When the Black Lives Matter movement rose up more powerfully than ever in the wake of the murder of George Floyd, I checked in with the Black women in my Facebook group to see how they were doing.
Obviously, they weren’t doing too well. But one thing they were struggling with surprised me: the guilt they felt around leaving Black men in the midst of this rise in racial tension. Because the Black women in my group are all too aware of the trauma that Black men carry on their backs, simply by virtue of being Black men in America, and would leave them now traumatize them in some even deeper way?
Most women feel guilty for leaving their husbands on some level. Most of us are even keenly aware of the trauma that our partners live with that impact many of the issues in our marriages. But the guilt Black women feel is something else entirely. The trauma Black men live with by virtue of being Black in America is something that most of us can only begin to fathom.
In order to break down this topic (and a few more!) I turned to my friend Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq, who is a Black woman, an attorney, and a divorced mom!
In this episode, we discuss how the world’s current events are impacting our diverse population and what COVID-19 is teaching us about how we look at and live our lives.
Black women tend to put themselves last, Dana offers some insightful advice on managing your own priorities and values, and not to feel guilty about it. (10:51)
You don’t know what kind of co-parent you are until you are one and you don’t know what kind of co-parent you married until you divorce. (21:31)
You will carry the same baggage into your next relationship if you don’t deal with it and work through it. (23:00)
If your partner is not supportive of your dreams or growth and tries to squash them, this is just one RED flag that you are not where you are supposed to be. You have to stand up for you! (38:00)
We discuss toxic energy and projection, and how it can affect you. (40:00)
Part of growth is not being afraid of failure. (44:00)
Learn More About Dana Michelle Davenport, Esq.:
Dana Michelle is the host of radio and television talk shows Dana Being Dana, new television show Finding Common Ground and Co-founder and Director of The Homecoming Challenge, a non-profit alumni giving campaign. A full-time practicing attorney and mother of two, Dana Michelle divorced in 2015 and unleashed a new lease on life.
Resources & Links:
Our Happy Divorce weekly lives / weekly live archived episode with Dana
Dana Being Dana
Finding Common Ground
Dana on Facebook
Dana on Instagram
Dana’s Homecoming Challenge
The Ultimate Divorce Survival Guide
Should I Stay or Should I Go Facebook Group