Ask Kati Anything Kati Morton

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 214 licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about trauma from a single event versus multiple traumas over time. She also explains why a therapist might ask you if you want to schedule your next appointment, how to stop ruminating, and why self harm can often be linked to a lack of validation. Then she discusses boundaries, why they can be hard to set, uphold, and why they can feel so bad sometimes.



audience questions:

1. How does trauma due to a single event (ex: a car accident or rape) differ from trauma from an extended period of time and multiple associated incidents (ex: a soldier in heavy combat during a deployment or being in an abusive relationship over years)? How do symptoms and the overall impact differ? How does the approach that a therapist takes to treat these two different scenarios differ? Is one easier to recover from than the other? 01:30

2. Why, at the end of every session, does my therapist ask me if I want to go ahead and schedule the next appointment or reach out for one later? I know I’m reading too much into this but the thought of her thinking I don’t really need therapy popped into my head. 09:53

3. Please talk about ruminating! It’s brutal, but it’s helped me remember and process narc abuse and bolstered me in my nc decision. But I need to move on, too. Thank you, Kati. 13:46

4. Why is it that self-harmers across the board all seem to struggle with validation of their emotional pain and self-harm? It’s as if we are in an unspoken competition to prove who has the worst pain. I see this in myself, and my OCD accentuates it. So there can be an element of compulsion to my self-harm. The bar keeps moving higher as to what I have to do to myself to prove my emotional pain is severe and the degree of self-harm valid... 18:30

5. Kati I was wondering why you don’t see patients anymore. I know you are busy but you have such great advice. Also I have been wondering why boundaries are hard for me. I broke my boundaries with my therapist and it seems to be hard not to do it again. I think I have an anxious attachment to her and I... 25:26

6. Why does upholding my boundaries feel so defeating? To give insight- I'm in a toxic relationship where my partner is regularly passive aggressive and my boundary is "I cannot tolerate this behavior, I get really panicky and actually don't hear what you're saying, so- whenever you do x, I will leave our conversation and go to my room." I am saving up to eventually leave, because he doesn't see a fault in his behavior and it's getting really exhausting... 31:06



PUBLISHED BOOKS

⁠⁠⁠Traumatized⁠⁠⁠
⁠⁠⁠Are u ok?⁠⁠⁠

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠⁠⁠Amazon⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Instacart⁠⁠⁠



⁠⁠⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠⁠⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠⁠⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)



SOCIAL

⁠⁠⁠X⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Pinterest⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠⁠



PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 213, licensed therapist Kati Morton talks about what it means to be your own victim, and how that can be used as a way to victim blame. She then explains avoidant attachment and how it can affect our therapy process, what to do if we are an introvert but also lonely, and how to help a partner dealing with trauma nightmares. She discusses the difference between agoraphobia and complex PTSD, and the effects of having a parent laugh at our self harm struggles.

audience questions:

1. How can people say you are your own victim? I have depression and low to null self-esteem …I am trying to make better through therapy and CBT/DBT practices etc. However, recently my friend told me that I am my own victim which I kind of get because of my self esteem issues but my depression is not a choice. It is not like I wake up every morning and say I am going to feel shitty about everything today. In CBT, we learn that you can only control your own behavior but what am I doing wrong to still feel depressed if I am following the so-called rule books and doing opposite action, thought questioning,etc and still feel depressed frequently? I am on medications, have attended outpatient therapy and go to therapy weekly for almost 2 years. So, how am I choosing to be depressed again? 01:33

2. I struggle with avoidant attachment. I’m struggling with feeling like my therapist doesn’t actually care about me and I have a push and pull urge to cancel all my appointments but also I want to increase my appointments. Does this mean she’s not a good match or how do I work through this with her? 10:23

3. How do we cope with being an extreme introvert, but also being very lonely. It's a constant battle and I feel like a walking contradiction! There are often times when I want to go out. And crave connection. Yet as soon as I start to socialize I feel exhausted. I'm socially anxious, which I know may be part of it, but to be clear, I'm talking about the times when I'm calm and comfortable... 15:40

4. I’m hoping for advice on helping ground a partner with extremely severe night terrors/panic attacks. My girlfriend has quite a lot of compounded trauma from past SA, DV, & past life threatening situations. Unfortunately she suffers from these ptsd-esque attacks multiple nights a week. When I mean severe I mean during them she seems to think she is back in old abusive situations, seeing me initially as a threat. She cries, sweats, hyperventilates and trembles, begs “no” and for “it” to stop. 24:21

