In this episode of The Sexual Wellness Sessions hosted by Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist Kate Moyle, we're discussing how the process of grieving and loss can impact sex lives and relationships. I'll be having this conversation with the world leading expert, psychotherapist, and author Julia Samuel MBE; who in her book Grief Works said “We seem happy to talk about sex or failure, or to expose our deepest vulnerabilities, but on death we are silent. It is so frightening, even alien, for many of us that we cannot find the words to voice it . . . The pain we feel is invisible, an unseen wound.”
Grief and loss are not often held in conversation together with sex, but as a psychotherapist it's something that I often explore in the therapy room. Loss can shake up so much of our lives, change our thinking and our perspectives; and something that Julia often refers to in our conversation is we can't 'not know that loss is possible' once we have experienced it.
We discuss the flip side of love being loss, and how for some people their most natural instinct may be to shut down and turn away from intimacy and connection; whereas for others the need to feel, and feel alive may be what they are searching for when they are grieving. We also talk about how we understand mourning, and if we can apply what we know about loss to relationship break ups.
Julia Samuel MBE. Msc, MBACP (Snr Accredited) UKCP Registered Psychotherapist
Julia is a leading UK psychotherapist. At St Mary's Hospital Paddington, she established the post of psychotherapist for Paediatrics, where her role for 25 years involved seeing families who have children or babies who die, and where she trained and supported the staff. In 1994 she worked to help launch and establish The Child Bereavement UK, and in 2016 was awarded an MBE in recognition of her services to bereaved children; and in 2017 Middlesex University awarded her an Honorary Doctorate.
In 2017 Julia published Grief Works which was a Sunday Times bestseller in the UK and has been published in 17 countries. In March 2020 she published This Too Shall Pass: stories of Change Crisis and Hopeful Beginnings and is also a Sunday Times bestseller. She also hosts the podcast A Living Loss : The Art Of Losing And Finding Yourself.
Instagram : @juliasamuelmbe
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Kate Moyle is Psychosexual & Relationship Therapist and Certified Psycho-Sexologist, who is passionate about having open and normalising conversations around sex and relationships; and helping people to get to a place of sexual health, happiness and wellbeing.
Follow Kate on Instagram at @KateMoyleTherapy