Dadvengers Podcast Nigel Clarke

Simon Thomas is a well known TV presenter, and broadcaster, best known for hosting Soccer Saturday on Sky. He is also a father who went through a tragic loss and became a solo parent to his son, Ethan. After navigating grief together, Simon found love again and has added a daughter to his family. 
After growing up in a stable home with a father who was strict but fair, Simon has fond memories of his childhood. Although his dad was never an emotional man, he was more able to show his emotions as he got older and would express his pride in Simon. 
After becoming a dad at 36, Simon was loving parenthood with his wife Gemma. Sadly she became suddenly unwell and died just days after being diagnosed with cancer. Simon was thrown into navigating grief with his son but luckily, he found support that helped them through. 
Since then Simon has gone onto find love again with his wife Derrina. They have a beautiful baby girl who was born 8 weeks premature, After her dramatic entrance, their daughter Talitha has gone from strength to strength and is a healthy bundle of joy! 
Simon is a truly inspirational father and we're so thankful to him for joining us 💙
Time Codes
2:54 - "When we all look back on our childhood there is rose tinted spectacles but without that, mine was great!" - Simon on his childhood.
4:40 - "My dad was strict, not overly strict… my biggest telling off was when I dropped the F-bomb!" - Simon's dad was firm, but fair!
6:10 - "He was more open about how he felt about me" - How Simon's relationship changed with his dad as he got older.
13:55 – "I couldn’t wait… I always wanted to be a dad," - Becoming a dad.
17:36 - "That moment between getting rid of the dirty nappy and putting the new one in place is key!" - Remembering how to care for a baby after 13 years!
22:52 - "I got home at 7, by 7:20 Derrina called and said they have to deliver the baby today." - Simon's daughter was born 8 weeks early.
31:08 - "They were saying it was going to be 5-6 weeks." - Coming home without their baby. 
34:45 - "He is so lovely with her... at the moment she just stares at him!" - Ethan and Talitha's relationship.
36:41 - "Three days after diagnosis… I was told she had hours left… Everything changed." - Simon talks about losing his first wife, Gemma.
45:34 - "The hardest conversation I ever had to have… I had this sick feeling of how do I do this." - How Simon felt having to tell Ethan about his mum
49:33 - “He said what happens now… he was trying to figure out what life will look like. I didn’t know” - Navigating grief with a child.
55:44 - "Being able to cry is really important for how he navigates… I want him to know it is OK to cry, you’re not weak." - Why sharing his emotions with his son is so important to Simon.
01:04:30 - "Without it I don’t know what the last few years would have looked like” - Simon his his faith helping him through his loss.
01:09:38 - Simon's Dad Superpower. 
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David Lammy is a father of 3, member of parliament and a champion for dad’s rights in the family. He grew up in London and represents the ward of Tottenham as a labour MP. He is also the Shadow Secretary of State for Foreign, Commonwealth and Developmental Affairs. 
David’s father was a charming, friendly guy but was hiding a problem with alcohol and could be unpredictable in his moods. He left the family when David was around 11 years old which has had a huge impact on his life. 
After becoming a dad in his early 30’s, David realised there was a lack of support for fathers; particularly young parents. This has shaped his political career and he campaigns for an overhaul in the paternity system in the UK. 
David also tells us about getting into therapy, the amazing support he gets from his psychotherapist, and raising children with modern problems and worries, such as knife crime. 
This is a brilliant chat with an inspirational father and we’re so grateful to David for joining us 💙
Time Codes
1:42 – “He was a charming, friendly kind of guy... but he had a problem with alcohol" - David on his complicated relationship with his father.
5:51 - "He disappeared in my first year at secondary school...It was a big struggle for me" - The impact of David's father leaving the family.
12:55 - "I was fortunate, I had wonderful God Fathers… these were great, great guys." - The positive male role models who stepped up to support David.
15:22 - "I am now the father of three children, two older boys who are birth children and one adopted daughter." - David tells us about becoming a father.