5. What is the difference between complex PTSD and agoraphobia? Also in terms of treatment? For example going outside makes me anxious because I fear getting kidnapped or harmed in any way but also staying at home alone gives me anxiety because I fear that someone will break in. And I get panicky when I am in crowds but only if I don't see a way out. All in all, I feel paranoid because I "need" to look over my shoulder to make sure, no one is following and I really dread going back to uni. I'd rather stay at home. 32:43

6. Hi Kati, can you please talk about how it affects a child for a parent to laugh and make jokes about their self harm when they notice it? I feel so f****d up from everything that happened and still self harm years later. I also had sexual abuse as a child from a family member that got shushed and never spoken about. 37:37



PUBLISHED BOOKS

⁠⁠Traumatized⁠⁠
⁠⁠Are u ok?⁠⁠

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠⁠Amazon⁠⁠

⁠⁠Instacart⁠⁠



⁠⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)



SOCIAL

⁠⁠X⁠⁠

⁠⁠TikTok⁠⁠

⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠

⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠

⁠⁠Pinterest⁠⁠

⁠⁠Patreon⁠⁠



PARTNERS

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 212, licensed therapist Kati Morton discusses therapy hangovers and if those are even real. She then explains why talking positively to ourselves can give us the icks, why we can not like it if our therapist enjoys their job, and how we can ask our therapist to support us when we are having a hard time. She ends with the reasons we can not want to talk about our eating habits in therapy, and her experience working in community health clinics.

audience questions:

1. My question is about “therapy hangovers”. Is it even real? If it is real how does one deal with it and how long should it last? 00:43

2. How does one get used to positive talk when their whole life they have been shit talked to. I get the ick with compliments and when someone shows that they care 09:49

3. Why do I hate it when my therapist says that he loves his job and that he really enjoys working with his patients? When he says that it makes me feel like I'm there for his entertainment. I feel like a circus freak, like I'm only there for him to study and learn from. 13:56

4. I was having a hard time during my last therapy session. I didn’t want to talk much and felt really low. My therapist asked how she can support me. I had no idea what to say so I just told her that I didn’t know. What does she mean when she asks this? What kinds of support can she give during the therapy session? I do remote therapy by the way. 22:15

5. My question is about not wanting to talk about my eating habits in therapy. In one of my first few sessions my therapist asked me about my relationship with food. I’m overweight and I don’t have very healthy eating habits. I would not consider it to be an eating disorder but who knows, a professional might disagree. I told her that I’ve seen dieticians before and I have all the knowledge I need about healthy eating and that I’m not interested in addressing this in therapy. She has diagnosed me with PTSD from S/A that happened when I was 23 (5 years ago) and that’s what I want to work on. The next session she brought up my eating habits again and advised me to see another dietician. I can’t help but feel frustrated. This is not what I’m here for and after being overweight for most of my life (since I was 12), I’m so sick and tired of every health professional bringing this up. Sore throat? It’s your weight. Ingrown toenail? You might want to lose some weight. Dry skin? It’s probably your weight. One time I saw my doctor for pain in my shoulders and left her office with a referral for gastric surgery. And here we are again. Maybe I’m overreacting or even lashing out because it's such a sensitive subject or is it justified that I don’t want to talk about this in therapy? I would love to get your opinion and hear from others who can relate. 32:46

6. As a clinician who watches your videos, I’m wondering if you have ever worked in community mental health. What would you say CMH is doing well, versus what’s not so good? That can be in a systemic sense, a sense of what the clients or clinicians deal with, or just general. Curious for your input! 42:36



PUBLISHED BOOKS

⁠Traumatized⁠
⁠Are u ok?⁠

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
⁠Amazon⁠

⁠Instacart⁠



⁠ONLINE THERAPY⁠
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: ⁠https://betterhelp.com/kati⁠ (enjoy 10% off your first month)



SOCIAL

⁠X⁠

⁠TikTok⁠

⁠Facebook⁠

⁠Instagram⁠

⁠Pinterest⁠

⁠Patreon⁠



PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support

On Ask Kati Anything, your mental health podcast episode 211, licensed therapist Kati Morton let’s us know if there is anything we do that makes people think they can trauma dump on us, why we can feel at our worst in the evenings, and her thoughts and experiences with internal family systems therapy. She also tells us how to get out of a depressive episode, how to deal with codependency in friendships, and how we can actually feel our feelings.

