Idiots On Parade, the Too Ugly for TV Podcast Idiots On Parade

This week, the Idiots are joined by Brandon Wein.



00:00 Introductions

00:27 Jennifer Lopez

02:51 Donald Trump

15:27 American Airlines

26:56 Tesla

32:18 Fontana Police Department

35:45 Texas Power Grid



—Jennifer Lopez had to cancel her tour due to low ticket sales. I mean, to spend time with her family. Right. Like anyone believes that. 



Sorry, Jen, the arenas were empty.



—The former president was found guilty on all 34 counts he’d been charged with. May the world keep turning with no one noticing. Sure, the media calls it a big deal, but who really cares?



—Last week, we discussed the fact that scumbag lawyers for American Airlines were trying to blame a 9-year-old girl for the fact one of their flight attendants put a hidden camera in a public restroom.



Well, God be praised, something “good” happened: the bad press got American Airlines to fire that legal team. 



Yes, they only did it because of press, but they did it.



Now, may those lawyers rot in hell.



Side note: for reasons unknown, we travel down paths of prison reform, the death penalty, Danny Masterson, and Ashton Kutcher. 



Also, spoiler alert: nathan gives away the entire plot (and twist) of Dead Man Walking, the Sean Penn/Susan Sarandon film.



—A crybaby named Michelle Lewis wrote an exceptionally long article on how difficult it was to trade in her old Tesla for a new one.



Hey, Michelle…



Maybe walk away and buy a different car.



Side note: A Big Mac Meal supposedly costs $18, except nobody can seem to replicate that. Inflation and fast food are discussed.



—Stop me if you’ve heard this one… A man walks into a police station; “Hey, my dad is missing!”



Seventeen hours of non-stop interrogation later, he confesses to murdering his father.



But, wait for it, the dad is alive and well, and at an airport, and going on a trip!



Well, that’s what happened to Thomas Perez Jr., and now he’s going to get almost a million dollars because of it.


Sadly, that million will come from taxpayers, not the Fontana PD retirement fund.



Anyway, what an insane story.



—The Texas power grid continues to suck. When the outside temperature went up, air conditioners went on, so the power company decided to raise prices 1,600%. 


Because, you know, “Private industry rules.”



Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.



Tune in and get your giggle on.



Find Jake at @jakevevera



Find nathan at nathantimmel.com



#news #politics #jenniferlopez #donaldtrump

This week, the Idiots are joined by Gerry Grothues.



00:00 Introductions

00:48 Viewer Comment

05:09 Harrison Butker 2.0

12:49 Lawyers

19:50 Science!

25:00 Britney, Freed

31:16 Israel/Palestine



—We forgot to get to this week, but a viewer wanted to know our thoughts on January 6 when compared to BLM riots and ANTIFA nonsense. He didn’t ask about the idiot students protesting the Israel/Palestine conflict, but we threw it in for fun anyway.


—Harrison Butker is doubling down on the dumb, sexist and homophobic comments he made while giving a commencement speech, and our response is…



“Yeah, what did you think he was going to do?”



There seems to be an idea the internet outrage machine has that if they pout and throw big enough fits, people will have realizations.



Nope!

Butker was raised to be a backwards-thinking religious nutbag. That doesn’t get changed by yelling at him.


The best way to put it is via a meme I saw: “You think CTE is bad? Try having a bible slammed into your head from birth.”



Yup.



—Lawyers are the worst, we can all agree on that. But did anyone think one would stoop so low as to argue, in a court filing, that a nine-year-old girl, who was subject to a disgusting peeping tom pervert of an American Airlines employee/flight-attendant/male-stewardess, was at fault for not realizing there was a hidden camera in the airplane toilet?



I mean, that’s a far throw for even a scumbag lawyer.



But, that’s what’s being argued. 



A nine-year-old girl found a hidden camera in a public restroom, her family is suing (not that they have a right to), and the lawyers are saying, “Well, she should have known there’d be a camera in there, taking pictures of her.”



