You Deserve Medals You Deserve Medals

There are very few things in life that Jay and I love more than a good space movie. And while we would both trade everything we have for an hour of wife and child-free peace, sitting back and viewing an incredibly well-written, visually stunning, and powerfully inspiring space movie runs a very close second. 
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a copy of Howard the Duck, but Apollo 13 was a decent backup.
Apollo 13 was one of the few horrible hiccups in NASA’s moon program, and it would be easy to key in on the things that went wrong. However, this movie does something that very few films can accomplish successfully - it provides competency over abundance. Thousands of people, each the absolute best and brightest in their area, working together with extreme dedication, calm, and brilliance to bring three men home from certain doom. There is nothing better than the best acting like the best, and the fact that everything in this movie actually happened lifts our dark spirits in a way we never thought possible.
We don’t use the word masterpiece very often, but everything in this movie - the casting, acting, writing, directing - all contribute to one of the best movies ever made. If billionaires buying social media companies and Russia threatening nuclear war are getting you down, this movie is like a healing elixir, reminding you of a time when humanity achieved the impossible, just because they wanted to. 
Now if you’ll excuse us, we have to go get severe joint injuries just from waking up in the morning.

You can be forgiven for forgetting about Starman, an early 80’s science fiction romance that came out in the same year as such obscure indie films as Ghostbusters, The Karate Kid, Gremlins, Beverly Hills Cop, The Terminator, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Conan, The Last Starfighter…Can we please travel back in time to 1984? We digress - Starman wasn’t a flashy popcorn blockbuster. It didn’t have crazy action sequences, outrageous special effects, or big budgets with bigger production values behind it. It was, however, a movie with a lot of heart, with shockingly good acting and writing that grabs onto your feels like two daughters you have to pretend to love until they're both 18.  
If you can get over yet another sci-fi lead actress with a hideous chin-bum-thing, you’ll find an extremely well written and acted story that truly does the “visitor from another world” trope justice. Characters learn and grow, their attitudes and relationships mature in a natural and believable way, and it transitions seamlessly from a compelling science fiction film into a love story easy to invest in. A grieving widow meets a stranded alien who looks like her dead husband, gradually falls in love with him, and helps him find his way home. It sounds simple - because it is - but the most beautiful things in our lives tend to be the simplest ones.
Seriously, though…Benny has an unnerving reaction to people with those chin-bum things. He needs help.

Ahhh…another turn of the decade sci-fi classic, featuring an indifferent and poorly conceived modern day Earthling protagonist with flowing locks, thrust into the far future to embark on a space battle for freedom, while having to choose between an attractive but boring romantic interest or an absolute sultry smokeshow of a romantic interest. Is this a horrible run-on sentence? Absolutely. But one thing it is not is describing Buck Rogers. This time, it’s Flash Gordon - the star Quarterback who ends up helping winged barbarians fight an Asian-themed villain, while an evil princess - who is clearly the superior romantic option - ends up with a classically trained Shakespearean actor in green tights.
We really, truly want to say that this is one of those examples of “so bad it’s good”, but the least thing we want to do is turn this podcast into a house of terrible lies. We aren’t fun-killers and we can appreciate a cheesy flick for the entertainment value it provides, and Flash certainly has its moments; the opening comic book scrawl is fantastic, Omella Muti makes us want to travel back in time, and Timothy Dalton acts the absolute #$%! out of his role. But everything else is just a jumble of horrible writing, horrible acting, and so many plot holes that you’ll pop a truck tire driving over them. If you’re keen on a SUPER 70’s/80’s feeling film that will absolutely never make you have to use your brain whatsoever, then strap in and blast off to absolute apathy and regret!
Flash…saviour of the universe and king of the impossible indeed.