audience questions:
1. I'd like to ask if there is anything I do that makes people think they can trauma dump on me. I grew up as my parent's therapist and feel like my friends do the same thing. Also no one ever seems to care about how I am. I've been depressed and struggling with passive suicidal ideation and Eating disorders. I'm obviously tired and struggling but no one bothers to ask about me and what is going on. Am I doing something wrong and what can I do? 00:47

2. Why is it that someone who has experienced trauma, aka me, might continue to feel overwhelmed by the emotions of it all when alone in the evenings, even when there is no threat or trigger that I can find? I normally distract myself a lot, but I then just end up not dealing with anything- I’m either all or nothing. (Ps: Due to circumstances I’m currently not having sessions with my counselor). Sorry, I hope this makes sense. 09:23

25 Coping Skills 14:00 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=td4LQ2rxVa0&pp=ygUca2F0aSBtb3J0b24gMjUgY29waW5nIHNraWxscw%3D%3D

3. I know you mentioned before that you were starting your own IFS work, and I was wondering your thoughts on it so far? (if you're ok with sharing!) I started with my therapist about 2 months ago, and I really struggle to take it seriously and let go enough for it to be effective. I can't seem to imagine the different versions of me, and the talking to little me part seems so juvenile and awkward that I feel like I don't take it seriously and it isn't really effective. The catch is, I'm people-pleasing my way through it. I'm just playing along with what my therapist says, and I feel like I'm gaslighting her into believing it's helping. I feel like my issue is that I just can't let go and actually let it actually help because I feel so silly. Just wondering if you ever ran into this, or if you had any suggestions on navigating this because I truly want it to work! Thanks for all you do, you rock! 14:53

PARTS WORK IN THERAPY 15:07 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gymev70IGiI

4. Do you know what I can do to get out of a depressive episode or at least make sure it doesn't happen at certain times? This may sound very stupid and maybe there is nothing i can do. I have struggled with these episodes for almost a year now, but only in the last few months they have become so recent that they scare me. I have more lows than good times and even in my good times a tiny thing can disrupt me and send me straight back to my low... 24:35

5. Hi Kati. I was wondering if you would talk about codependency within friendships. 32:23

Kati's inner-child workshop 39:40 https://katimorton.com/the-shop

6. Everyone keeps telling me it’s important to ‘feel my feelings’ and acknowledge my grief (I had an accident so grieving the life I won’t have now) but I don’t understand how to or what that really means. Could you explain how I can try to move on with my life and... 40:31

PUBLISHED BOOKS

Traumatized
Are u ok?

A great way to support my channel is to visit our sponsors by using these links:
Amazon

Instacart



ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month)



SOCIAL

X

TikTok

Facebook

Instagram

Pinterest

Patreon



PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/p

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains how we can discover our true self, if CPTSD is a lifelong struggle, and why we can want our therapist to worry about us. She also talks about whether or not we can develop an addiction to psychotherapy and why being pampered as a child can cause us to feel helpless a lot. Finally, she helps us figure out how to support people with dependent personality disorder without enabling them.

01:05 Ask Kati Anything ep.210 podcast summary

01:42 How can you discover your true self? In my last therapy session, we discovered just how much I get my self-worth, and feelings of love and appreciation, from helping others. Helping around the house, overworking, generally never sitting down to enjoy my own time. I'm now at the point that I don't know who I am or what I like. How do you start to figure out your true self?

08:38 My question is, with medication, therapy twice a week, and EMDR, will you continue to have C-PTSD symptoms for the rest of your life? Does it ever get to a point where you completely resolve most, if not all, of your symptoms and not require therapy and medication, or, is this a life sentence?

13:02 I want my therapist to worry about me. I wish I could tell her this straight up. But if I do, she'll stop worrying about me. It's like.... Love (I guess?) I've never received and to be honest... I enjoy it. But. There's a huge "BUT." Me making her more and more worried to her as a therapist essentially means that therapy she's providing is not working, right? And that she can and actually should terminate me. Right?!? Which is my biggest worry. That she's gonna leave me. And then my little mind comes up with "Whatever, I'm unlovable anyways so it's fine. I'd leave me too if I was her. I'm not worthy of love. I'm just a pain in the ass and she puts up with me only because I pay her." And then there comes a point where I want to push her away because I've come up with "she doesn't love me so there's no point to get sicker", which to her probably seems like I'm getting better. And. Then she wants (actually suggests but in my mind it translates to "wants") to reduce our sessions from twice a week to only once. And to me it means that she's actually gonna leave because I'm worrying her less. Not more. Such a great mind fuckery. Sorry. It is though. And then I want to get sicker again. Oh. I have anorexia. I don't think I mentioned it anywhere. Is there a way to stop this?

