123 episodes

An award-winning mockumentary podcast following Premier League club Ashwood City FC.

The Offensive Stakhanov

    • Comedy
    • 4.8 • 549 Ratings

An award-winning mockumentary podcast following Premier League club Ashwood City FC.

    Episode 123 - Repo Man

    Episode 123 - Repo Man

    The feel-good factor around the club is spilling over into the private life of Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan. Once besieged by abuse and torment, it would seem the fans have finally been appeased... Those popular new acquisitions however are coming at a costly price.




    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan
    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate
    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh




    Episode written by:
    Joel Emery


    Edited by:
    Joel Emery


    Executive Producer:
    Joel Emery




    With thanks to:
    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders
    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.
     
    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 20 min
    Episode 122 - Fabtastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

    Episode 122 - Fabtastic Beasts and Where To Find Them

    Ashwood City arrive in Liverpool on the eve of their match with the 2020 PL Champions. With new signings Vassos, Luna and Kevin travelling in the matchday squad, expectations are high... But for Chief Player Liaison Officer Theo Clinton the matchweek is much more complicated. 




    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan
    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate
    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall
    Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton
    Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas




    Episode written by:
    Joel Emery


    Edited by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:
    Joel Emery




    With thanks to:
    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders
    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.
     
    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 25 min
    Episode 121 – Deadline Day: Part 2

    Episode 121 – Deadline Day: Part 2

    The English transfer window is closing fast and Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan is struggling under the pressure; during the once in a lifetime window for Ashwood City. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan
    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate
    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall
    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh
    Amina Koroma as Dofi Akuffo


    Additional Voices:
    Joaquin Augusto Quinteros 
    Joel Emery 


    Episode written by: Joel Emery


    Edited by: Joel Emery & Adam Jarrell


    Directed by: Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer: Joel Emery


    With thanks to:
    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders
    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.
    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.
    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.
     
    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 27 min
    Episode 120 - Deadline Day: Part 1

    Episode 120 - Deadline Day: Part 1

    The opportunity to improve the Ashwood City squad for the 2021/22 Premier League season is slipping away. An old ally of Chief-Executive Patrick Nolan offers an unlawful alternative to their transfer woes. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan
    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall  
    Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas


    Additional Voices:
    Joel Emery 


    Episode written by:
    Joel Emery


    Edited by:
    Joel Emery & Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:
    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:
    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders
    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.
     
    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 22 min
    2021/22 SEASON: Window Shopping

    2021/22 SEASON: Window Shopping

    The Premier League returns and the new power structure of Ashwood City has Patrick Nolan at the helm. Lack of activity in the transfer window has provoked a strong backlash from the fanbase, leading to widespread vandalism. 


    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan
    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate
    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall  
    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh
    Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton
    Christopher Swift as Reuben Thomas


    Additional Voices:
    Danny Jamieson
    Jonny Blain
    Erika Marchant
    Ant McGinley
    John Walker
    Marcus Speller
    Jim Campbell
    Pete Donaldson
    Natalie Green
    Esmonde Cole


    Episode written by:
    Joel Emery


    Edited by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:
    Joel Emery


    With thanks to:
    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders
    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.
     
    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 30 min
    Episode 118 - Finale: Part 2

    Episode 118 - Finale: Part 2

    It's the final matchweek of the Premier League season and Ashwood City Chief Executive Patrick Nolan finds himself with a new level of power. The dramatic events of the week before have not been taken lightly by Anaheim Sports Group as Patrick takes to The University of Ashwood to reflect on his recent endeavours.




    Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan
    Helena Doughty as Jess Tate
    Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall  
    Victoria Gibson as Alex Morrison
    Acushla-Tara Kupe as Dr. Rachel Webber
    Ramone Dale-Cruickshank as Harvey Simms
    Adam Alexander as Adam Tate
    John Brannoch as Colin Walsh
    Thomas Mitchells as Theo Clinton




    Additional Voices:
    Joel Emery
    Nalan Burgess


    Episode written by:
    Joel Emery


    Edited by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Directed by:
    Adam Jarrell


    Executive Producer:
    Joel Emery




    With thanks to:
    The Ashwood City Season Ticket Holders & Shareholders
    www.patreon.com/ashwoodcity


    WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.


    This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright.


    Listener discretion is advised.


    The Offensive is property of Primley Limited.
     
    See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

    • 27 min

Customer Reviews

4.8 out of 5
549 Ratings

549 Ratings

mr dough ,

Excellent

Excellent

clocks28 ,

Fabtastic

So funny. A must for football fans!

slikrick101 ,

Up the Whites, Nolan out!

Nothing short of hilarious. Every episode has me wetting myself with laughter.

I'd also like to state that I don't endorse Broadley Country Club and that I do endorse Nolan Out!

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