21:12 - "There is a window where it is painful and you can get quite low and quite depressed!" - The challenges of parenthood - particularly the sleep deprivation! 
24:24 - "There are moments when you don’t want to add to the burden, and there are things around masculinity and fatherhood that you feel you want to share with another guy" - Why having good support from other fathers is so important.
29:26 - "We just haven’t got the situation for fathers we should have... proper, paid, transferrable parental leave that extends for up to a year." - What David thinks paternity leave in the UK should look like.
36:37 - "I’ve got a psychotherapist because I can afford one… it is incredibly helpful" - David on accessing therapy and how helpful it is for him.
43:20 - "We tend to watch films… That is the way we can have a conversation about the challenges of race." - How David relates and talks to his children about race.
49:08 - David's Dad Superpower
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*** Trigger Warning - In this episode we discuss topics that may be triggering for some listeners, namely suicide and child loss. If you're affected by any of the topics in this episode you can find support here***  
Ian Russell is a producer and director in television, working on TV dramas, royal weddings and some of the biggest sporting events in the world. He is also an inspirational father and campaigner for online safety. 
After growing up in an idyllic childhood, with a close family and a strong, present father, Ian always wanted to be a dad. 
He went on to have three daughters and describes fatherhood as the biggest job in the world, that comes without a manual! Ian loves being a dad and was recreating the idyllic life he'd experienced for his own family, until tragedy struck. 
Ian's daughter Molly sadly took her own life at just 14 years of age, after struggling with seeing extremely graphic unregulated content on social media. Ian and his family fought to have a full inquest into Molly's death that has led to campaigns around online safety and regulations for all users. But, especially those most vulnerable - our children. They've also started a charity to support young people struggling with online content and worked with legislators to introduce the UK's first online safety bill. 
Ian is an inspirational father and his strength in sharing Molly's story is awe-inspiring. We are so grateful to Ian for joining us 💙
Time Codes
2:08 - "Life was amazing for us... but at the time you think it is just normal!" - Ian shares his brilliant childhood on the Sussex Downs.
4:30 - "There was a lovely, caring but also letting you stand on your own two feet attitude" - Ian's relationship with his dad.
7:18 - "It is the biggest job in the world and you don't get a manual to find out how to do it!" - Ian on becoming a father.
13:48 - "There was a part of my life that existed before Molly’s death and the part after" - Ian shares the impact of the loss of his daughter, Molly.
17:40 - "She was one of the most caring people I had ever known" - Ian tells us about Molly.
19:48 - "I had no doubt really quickly that social media helped kill Molly" - How Ian discovered the impact social media had on Molly. 
32:10 - "If you discover something that is dangerous you try to do something about it." - Why Ian is channelling his loss into making changes around social media.
36:40 - "We’re a tiny charity but we have a big voice which is heard by many" - Ian on the Molly Rose Foundation and the crucial work they're doing.
40:45 - "An expert consultant psychiatrist… he said I can’t imagine what it would have done to a 14 year old" - How the images Molly saw impacted professionals at her inquest.
45:33 - "Some of the content Molly saw over 5 years ago is still available… they haven’t removed it" - Social media still hasn't learnt from what happened to Molly.
47:13 - "Molly wrote… "I need you to live long, stay strong, I will see you in a little while when you’re old and gray"… it helps you find a way to keep going." - Molly's message to Ian keeps him finding a way forward.
53:10 – Ian’s dad superpower.
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This week Nigel is joined by the music producer, musician and father, Olugbenga Adelekan. 
As a musician, Olugbenga does a lot of travelling. Despite this he was ready for parenthood but when his son Ravi was diagnosed with a brain tumour at age 7, his parenting journey took a turn. The tumour was removed but that surgery has left Ravi with lasting symptoms. Olugbenga as any parent would, found this time hard. Listen as we find out exactly how he has coped.
We're also joined by a special guest in the episode... Olugbenga's wife, Bethan, who shares another perspective of this thought provoking and inspirational story.
