The Relaxed Male Bryan Goodwin

If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step
Any question leading to sex.
Why We struggle with talking about sex
It requires you to be vulnerableWe take complaints personallyWe have biasesIsn't sex supposed to just happen and always be good?Or you can't have sex like that!Pushback is a threat to our beliefsWe make sex mean somethingWhy are these most intimate topics so difficult for us to talk about? Especially, when it is with the one person we are supposed to be able to openly and freely talk to.

What is holding us back from asking about sex and talking openly?
JudgedRejectionIt's not comfortable = EmbarrassingWe weren't taught to advocate for ourselvesShameWhat are the hardest questions to ask centered around sex?

Some Questions you might want to ask?
What did you learn about sex growing up and how did you learn?What would you like me to do?What do you not like for me to do?What do you wish I did more of?Where do you like to be touched, and where do you not like to be touched?When do you like to have sex?What allows you to feel the sexiest?What was your biggest surprise when you had sex?What was your biggest surprise when you had sex with me?Did you ever have an event that negatively impacted what you think of sex?The most challenging question is

Would you like to have sex?

Summary

The episode focuses on the challenges men face in discussing sex and intimacy with their wives. The host, Bryan, acknowledges that sex is an important part of marriage for most men as a way to show love and feel loved by their spouse. However, many men struggle when their sex life declines or their wife no longer desires sex as frequently.

Bryan outlines some of the main reasons why men have difficulty talking about sex:



It requires being vulnerable, and men tend to take any criticism or complaints personally.People have biases and differing beliefs around certain sexual acts like oral sex, bondage, etc. which makes those topics awkward to discuss.There is shame and taboo around discussing sex from societal conditioning that sex is "dirty."Men were never taught to properly advocate for their wants/needs, especially something as intimate as sex.There is a fear of rejection, as men have likely been turned down for sex many times before in the relationship.The host suggests that rather than making assumptions or turning to pornography out of frustration, men need to have open conversations with their wives about sex. He provides example questions to help start the dialogue, such as asking about sexual experiences growing up, acts they would/wouldn't want to try, times of day they prefer sex, and if there are any past negative experiences impacting their sexuality.

Ultimately, the most challenging part is simply asking "Would you like to have sex?" But Bryan encourages men to overcome the awkwardness and shame to advocate for their desire for intimacy and connection through sex. He offers his coaching services to help men improve their ability to discuss these topics with their wives.

 Take the Next Step and Get Coached - https://www.relaxedmale.com/coachingoffer

If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step
So we have noticed that the lack of intentionality with our significant other has to change. To be able to change you have to know how you arrived in the circumstance you are in now. That is what we are going to be talking about this week. What actions did we take to break our connection?


***Warning***


Don't fall into the victim mindset here. You may want to say,


"Well, she doesn't try either."
"She started it"
"She is just cold"
"She never liked the marriage to start"


or any other excuses. even if she said that to your face, your thoughts are what makes it true. So what was your part in this scenario? When you start being honest that you had a hand in your marriage's doldrums too, you start to see where your power is and you can fix it by changing yourself. Think of the law of reciprocity or the 100/0 principle.


You are the leader of the house. Not the boss of the home but the leader and there is nuance as to how a good leader leads.


So what did you do to send your loving sex-filled marriage into the frustrating mediocrity of roommate syndrome?



Being a know-it-all


Has your wife ever reminded you of something you need to do and you said, "I know"? Maybe you step all over her talking with your own thoughts and views? Many times when we are running on unintentional thoughts we will be Mr. Know-it-all. We are in a hurry to get our thoughts sent out before we forget them and we end up forgetting that we want to connect with our wife. So What do we do? Blurt out our thoughts and not show her the courtesy or respect that is needed for a good connected conversation.


We don't have to expound all of our knowledge all at once. Our wife believes we can be awesome and smart. She is also awesome and smart so maybe hold back and if needed write the retort down so you can remember it.



Try to fix it


She doesn't want you to fix the problem. She wants the opportunity to share her life with you. When she complains about the day she had she’s not wanting sympathy as much as she is wanting to share her life.


The problem many of us men have is that we take our wife’s retelling and make it mean something worse. That she is suffering she’s in pain. She is not having a pleasant time and that it reflects badly upon us. Many of us men also have a tendency to become anxious, worried, scared, angry, or some other fear-based emotion That we want to avoid.


so instead of listening and connecting with her wife, we want to rush in with our toolbelt and get our wife to be happier instantly. Life doesn’t work that way how many times has our wife tried to get us to smile and cheer up and it doesn’t work? The same thing goes for her.


When we try to fix the problem often, our wife thinks that we don’t care about what her day was about. We want to hurry the conversation along so that we don’t have to connect with our wives. That is the very opposite of what we want. We want to connect with our wife. We want to have a wonderful relationship with our wife. We know that we have to have a good emotional connection with our wife, but we also don’t wanna feel bad. Therefore, we toss all of the work we’re doing out the window.