It’s times like that that make me wish I believed in hell, because those lawyers (and anyone at the airline and insurance company who signed off on it) should absolutely spend eternity there.



—Men have microplastics in their testicles. 



I’ll repeat that.



Men have microplastics (and nanoplastics, apparently) in their testicles.



How do we know this? 



Well, scientists have been cutting open the testes of cadavers and looking.



And they’ve been comparing the plastic in human testes with the plastic in dog testes.



WHO FIRST THOUGHT TO DO THIS?


What scientist was sitting around, and went, “Hey, you know what we should do…”



Well, I suppose it was either that, or becoming a serial killer. So… thanks for choosing science. Weirdo.



—Remember the “Free Britney!” movement? Well, she’s free, and… She is not well. Dancing with knives, divorcing, again, and apparently chasing her ex with an axe.



Should she have remained under a conservatorship? 



Probably.



But, she’s an adult, albeit an incredibly stupid one, and she can act how she wants.



The rest of us can just grab our popcorn and watch.



—What? This conflict is still going on? But stupid university kids with no life experience or historical awareness protested! I thought that was supposed to change everything!



In today’s round of “Oh just fucking nuke one another and be done with it:” Ireland, Norway, and Spain have all agreed to recognized a Palestinian State. 



As stated in the video, this is a complex issue.
The Palestinians were offered statehood in the past, but turned it down. Should we celebrate the idea they’ve been beaten into submission to the point they’re willing to finally accept it? Or, is giving it now, given the actions of October 7, 2023, rewarding shit behavior?



Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.



Tune in and get your giggle on.



Find Jake at @jakevevera



Find nathan at nathantimmel.com



#britneyspears #lawyers #news #currentevents #politics #humor

This week, the Idiots are joined by Wayne Russell, of Open Mic Pain.



00:00 Welcome!

00:44 Harrison Butker

08:10 The Dali Crew

16:44 Puff Daddy

22:10 David Copperfield

25:13 Gordon Black

29:31 Steve Bannon



—Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker said dumb things. He’s obviously a dumb person. Why does that outrage people? “Oh no, a sexist and homophobic person spoke his mind!” Isn’t it a good thing to know who the sexist, homophobic neanderthals are? 



Plus, as Jake rightly points out: he was speaking at a religious college. Everything Butker said is probably part of their backwards curriculum. 



—Hey, remember when that cargo ship knocked down a bridge in Baltimore? Nah, me neither.  It was big news for a couple days, though, right? Well, here we are weeks and weeks later… and the crew has been sitting on the ship this entire time, trapped and bored in the Baltimore Harbor! Who knew? Not us, we’ve moved on to the next few sensationalistic stories. 



—Oh boy… Sean Puff Daddy P. Diddy Combs is a piece of garbage. That’s all there is to it. I mean, we always knew he was a talentless hack who could cobble together unlistenable songs by sampling more talented artists, but whoa. He’s also an abusive douche who should be in jail.



(Prosecutors say he won’t be charged, because of the statute of limitations. Yay.)



But, that aside, knowing he’s an abusive jerk who belongs in jail, why does Fox News think we should hear what celebrities think of the newly released Puff Daddy/P. Diddy Sean Combs video?



Jake has ideas…



—nathan is hung up on terminology here… The news wrote the phrase, “Celebrated magician David Copperfield.”



Celebrated?



Really?
Well, Wayne and Jake think so, and they make a fairly compelling case for it: no basic rabbit-out-of-a-hat fella is getting invited to Jeffrey Epstein’s island.



—Staff Sergeant Gordon Black is an interesting fella. Stationed in South Korea, he met a Russian woman, and, being really smart, got into a relationship with her. No thoughts of espionage, no wondering whether or not this was a good idea…
Even better, he apparently stayed with her after a physical altercation where she stabbed him.



Welp, he’s in jail in Russia, now. Who could have seen this coming?



(Everyone. Everyone saw it coming.)