Once in a while, things that embody chaos, disappointment, and confusion end up sinking their greasy claws into our hearts and hold on throughout our lives with the tenacity of a rabid bulldog. For Jay, it’s the overwhelming adoration for wearing animal onesies while sipping homemade Shirley Temples. For Benny, it’s the demon spawn his DNA belched into this world. Yet both of us share a mutual example of this - a timeless tale of random delinquents who go on an outrageously dangerous and difficult journey to find a long-dead pirate’s treasure, and save their homes from purchase and destruction. No, this isn’t the latest NBC Survivor clone; it’s The Goonies, more popularly known as Thanos, Samwise, and a bunch of randos.
By all accounts, The Goonies just shouldn’t work. A ridiculous overarching plot? Check. Cartoonish villains? You betcha. An incredibly unrealistic series of tests and traps, the menace of which doesn’t fit the feel of the movie? Of course. A loveable and heartwarming special needs character with a horrific backstory? Bonus points. And yet, everything comes together in a classic that has staying power. Sure, a lot of the story is ridiculous, and boy did we poke holes in it, but it plays its heart out and reminds us all that movies used to be zany fun. Because goodness knows we need to be reminded of that these days.
Grab your kids, snuggle up with some popcorn, and have an absolute blast - watching Goonies with family makes it infinitely more enjoyable, and you’ll have a fantastic time. If you don’t end yourself from the incessant rambling chatter that permeates the entire run time.

New and old listeners alike can agree on one thing - Benny is not a smart man. He prefers fart jokes and explosions over deep and meaningful dialogue and themes. He makes detailed notes for every episode because he has the memory of a dead parakeet. He got married and had kids. All of the hallmarks of a functional idiot. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone that he met Jay’s praise of Wrath of Khan with surprise, disbelief, and derision. It’s classic Trek, Benny said. It’s 60’s fashion and cheesy fight scenes, without a single awesome Picard monologue to be found. How could it possibly be as good as Jay built it up to be?
Well, much like when Jay told Benny not to rub his eyes after wiping post-poop, he was absolutely right in all the best ways.
Star Trek II - The Wrath of Khan - is every bit the masterpiece people have said it is. It isn’t just the best Trek movie ever made; it’s one of the best films we have ever seen. The quality is in every scene, every moment…from Kirk’s internal battle against the retirement-like oblivion of promotion, through characters like Chekov and Saavik experiencing equal growth and development, to the epically nuanced battle of wits between Khan and Kirk. Hell, even the horrific brain slug provided tension and nausea in equal measures.
On the off chance that you haven’t watched Wrath of Khan yet, listen to your nerd uncle or dork cousin. This movie isn't just an amazing sci-fi movie. It’s cinema at its absolute finest.

Shocking revelations come in all shapes and sizes. Did you know that Chris Evan’s wore a prosthetic jaw in Avengers in order to hide the beard he was growing for Snowpiercer? How about the fact that Stephen Hawking was the only person to ever play him or herself on a Star Trek episode? Or, when you first look into the eyes of your newborn baby, you don’t see the 18 years of emotional trauma you’ll suffer at their indifferent and ungrateful hands? Most shocking of all…You Deserve Medals has survived two full seasons, and Jay still talks to Benny despite all of the on-air belches, stories of childhood horror, and a drastically disproportionate workload! Huzzah!
Much like the end of Season 1, when we lamented about the state of another beloved franchise with “Star” in its name, this time we decided to cap off our second season with a discussion about all things Star Trek. And, much like that Season 1 end episode, we don’t have a ton of great things to say about the subject in question, where it is, or where it’s going. However, it gave us great movies like Wrath of Khan, fantastic characters like Picard (before he was completely destroyed by Kurtzman and Stewart), and our fond memories provide a warming security blanket against the uncomfortable chills of Discovery, Lower Decks, Picard, and whatever other garbage that Paramount decides to vomit onto the fetid corpse of what’s left of Trek.
You know…just in case you weren’t sure about how we felt.
So hug your replica phaser, say “engage” to your podcast app with the stoicism of a classically trained British actor, and join us on a Star Trek retrospective by two middle aged men who remember better days.