Have your phone out at supper


We gripe at our teenagers for having the phone out at times. We really want to connect. These phones that we have today are these wondrous little machines that give us feel-good emotional bumps every second of the day.


The big problem though is that when we don’t have our phones in our hands, the amount of serotonin and dopamine levels drop which tells our brain that we are bored. Our brain does not like to be bored. It likes that stimulation that it gets from that little rectangular slab of plastic glass and metal. so often when we are being unintentional in our life that phone magically appears in our hand. So wh

After 10 to 20 years of marriage, you may notice that the roommate syndrome has crept in and has set up Shop right in your bedroom. You may be noticing that there are a lot of things that are just kind of normal. Maybe you think that’s how things just are. However, this stuff can change. The connection that you are used to hasn't gone it’s just not being used. Your emotional connections are a lot like a muscle and you have to exercise it to keep it strong.


When we have that strong connection in our relationships, we experience a more fulfilling relationship. That connection is what our wife needs to be intimate with us. We often stand around, wondering why she doesn’t want to sleep with us anymore or why the sex has faded away to being once every three months when it used to be we were rocking our socks off every other day. The answer is, that we’ve let life happen. We’ve had arguments and we’ve said things that hurt each other’s feelings. We’ve lashed out because we were hurting emotionally. It means that we would rather feel emotionally safe and not feel hurt as much. Therefore, we withdraw.


That withdrawal pattern amplifies in distance as the years pass. Add kids and other responsibilities and eventually that smoking hot bride that we had isn’t putting on teddys and garter belts for us anymore. She is now in fuzzy pajama pants, a long nightgown sweatshirt with fuzzy socks. You can’t remember the last time she touched her makeup and getting her to go outside amongst people in public is like pulling teeth. When you look back you see and remember how adventurous she used to be. That lack of connection and that lack of communication is what created the problem you’re experiencing now.


Is there any hope? Should you just give up on this marriage and go find a younger model? I would dissuade from the divorce thoughts because you have years of connection. You need to have a reawakening to see that wonderful, beautiful, fulfilling marriage you both still have. The Key is you just have to work at rebuilding that connection now.



Start with the end in mind


When it comes to building a strong connection, you want to start with the end in mind. That means stepping back and examining what does a connected intimate marriage actually look like. Yes, it’s gonna have more sex for sure but what else? Are you ok with the possibility that the sex may never come back to what it was before? What does that look like? How do y’all reconnect each night before bed? How do you set aside intentional time for your wife? How do you foster a deeper connection during the hard times? What does your life with a deep meaningful fulfilling connection look like to you? That is the important part that we miss. How do we go about having a great fulfilling marriage? These are all questions you want to ask regularly.


Many times we step through life without intention so much so that we don’t even think of what we want our marriage to look like or how we want to act toward each other. We think that the other person is supposed to be bringing us joy, happiness, and fulfillment, but that is not the case. Your wife sadly cannot bring you happiness. Your wife cannot make you happy in any form. She doesn't have that power. The same goes for you. You are not able to make your wife happy. No matter what you say or do, you’re not gonna bring joy or fulfillment to her life. All of that is based upon your thoughts, so you have to first understand and examine and do the thought work on what you believe a good healthy marriage is about.


How do you think You behave when there’s a crisis how do you show up to that circumstance? Look in examine how you want your life to be from every possible angle and then look and see where you don’t show up like that and why do you not show up like that? What are you making your wife saying she’s got a headache mean about your relationship? you want to make sure you have those thoughts processe

You may have heard me talk about how our minds are like computers. You get out what you put in. There are many instances of this from getting respect you have to first give respect. If you want peace in your life you have to first give peace.
Our Bodies are also like that Are you in shape or are you an example of soft living? Do you eat nothing but vegetables or are you an omnivour? Do you exercise? Do you lift heavy objects and throw them around your yard? What you are doing and how you feel has a bit to do with what you are powering your body with. Some men do like to power their body with cigarettes and coffee and while that will work for a while it won't be long till you have problems with what you are putting in. Now. do you go to the extremes and be Mr. Healthnut? No Moderation is the key.
Our projects are like that. Are you putting time effort and money into your projects or are you just doing some stuff hoping that it will eventually take off? If you aren't putting the needed effort into your project they will not reward you with the desired outcome.
Our relationships are also like that Do you want kids that are happy to see you? How about a marriage where the wife is happy to see you? When the kids go to bed is she happy to get undressed for you? What are you putting into the relationship> are you putting a lot of self-defeating thoughts or are you bringing good healthy masculine energy to the relationship?
We often come home and proceed to sit on the couch and watch television. Yet what would your relationship be like if you were to become interested in your wife's world?
All of our relationships are like these. Now are we to act like women when we meet each other? No, we are men but we have to contribute to the relationship for it to grow. Yes we do have those long-time friends whom we see each other and we can pick up right where we left off but many more require care and diligence to nurture and grow.
 