—Trump vs. Biden is the rematch no one wanted. And I get it, nobody really wants to vote for Biden. It’s literally, “But look at the alternative.”
Well, now there’s a real reason to vote Biden: let’s get Steve Bannon put in jail, and left there. 



Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.



Tune in and get your giggle on.



Find Jake at @jakevevera



Find nathan at nathantimmel.com

00:00 Welcome!

00:20 Netflix Censors Reality

04:25 Okinawa Air Force

06:14 Beef, It’s What’s Grown in a Lab

15:40 RFK Jr.’s Brain Worm

20:30 Kristi Noem

25:04 Helping the Homeless

29:16 The Taylor Swift Law



—Kim Kardashian was booed at the Roast of Tom Brady. Was it because she did a horrible job, or simply because she’s a horrible person? Doesn’t matter, because Netflix edited out the negative feedback she received. Why? Jake has thoughts, and they make a lot of sense.



—Interlude: nathan tells a quick story about how he ruined a big surprise Officer’s Wives were excited about. It’s hard to believe The Bachelorette is still a thing, but man… that first season was gangbusters.



—The future is here, ladies and gentlemen: scientists are growing meat in labs… But, NOT IN FLORIDA!



(All caps = serious business.)


That’s right, Ron DeSantis, failed candidate for president and wearer of Ken Doll boots, signed a law that took lab grown meat off the table in America’s dangling wiener. Republicans say they’re the party of “Freedom” and “Individual rights” and “Free Market,” yet more and more often that seems to involve an asterix.



(*Freedom and Individual rights do not apply to things Republicans don’t like, especially women’s healthcare.)



—The world makes sense again… RFK Jr. had a worm eating his brain. No wonder he says so many idiotic things.



—Jake and nathan have a new hero: South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem. What a magnificent politician. Jussie Smollett could’ve used her in his corner. She’s shooting animals, lying about meeting politicians… and all the while, looking like a psychotic member of a Real Housewives show.



—Sanai Graden is a good person, who tried to do a good thing. She tried helping a homeless fella, and raised $400,000 for him. Unfortunately, the dude disappeared, most likely due to issues with mental health and/or addiction.



We tend to glorify the homeless in America; we pretend all they need is a little nudge in the right direction, and they’d be all good. Sadly, that isn’t the case in a majority of instances. 



—Ticketmaster is the worst. Full stop. They allow bots to buy all the best seats (some suspect the own the bots, and by the seats themselves in order to pull a better profit off resale sites), and they add fees up the wazoo to every purchase.



Well, a legislator in Minnesota had enough, and did something about it. In a good first step toward what should be a federal law, the Taylor Swift law is designed to protect consumers. 



Hopefully it works.



(Sidebar: nathan discusses getting reamed by a rental car company in Costa Rica.)



Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.



Tune in and get your giggle on.



Find Jake at @jakevevera



Find nathan at nathantimmel.com



Lab Tech photo by Artem Podrez, via Pexels

This week, comedian Dobie Maxwell joins the idiots for fun and merriment.



00:00 Welcome!

00:32 A Really Smart Comment

04:07 Outrage over the movie The Fall Guy

12:50 Legal Failures

22:32 Influencers

28:49 Rob Marciano, Fired

32:15 New York Times Investigation



The breakdown:



—People are amusing. You can say something plainly, in their native language, it can be a simple concept, and yet they will find a way to be so dumb they miss the point (and the truth) entirely. Basically, Jake and nathan made very clear statements about the idiot college kids protesting the Israel/Palestine conflict, and someone who was either (a) not paying attention, or (b) is too partisan to see reality, took umbrage. Let’s clear things up, shall we?



—It’s one of our favorite topics: the outrage machine! Something (anything) happens, and dumb people react on Twitter. Should they be listened to, or ignored? Ignored, right? And yet, a reporter with no real morals or values knows that clickbait is the most important thing out there, so they round up several tweets by idiots and write the article, “People are Angry!”



