Virtual Kitchen Table Erin

Often when self-directed learning or home education in general is discussed, the focus is on skills that are considered academic or subject-oriented such as reading, writing, mathematics, science, history and others. However, a growing number of other things such as learning to swim, skate, learn an instrument and drive a car are now assumed to need formal, paid instruction as well. Sometimes this is preferred and beneficial but could some of it be marketing or fear-based? What happens when children learn life skills or pursue interests in their own time or with support from family?  Please join us as we discuss a topic that might be of interest regardless of how or where your child is educated. 


Resources:



Free to Learn – Dr. Peter Gray 

The middle-age years can be a challenging time but could they be full of promise and opportunity as well? We loved having Missy Willis of Let ‘em Go Barefoot and Sue Elvis of Stories of an Unschooling Family chat with us about midlife and what the possibilities are if we approach this life stage with an unschooling mindset. Please have a look at the Resources below to link directly to Missy’s essay that inspired the conversation and Sue’s latest unschooling book which challenges us not only with our children’s unschooling but with our own perspective. We hope you’ll enjoy our discussion.

Resources: 

Embracing Midlife with an Unschooling Mindset – Missy Willis, Let ‘em Go Barefoot Substack 

The Unschool Challenge – Sue Elvis

Episode 23: Living Authentically, Confidently and Intentionally – a Conversation About How We Show Up in Our Lives, with Teresa Wiedrick 

 

A few months ago, Teresa Wiedrick shared her experience of her coaching work with homeschool moms and supporting women to get “out of their own way” and it struck a chord. We were so happy to have her chat with us more specifically about living authentically, confidently and intentionally and many of the common themes we might encounter. Teresa’s website, Capturing the Charmed Life,  is home to her many offerings such as blogging and coaching as well as her podcast, Homeschool Mama Self-Care. She is also the author of Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer. Join us around the table as we chat about this important journey! 

 
We Discuss:



The idea of “getting out of our own way” to do the things we’d like to or feel inspired to do

Thoughts around our lives in the areas of authenticity, confidence and intention

How this existential work can be helpful to do at various ages and life seasons for a range of people 

 
Resources:



Capturing the Charmed Life

Homeschool Mama Self-care Podcast, Episode with Teresa and Erin

Homeschool Mama Self-Care: Nurturing the Nurturer, Teresa’s book

Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 21: Emotional Labour 

Virtual Kitchen Table, Episode 22: Does Homeschooling our Children Shape our Identity? 

Have you ever thought about your identity as a homeschool parent? We discuss our identities as home educating mothers and the role that home ed plays in how others see us, how we see ourselves and even how our children might see us and themselves. We were so pleased to welcome Brittany Acciavatti to our conversation. You can find Brittany at @britt_acciavatti on Instagram.


We Discuss:


What it would feel like if our child went to school as far as how we see ourselves, our role, our time?

Home education and child development as an actual interest and passion

The decision to home educate often being proactive rather than necessarily reactive

How life transitions naturally lead us to reflect

The potential invisibility of the role of homeschool parent to other people outside of the homeschool world

That because it weaves throughout our lives, it sometimes doesn’t seem like a role

But also …

The pressure sometimes of feeling like an ambassador of the home education world

Not pressuring our kids to be ambassadors or perform as a way of defending our choice to home educate or prove how wonderful it is

The natural inclination to want to share things we’re excited about, particularly when they are new to us

The odd dynamic of wanting to celebrate our kids without boasting about our role, or, conversely, access support for struggles without blaming ourselves - our roles are kind of woven together with our kids in the context of how schooled society sees success and failure

The vast amount of personal work and learning that goes into our role, and the potential sense of loss if a child goes to school

That our role changes but does not necessarily lessen as kids get into the older years
The deep responsibility we feel for our children as we partner with them on this path - there is no external entity to ‘blame’

Protecting them from external assumptions and supporting them as they emerge through various stages, but also recognizing the need to carefully fade back sometimes

The importance of our role - needing to be there for those deep and sensitive questions and conversations

Finding time for ourselves and having our kids regularly see that - creating space for ourselves

That we don’t need to take responsibility for other people’s perceptions or opinions of our roles or identities but we can be gentle with ourselves in how we manage that for ourselves

Having collaborative relationships and partnerships with our children and how that can deepen in the older years

Excitement for the years ahead and enjoying the collaborative process with our kids

Home education as something that we choose, but for kids it is simply their life
Our ego - checking ourselves and not taking it personally if our kids are not enjoying things as much as we imagine they might

Protecting our identity and acknowledging our insecurity at times, remembering that our kids are coming from a different vantage point from ours as parents


Resources:

My Very Last First Day of “Not Back to School” - Ever Learning

Unschooling Together Community

We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of ‘emotional labour,’ both in the context in which it’s being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it. 



