Hopestream for parenting kids through drug use and addiction Brenda Zane

ABOUT THE EPISODE:

It's Mother's Day week, 2024. I'm personally counting my blessings because my kids are all healthy and our family is in a positive and safe place. It wasn't always this way. There were Mother's Days when I wanted to crawl even deeper under the covers and not show my face. There were Mother's Days when I didn't know where my oldest son was. 

Today, I want to honor those who may not be looking forward to Sunday, the ones who are feeling the weight of having a child who struggles with substance misuse and mental health challenges. I see you. I was you. I understand.

And for the single dads out there - this is for you, too. You hold both ends of the rope and I recognize how challenging and complex life is for you today as well. Sending much love, peace and comfort to you all this week.
This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Learn about The Woods, our private online community for dads
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Jane isn't exactly sure at what age her older son began using substances regularly, but the degree of misuse seemed to come in waves. He stayed in therapy until he left for college - which is just when her younger son began having the same issues. He cycled through four high schools, attended a wilderness program, and eventually enrolled in the therapeutic boarding school where he is today.

Jane's family's relationship is pretty good, thanks to the many tools she's been learning and practicing in The Stream. Her sons are honest with her, they respect each other, and Jane's husband actively participates in their recovery process. But after both sons were home for a holiday visit, Jane realized she needed to address a boundary violation that occurred during their stay. We spoke for this episode the day her son was coming home, and the conversation could potentially happen - but should it?

Jane needed to talk through how she might approach this difficult conversation and wanted to consider whether acknowledging the boundary violation would throw her family’s relative calm into chaos. We also discuss strategies she can use to step outside the anxiety of imagining worst-case scenarios and getting sucked into future trips. In this coaching episode, Jane and I talk through three specific tools to address issues that so many parents find themselves confronting with a child who struggles with substance misuse.


This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Learn about The Woods, our private online community for dads
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
It probably doesn’t surprise you that the majority of Hopestream Community members are moms. About 70% of therapists are women, as well, and women are significantly more likely than men to seek out their services.

Last year, we launched The Woods, our private community for dads, stepdads, and male co-parents. And as much as we would love to help more dads who have kids struggling with substances, they don’t come flocking to our services. 

I wanted to dive into this imbalance and asked Steve Andrews to join me for a conversation. As host of The Woods, Steve brings a lot of harrowing personal experience to the table. When his son first began misusing DXM, Kratom, alcohol, and marijuana in middle school, he had no idea how bad things would get. (To hear his whole story, check out his first appearance on the show at the link below.)

Now, with his son in full recovery, Steve is a practicing therapist. He’s seen this gender dynamic play out within himself, in The Woods, and the world of therapeutic practice. Today, he gives us his best take on why men seem to have a natural aversion to approaches like The Invitation to Change and CRAFT and how we can reframe those ideas in a more accessible way.
EPISODE RESOURCES:
Steve’s Story, Hopestream Episode 183Never Split The Difference, book by Chris VossSteve's websiteThis podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Learn about The Woods, our private online community for dads
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
The behavioral symptoms of young people caught up in substance misuse can be disheartening: open hostility, lying, cheating, stealing from family, and others. These symptoms can be hard to view as a result of the substances, and parents may instead blame their child for being “bad.” 

My guest today, Dr. Jennifer Fernandez, is a proponent of a compassionate model that sounds more complex than it is - the "biopsychosocial model." This model aims to contextualize all factors contributing to someone’s reliance on substances - not just genetics. She says this type of analysis can help those who love someone struggling with substances understand behavior that would otherwise seem irrational. And when we know more, it leaves room for the empathy we need to parent young people who can appear out of control. 

Dr. Fernandez is a doctor of clinical psychology and the founder and Clinical Director of the California Center for Change. She’s an expert in CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training), motivational Interviewing, and harm reduction, a concept many parents struggle with. She oversees psychotherapy and support groups founded on nonjudgmental principles. 

In today's wide-ranging episode, Jennifer and I discuss whether harm reduction is really just enabling, the power of motivational interviewing, what we can learn from a person’s “drug of choice”, and the importance of parents presenting a unified front.


EPISODE RESOURCES:
California Center for Change website


This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Learn about The Woods, our private online community for dads
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Patrick Balsley's substance use began with alcohol in middle school and ended 11 years later with heroin- and cocaine-induced psychosis.  But instead of talking to Patrick about who he used to be, today I'm talking to him about the incredible things he's been doing with his life since then and what he's learned while helping so many other families in their pursuit of recovery.

Patrick founded Sana Counseling and Sana House, a recovery residence for men. He sits on the board of recovery high school Emerald School of Excellence, which began with two students and has grown to about 35 kids, most graduating and moving on to college or work programs.  He also serves on the board of the PIVOTPoint WNC therapeutic adventure program and the advisory board at the Atrium Health Foundation.  As you can tell,  his incredible range of experience - both personal and professional - makes him an incredible source for parents.

In this episode, Patrick and I discuss why many parents have the "it's just a phase" mindset during their child's experimentation, the compounding dangers of parents self-medicating to deal with their family dynamics, and the importance of early intervention for kids - and therapy for everyone.

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Sana CounselingSana Recovery - young men’s sober living in Charlotte, NCAbout Patrick BalsleyEmerald School of Excellence - Charlotte, NC recovery high schoolArchway Academy, Houston, TX recovery high schoolAssociation of Recovery SchoolsGeneration Found documentaryCRAFT-Certified Therapist List (from Dr. Bob Meyers)Find CRAFT-practitioners at Helping Families HelpThis podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Learn about The Woods, our private online community for dads
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Because I sit at a vantage point of seeing many parents working to understand and implement the Invitation To Change Approach (ITC) with their child who struggles with substance misuse, I see things others don't. I hear the frustrations and the celebrations, and I know that while an approach like the ITC is very powerful and effective, it isn't a magic wand.

Sometimes, the more difficult aspects of using a compassion and empathetic-centric approach to a very scary and challenging problem don't get talked about. In today's short, solo episode I wanted to highlight and pick apart some of the more difficult and less-discussed challenges you may be facing. There's also a short but important pep talk just in case you're feeling a bit deflated at the moment.

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Beyond Addiction; How Science and Kindness Help People Change - buy it hereLearn more about The Invitation To Change approach hereThis podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Learn about The Woods, our private online community for dads
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.