What if your divorce was actually a gift? The Divorced Women’s Guide podcast aims to change the conversation around divorce, helping women (and men) start the new best chapter in their lives. After all, divorce can be more than a transition phase, it can be an empowering experience. And through the conversations on the podcast you’ll come away with a new perspective, so you can turn your divorce into the best gift you’ve ever been given.
Vulnerability: Why We Need to Embrace Emotional Exposure
For most human beings, it’s terrifying to show our real selves and let people see beneath the armor we present to the world.
We see vulnerability as risky because it reveals our flaws and creates the possibility of being judged or worse, hurt. However, feeling vulnerable doesn’t mean we’re in danger. It’s actually something we get to embrace.
The armor we wear is nothing more than our attempt to numb ourselves from feelings we urgently need to face. When we go through a trauma like divorce, this is where that starts to chip away. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s actually an opportunity for massive growth and self-acceptance.
You see, exposing our true feelings of fear, insecurity, and pain is a risk worth taking. When we deny our vulnerability, we cause ourselves more pain.
How can we start to brave the world without our armor and face the uncomfortable emotions we have? Why do we need to stop chasing perfection and excellence? In this episode, I share how to respond to the fear, uncertainty, and emotional exposure that vulnerability creates.
Vulnerability gives us a more fulfilling and richer life versus the pain of suppressing our emotions. -Wendy Sterling
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode:
Why avoiding vulnerability prolongs our pain:
When we’re healing, what we desperately need is to be seen, heard, and supported. When we avoid our vulnerability and numb ourselves, we actually make it impossible for us to be seen deeply. We end up turning our back on the very thing we desire.
How the past keeps us from facing ourselves:
We tend to avoid living in the present by reverting back to the past, but that’s just another trap that keeps us from being vulnerable and experiencing the uncomfortable and terrifying feelings we have right now. The past is a shield that keeps us from experiencing our truth in this moment, and it delays our healing.
The truth about other people’s opinions:
The fear of being vulnerable is rooted in the fear of being judged by others. But other people’s opinions of us are none of our business. People are focused on themselves and their own struggles, they’re not focused on us. Whatever opinions they have of us are projections based on where they are in their life, not on what is in our best interests.
The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go & Conquering Our Limiting Beliefs w/Jill Sherer Murray
When we leave something, whether it’s a place, a job, or a relationship, we aren’t just closing a chapter. We’re leaving a dream, an identity, and an enormous component of ourselves.
But here’s the thing, leaving isn’t the same as letting go. People can leave a bad marriage and still cling to it mentally and emotionally.
True healing happens when we have the courage to completely release the past, and listen to that inner truth that tells us we’re meant for better. The journey to letting go isn’t easy, but it is one worth taking.
Once we leave our past in the rearview, and stop looking back at it, we can fully step into that new chapter and experience the gift divorce can be.
How do we examine ourselves and determine what our inner voice is trying to tell us? What does moving on actually look like? In this episode, I’m joined by Jill Sherer Murray. She is a TEDx speaker, influencer, and author of the brilliant book, Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go. We discuss how to let go, especially after the end of a marriage, and what we can look forward to when we release the past.
When you do hard things, it’s only natural to have moments of regret and moments of questioning. You’re in deep dark denial if you never have those moments. -Jill Sherer Murray
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode
Why we struggle to let go:
As human beings, every choice we make comes down to safety and avoiding perceived danger. Even when a relationship is bad for us, we get used to it and it gives us safety. Leaving that situation and letting go feels like a loss of safety, and that’s what makes letting go so difficult. It’s natural to have those moments of fear and doubt, even when letting go is the right thing.
How to own the power we have when we let go:
The fear of letting go stems from a fear of the unknown. When we leave something familiar that we’ve known a long time, it’s like jumping off a cliff thinking we don’t have a safety net. Instead of waiting for external safety, we have to trust that we’re strong enough to be our own safety net and catch ourselves.
The process of overcoming limiting beliefs:
Limiting beliefs are a sign that we fully haven’t let go of something in our past. Before we can dispel them, we have to become aware of them. Once we know them, we can revise and eliminate them so that our beliefs start working for us, not against us. We can turn limiting beliefs into epiphanies by becoming woke to ourselves.