We Discuss:

 

Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while we’re supporting others 



Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent – all the pieces we hold at once 



How we need to be compassionate with ourselves 



Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour 



That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired 



Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry – keeping people happy 



That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour



The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own – it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it



Two layers of consideration – sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then we’re also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged 



Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief 



Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education 



Moments of compensation for other people’s lack of emotional labour, whether that’s our children, spouse or others 



The social cohesion that results from emotional labour 



The ‘hidden’ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head 



The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities – differences of power 



The emotional labour involved in facilitating children’s and family social activities



Consent – reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our child’s to maintain social comfort



Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted 



That it’s okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply can’t be the fixers of all things 



Tolerating an array of emotions – in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression



Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well 



Recognizing when we are filtering or editing  the expressions of our emotions for other people –  putting other people’s emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and it’s okay, but that it does come at a cost 



People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well 



The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy 



The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they don’t do the emotional labour that’s expected



People pleasing as currency 



The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it 



Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead



Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected



Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care 



Resources:

 

Emotional Labour – Rose Hackman 



Sage Family podcast – Rachel Rainboldt



Fed Up – Gemma Hartley



The Powerful Purpose of Introverts – Holley Gerth

If you’ve been in the homeschooling world for long, you’ll likely have come across the word ‘deschooling’ and may understand it in the context of children having time and space to get in touch with their natural curiosity and learning. Soon enough, it becomes clear that more of the work in this area is actually for parents. We continue deschooling but this almost always plays out imperfectly. Missteps are inevitable. Join us as we discuss how our bigger picture intentions seem to still shine, and we share ideas about how we can have compassion for ourselves in the midst. We so appreciated being joined by Esther Jones of  The Unschool Space podcast and A Place on a Hill blog, which can be found along with her workshops and offerings to parents at www.esther-jones.com. 




We Discuss:



How deschooling is not a linear process

That moments of resistance can be the learning moments 

Getting curious rather than being too hard on ourselves 

How deschooling perfectly is actually an oxymoron of sorts

Noticing some of the places we get caught up by the physical sensations we experience

Seeing external expectations as almost a third person in the relationship with our children

Outer opinions and pressures pulling us back in our process 

Getting comfortable with imperfection, for our kids and for us 

Finding our own strategies when we’re feeling shaky about things 

That having expanded our own ideas about a range of possibilities as home educating families, people might feel reassured talking to us about their own kids’ paths and choices 

Being easy on ourselves about how early messaging we received runs deep and can be very disconnecting from our physical processes and inner knowing  

That as parents, we might have some bits of resentment that we didn’t have the same degree of choice and acceptance in our choices that our children have

All the messages that we carry into adulthood and how we can be thoughtful about how we model that for our kids 

Self-compassion as being key both for ourselves and in our modelling for our kids 

Our kids as a barometer to our intentions, helping us be aware of potential manipulation 

Personality differences between kids and how they mirror or don’t mirror our intentions back to us 

Feeling pressure to “fully deschool” and then making changes more quickly than is ideal

Wrestling between one’s intuition and external information/deschooling

Considering how we best live as a starting point rather than getting too attached to a particular label 

That we can keep checking our responses and reactions

Taking note of resistance 

Understanding that everyday is a new piece of work to navigate relationship and communication; there will be disconnecting moments and opportunity for repair 

The potential for us to feel frustrated toward home ed books and blogs when things aren’t turning out the way “they said it would” 

That our certainty can pull us away from the vastness of possibility 

How we can trust that our children have wonderful ideas, skills and knowledge to bring to a situation and actually take the pressure off ourselves a bit 

That when we bump into an edge, we can stay with it as long as we need to. It’s okay to take the time to work through 

The idea of saying “yes” more is not quite so straightforward and that our kids can often read when a “yes” is not an authentic one and can actually better under consent when they see some authentic “nos” modelled as well 

Unravelling gently 

That we can take some time to make a decision and can communicate that with our kids 

That imperfections and working things through flexibly actually help our kids to be well-equipped and self-aware 

 
 Resources:



Esther Jones blog, podcast and offerings 

Virtual Kitchen Table Episode #14: Kids and Screens, Pondering Digital Tech From a Few Angles – Part One