In 2022 to mark the first anniversary of Ravi's surgery, they worked with some world renowned musicians to record a song, which they released to raise money for Brainstrust and the Brain Tumour Charity. 
The single has raised over £89,000 so far, and the total is still climbing! 
Thanks to Olugbenga and Bethan for joining us 💙

Time Codes
2:24 - "My wife understands the industry… choosing to be in a relationship with a musician she knew this moment would come" - Olugbenga on being a musician and becoming a father.
06:58 - "They are old enough to come out to some of the shows now and see what I do… they see some of it is actually pretty boring!" - How Olugbenga shares his work with his family!
11:05 - "It is difficult at the moment to get him to see that his sister is 4 and he is 7 so we can’t parent them in the same way" - How parenting two children of different ages has it's challenges!
13:41 - "The day of the MRI that evening I got a phone call from the consultant… The scan showed a growth, they said you need to take him to the hospital immediately." - Finding out Ravi had a brain tumour.
17:48 - "It isn’t necessarily rational but we felt we should have noticed something serious was up sooner." - How the feelings of guilt have affected Olugbenga.
20:21 - "One of the things they did say was “you need to be strong for your family”… They’re still very old school!" - Olugbenga's family reactions to his son's tumour.
23:19 - "As I got older, I learnt to not act out so much. The way that manifests itself is not showing my emotions so much." - How Olugbenga's childhood taught him to hold in his emotions.
26:50 - "We’ve been open with him about the aspects of his care that we found angering and frustrating. We come out and talk about it." - How Olugbenga supports Ravi with his feelings around his tumour. 
29:42 - "Knowing that his tumour is going to affect the rest of his life… there’s been a grieving for what we thought his future was going to look like before." - The feelings of grief that come with having a child with a serious illness.
24:04 - "We have just started family therapy with Ravi…" - How Olugbenga and his wife are supporting Ravi with his feelings around the tumour and the changes in his life.
34:04 - "Bethan and I have dealt with this in different ways… she is more emotionally expressive" - The differences between Olugbenga and his wife!
40:30 - "We have just hit past £70,000. The goal is to raise a quarter of a million pounds. The charity’s we’re raising money for really helped us" - Olugbenga tells us about Ravi's brilliant charity single.
44:03 - "There’s a dad who has really supported us... It would be great for other people to know it is there too." - Why raising awareness of these charities is so important to Olugbenga.
45:31 - Olugbenga's Dad Superpower... in fact, he picks two!!
47:48 - We’re joined by Bethan, Olugbenga’s wife, who shares her side of their story!
51:31 - “How can he express that to Ravi, that is what Ravi needs… it is also what Olugbenga needs” - Why family therapy is so important for them all. 
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Josh Connolly is making waves in the mental health world. He is one of the UK's most influential mental health advocates and has spoken in the House of Commons, to help shape mental health policy, but life didn’t start there.
Josh grew up in a household with an alcoholic parent, which had a massive impact on his life. He remembers a lot of feelings of fear and shame and by the time he was 12 Josh was using alcohol.
Cut to 24 and Josh was a dad to four children and separated from their mum. That's when he realised he needed to stop drinking. He joined a 12 step programme and got sober, but all the emotions he'd been suppressing came back.
Hearing Josh's story of going from a dark, deep depression, to using his experiences to help other people is truly inspirational. We're so grateful to Josh for joining us 💙
Time Codes
1:51 – " I grew up in quite a frightening environment… one that was steeped in a lot of shame" - Josh shares his upbringing.
4:47 - "When people were telling me to be brave, I think they were terrified of the feelings I needed to express." - Why trying to fix our children's emotions is more difficult than trying to help them.
10:10 - "I have to notice how regularly I can’t be there emotionally for my children and what brings that up." - Josh tells us how he ensures he is there for his children.
15:02 - "Our common belief is men don’t do them… they do them, in a space where they feel it is acceptable and safe" - Josh on men and showing emotions.
18:58 - "It was a terribly dark place for me, but when I made the decision it felt like the right thing to do" - Josh tells us about planning to take his own life, and what stopped him doing it.