Jill Sherer Murray is a TEDx speaker and influencer, author, blogger, coach, and founder of Let Go For It®, a lifestyle brand dedicated to helping individuals let go for a better life and businesses let go for better communications. She is also an award-winning journalist and communications leader who can trace practically every success she’s had in her career, love life, and more to letting go. Her TEDx talk, “The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go” has been viewed by millions of people. She wrote her new best-selling book, Big Wild Love: The Unstoppable Power of Letting Go in response to many people who’ve reached out to her for help and inspiration after seeing her TEDx Talk and appearances in various media and podcasts. Jill spent a year studying improvisation comedy at the famous Second City Training Center in Chicago, and another five years writing a popular blog called “Diary of a Writer in Mid-Life Crisis” for the Wild River Review magazine. She also let go of just about everything to put her weight in Shape Magazine—12 times—as part of a year-long assignment to document her weight loss journey for millions of readers.
You can learn more about her at www.letgoforit.com. Follow her at @letgoforit on Facebook and Instagram, and Jill Sherer Murray on LinkedIn.
How to Choose Inner Peace When Your World is Rocked by Upheaval
When we’re going through divorce, the emotional upheaval can be so distressing and unsettling that inner peace seems impossible. With everything going on in the world, is it even possible to lead a peaceful life?
Yes. It absolutely is!
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that we can’t always control what’s happening around us, but we do have the power to choose how it affects us. Peace doesn’t mean the absence of challenges. It’s the ability to choose tranquility by controlling our emotional and mental state.
When we have peace, it impacts the filter we see the world through, it changes the stories we tell ourselves, and it releases our attachment to the past and the future so we can live in the present.
What are some of the things that hold us back from inner peace? How can we become neutral towards the things that happen to us, and why is that a strength, not a weakness? In this episode, I discuss why inner peace is in our control and how it helps us through challenging seasons in our lives.
When you say yes to peace, you’re saying no to what disrupts it. -Wendy Sterling
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode
Why it’s important to focus on the journey, not the destination:
Our society focuses on the destination. That means we’re always waiting for something big to happen to us which makes it hard for us to live in the present. Don’t wait to find joy when you reach your end goal. There are going to be small wins, breakthroughs, and milestones. We need to celebrate them because they matter.
How we find peace by becoming neutral:
Peace means maintaining internal neutrality, observing what’s happening around us without reacting or attaching meaning to it. It’s a state where no external force can impact us internally because we have achieved internal equilibrium and centered ourselves.
How to create your own inner peace:
Inner peace doesn’t just happen, it’s a decision we have to make for ourselves to release our attachment to the past and the outcome. We need to take responsibility for who we choose to be and the actions we take. If we can dig deep from within, and do some honest self-reflection, we can combat the things that try to disrupt our inner peace.
Need an opportunity to share your pain points and receive judgment-free support? Want to create a vision of a future after your divorce? Click here to schedule your Free Divorce Recovery Call: https://calendly.com/wendysterling/15-minute-divorce-recovery-call?month=2020-09
Click here to sign up for my free live show, Divorce and Narcissism, on September 29th: https://www.wendysterling.net/divorce-and-narcissism-live
5 Steps to Rediscovering Yourself After Divorce w/Veronika Archer
Bad relationships drain us of our happiness, purpose, and most of all, our best selves. When people leave an abusive or traumatic relationship, they may feel like strangers to themselves. So often, we find that we can’t recognize who we became in that situation, and it feels impossible to reconnect with ourselves.
Divorce is a powerful catalyst for taking the journey to self-rediscovery. We get to make changes to our lives on our own terms, break out of the box we were in, and unlock all the amazing and unique things that make us who we are.
I know it’s hard to see through the fog of fear and doubt after a marriage ends, but trust me. On the other side is more joy and authenticity than you could ever imagine.
Why do bad relationships take so much from us? How can we start reclaiming ourselves after losing our identity? In this episode, I’m joined by coach and founder of the You Get To Be You This Time program, Veronika Archer. We talk about how she helps people reclaim themselves after a relationship, and her upcoming summit.
When you’ve given up so much of yourself in your relationship, it’s hard to even know who you are. -Veronika Archer
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode
Why we shouldn’t have to change ourselves in the right relationship
When a relationship is traumatic, challenging, or makes us disconnect from who we are, we lose touch with ourselves. That’s because we start believing something is wrong with us. Part of our healing journey is realizing that who we are is already great, and that someone can and will love us for it.
What holds people back from the process of rediscovering themselves
Society puts us in boxes that require us to be more “normal” to fit in. When we do something that steps out of that box like getting a divorce, we often feel ashamed for not doing what’s deemed the right thing. When we start taking on other people’s projections of us, rather than seeing ourselves for who we really are, we lose ourselves.
The power we have to create the life we want
One of the most necessary steps we have to take is recognizing and accepting that the situation didn’t happen to us. Certain patterns made us create the relationship we had.
