The Doula's Story: AJ SILVER of QUEER BIRTH CLUB

The delightful AJ Silver joins me this week for an entertaining and very moving chat about their traumatic first birth experience, which led them to go on to train and work as a Doula. We discuss everything from the difficulties faced by same sex couples within the perinatal system, to the warmth of our pets tummies and killer flapjacks!

*TRIGGER WARNING: BIRTH TRAUMA*

IN THIS EPISODE WE DISCUSS:

[00:00] Teaser quote.

[01:35] Introduction to AJ Silver of Queer Birth Club.

[05:44] What a Doula actually does.

[08:55] The important of advocacy for parents.

[10:07] The birth outcomes of people using a Doula.

[11:16] How doulas are generally regarded by the medical profession.

[13:46] AJ's own experience of giving birth.

[14:43] Their first birth - lots of intervention and feeling like a passenger.

[16:20] Deciding to become a Doula following a much happier second birth.

[19:07] Judgement - for being gay and being fat. BMI being used as a cut off for gallstone treatment.

[23:55] The difficulties faced by same sex couples in the perinatal system.

[33:54] How many in the LGBT+ community are at increased risk of experiencing negative perinatal health outcomes or difficulties, especially Trans or non-binary parents.

[37:18] Lesbian couples registering births is increasing year on year by 15-20%, over the last 10 years.

[38:56] Across the world, more and more people are coming out every year. Nearly half of 18-24 year olds in 2015 didn't consider themselves to be entirely heterosexual.

[47:00] AJ's early days with their first daughter - "I felt like my body didn't work". Chest-feeding difficulties.

[50:03] How the Doula training helped AJ come to terms with what happened with their first birth.

[55:19] AJ's guide to killer porridge and flapjacks with grated apple!

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

1. Doulas support in pregnancy, birth and in the postnatal period by providing information, advocacy, and offering practical and emotional support to the whole family.
2. Doula UK
3. Same sex couples often face discrimination within the medical system, especially in terms of IVF and fertility.
4. LGBT Mummies
5. There are barriers faced by non-gestational mums in terms of accessing parental services.
6. The Queer Birth Club - how to get hold of AJ.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share, rate and subscribe. It really does make the difference in helping others find it – which means helping more parents in need.

Follow us:

Instagram

Twitter

Join our Facebook Group

Email: bluemumdays@gmail.com

NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE:

In Episode 17, Dr Rebecca Moore joins me for a Blue MumDays special discussing birth trauma. Rebecca is a perinatal psychiatrist, mother and co-founder of 'Make Birth Better', a collective of experts who offer support, training and campaign around birth trauma and vicarious trauma. One not to miss.

SUPPORT:

If you are struggling right now, please know that it’s okay to talk and reach out for help. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WILL NOT FEEL THIS WAY FOR EVER. 

We hope these support services are helpful (please note we do not check or monitor them individually).

Action on Postpartum Psychosis (APP)

Moderated Forum, click here to find out more.

Email: app@app-network.org

Tel: 020 3322 9900

Andy's Man Club

A non-judgemental talking group for men

https://andysmanclub.co.uk/club-information/clubs/

Email: info@andysmanclub.co.uk

Association of Postnatal Illness

Helpline: 10am – 2pm – 0207 386 0868

Email: info@apni.org

Live chat online facility

Best Beginnings

Free NHS-accredited Baby Buddy app offering

evidence-based information and self-care tools to help parents during pregnancy

and early stages of parenting.

App users also have access to a confidential, text-based Crisis Messenger which provides

24/7 support for new and expectant parents who are feeling extremely anxious or overwhelmed.

Bi-Polar UK

email: info@bipolaruk.org

Birth Trauma Association

Email: support@birthtraumaassociation.org.uk

CALM

Contact CALM

on their national helpline: 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight)

Cedar House Support Group

Email: lwise@talktalk.net (Liz Wise)

Mobile: 07773 283556

Contact: for families with disabled children

Support, advice and information for parents with disabled children.

• helpline: 0808 808 3555
• website: https://contact.org.uk/

DadsNet 

Offers support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood.

Family Lives

An organisation providing immediate help from volunteer parent support workers 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

• helpline: 0808 800 2222
• website: www.familylives.org.uk

Family Rights Group

Support for parents and other family members whose children are involved with or need social care services.

• helpline: 0808 801 0366
• website: www.frg.org.uk

Fathers Reaching Out

https://www.reachingoutpmh.co.uk/

Run by Mark Williams, campaigner, speaker and writer, offering support to dads.

FiveXMore

A grassroots organisation committed to changing Black women and birthing people’s maternal health outcomes in the UK.

fivexmore@gmail.com

Gingerbread

Single parents, equal families. Help and advice on the issues that matter to lone parents.

• helpline: 0808 802 0925
• website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

The Hub of Hope

A directory of mental health support around the UK.

LGBT Mummies

Supporting LGBT+ women & people globally on the path to motherhood or parenthood.

Email: contact@lgbtmummies.com

Make Birth Better (Birth Trauma Support)

Email: hello@makebirthbetter.org

Maternal OCD

Peer support available, email info@maternalocd.org to

arrange

The Motherhood Group

Dedicated to sharing and supporting the black maternal experience through peer support, projects and advocacy.

info@themotherhoodgroup.com

Motivational Mums Club

Offering Trauma, Mindfulness and Meditation sessions for Mothers and Mums to be with an NHS Mental Health Specialist, who’s also a Mother.

Music Football Fatherhood

Open conversations around fatherhood, including blogs, peer support and podcasts.

hello@musicfootballfatherhood.com

Muslim Women’s Network

Helpine: 0800 999 5786, open Mon-Fri 10am –

4pm with support offered in English, Urdu, Punjabi, Mirpuri, Putwari, Hindko,

and Bengali.

Email: info@mwnhelpline.co.uk

Online chat: www.mwnhelpline.co.uk

Text: 07415 206 936

Netmums

Netmums offer peer support via their Maternal Mental Health Drop-In

Clinic.

NHS

Contact your local GP surgery.

Call the NHS on 111

or contact a local