar to jump in on an impromptu one about his frustrations in relation to his son’s anger with him and not knowing what to do. Noting that Edgar came into fatherhood as an 18 year old kid, himself, the brothers recognize the differences we all have in how we chose to become parents or not, in Eric’s case. Robb, Eric, and Dr. Dan help Edgar to see that he can always build a new relationship from this new start, that we are always changing moment to moment, and that we all need to find that balance between the parent we want to be and the person we are on our own.

n this episode of Brothers in Arms, Edgar, Eric, and Dr. Dan welcome Rob Davon-Butler to the show and the brothers discuss the many facets of fatherhood. Rob shares a concern that, in an effort to correct all of the things about which he suffered as a child, he may have taken things too far and not prepared his kids for the reality of the world. Dr. Dan encourages him that he has done a good job putting all of his love into them and that he can always now make adjustments.
Eric brings the stats, as always, and we find staggering numbers on the impact of the absence of fathers — something 1/4 of all children experience in not having a father figure in their lives at all — as the likelihood of jail time, teen pregnancy, and more gets much higher in these circumstances. The brothers explore the different angles that can make being a father tough, including how we can be tough on ourselves. Dr. Dan puts the emphasis on learning to let your kids be exactly who they are, trusting in that, and focusing on listening to who they are in an effort to be there for them best.
The conversation shifts, when Rob walks the walk, as the group dives in deeper to his concerns about how he has done as a father, and Edgar shares some similar worries in relation to his son. But the whole group can agree that they best way to be is to recognize that, while no one is perfect, the thing your kids most need is for you to be ‘perfectly you.’
 

In this episode of Brothers in Arms, the brothers are back to look at some of the most difficult to explore topics — today, toxic masculinity. Eric brings the research, as always, and we find out where the term toxic masculinity comes from in the first place (shout out to the 80s). One of the most enlightening moments comes in our exploration of how men can be toxic to themselves, as they feel tied into preconceived notions about what it is to be a man. We also consider the effects this can ultimately have on others, as these men can take that toxicity and bring it to each other in groups or to women in violence.
In Breaking the Mold, the brothers discuss actor Terry Crews having had the courage to report a production executive for inappropriate sexual touching and how he must have had to get past caring what people might think of him as a big, strong man. We talked about the bravery of breaking the mold in any way and that this is one of the keys to getting away from toxic thinking — to be yourself and be aligned with yourself no matter what people might think of who you are.
This is also a special episode because Edgar, Eric, and Dr. Dan take a step back to take stock of how they have grown together in sharing some of their hardest experiences. This segment shows, more than any other, what men learning to talk to each other for real support can reveal about who we are and who we can become.

n this episode of Brothers in Arms, we’re back to the three amigos. We jump right into Old News, focusing on some celebrities who have been accused of thinking in narcissistic ways and discuss what makes someone an actual narcissist. Dr. Dan sheds some light on narcissism as more of a developmental issue than a built in flaw of the person, but also notes that it is very unlikely for these people to get the full help they need because they can’t recognize their problem and are motivated, in fact, to not even question it.
In Breaking the Mold, the brothers revisit the idea of mani pedis and note that it really did bring up some surprising, uncomfortable feelings in Dr. Dan and Eric that indicate what goes on in our expectations of ourselves as typically gendered beings.
Finally, in the segment that is the heartbeat of this show, Dr. Dan walks the walk again, talking about a very difficult experience in therapy with a psychoanalyst who proved to be threatened by him and abusive in some reality bending ways. Edgar and Eric show up, as always, to support and understand this process that Dr. Dan feared would not be understood by others because it isn’t as obvious a struggle, but Eric highlights how much of a violation it is to have a therapist fail you so badly that you are left doubting your own worth.