It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People TruStory FM

Bullying in Families: How to Spot It and What to Do
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan dive deep into the hidden world of family bullies. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute in San Diego, CA, they share their expertise on identifying and dealing with high conflict personalities within families. Through real-life examples and listener stories, Bill and Megan shed light on this often overlooked issue.
Uncovering the Hidden Dynamics of Family Bullies
Bill and Megan discuss how bullies often isolate their targets, using emotional repetition to wear down their self-esteem. They explain the concept of "negative advocates" – people who unwittingly support the bully by believing their victim narrative. Bill shares insights from his new book, "Our New World of Adult Bullies," highlighting the manipulative tactics bullies employ to maintain control.
The conversation turns to the role of bullies as gatekeepers, controlling access to children, elderly parents, and financial information. Bill emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns and seeking support from siblings, therapists, or legal professionals when necessary.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the hidden dynamics of family bullies?How do bullies isolate and control their targets?What role do "negative advocates" play in enabling bullies?How can we protect children and elderly parents from bullying and abuse?What resources are available for those dealing with family bullies?Key Takeaways:
Bullies often use emotional repetition and isolation to wear down their targets.Bullies may act as gatekeepers, controlling access to children, elderly parents, and financial information.Increased awareness and training are needed among professionals who work with vulnerable populations.Seeking support from siblings, therapists, or legal professionals can be crucial in dealing with family bullies.There is hope – resources and support systems exist to help stop bullying behavior.This episode is a must-listen for anyone who has experienced or witnessed bullying within their family. By understanding the dynamics at play and learning how to respond effectively, listeners can take steps towards creating healthier, safer relationships.
Links & Other Notes
BULLY DYNAMICS IN FAMILIES WEBINARBully Dynamics in Families (September - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF: Quick Responses to High-Conflict People, Their Personal Attacks, Hostile Email and Social Media MeltdownsCalming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a ConflictOTHER BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)COURSESConflict Influencer Class for Co-Parents and Other Family Members: starts in JulyARTICLESSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:36) - World of Bullies #3: Bullies and Families
(01:14) - Bill’s New Book
(02:08) - Bullies in Families
(05:13) - Target of Blame
(07:11) - Listener’s Situation
(18:21) - Bullies as Gatekeepers
(21:24) - What Do You Do?
(23:59) - Children Being Bullied
(28:37) - Wrap Up
(30:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullies as Leaders

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Confronting Bullies in the Workplace and Mediation with Bill Eddy and Michael Lomax
In the second episode of the World of Bullies series, Bill and Megan welcome Michael Lomax to explore bullying in the workplace and mediation. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute and an esteemed speaker, respectively, they share their expertise on handling high conflict personalities in professional settings.
Bill and Michael emphasize the importance of managers thoroughly investigating bullying allegations and understanding the key characteristics of bullies, such as a lack of self-restraint, empathy, and remorse. They also discuss how bullies use emotional tactics to manipulate their targets and recruit negative advocates. Michael shares his experience meeting with alleged bullies who often present themselves as victims.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the key characteristics of a workplace bully?How can managers effectively respond to bullying allegations?How can mediators handle high conflict personalities in mediation?Key Takeaways:
Managers should approach bullying allegations with a healthy skepticism and thoroughly investigate complaints.Bullies often lack self-restraint, empathy, and remorse, and may recruit negative advocates to help target their victims.Mediators can effectively handle high conflict personalities by remaining calm, setting boundaries, and focusing on realistic objectives.This episode provides valuable insights and strategies for navigating bullying in the workplace and mediation, equipping listeners with the tools needed to create a healthier work environment.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.Mediating High Conflict Disputes (By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq., and Michael Lomax, JD)BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - will be 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsCOACHING CURRICULUMNew Ways for Work®: Coaching Manual (for workplace coaches)New Ways for Work®: Workbook (for coachees)OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:41) - World of Bullies #2: Bullying in the Workplace and in Mediation
(01:22) - Michael Lomax's Background
(03:58) - Bullies in the Workplace
(23:07) - Bullies in Mediation
(39:43) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullies in Families

