Magellans at the Movies Nathan Magalhaes

Why can’t we all just get along? It’s a question that’s hounded human civilization since the moment a guy eating pizza crust-first, a guy eating pizza from the edge inwards, and a third guy starting at the point of the slice and working his way north all shared a meal with each other and realized that the term “civilization” is subject to audience interpretation. The obvious answer, of course, is that human beings are simply too tribal and their cultural differences too intractable for the global group-hug pacifists and diplomats have been trying to organize since the three great tribes of pizza consuming etiquette were at war. The obvious response to that, of course, being that, for all their bellicosity, there have almost always been those in even the most insular cultures that are ready to extend the hand of friendship across societal divides, suggesting that it may be individual cells of isolationism occupying places of authority that are the true drivers of so much conflict. It’s a tricky question, and one whose answer, in all likelihood, is more complex and multifaceted than any clunky metaphor about how people eat pizza can encompass. Thus, the issue of peace in our time will continue to be puzzled over, even in movies like the Planet of the Apes franchise (phew, we got to the connection eventually). This long-standing pillar of the American cinematic canon enjoyed a tremendously successful reboot in the 2010s, one that frequently contended with intercultural conflict with maturity, intelligence, and thoughtfulness, and now that a few years have passed, they’re ready to have another crack at it in the form of Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, a 2024 sci-fi action thriller directed by Wes Ball. Nathan and Elliot have been vocal about their skepticism of this rebooted reboot, but strong reviews have convinced them to check their suspicions at the door and give peace a chance. Was their receptiveness rewarded? Only one way to find out! Listeners together strong!
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I have no breezy, jokey description for this one. Stephen Spielberg’s 1993 film Schindler’s List is a devastating film about overwhelming darkness and a single bruised, weary speck of light in the midst of the seemingly endless shadows. Please watch it if you haven’t.
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Ladies and gentlemen, there are moments in life when it comes time to face the music. Old wrongs that must eventually be answered for, debts that must be repaid, orangutans that must be returned to their home rain forests after a brief but disastrous stint as your exotic pet. What I’m saying is that we all make bad choices and eventually the bill for those errors comes due, but we can be thankful that, for most of us, the cost of our various indulgences in vices won’t be the loss of our heads. Not so for those foolish enough to behead the mysterious bark-skinned interloper who crashes our office Christmas parties. Because while you and I are smart enough to give such obviously paranormal entities and their oblique games of returned blows a fairly wide berth, there are those who, through arrogance or excesses of youthful exuberance, just can’t keep a good head on their shoulders. Such is the lot of young Gawain, protagonist of The Green Knight, a 2021 dark fantasy film directed by David Lowery and based on the poem Sir Gawain and the Green Knight by a man whose name has been forever lost. The Green Knight is a ponderous, sometimes surreal, sometimes frightening trek through a warped vision of classic Arthurian legend. It’s not for everyone, but for those who are buying what this movie is selling, it rarely fails to impress. The Green Knight is visually spectacular and thematically dense, and that makes it prime fodder for the less visually appealing but equally dense hosts of Magellans at the Movies. Grab your mail and don your helmet and let’s do this thing!
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Love is a choice. Love is a feeling. Love is an idea. These are just some of the theories on that most vexing of jazz topics and its effect on the men and women who experience it. Questions on love abound, but answers have remained elusive throughout the course of human history, and if you are one such bemused soul then I’m afraid you won’t find what you're looking for in In the Mood for Love, a 2000 romance directed by Wong Kar-wai. In the Mood for Love is famously vague in its narrative and experimental in its visuals, and rare is the fan whose affection for the film stems from its profound yet accessible insights into the nature of connection and romantic passion. In the Mood for Love is, as the title suggests, more interested in constructing a mood than literally anything else, so your mileage with the film may vary greatly. Case in point: the distinctly divided opinions of Nathan and Elliot, who, for today’s episode will be duking it out over this elusive bit of abstract art. In the mood for a podcast? Then hit the play button and let’s get started!
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Say you’ve just woken up in the late 18th century. Lucky for you, you find yourself the rich scion of a notable family, which, in said time period, means you’ve got it made. The only thing you’ll be lacking is something to occupy your time with. The military being too scary, the theater being too derivative, and the video games being too nonexistent, there’s every chance you’ll find yourself quickly becoming a regular at your local opera house. But wait, what’s this? An upstart young musician named Mozart has just arrived in Vienna? Whatever could this mean for court politics, for music, and for culture at large? Well, you’ll know better than the rest of us, because the rest of us have mostly received our answers from Amadeus, a 1984 period piece directed by Milos Forman and featuring a famously loose retelling of history. Since we haven’t been so lucky as to have been transported back in time and books are lame, we’ll have to settle for the film, though to be fair, there are worse trade-offs. Amadeus was a hit at the Oscars and its reputation has only grown since its release, so it was only a matter of time before Magellans at the Movies declared their position on this melodic matinee. One. Two. One, two, three, four and start!
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Pandas. If you’re somehow not aware of them (which, like, how, they’re basically the poster-animal for endangered species), they’re not exactly what you’d call limber. While the great felines of the world regularly perform feats of stunning acrobatics and athleticism, those of the ursine persuasion, especially panda bears, are stuck lumbering around with all the speed and agility of a wheelchair made out of bricks. This is fine for Youtube compilations of pandas failing to exhibit a strong grasp of even basic motor skills, but if you’re an enterprising young film studio aiming to center a martial arts series around ailuropoda melanoleuca then I’m afraid animation is your first, last, and only port of call, and you’ll have to do more than a little bit of anthropomorphizing even then. When that’s done what you’re left with is something called Kung Fu Panda, a 2008 animated film directed by Mark Osborne and John Stevenson and the progenitor of the tragically long-lived Kung Fu Panda franchise. Kung Fu Panda was popular enough on release and memories of our heroic black-and-white bear are typically fond, so when lifelong panda fan Nathan Magalhães’s own memories were stoked upon hearing of a fourth (kill me) installment, he and his brother had to return to where it all began to see if it holds up. So, when you’re done Kung Fu fighting along to that earworm of an end credits song, jump kick that play button and get on with the episode!

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