23:55 - "I made a commitment to myself to be as gut level honest with myself and the people around me as I could" - What helped Josh seek support when he was at his lowest.
26:48 - "I am a compulsive people pleaser… It is a coping, protection mechanism, but it keeps me alone." - Josh tells us how his childhood still impacts him. 
30:12 - "I remember vividly with my first daughter… I thought was you need to get as far away from me as you possibly can, there is no way I can show up for you in the way that you need" - What scared Josh the most when he became a father,
35:18 - "Regrets is different to blame… I was doing the best with the tools that I had at that time." - How Josh reflects on his mental health issues.
38:36 - "Since the time I nearly took my own life… the main bulk of the work I had to do was learn that the ways I felt made sense." - Josh on healing from his childhood and moving forward.
40:49 - "We launched a campaign because we realised that there has never been any funding for children of parents affected by a parents drinking" - Josh's work with NACOA
44:13 - "It is more strange in our society for me to be a sober dad than it was a drunk one." - How society views being sober over drinking as a parent.
46:31 - "Those moments of total presence with my kids is what I live for… they’re beautiful." - Josh's favourite part about parenting, and how he achieves it.
49:56 - Josh's Dad Superpower!
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Rickie is a TV and radio presenter, currently hosting a daytime show on BBC Radio 1. He also co-hosts his own podcast and most importantly – is a dad! 
As a young man Rickie always knew he wanted to be a dad one day, and he became a one to Lola at 32. However, in the back of his mind he knew this relationship wasn’t working out. He soon became a single parent and had to navigate co-parenting with a young baby. This wasn’t always easy but as you will hear he found a way to make it work! 
Later in Life Rickie met his now partner, Nat, who also had a daughter of a similar age to Lola. Previous experiences have meant he's settled into the role of stepdad to Dusty and loves it! In this ep, he tells us about how they blended their families and why is it so important to him to ensure both girls are equally included. 
Happy to extend their family further they have since added baby Cruz into the mix! 
It’s great to hear from a dad who is both a biological and step parent and hear more about the joys and complexities of blended family life! 
Huge thanks to Rickie for sharing his story with us 💙
Time Codes
3:00 – “My family was really solid". - Rickie on his family life growing up
5:38 - "When I found out we were having a baby, I wanted to make it work... but ultimately I needed to be happy." - Why Rickie became a single parent to Lola
10:47 - "Get rid of the ego... this isn't about you, it is about the child." - Rickie shares how he and Lola's mum created a positive co-parenting relationship
14:04 - "Having to share her with somebody is hard... but he is great"- Accepting another parental figure in Lola's life.
18:06 - "My dad is very emotionally closed,... I see a lot of him in my behaviour." - Rickie on his relationship with his own dad and patterns we learn from our parents!
21:30 - "Once it sunk in, she got a bit jealous. She had her whole life of never having to share me" - Introducing a new partner into his life with Lola.
26:05 - "I am not here to be anything other than what Dusty wants me to be" - Rickie on his role as a step-dad.
30:28 - "Dusty is going to see that show as well and there is no mention of her... I thought how I would feel if I was Dusty, it really hurt me." - How Rickie works to ensure both his daughters are always included in his life, publicly and privately.
34:34 – "I feel like that is one of my strengths…" - Rickie on his strength's as a dad.
37:15 – "I don’t ever want anybody to feel like left out, or isolated… I am part of that" - Rickie on talking to his extended family about all of his kids!
40:50 - "100% it is different... ! I say to her, we have each other don’t feel you have to do this by yourself." - Rickie tells us his feelings on becoming a parent again, and sharing the load with your partner!
45:00 – "Never say never, but I don’t think I’m ever having another baby after this… I’m good!" - Why this is Rickie's last child... for now!!
46:54 - "They grow so quickly, this time around I want to miss as little as possible with Cruz". - Why Rickie isn't keen on leaving his son overnight!
54:24 - Rickie's Dad Superpower
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