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World of Bullies: Bill Eddy's Groundbreaking New Book
In this first episode of our new "World of Bullies" series, based on Bill Eddy's new book, Our New World of Adult Bullies: How to Spot Them, How to Stop Them, Bill and Megan dive into the timely topic of adult bullying. As co-founders of the High Conflict Institute, they provide invaluable insights for listeners.
Bill shares that his inspiration for the book came during the COVID-19 pandemic when he noticed an increase in bullying behavior across society. He emphasizes the importance of understanding bullies and the need for structure, limits, and consequences to curb their destructive behavior.
Megan highlights that while society has generally evolved to be more cooperative, high emotion media has influenced people's thinking and behavior, leading to a concerning shift in culture.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What inspired this "World of Bullies" series and Bill's book?How have the COVID-19 pandemic, the media, online culture, and more influenced bullying behavior?How can we effectively deal with bullies in our lives?Key Takeaways:
Bullies require structure, limits, and consequences.High emotion media has contributed to a shift toward more bullying.Bill’s new SLIC method (setting limits and imposing consequences) is effective for dealing with bullies.This episode sets the stage for the "World of Bullies" series, providing listeners with a comprehensive understanding of adult bullying and equipping them with practical tools to navigate challenging situations. Bill and Megan's expertise makes this a must-listen for anyone seeking to create a more harmonious environment in their lives.
Links & Other Notes
BOOKSOur New World of Adult Bullies—How to Spot Them/How to Stop Them (June 2024) By Bill Eddy, LCSW, Esq.BULLY DYNAMICS WEBINARSBully Dynamics in Families (September - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics at Work (October - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)Bully Dynamics in Communities (November - 4 sessions over 4 weeks)ARTICLESSetting Limits and Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsHow to Set Limits on Bullying in Congress—and Anywhere ElseMTG, Jasmine Crockett and AOC AltercationBillionaire’s wife stinks of entitlement as messages show her trying to bully woman with same last name for Instagram handleOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:35) - New Series: World of Bullies
(01:58) - The Reasons to Write It
(05:55) - Why Are We Devolving?
(08:41) - Mirroring
(11:02) - Finding Balance
(13:38) - Increase in Anxiety
(14:35) - Reacting Faster
(17:31) - Becoming Isolated
(18:08) - Unrestrained Personalities
(20:49) - SLIC Solutions
(25:11) - Prison and Weinstein Examples
(29:43) - Congress Example
(37:05) - Social Media Examples
(42:27) - Coaching to Not Bully
(44:08) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Bullys at Work and in Mediation

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In the second part of their conversation with Amanda Smith, Bill and Megan explore the challenges faced by families of individuals with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). They discuss the importance of education, self-care, and strategies for navigating high conflict situations.
The Importance of Family Support and Self-CareAmanda emphasizes the significance of family support and education in the long-term success of individuals with BPD. She highlights the positive impact of informed and understanding family members and the importance of self-care for those living with someone with BPD. Amanda encourages family members to prioritize their well-being, serving as positive role models for their loved ones.
Navigating Fear and Creating Safety PlansMegan raises the issue of fear that many family members experience when their loved one with BPD engages in self-harm or expresses suicidal thoughts. Amanda suggests creating safety plans and checklists to help families navigate crisis situations and feel more prepared to prioritize physical, environmental, and relational safety.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can family support contribute to the success of individuals with BPD?What strategies can families use to find common ground?How can family members prioritize self-care while supporting their loved one?What steps can families take to address fear and create safety plans?Key Takeaways:
Family support and education play a crucial role in the long-term success of individuals with BPD.Prioritizing self-care is essential for family members to effectively support their loved one.Creating safety plans can empower families to handle crisis situations.Seeking support from trained therapists is important for healthy recovery.This episode offers invaluable insights and practical strategies for families affected by Borderline Personality Disorder. Listeners will gain the tools necessary to support their loved ones while maintaining their own well-being.
Links & Other Notes
GUEST
Amanda Smith, LCSWBOOKS
The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderCOURSE
Online Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda SmithORGANIZATIONS
Hope for BPDNational Education Alliance for Borderline Personality DisorderMind.org.ukAustralia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)ARTICLES
7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:36) - Part Two: Borderline Personality Disorder with Amanda Smith
(01:34) - How to Support BPD Family Members
(07:23) - Fear and Safety
(11:23) - The Danger of Being Reinforced in Social Groups
(15:24) - Confusing Gaslighting
(18:49) - Wrap Up
(19:24) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: An Increase in Bullying

