Sex Spoken Here Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey- Psychologist & Sex Coach |Everything Sex

Part 1 can be found on The A to Z of Sex.
 
Welcome to Sex Spoken Here. I’m Dr Lori Beth and I am your host.  Just a reminder this podcast deals with adult content, so if you don’t have total privacy, you might want to put on your headphones.
 
Intimacy is defined as a close familiarity, deeply knowing another person.  Emotional intimacy is built by getting to know someone deeply – sharing confidences.  Physical intimacy includes many forms of sexual contact.
 
Joining me today is Georgia Rose, found of G’s Spot – her digital platrom that is devoted to female sexual pleasure and sensuality.  She says she has ‘launched this digital platform because it has profoundly affected me that beneath the projection of a progressive, educated and liberated society there lies the murky reality that female sexuality is still largely misunderstood, mystified and miscommunicated and I want to do something to change that.’  She has carried out her own survey on female sexual pleasure and over 500 people have completed it.  She is using her data and her platform to open up conversations about female sexuality that place the female body and experience at the core.
 
www.gs/spot.co.uk
@georgias_spot
 
Thanks for joining me for the Sex Spoken Here this week. Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com , follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.  Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.  For a free 30-minute discovery session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/ and head to my contact page to click on my calendar and schedule directly.  Look out for my new radio show in January. If you enjoy the show, please leave me a review on iTunes and Stitcher.

Please enjoy again:
 
Sex Spoken Here: Sex Love Stories:  R
 
Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones. 
Today we will be talking about bisexuality and BDSM.
Joining me is Rudo Mashongomende.  She is 33 years old, bisexual and she works in fashion. She has always been drawn to the world of BDSM but always felt, or was made to feel that it was a sordid world, so clearly she was perverted. She realises now that even as a teen she didn’t mind that, but finding like minded people, just to discuss it was the problem. She found Scarlet Ladies this year, and she was proudly part of their #italksex campaign. Turning 30 was very positive for her because she finally felt like she was in her prime, so she is allowing herself to do things she’s always been curious about. She went to her first Torture Garden last month, and she will now go to fetish events regularly, say once a every month or two. She has two subs whom she has just acquired, so she’s enjoying building dynamics with each of them. Being dominant feels so wonderfully natural, and is an effective outlet for the stresses of everyday life!
 
I asked Rudo to tell me about her background and culture.   Rudo is Black British and is proud of this identification.   She was raised Catholic and by choice attended church until she was 18.
 
I asked about her first sexual awareness and she told me that she first found she had an interest in some of the catalogue models in the men’s underwear section when she was about 11.  She spoke of noticing ‘the bulges’ and having a physical response and even cutting out one picture to keep.  She spoke about losing her virginity at 17 to a boyfriend and that this was a really positive experience.  We spoke about how lucky she was to have a positive first sexual experience and she says that she still remembers it well. 
 
Rudo talked about being heterosexual through university.   She told me she went to school in Brighton and that she went to a few gay bars and was aware of an attraction to women but didn’t want to act on it or even fully acknowledge this.  She spoke about moving back to London and living with a partner for 5 years and during that relationship telling him that she realised she was attracted to women and wanted to have a threesome to explore this attraction.   In the end, this didn’t happen and it wasn’t until after the relationship ended that she began to explore.
 
Rudo talked about finding a group through Meetup and making friends with bisexual women and that meeting people to experiment with flowed from here. 
 
From there, we spoke about her interest in BDSM.  She spoke about enjoying power exchange and enjoying being dominant.  She spoke about finding partners through the Whiplr app and we talked a bit about the use of apps to find partners.
 
Finally we talked about Scarlet Ladies and the #italksex campaign and 23 Paul Street.  Rudo spoke of her belief in gender equality especially when it comes to sex and desire.  She spoke of the importance of speaking out in public so that change happens.  We spoke about the joys of Scarlet Ladies and the wonders of 23 Paul Street.
 
You can find Rudo at:
https://www.scarletladiestalk.com/italksex-because-they-cant-we-can-and-we-should/
https://twitter.com/stylist_face
https://instagram.com/stylist_face
 
23 Paul Street is the Gentleman’s Club we discussed.
You can find out more about Scarlet Ladies a...

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BDSM and Power Exchange Part 4
 
Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here.  Thanks for joining me for part 4 of this series on BDSM and Power Exchange.  Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.
In parts 1-3 of this series we examined BDSM and power exchange from a number of angles.  This week, I look at the practicalities for getting started if BDSM and power exchange turn you on.
I will start with things everyone needs to consider whether partnered or un-partnered.  Then I will give specifics for singles.  I will follow this with specifics for couples. 
Where to start?  You might want to grab something to write with and some paper now.  Some people believe they need to work out every detail before actually leaving the house.  Not only isn’t this a good idea but it isn’t possible.  You won’t know exactly what you will enjoy until you have begun to experiment.  I advise not to think in terms of NEVER or ALWAYS.  Even some hard limits may shift after some time.    However, it is a good idea to have an idea of your current limits, interests and desires.   
Start with the shape of your relationship.  If you are single, decide if you are looking for one person or people to experiment with, or if you are looking for one relationship that will include BDSM as part of the relationship or more than one relationship (and if only one or more than one will include BDSM).  If you are partnered, are you going to involve anyone else in your exploration of BDSM and power exchange?
Next consider whether you are going to explore in public venues or in private on your own or both.  Many people enjoy going to public venues (like Torture Garden in London, UK) or private parties (which are still public as you are playing in the presence of other people) or at public events (like Weekend Reunion in New Jersey in the US every August or Master slave Conference which happens annually in the Washington DC area usually Labor Day weekend).  Some people prefer to experiment on their own at home and not to attend any events.   There are pros and cons to both.
Pros to going to events where there are other people present:
You can meet people who you might want to play with.
Events are a good place to connect with others who may share your interests and desires.  Meeting people in person is still the best way to figure out if you are compatible and also to get a sense of trustworthiness.  Most of us get gut feelings when we meet people and if we feel uncomfortable can walk away from any potential relationship right then.    Meeting people online can be useful but until you make contact face to face, you won’t truly know if there is any chance of things progressing.  Some events have only a few attendees and others have thousands.
You can meet people who you might wish to learn from.
Experienced people often attend public events and that gives newer people the opportunity to watch them and also to learn from them.  Sometimes you can get actual instruction and other times the opportunity to arrange a time to learn from them.    It is a good idea to get some hands on instruction to learn things like flogging, using a single tail whip or bullwhip, suspension bondage, needle play or any kind of edge play.  There are many other things where you can benefit from instruction. 
You can enjoy watching others play.
Watching others play is really hot.  It gives you the opportunity to see a variety of activities which will help you to decide if that is something you might want to try.  Sometimes watching helps people to eliminate activities as well.
You can enjoy being watched by others.
Some people get really turned on

Please enjoy again: Sex Spoken Here: BDSM and Power Exchange
 
Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.
 
Last week I explored the practicalities for beginning to explore BDSM and Power Exchange.  This week I explore basic rules for events and resources for BDSM online and in the community.    If you haven’t heard the first four of the BDSM and Power Exchange Series, I suggest you download them.  The first two include interviews with Dr Kevin Boileau and cover some of the theory and emotional issues, the third in the series includes an interview with Pharoah Khaf Ra and Empress Nahara who are a lifestyle dominant couple and last week I started with practicalities like figuring out if you are dominant or submissive.
I have talked about getting ready to step out and explore BDSM and power exchange whether you are doing it in private or in public.    But many people have no idea where to begin to look to meet people, for events or for clothing and accessories. 
First I want to highlight that you don’t need to spend lots of money on special clothing and toys.    Most events have a dress code but most of them also will accept scant clothing (as close to nakedness as is legal in that jurisdiction) or being dressed all in black.   The dress code is supposed to encourage people to make an effort to get involved, look and feel sexy and to discourage those people who come along to gawk.  Gawking is different from watching when you are a proper voyeur.  Gawking is when someone comes to watch all the strange people and has no intention of getting involved in any way and when someone doesn’t observe basic courtesy either. 
Basic courtesy includes:
Don’t interfere in someone else’s scene.  If they are doing something you find interesting, watch from an appropriate distance.  That means don’t watch from 2 inches away.  I was once involved in a scene with a woman where I was performing oral sex on her and a man came and sat so close too watch that his face was almost between my mouth and her pussy.  He was told very firmly to move away.  When people are using floggers, whips and canes if you get within the circle of the stroke you will get injured and really annoy the person who is doing the beating.  Also, when people are in a scene, it creates a bubble and they are likely to be unaware of the outside world.  When someone blunders in, they break the bubble and the distraction can ruin the entire scene because it interrupts the energy flow.  Energy builds in a scene to a peak just like it does in sex when it builds to orgasm.
No means no. Just because someone is at a public event does not mean they are there to play with everyone.  If someone says no, please respect it.
Observe protocols.  Even if you find it strange to have to ask someone’s Master or Mistress to talk with them, please follow their protocols.  It is a means of demonstrating respect.  You can ask about reasons or the origins of the protocol but ultimately following it is the best way to show respect.
Don’t spend time talking or asking questions in active areas of play.  This disrupts the energy and disrupts the scene.  There are usually conversation areas and people are usually happy to answer questions after the scene.  Remember that after care is part of the scene.
Don’t make assumptions about role, gender, sexuality, sexual orientation.  Ask instead of assuming.
Where to meet people online:
There are lots of resources to meet people online.  Fetlife.com  is a social media site for people who like fetishes including BDSM and power exchange.  There are lots of different groups once you...

Susan Wright founded the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom in 1997, and currently serves as Chairperson and Director of Incident Reporting & Response. Susan also serves on the advocacy committees for AASECT, the Kink Clinician Guidelines, the Kink Knowledgeable Program, and the Diverse Sexualities Research Education Institute. Susan has conducted six surveys on discrimination and violence against BDSM practitioners; consent practices and attitudes; and the mental and physical health of BDSM and non-monogamy practitioners that have been published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, Journal of Sexual Medicine, Journal of Behavioral Health Services & Research, International Journal of Social Psychiatry, Journal of Trauma and Dissociation and Journal of Homosexuality.
 
In this two part talk, we started by speaking about the reasons for founding the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom and the projects they have been involved in.  Susan talked about the research that NCSF has done on BDSM, relationship styles, polyamory and consent and that these have been the largest surveys done so far.  The research has demonstrated the psychological health of people involved in these alternative relationships and alternative sexual practices and was part of the evidence that caused the APA to modify the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders –V so that the vast majority of people practicing BDSM and/or polyamory no longer qualify for a diagnosis of paraphilia in relationship to their sexual and relationship choices. 
 
We spent a lot of time talking about consent incidents and how we as a community identify these, manage these and apply sanctions.  Susan spoke about the groups that they work with.  The NCSF has developed a framework and a lot of resources for community groups and businesses around defining and dealing with consent incidents. 
 
We spoke about the NCSF’s role in educating law enforcement, psychologists and other mental health professionals.  NCSF hosts the Kink Aware Professionals list which is an international list of  mental health professionals, medical doctors, lawyers and other professionals who are kink aware.  The NCSF regularly educates professionals about BDSM and other alternative lifestyles and sexual practices.
 
We spoke about how important it is for individuals to be educated about consent and that some of the research that NCSF has done has found that 75% of consent violations happen with people who are in their first 3 years of being involved with BDSM. 
 
We spoke about how individuals and groups handle consent incidents and the differences between someone making an error and someone being a repeat offender.  We spoke about needing to get information first hand if you are to make a judgement on a situation and that one of the problems is that often people don’t have first hand information and are being asked to make a judgement.  We spoke about liability for people organising events and conferences and how important education is to limit liability and that decisions around excluding someone from an event are often taken because of liability issues.
 
NCSF has also educated people in the hospitality industry and made it possible for events and conferences to be held at these venues. 
 
We finished up recognising that we had not managed to cover all the topics we set out to cover and will be doing another show on custody and divorce soon.
 
Susan Wright can be found at www.ncsfreedom.org
Twitter @ncsf
Facebook: http:www.facebook.com/NCSFreedom
 
This week we talked about:  Consent violations,   consent definitions, education and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom (NCSF).  If any topics that we brought up caused you concern or triggered you, please write to me at a href=...

 
 
Welcome to my virtual therapy room!  I am Dr Lori Beth Bisbey and this is Sex Spoken Here. Remember that this podcast deals with adult themes so if you don’t have privacy you might wish to put on your headphones.   
 
This week I am interviewing Mason deRou.  Master Mason deRou is a primal Master who began his walk into the public kink scene in 2009.  He has dominion over Miss Kimi deRou and together they form La Maison deRou.  Mason is also the commander of La Meute de Rougaroux (the Rougarou Pack).  He is a uniform fetishist, pony trainer, erotic photographer and also loves the littles.  Mason leverages his relative y9outh to build bridges among several kinky tribes and subcultures, allowing the voices of both past and current generations of kinksters to be heard.  Mason has presented at BESS, Black Rose, CLUE, Weekend Reunion and several MaST chapters.  Mason is the president of the Master-Dominant Consortium and is one of the founding members of the Leather Houses of Color Coalition.  He is a member of MAsT DC Pan and MAsT Washington and is also an alumnus of the MTTA Academy (Master Training XX).  Mason resides in southern Maryland.
 
 
 
Thanks for joining me for Sex Spoken Here with Dr Lori Beth Bisbey.
Write to me with suggestions for the show, questions you want answered at drbisbey@the-intimacy-coach.com, follow me on twitter, Instagram and Facebook.
Check out my YouTube channel: Dr Lori Beth Bisbey. For a free 30-minute strategy session with me, go to https://the-intimacy-coach.com/and click the button that says click here! on the contact page.
Please leave a review on iTunes and stitcher if you enjoy the show.
I look forward to seeing you next week.