Judy Blume (and a bat in my bedroom‪)‬ AT THE KID TABLE

Oh hi there!
How are you? I hope your week was a little more normal than mine because have I got a doozy of a kid table vibe for you. Let’s just get right into it (and follow it with the amazing things I learned from the great Judy Blume).
The kid table vibe of the week is…
Note: You can listen to this entire newsletter as a podcast above or read it below.
A bat in the cave (a.k.a. my bedroom)
When sitting at the kid table, this phrase is either a joke you play on a friend or a seriously embarrassing realization or, for that one kid, a fully embraced situation. But for Aaron and me last weekend, this phrase took on new meaning.
The discovery
In the middle of the night on Saturday, we awoke to a fluttering sound. We thought, “Maybe it is something on our roof. Nah, it sounds closer. Maybe the attic.”
But as my eyes adjusted, I could see the culprit of the noise: an erratic shadow darting above my head.
Oh no.
We had a bat in the cave (A.K.A. our bedroom).
The reaction
So I did what anyone would do in that situation…hid myself way down deep under the covers. (Is there anything more kid table than that?)
Half-asleep Aaron stumbled out of bed barely registering me saying “bat” until he turned on the lights and yelped, “BAT!” With only a pillow in his hand to protect him, he dodged into the bathroom so he could better assess the situation. I didn’t see any of this because I was too scared to peek my head out. All I could get myself to do was call my dog to hide with me under the covers.
Eventually the bat found a good resting spot on our curtains, and I found the courage somewhere deep within me to sneak past him and escape.
The team (or lack of one)
We read that if you wake up to a bat in your room, you are supposed to get someone to check for rabies. So we called animal control who told us they’d call us back soon. As we waited, we drifted in and out of sleep to bat nightmares until, six hours later—yes six—they finally called us back.
We told the guy the situation and he said, “Why didn’t you let him out the window? Because it is light outside now, that’s going to be really hard for you.”
I was speechless. He continued, “We could come take care of it for you. Our weekend rates are double, so $600.”
I replied, “I’ll call you back” and hung up.
The extraction
Covered in raincoats and hoodies and armed with a large plastic container, we snuck the window open behind the bat, gave him a gentle nudge, and with a terrifying last attempt to fly at our faces behind the plastic container, he flew outside.
And then…
I never called the guy back. Because revenge.
The aftermath
It turns out when you wake up to a bat in the room, you don’t REALLY know if you’ve been bitten or scratched which means you don’t REALLY know if you have rabies which has a 100% death rate if not treated.
So…you have to get an intense series of rabies shots.
When we got to the emergency room to receive them, they said, “It’s too bad you didn’t have animal control come by to catch and test the bat for rabies. Would have saved you a lot of time.”
…
All I can say is, I am in awe of the nonsense that is life sometimes. I don’t have any wisdom to depart after this experience, but I feel like a changed person.
I am vengeance.
I am the night.
I am Batman.
This week at my desk…
I outlined a marketing plan to take over the world with my debut book (suddenly evil laughs have become the theme of this newsletter) and finished a color study dummy for my second picture book (I’m so excited about it!).
Speaking of the debut, I just realized there is a batman reference in there! (Gotta keep the newsletter theme going, right?) Wanna see?
This week AT THE KID TABLE, we’re sitting with children’s book author Judy Blume!
You probably know her for the famous Are You There GOD, It’s Me Margaret which was made into an excellent movie (seriously, I watched it twice and Blume herself said it