In today’s video, I’m going to respond to the question: “How do I convince my boyfriend to confront his retroactive jealousy?”
Read or watch below to discover if you can convince a boyfriend to confront retroactive jealousy.
Zachary Stockill: I received a comment recently on a YouTube video from a young woman whose boyfriend is struggling with retroactive jealousy. And the comment read: “My boyfriend is struggling with retroactive jealousy. How do I convince him to get help?”
Unfortunately, I’ve received some variation of this comment hundreds of times before in my email inbox. Frequently, the partners of retroactive jealousy sufferers write to me, asking me how to convince their partner to take some action to change to confront their retroactive jealousy.
In today’s video, I’m going to offer a very pointed and direct response to this question. I think you’re going to want to watch this video if you’re either a retroactive jealousy sufferer, or if your boyfriend or your partner is struggling with retroactive jealousy, and they aren’t really taking any action to improve their situation.
Okay, so your boyfriend is struggling with retroactive jealousy, and you want to convince him to get help. Here’s something that I have learned over almost 10 years now, as a full-time coach, as one who’s been on hundreds and hundreds of coaching calls, thousands of email consults, and all kinds of people asking me this and other questions..
You cannot convince people to do anything that they don’t want to do. You can’t force people to change.
And I say that as someone who makes videos about encouraging people to change and helping people change, through online courses like “Get Over Your Partner’s Past Fast” and books and one-on-one coaching and all the rest. Obviously, personal transformation, people changing, is something that I’m extremely interested in.
But I can tell you: over 10 years, I have never tried to convince someone to change. I’ve helped people who have come to me wanting to change themselves. If someone comes to me and says, “Zach, I’ve hit rock bottom with retroactive jealousy,” or “I’m excited about changing, I’m ready to change;” great. I’m very excited about that. Let’s get to work. Excellent.
If someone comes to me and says, “I’m not sure if I really need to change,” then it’s like, “okay, that’s fine. Keep doing whatever you’re doing. And if you’re finding that what you’re doing is not working, and you want to change, then come back to me, and we can talk.”
The point is you cannot convince people to do anything that they don’t want to do. And that includes your intimate partner. You can’t convince your intimate partner to do anything that they don’t want to do themselves.