Playing With Fire Joli Hamilton

We talk about compersion a lot (duh, it’s awesome!!). But compersion is more than an emotion, and it’s more than the opposite of jealousy. Luckily, Marie Thouin (one of our podcast BFFs) returns to PWF to discuss her new book, What Is Compersion?, which dives into the complexities of compersion as a value system that does not have to be restricted to romantic relationships. In fact, we all have benefitted greatly from expanding the way that we understand and practice compersion to our platonic and professional relationships!

If compersion hasn’t clicked for you in the past, if you struggle with feelings of jealousy in your platonic, romantic, or professional relationships, or if you just want to nerd out with us about compersion, you don’t wanna skip this one! We draw on our personal experiences, academic research, and insights from coaching hundreds of people in the non-monogamy community.

In this episode, we talk about:

— Why compersion is more than just an emotion

— Compersion as a value vs. compersion as an escape

— Compersion myths, including the misconception that it can eliminate jealousy entirely

— The power of applying the concept of compersion to non-romantic relationships, and how that can be a huge opportunity for personal growth

— Compersion vs. jealousy vs. envy

— Addressing personal challenges in feeling compersion, particularly in friendships, and overcoming envy and competitiveness

— Discussing practical ways to cultivate compersion in daily life and relationships

— Why compersion doesn’t mean the absence of jealousy, as emotions are fluid and contextual

— Integrating academic research, coaching, and personal experience to better understand and teach compersion

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Marie Thouin's new book "What is Compersion" is available for pre-order!

— Check out Marie’s website whatiscompersion.com for information about her research, blogs, and a list of resources on compersion

— Follow Marie’s Instagram account @loveinsightdating

— Book a FREE 30-minute introductory coaching call with Marie

Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved!

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

This episode is about betrayal. I know, super fun subject, but don’t click away!!

Betrayal can touch on some of our deepest insecurities. But in my experience, the fear of betrayal can be more painful and damaging than betrayal itself. That’s one of the reasons why it’s important to face betrayal head-on, and to be honest with yourself about how your history with betrayal may be impacting your current relationships with your partner(s) and yourself.

This can be a confusing subject, especially for those of us who are still unpacking that default ‘mono-mindset’ (aren’t we all?). When we transition from monogamy to non-monogamy our paradigms of safety, trust, and betrayal totally change. This can leave people feeling really lost.

But that’s what this episode is for ;)

In this episode, we walk you through:

— The idea of exclusivity in romantic, emotional, and sexual attention as a safeguard against betrayal

— Cultural expectations and norms around monogamy and how they influence our perceptions of betrayal

— Why making the shift from monogamy to non-monogamy is so challenging when it comes to betrayal

— How you can reconceptualize betrayal in the context of non-monogamy

— How personal experiences of betrayal shape people's views and approaches to relationships (often without them realizing it)

— The impact of betrayal witnessed in childhood, such as watching parents betray each other

— How the fear of betrayal can make people close themselves off, and why those emotional walls can hinder the development of deep and meaningful connections

— The profound effects of self-betrayal and the importance of self-trust

— The importance of clear communication and well-defined boundaries

— How to build repair plans into your relationship agreements, and why they’re so important

— Strategies for managing emotions and relationships after trust has been violated

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Listen to examples of the Imago Dialogue conversation technique here

Join the global Week of Visibility for Non-monogamy – July 15-21. Visit www.weekofvisibility.com to learn more and get involved!

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

People hurt each other all the time. Even in the strongest relationships and with the best intentions, it happens!

Ruptures in trust are not fun to think about, but we’ve found that addressing the subject proactively is crucial. So whether you’ve just experienced a break in trust, or you’re looking to prepare for those inevitable relationship challenges, this mini-episode is a must-listen.