Links Get a New Podcast App
Summary The main premise of this episode is examining the principle of "you get what you give" and how it manifests in different areas of our lives. The host, Brian, a certified men's coach, discusses three key examples where men often fail to put in enough effort or quality "inputs", resulting in poor "outputs" or undesirable results.
The first example is our bodies. Brian explains that our bodies function like computers - the inputs (thoughts, beliefs, actions) determine the outputs (health, weight, energy levels). If we feed our bodies junk food and have negative self-talk, we'll get poor physical results. He cautions against going to extremes like strict veganism or carnivorism, as moderation is healthier. The words we tell ourselves about our bodies become self-fulfilling.
The second example is our projects, goals, and aspirations. Many men don't put in the consistent, devoted effort and problem-solving required for their passions or dreams to truly take off. We hope for success with minimal work, but it doesn't happen that way. Brian stresses facing the mental obstacles and unhelpful thoughts that hold us back from applying ourselves fully to our desired endeavors.
The third key area is our relationships - romantic, familial, and friendships. The quality of energy, nurturing, love, curiosity, and work we put into our relationships is exactly what gets reflected back to us. Putting in sarcasm, criticism, neglect, and lack of communication breeds problems and disconnect. Unresolved conflicts pile up, leading to roommate-like situations lacking intimacy. However, nurturing with love, open communication, and true effort yields loving, fulfilling relationships.
For struggling relationships, Brian advises doubling down on efforts through vulnerable communication, curiosity about your partner's inner experience, and doing the inner self-work. For career struggles, working on fostering good professional relationships is key.
The overarching solution is to put hig

With much of life, we can either float down the river of life or we can steer our life to where we want to go. The difference is that when we use intention we get closer to where we want to go sooner than if we just drift.
Lack of intention is where you hope you arrive at your desired destination. You are just going through life and often unintentional people come across as if they are asleep and don't put much thought into why they are doing what they are doing. They often will find these people blaming external events and not that they had any hand in creating the results they are facing. People who are going through life with emotional childhood are living life unintentionally. They see emotions as things that just happen and don't want to apply the fact that your thoughts create your emotions. What is living with intention? 
Deciding how you are going respond behave approach any circumstance ahead of time.
But what if you don't know?
review your actions and make decisions Why we don't live with intention? 
It's scary
We are responsible Where do you start? 
Start by making a decisions
Then plan out how you are going to reach those results
Take action Take the Next Step 
Get coaching for 95% off
 Summary 
The episode is about the power of intention and living life intentionally rather than just drifting through life without direction or purpose. The main points covered are:
What happens when we lack intention in life - We end up like a boat without a rudder, just floating aimlessly and likely crashing into things or running aground. Many people live this unintentional life, making decisions without much thought, and ending up broke or unhappy.Benefits of intentional living - When we live with intention, consciously deciding how we want to live and behave, we can steer our lives in the direction we want rather than being at the mercy of circumstances.Examples of intentionality are deciding ahead of time how you want to be as a parent, how to react when your teenager scratches the car, and choosing a career path thoughtfully rather than defaulting to something.Challenges of intentionality - It requires taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Many avoid this because it's easier to just drift than make hard decisions.How to live intentionally - Examine your life, decide how you want to live, set goals aligned with that vision, and take active steps every day towards those goals. Course-correct when you fail to live up to your intentions.The alternative of unintentional living - Living reactively, spending frivolously, blaming others/systems for your circumstances. Ending up broke, unhappy or crashing against the metaphorical shore.Catch the Show notes at
https://www.relaxedmale.com/the-power-of-living-life-intentionally/


Chapters
(00:00:00) Introduction to The Relaxed Male
(00:02:18) The Power of Intention
(00:02:53) Understanding Intentionality in Life
(00:06:37) The Impact of Intention on Lifes Path
(00:07:43) Being Intentional as a Parent
(00:09:40) Consequences of Unintentional Actions
(00:14:31) Overcoming Fear of Intentionality
(00:16:59) Making Decisions for Intentional Living

If you would like to reclaim your bride and leave the mediocrity of roommate syndrome behind, then it is time to take the next step.
Take The Next Step

In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome

The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder.
Why does this happen?
past disagreements

It is easier

Rejection free

 

How to rekindle the spark
Know what the roommate syndrome is about.

Start with the end in mind

Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire.

It starts with the small stuff

Rediscover the silly you
95% Off Coaching Offer
 

Summary
Here is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode:

The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship.

He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner.

The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons:

Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list.   Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem.   Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn.
The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest.

Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.