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In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy are joined by special guest Amanda Smith to discuss Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), continuing our Bringing It to Life series. They explore the common experiences of individuals with BPD, such as intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.
The Power of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)Amanda highlights the effectiveness of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) in treating BPD, emphasizing the importance of group therapy in conjunction with individual therapy. She shares success stories of individuals who have made significant progress through court-ordered DBT treatment.
Questions we answer in this episode:
What are the common experiences of individuals with BPD?How can individuals with BPD work towards recovery?Is court-ordered DBT treatment effective for individuals with BPD?Key Takeaways:
BPD is characterized by intense emotions, impulsive behaviors, and self-destructive tendencies.DBT, which combines individual and group therapy, is a highly effective treatment for BPD.Individuals with BPD can make significant progress towards recovery through consistent and dedicated treatment.This episode offers valuable insights into understanding Borderline Personality Disorder, exploring effective treatment options, and discussing the emotional struggles faced by individuals with BPD. Listeners will gain knowledge and strategies for supporting their loved ones on the path to recovery.
Links & Other Notes
GUEST
Amanda Smith, LCSWBOOKS
The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for FamiliesThe Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness PlannerThe Big Book on Borderline Personality DisorderCOURSE
Online Borderline Personality Disorder Family Course [begins May 29, 2024]—led by Amanda SmithCoping with Chronic Suicidal Thinking and Planning: Success Strategies for Providers, Family Members, and Individuals Who Are Suffering [1-hour webinar Saturday, May 18 at 10:00 am Central--$29]ORGANIZATIONS
Hope for BPDNational Education Alliance for Borderline Personality DisorderMind.org.ukAustralia BPD Foundation Limited (listing of resources across Australia)ARTICLES
7 Tips for Working with Clients With Borderline Personality Disorder The New Elephant in the Room: Why All Professionals Need to Learn About Personality DisordersOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:39) - Borderline Personality Disorder with Amanda Smith
(02:11) - Amanda’s Background
(03:18) - Diagnoses From Which You Can Work Your Way Free
(06:03) - Common Experiences in BPD
(10:38) - What Can Be Done?
(14:43) - Being Held Accountable
(20:49) - Court-Ordered Therapy?
(22:58) - When They Don’t Change
(26:37) - What Are They Feeling?
(31:03) - Dissociation
(32:44) - Wrap Up
(33:02) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: Part Two With Amanda

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High Conflict Cases and Money: Navigating the Complexities
In this episode of It's All Your Fault, Bill and Megan are joined by special guest Kate Merrill, a California attorney specializing in complex divorce cases involving stock options and other business and corporate issues. As part of the Bringing It to Life series, they explore the intricacies of high conflict divorces involving money and finances.
Kate shares her unique perspective, having transitioned from a corporate attorney in Silicon Valley to a family law attorney. Her background in corporate law and MBA in finance enable her to approach these cases with a fresh perspective, uncovering hidden assets and untangling complex financial structures.
Bill and Megan discuss the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money, including controlling finances and using manipulation tactics to hide assets or mislead their partners.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can a background in corporate law and finance benefit high conflict divorce cases?What are the common patterns of behavior exhibited by high conflict individuals in divorce cases involving money?Why is it crucial for clients to be their own advocates and educated consumers of legal services?Key Takeaways:
Understanding corporate structures, compensation packages, and investment vehicles is essential in high conflict divorce cases involving money.Clients must be their own advocates and educated consumers of legal services, as most family lawyers may not have the specialized knowledge required to navigate complex financial matters.Conducting a thorough investigation into the financial history of a relationship can uncover hidden assets and manipulative tactics.This episode offers invaluable insights for anyone navigating a high conflict divorce involving money and finances, providing strategies to uncover the truth and achieve a fair outcome.
Links & Other Notes
GUEST
Attorney Kate MerrillBOOKS
High Conflict People in Legal DisputesDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderORGANIZATIONS
Institute for Divorce Financial AnalystsARTICLES
When Math People and Feelings People NegotiateWhy I Wrote SplittingOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing patterns of behavior.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(00:35) - Bringing It to Life: Kate Merrill
(42:23) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: How to Help Those Who Struggle with Borderline Personality Disorder

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