19:57 Is it possible to develop an addiction to psychotherapy? I think I might have it, because I don't have any other safe places where I can express my emotions, or be me. Unfortunately, despite my efforts, it's not always possible to live in a happy environment, or leave it.

25:10 Could you please talk about learned helplessness due to having been spoiled and pampered as a child? I can't get myself to be active and struggle to feel responsible for my own life.

30:16 Could you talk about how family members can love and support people with dependent personality disorder without enabling them? Where is the line from support to enabling??


PUBLISHED BOOKS
Traumatized https://geni.us/Bfak0j
Are u ok? http://bit.ly/2s0mULy

A great way to support my channel is to check out our sponsors buy using these links:
Amazon: https://geni.us/4J8wb
Instacart: https://instacart.oloiyb.net/y2j2GB

ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month)

SOCIAL
X: https://twitter.com/KatiMorton
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@katimorton
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/katimorton1/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/katimorton
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/katimorton1/
Support on Patreon: https://www.katimorton.com/kati-morton-patreon/

PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything

This week licensed therapist Kati Morton explains why a therapist won’t just tell you what you want to hear, and how to get over the feeling that they are only being kind because you are paying them. She also talks about inner child work and why it can be so tough to do, what to do if therapy isn’t helping and we feel worse, and some tips for emotion regulation. Finally, she tells us what to do if we are assaulted by our therapist, and whether or not we play a role in our own suffering.

00:44 How do I believe the things my therapist says and not just think she is saying them because I am paying her? I’ve been in therapy over two years and I’m just now discussing CSA with her. I find myself doubting everything she says when she gives me validation, like she’s just saying what I wanna hear and not really being honest. I want to receive everything she says. How do I get past this?

06:08 Hi Kati, Love your channel and both of your books! I'm wondering why I'm having such a hard time connecting to my inner child? I have some childhood trauma I'm working on in therapy, but I can't seem to do the inner child work. I don't really like my inner child, she's vulnerable. Do you have any tips to help overcome this hurdle? Thank you for all that you do!

15:31 I've been in therapy for almost two years now, and I feel like my problems have just been getting worse. No matter what I try to do, my mental health either stays the same or doesn't get any better. I'm having a hard time figuring out if it might just be because I'm scared to get better. I know that you might suggest finding another therapist, but the problem is that for some reason I'm extremely attached to my therapist and I'm not sure if I would be able to function without her in my life. My entire existence relies on her presence at the moment, and I feel like therapy is...

21:47 What techniques are available to help you get through significant emotional dysregulation short term (the next few hours)? I find the whole ‘opening up’ in therapy very emotionally difficult, so I write out what I need to say between the sessions, leading to an escalating emotional state prior to each session …. Unfortunately, I had to cancel a session … I didn’t react well. (I was very surprised how difficult I found it). I became very dysregulated and spent half a day with significant dissociation that I couldn’t “coping skill” my way out of. Do you have any tips for how to handle in the short term, having an ‘event’ that is a particular stressor, when the coping skills are not enough?

27:18 Do you have any advice about dealing with being assaulted by a therapist in session? So I developed an ED in college as my depression and anxiety worsened along with it. I worked up the courage to go to the college provided counselor, but because of the program's limitations and understaffing the only available one was a male. I find much more comfort with women so I really didn't want to but...

33:29 I recently read a quote saying, "healing also means taking responsibility for the role you play in your own suffering." Can you please explain this to me?

---------
PUBLISHED BOOKS

⁠Traumatized⁠

Are u ok?⁠



The best way to support this channel is to check out my sponsors and buy using these links:
Amazon
Instacart

ONLINE THERAPY
While I do not currently offer online therapy, BetterHelp can connect you with a licensed, online therapist: https://betterhelp.com/kati (enjoy 10% off your first month)

SOCIAL
X
TikTok
Facebook
Instagram
Pinterest
Patreon

PARTNERSHIPS
Linnea Toney linnea@underscoretalent.com


---

Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/message
Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/askkatianything/support