The great thing is, if we created a bad situation, we also have the power to create a good, healthy, and fulfilling dynamic.
Veronika Archer is the founder of the You Get To Be You This Time program where she works with people to break the cycle of traumatic relationships and create a life they love, even if they don’t believe it’s possible. She draws on her own life experiences of decades of emotional and psychological trauma, which she hadn’t even realized had occurred until her body fully shut down. After leaving her marriage of 16 years, she uncovered the hidden root causes and now lives a life with full physical health and joy! Using the tools she developed from years of research and trial and error, she now guides people to achieve this same success in creating a life, and love, where they get to be truly themselves. Veronika is committed to inclusivity in her practice and she is passionate about serving the LGBTQ community and people in alternative relationship structures. For more information, visit www.veronikaarcher.com.
To sign up for Veronika’s free summit, visit https://yougettobeyou.com/wendy.
Faith & Divorce: How Surrender Heals Us
Going through a divorce doesn’t just make us question ourselves, it can also shake our faith tremendously. It’s normal to ask our Higher Power why this is happening to us, and what we did to deserve this pain.
It can feel like the Universe is working against us, and that can make us want to turn our back on our faith, but this is when we need it the most. Faith is how we see past our temporary darkness and believe in the light ahead of us. Faith is how we stop being a victim of divorce and realize that this is happening to help us, not hurt us.
You’re meant for more than your unhappy marriage, and you’re meant for more than the pain you’re experiencing right now. When we can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, all we can do is step out on the faith of knowing that the Universe has our back.
How can we lean into our faith as we go through a divorce? Why is it so important for us not to hold onto fear and suffering? In this episode, I share how our relationship with our faith can shift in divorce, and how we can find healing through it.
Faith is knowing the solution is already chosen for you and you will be guided to it at the right moment. -Wendy Sterling
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode
How faith is the ultimate healer
If we decide to see our divorce through a lens of suffering, and feel like God or the Universe is allowing this to happen to us, we’ll become fear-focused. This usually leads us to reach for short-term ways to fix or numb the pain. Faith is the long-term solution to truly heal from the pain.
How to practice your faith in a divorce
Faith is all about trusting the journey and surrendering to not knowing what’s next, but knowing that the Universe is doing this for us, not to us. Our divorce may be painful, but there’s something beautiful on the other side. In order to surrender, we have to detach from the outcome and trust the journey.
What my divorce taught me about surrender
I used to think the word surrender meant giving up, that it was a sign of weakness and defeat. After going through my divorce, I’ve learned that surrendering means stepping into faith and trusting that everything will work out to make us better. This is where we find our healing.
How to Co-parent Amicably w/Kate Anthony
Many of us worry that divorce will have long lasting negative impacts on our kids, that the trauma to our kids is inevitable. But if we come at the process from a place of love and understanding, we can minimize the trauma and stop it from affecting them in the long run.
That’s not always easy when we’ve already established a contentious dynamic with our exes.
It all comes down to keeping our children at the center of our decisions. If we agree to focus on our childrens’ best interests, we can escape the true cause of long-term trauma: nasty litigation.
How can we shift from a bitter dispute to an amicable co-parenting relationship?
In this episode, host of the critically acclaimed The Divorce Survival Guide Podcast, Kate Anthony explains how putting our kids at the center of our divorce can make for a more amicable split.
It’s okay if you’re not amicable immediately. Divorce is a living, breathing entity that constantly evolves as you find and adjust your boundaries. -Kate Anthony
3 Things You’ll Love About This Episode
How inner work fosters a friendlier dynamic
To create an amicable relationship, we have to know who we are, what we stand for, and where our boundaries lie. Self-reflection helps us understand what works for us, so we can communicate that to our co-parent.
How centering our childrens’ needs promotes more constructive litigation
Going into negotiations with our children in mind is like putting on a new pair of glasses, we can see everything more clearly. It’s much easier to see our ex-spouses’ point of view when we know their decisions have been based on the childrens’ wellbeing.
How to handle a hostile ex
Don’t force amicability. Every divorce goes through twists and turns, and it’s not always easy to be on friendly terms with an ex. Continue self-reflecting and deal with everything else as it comes.
Kate Anthony is the host of the critically acclaimed The Divorce Survival Guide
Podcast and the creator of the groundbreaking online coaching program, Should I Stay or Should I Go? which helps women make the most difficult decision of their lives using coaching tools, relationship education, geeky neuroscience, community support, and deep self-work. Kate is widely known as an expert in communication, co-parenting, divorce, and emotional intelligence.
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