Well, no one is really angry, and no one should care about the four people who are.



As nathan states (too many times) in the video: The Fall Guy is a fun movie. Go see it.



(Side note: a quick discussion is also had regarding Elon Musk buying Twitter and then giving it the worst rebrand since New Coke.)



—This one is baffling. Prosecutors had slam dunk cases with both Bill Cosby & Harvey Weinstein… 


AND THEY BOTCHED BOTH OF THEM!!



(All caps = serious business.)



Come on… how do you screw up so badly that Cosby gets set free, and Harvey gets a conviction overturned. It’s absurd. 



(Side note: discussions of Russell Simmons taking his money and fleeing the country a la Roman Polanski are had.)



—Kim Kardashian promoted a “vampire facial,” where you get your face poked by a needle until you’re covered in your own blood… And that’s supposed to be good for you.



Well, two practitioners contracted HIV, so… Good luck with that.



(Side note: who knew Logan Paul was behind the energy drink, Prime? I mean, it was a horrible drink to begin with, but seriously: if you’re taking advice from Kim Kardashian or Logan Paul, ya kinda deserve anything bad that happens to you.)



—I didn’t know who Rob Marciano was until the story hit that he’d been fired by ABC. Apparently he was a weatherman on Good Morning America, and he had a temper.
A weatherman with a temper.



There is just something so amusing about that.



—Oh, the clickbait headline… Everyone loves it, right? Well, The NY Times had a doozy of one. The clickbait was, “Study shows side effects of COVID vaccine!!!!”



Very scary, right?



The outcome?



.0001% of people have an adverse reaction to the vaccination.



So… Yeah.
“Ooooh, scary.”



Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.



Tune in and get your giggle on.



Find Jake at @jakevevera



Find nathan at nathantimmel.com



Angry Man Photo by Photo by Andrea Piacquadio, via Pexels. 

00:00 Welcome!

00:26 George Santos

08:39 Maxwell Azzarello

10:32 Isra Hirsi

22:33 Red State, Blue State

26:12 Elon Musk

33:15 Endangered Species



The breakdown:



—The man with no shame does it again… George Santos recorded a Cameo for NAMBLA. Well, not NAMBLA proper, they didn’t hire him. Someone hired him as a joke, giving him a script for NAMBLA to see if he’d say he supports the group, and because he’s dumb and greedy, Santos went for it.



—Maxwell Azzarello has a fanbase. We should’ve seen it coming… Whenever you discuss someone on the fringes of society, their fellow fringe-thinkers come out in droves. Insult dummies who believe the earth is flat? Flat-earthers arrive with pitchforks. Point out someone who set themselves on fire is insane? Insane people will call his cause just. Which means next week, we’ll have George Santos lovers yelling at us.



—Ill-educated students are protesting the Israeli/Hamas conflict. Naturally, Ilhan Omar’s daughter got into the mix, and found herself banned from campus. Ah… to be young and dumb again, taking a multi-layered, complex issue, and breaking it down to black and white, and right and wrong.



—Speaking of complex issues turned simple: Greenville, South Carolina, real estate agent Jen Hubbell wants to help your conservative family leave that awful liberal state you live in. By pitching South Carolina as an alternative to the woke agenda, she’s helping overly-partisan people move to a state that’s 42nd in education, and 8th in crime. Division is fun, isn’t it? We need to separate ourselves from one another more.



—Headline: TESLA IS TANKING BECAUSE DEMOCRATS HATE ELON MUSK!! Reality: sales are down because now there’s affordable competition. That said, Elon isn’t doing himself any favors by aligning with the dumbest of the dumb on Twitter. 



—Nancy Teresa Gonzalez de Barberi, founder of the luxury handbag company Gzuniga, is going to jail for 18 months. Why? She was using endangered pythons to make purses. Gross. 



Idiots on Parade: we mock the news, so you don’t have to.



Tune in and get your giggle on.



Find Jake at @jakevevera



Find nathan at nathantimmel.com