In this episode, we talk about:

— The nature of trust and how it is built and broken in relationships

— Our personal experiences with trust issues and the impacts of past mistakes

— The importance of understanding the depth and complexity of trust

— Practical strategies for rebuilding trust

— The role of predictability and consistent behavior in establishing trust

— Why people with histories of trauma may have additional challenges with trusting others

— The difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule when it comes to trust

— Essential ingredients for rebuilding trust: inquiry and time

— The iterative process of healing from lost trust

— The potential consequences of not addressing trust issues in relationships

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Episode 156 of the Playing With Fire Podcast: Betrayal trauma & non-monogamy (out on 6/8/24)

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

This one’s for you, fellow relationship nerds! Listen in on this fabulous conversation with Dr. River Farrell, a clinical psychologist, independent non-monogamy researcher, and member of the polyamory and queer communities. They’re joining us to talk about research, therapy, jealousy, and how we can actually apply findings from the research to improve mental health care for people in the non-monogamy community.

Dr. Farrell uncovers the reasons why traditional therapy modalities might not be working for you, and we discuss why Acceptance and Commitment Therapy could be the paradigm-shifting tool you need to be able to address jealousy without judgment.

This one is a must-listen for anyone interested in what the research has to say about non-monogamy, and for therapists and therapy-goers who want to learn more about how to improve the therapeutic process for non-monogamous clients.

In this episode, we discuss:

— Dr. Farrell's research on non-monogamous relationships

— Compersion and its impact on relationship satisfaction

— The evolutionary roots of jealousy and stigma

— Compassionate strategies for managing jealousy

— Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and its applications to non-monogamous relationships

— The importance of therapists’ cultural competency and mindfulness

— The state of independent research and the challenges Dr. Farrell has faced

— Bridging the gap between non-monogamy research and mental health practices



Resources mentioned in this episode:

— Dr. Farrell’s research on The Michigan School of Psychology website

— Acceptance and Commitment Therapy training manual for clinicians

— ACT Made Simple: An Easy-To-Read Primer on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy by Russ Harris



Dr. River Farrell is a non-binary, queer, polyamorous, clinical psychologist who has been working in the field for over 15 years. They have specialized in working with gender and sexual minority clients utilizing Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. Currently they are conducting research on using ACT with CNM clients.

Follow River on Instagram or TikTok



Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here



Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

Have you ever had really strong feelings for someone— so strong that they took over your brain (and maybe even your life)? That kind of obsession can be super exciting, but it can also have big consequences.

Limerence and New Relationship Energy are two kinds of intense romantic fixation that have some key differences, and we’re diving deep into both of them.

We’ve been there—and that’s why we want to help you navigate these (exciting, scary, complicated… the list goes on!!) states of being.

In this episode, we’re covering:

— Symptoms and characteristics of limerence, including intrusive thoughts and ambiguity

— How NRE can disrupt or challenge existing relationships in the context of non-monogamy

— Our own personal experiences with limerence and NRE, and the challenges it brought to our relationships

— The difference between limerence and NRE, and why making that distinction can help you better understand your feelings

— The psychological effects of limerence, and why it involves so much asymmetry

— The role of projections in and their impact on new, limerent, and existing relationships

— Strategies for navigating NRE and limerence, including communication, boundaries, and self-compassion

Resources mentioned in this episode:

— The book The Limerent Mind by Lucy Bain

— The book Living With Limerence by Dr. L

— Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love by Dorothy Tennov

— Dr. Sophia Graham on signs that new relationship energy may be problematic

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here

Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

When you hear the phrase "taking a break," do you think of fear, uncertainty, or sadness? We’ve been there, and we made this episode to help you forge a new path.

More often than not, unintentional breaks—whether from a relationship or a conversation—can simply delay the same outcomes and patterns. But breaks don't have to be evidence of a fundamental breakdown or incompatibility within a relationship. In fact, they can be a chance to hit refresh, realign, and come back stronger than ever.

In this episode, we dig through a treasure trove of questions and strategies that can guide you and your partner toward clarity and transformation during your break. We discuss how to create safety during a break while maintaining space, distance, and autonomy.

Listen in to find out how to take your breaks from scary disruptions to game-changing opportunities for reconnection.

Neuro-Somatic Intelligence Drills: Episode 84 of Playing With Fire

Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at⁠⁠ ⁠www.JoliQuiz.com⁠

Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here



Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions