5 - No One Will Ever Love Me The Teen Mind

We take a close look at David’s mind using an approach that has probably helped more people with anxiety and depression than any other mental health model.
 
Tags: parenting, parenting teens, parenting skills, teen depression, teen anxiety, teen, teens, teenager, counseling, therapy, mental health, anxiety, depression, anxiety in teens, anxiety in children, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Mindfulness, CBT
 
It’s a Friday in late February, and David is in English class. Ms. Washington, the teacher who triggers his anxiety the most, is passing back graded papers. She hands them back face down on each student’s desk as they file into class.   David sees her approach his desk, and his anxiety rises some, but not as much as it used to. He looks up and meets her gaze, and suddenly it’s like his throat is on fire and his heartbeat is smashing against his chest. Her face is sharp, her mouth small and serious, and in that moment, David is certain he knows what she is thinking. He can almost hear her thoughts saying, “This paper is pathetic, and I am very disappointed in you, and your parents are disappointed in you, and everyone is disappointed in you.”
 
He knows that when he turns that paper over, it’s going to be a bad grade, a D or an F. He’s sweating as he flips it over and—he can’t believe it. It’s an A-, the best grade he’s gotten from her all year.
 
Hello, I’m Corey Busch and you’re listening to the Teen Mind—the show where we follow one teenager and his family and learn to change the way we understand our minds and the minds of the people closest to us.
So, today, we take a close look at David’s mind using a model that has probably helped more people with anxiety and depression than any other mental health model.
And a few quick notes: David and his family are fictional characters. Any resemblance to real people is strictly coincidental.   Also, if you haven’t already, I recommend starting from episode 1 and working your way through before listening to this one.
 
 
So David feels relieved by this A-, but he also feels stupid and embarrassed. He was sure that this paper was a disaster. How could he have been so wrong?
And as he thinks about it, he realizes how ridiculous he was being. Why would he think that he could figure out his grade based on Ms. Washington’s facial expression? She made that face all the time. That’s just how she looks.
 
By this time, David has practiced talking with his anxiety enough, that he decides to ask it, “why did you get so worried just because she made a mean face?” And a few seconds later, in his mind, he hears it reply, “Because I don’t want you to get rejected, and that face looks like rejection.”
 
Up until now, David hadn’t been paying much attention to the thoughts brought on by his anxiety. He’d been focused on the feelings of it: the burning in his throat, his pounding chest, the vague sense of dread. But after this episode with Ms. Washington, he decides, again, to just pay attention. So over the next few days, he carries a small notebook, and records a tick mark every time his anxiety makes him think irrationally. And he is surprised by what he finds.
 
His anxiety makes him think he can read minds.
 
Not in an ESP kind of way, but in just the way he did with Ms. Washington. For example, almost every time he talks with his friends, he feels a low-level anxiety, which is accompanied by a running narrative of what he imagines his friends are thinking. And sometimes it’s positive, but it’s often not.
“she thinks I’m an idiot; they don’t actually like me, they’re just being nice because they feel sorry for me; they must think that was a stupid thing to say.”
 
And so he’s keeping track of these mind-reading thoughts, and , after several days, something starts to happen: He notices fewer tick marks each day. His anxious thoughts are decreasing. And after abo